Sometimes I wonder why we don’t have a national identity…and then I remember this, and why it’s sometimes good not to have what others do.
Sometimes I wonder why we don’t have a national identity…and then I remember this, and why it’s sometimes good not to have what others do.
You DID, Tweety! You DID tee a coup d’état! And you taw it in Brazil, where, in the latest sick twist, one of the putschist government ministers got embarrassingly outed:
The credibility of Brazil’s interim government was rocked on Monday when a senior minister was forced to step aside amid further revelations about the machiavellian plot to impeach president Dilma Rousseff.
Just 10 days after taking office, the planning minister, Romero Jucá, announced that he would “go on leave” following the release of a secretly taped telephone conversation in which he said Rousseff needed to be removed to quash a vast corruption investigation that implicated him and other members of the country’s political elite.
Supporters of the Workers’ party leader say the charges are a pretext for a “coup”. Temer’s allies counter that the impeachment was constitutional and necessary to address political paralysis and the worst recession in decades.
But the dubious motives and machiavellian nature of the plot to remove Rousseff are apparent in the transcript of a phone conversation between Jucá – a powerful ally of Temer’s in the Brazilian Democratic Movement party (PMDB) – and Sérgio Machado, a former senator who until recently was the president of another state oil company, Transpetro.
After discussing how they are both targeted by Lava Jato prosecutors, Jucá says the way out is political: “We have to stop this shit,” he says of the investigation. “We have to change the government to be able to stop this bleeding.”
Machado concurs: “The easiest solution would be to put in Michel [Temer].”
Later in the conversation, Juca says he talked about his plans to supreme court justices, who told him the “shit” (referring to the corruption investigation and its media coverage) would never stop as long as Rousseff remained in power. He also said he received “guarantees” from military commanders that they could prevent disturbances from radical leftwing groups such as the Landless Workers Movement.
Jucá – who took the influential post of planning minister in the interim government – admitted on Monday that the conversation had taken place, but he said his words were taken out of context. He argued that he was referring to economic losses when he talked about “the bleeding”. His lawyer, Almeida Castro, reiterated this: “At no time was Jucá speaking against Lava Jato or seeking to interfere with the operation.”
So. The real reason why Dilma was ousted had nothing to do with her being corrupt, but rather, the coup-plotters who ousted her being investigated for their own corruption. The only way to stop the investigation was to oust the government condoning it. That meant Dilma had to go, on whatever fabricated pretext. The rest is history, and increasingly, people ARE calling it a coup. In fact, the involvement of military commanders and military repression of popular movements, alluded to in Jucá’s phone call, would strongly suggest it’s a military coup.
It’s getting too embarrassing not to be recognized for what it really is, no?
Crappy weekend, everyone! And RIP, adorable baby bison, who really didn’t need to warm up inside some fool tourist’s car. Well, now they know not to interfere with nature. And now you know, too. And what else do you need to know this week about wankers? This…in no particular order:
1. Tarek Fucking Fatah. “Bakistan” isn’t a place. SCOTLAND is a place. And it’s where a Muslim member of parliament was sworn in bilingually (and in a kilt!). Although, to hear THIS wanker tell it, there was only one language used. Newsflash, wanker: Urdu is spoken by Pakistanis of all religions. And being a Muslim MP is not a crime in Scotland, either.
2. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. Yes, that’s right, Der Donald’s daughter is joining him in the ranks of the wanks this week. For what? For claiming that this racist idiot has “elevated the political dialogue”. Above what? A sludge pit? A sumphole? No…both of those are actually cleaner than what comes out of HIS mouth. Remember, this is the same guy who said he’d “date” her if she wasn’t his own daughter. And here she is, babbling about his “honesty” and pretending THAT never happened.
3. Stephen Fucking Harper. Has anyone seen him lately? He’s ostensibly still a member of Parliament, but his seat is suspiciously empty. And this at a time when Alberta, his province, is still reeling from the effects of the biggest damn wildfires in the history of ever. Shouldn’t he be, you know, advocating on his province’s behalf? Or at least, on behalf of his riding, which is probably seeing a lot of fire refugees? I guess giving speeches to Repugs in Vegas, and entertaining them with his vapid piano stylings, is just such hard work that he doesn’t have time!
4. Donald Fucking Drumpf. He sez (to David Fucking Cameron, no less) that he’s “not stupid”? Methinks he doth protest too much. He’s a jackass with no heart, no mind, and no filter. But maybe he has a point: Calling him stupid is a terrible insult…to stupid people. PS: Sign, sign, sign!
5. Bo Fucking French. So, your “philosophy” of how-to-deal-with-eating-disorders is to shame anorexia victims? And you think trans people should be stoned, and that this will deter them from expressing their gender? If you’re really worried about grown men preying on under-age girls, shouldn’t you be policing your own damn big stupid mouth? Because the shit that comes out of there is doing real harm, I guarandamntee it.
6. Larry Fucking Miller. Oh good, so it’s not just #3 having too much sex with the Repugs. It seems his bullshit whisperer (yes, really) is also having too close relations with them…and the fuckery is all mental.
7. Andrea Fucking Hardie. No, no woman deserves to be slapped around…not even THIS bog-awful one. And no man should have the right to slap any woman around…not even if she is this one, and he is this one’s poor, long-suffering husband. And I can guarandamntee you that NO woman in her right mind “craves” it, either.
8. Mike Fucking Webb. Posting screenshots of his still-open porn tabs to his Facebook campaign page? An amateur he may be, but sexy he ain’t. Oh, and get this: He’s “faith-based”! Whatever the hell THAT means nowadays.
9. Adrien Fucking Brody. Well, aren’t YOU just so special, Mr. Who-the-hell-are-you-anyway? Yeah, the crimes of artistes who molest women and girls are just “fodder” for whatever. And you’re so artistic and above it all. Shoot, what does anyone’s suffering concern high and lofty you? Aaaaand that’s how enablers get made, kiddies.
10. James Fucking Rolfe. And while we’re on the subject of nothing-men whose opinions the world can live without, how about him? Yes, another giant pee-pants manbaby who rants on YouTube isn’t going to see the new all-female Ghostbusters, because reasons. Well, good. Leaves more popcorn and candy for all the non-whiners and non-complainers who will be flocking to see this in fucking DROVES, and who don’t even care that the only significant male character is a big hunky himbo.
11. Melania Fucking Drumpf. Oh, your husband’s not Hitler? Could have fooled me. Could have fooled my dad, who was born in Germany the year the original came to power, and 12 when the Thousand-Year Reich came to an ignominious end in the Führerbunker, and who incidentally thinks your hubby’s “a real Nazi” (his words!). And certainly could have fooled all your fascist fans, who launched a mini-pogrom against a journalist whose only “agenda”, as you so cutely call it, was to write an inoffensive profile of you. Nice victim-blaming, Drumpf Barbie.
12. Owen Fucking Labrie. Oh joy, he’s out. And looking mighty douchey again now that he’s ditched the nerd-glasses his lawyer made him wear.
13. Franklin Fucking Graham. If you think your fellow Religious Reich members should be prepared to take a bullet for their transphobic bullshit, then you should face the firing squad first. Hey, gotta set an example, right? Just a pity there are no such firing squads, because trans people aren’t murderous idiots like you!
14. Robert Fucking Sarah. And once more, with feeling: LGBT people aren’t murderous idiots, like these religious windbags. Which is a good thing for the windbags, but a trying thing for LGBTs…or anyone with an ounce of human decency in them.
15. Alex Fucking Jones. It’s a day of the week ending in “day”, and you know what THAT means: Yup, the loudest mouth in Stupidland is roaring up a blue streak about everything he knows nothing about. And this week, it’s Michelle Obama and her allegedly questionable (but not ever really in question because she gave birth twice) gender.
16. Greg Fucking Abbott. You, sir, are no Jack Kennedy. And you’re attaching his name to your bigotry, even though it was his law that is making your bigotry (and any laws based upon it) into a steaming pile of meadow muffins.
17. Steve Fucking Haymond. Because nothing says “Christian” like making money selling weapons people will abuse their little kids with in the name of Jeebus. Amen.
18. Ramón Fucking Muchacho. Oh joy! The mayor of the richest district in Caracas has FINALLY shown a touching concern for the poor, who are victims of grocery-hoarding and price-driving by the rich. And he’s warning the entire Caribbean of Venezuela’s imminent “collapse”…a “collapse” which, you should know, he’s been working hard to engineer for years.
19. George Fucking Zimmerman, again. Not content to murder an innocent black kid, now he’s busy slamming his victim’s parents for not raising their son right. I’d like to have a word with HIS parents, and believe you me, it would not be a civil one.
20. Ian Fucking Brodie. It’s not just Der Drumpf who loves ignorant, uneducated people…Harpo’s former chief of staff does, too. So much so that he thinks getting rid of public schools should save lots of money that the rich would otherwise have to pay in taxes, while still throwing a bone to all the dumb rednecks having a cow over LGBT/straight alliances and gender-neutral bathrooms. Gotta kiss that moneyed ass, y’know. And gosh, aren’t we glad that these dipshits are no longer in power?
21. Mauricio Fucking Macri. There’s a word all over Latin America for “leaders” like him, who let the gringos just walk all over the place like they own it: VENDEPATRIAS. And just for good measure, they want to append a “FUCKING” to the front end of that, now.
22. Bob Fucking Owens. Never mind that not a single right-wing nutjob’s gun has ever been grabbed, they still fear-wank about it CONSTANTLY. And this one does it while spouting racist slurs about blacks murdered by white gun-toters, whom he calls “good people”, because of course. It’s almost enough to make one wish that their worst fears WOULD come true, just once.
23. Caleb Andrew Fucking Bailey. And here is one of those toters whose guns should be grabbed. Does the rubric of “good people” include kiddie-porn hoarders who work for Der Drumpf?
24. Healy Fucking Baumgardner. Oh boy, where to start with this one? It’s no wonder she works for Der Drumpf; I never saw a more mindless defence of the indefensible than the ones that dribbled from HER lips.
25. Wayne Fucking Spindler. Lest anyone get the misguided impression that it’s only in the south that the Klukers ride around in hooded sheets, here’s one from California who’s — get this — a lawyer in Encino. But, true to form, he DOES threaten to lynch blacks, so there’s that.
26. Lisa Fucking Raitt. Justin Trudeau is just like Jian Ghomeshi? Nope…sorry-not-sorry, he’s not. He’s just a rookie PM who made a rookie mistake. But nice job trying to score some cheap political points, now that feminism is finally fashionable on the Hill!
27. Ezra Fucking Levant. Same link, same shit, different asshole with no chance of scoring a political point ever. Because it’s 2016, and he’s still irreLevant!
28. Paul Fucking Elam. Racist much? Yes, tell us again how your “movement” is all about men’s rights. You’re doing fuck-all for veterans. And attacking black women (single mothers or not) isn’t helping, either.
29. William Fucking Johnson. And MOAR racism. Yeah, tell us again how the word “racist” is a slur. It seems to me it’s an accurate descriptor of your views, which aren’t exactly in step with the times. And no, you don’t get to turn the clock back 60 years again so no one gets to use those words to describe you, either.
30. Kim Fucking Davis. No, the bible isn’t the law. And yes, you do have to accept a SCOTUS ruling as the law, because they’re the experts on it. NOT you. Do your job, or find another one!
And finally, to these four feckin’ eejits, who thought it would be cool to take selfies for their clothing company’s Facebook page by trespassing on the Grand Prismatic spring (see photo above). Like the idiots with the bison calf, these four were Canadian. Dudes, you’re all dumbasses, and I’m ashamed to share a country with you. You give us all a bad name. The rules of Yellowstone were put there for a reason, and it wasn’t so you could break them in the name of looking cooler-than-thou. And if you were really cool, you’d have understood that, and left your idiot selves out of the picture, and just photographed the spring from a respectful distance like normal visitors.
Good night, and get fucked!
Happy 91st Birthday to Malcolm X, born this day in 1925…and who was cut down far too young and with so much still to do.
Sixteen horrifying seconds on the streets of Caracas. A federal policewoman is stripped of her riot shield, then assaulted by punks of the right-wing opposition. The story, via Aporrea:
This Wednesday, a group of putschists, guarimberos and maladjusted people from an illegal march convoked by the opposition against the National Electoral Council brutally attacked a female officer of the Bolivarian National Police.
The putschists broke through the security cordon around the Plaza Venezuela, which was installed in order to protect the safety of citizens.
But as is customary, the right-wing demonstrators attacked and assaulted police officers, without taking into account that they were there only because of [opposition leaders] Henrique Capriles and Henry Ramos Allup, who were not seen near the failed and violent march of the ultra-right.
A video, caught by Telesur cameras, shows how the aggressors, using sticks, stones and fists, assaulted a policewoman until someone intervenes and manages to calm the aggressors.
One of the attackers can be seen taking a rock and lunging at the policewoman, intending to hit her with it, but then, following the intervention by another demonstrator, opts to throw the rock at another officer. He drags her to the pavement in a violent manner. Is this the peaceful demonstration the opposition keeps talking so much about?
The police officer, named Dubraska, was hit with sticks and pipes by demonstrators on Libertador Avenue in Caracas.
It’s worth noting that the violence in question took place outside the National Electoral Council offices. Clearly a measure of the antidemocratic nature of the opposition, since only fascists who hate democracy (and who can’t win a clean, fair election of the kind that is now routine in Venezuela) would riot against a security cordon put in place to protect a national democratic institution.
And yeah. Where were their leaders, to tell them not to do it? Where were Majunche Capriles and Henry “Traki-Traki” Ramos Allup? Don’t THEY care about democracy?
Of course not. Majunche was last seen losing to Chavecito and Madurito, and as for Traki-Traki, his finest achievement in Venezuelan democracy is not political, but musical:
PS: Small correction. I found Majunche, and he’s trying to get the military to revolt against the government. So far, unsuccessfully, thank Goddess. But yeah…talk about a commitment to democracy, eh? Isn’t this same opposition the one that considered Chavecito a “military dictator” just because he wore his old army uniform and rank sometimes, even though he was elected as a civilian?
Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy Friday the 13th to one and all. So, what’s lurking in your bushes? Nothing to be scared of, unless it’s one of these losers…in which case, be afraid, be VERY afraid, because here they come, in no particular order:
1. Donald Fucking Drumpf. Politicians who think countries should be run like businesses are Bhad Nhews unto themselves, but those who think they should be run the way he has run his — into the ground, and repeatedly — ought to be anathema. Why is this moron even considered eligible to run? He shouldn’t be. PS: Bawwww, da poor oppwessed menz! My heart bleeds. Truly. Just kidding, I really want to kick his scaredy-cat idiot ass into the dirt. After all, I’m a natural-born killer.
2. Katie Fucking Hopkins. Welp, looks like someone’s got to make good on her promise to run around London naked with a sausage up her bum, because a progressive Muslim just became the city’s Lord Mayor. Make it a nice, big mortadella of mortification, Katie…you deserve this!
3. Todd Fucking Rokita. Workhouses? What fucking century is this? And for fuck’s sake, read Dickens if you think those are even remotely a good idea!
4. Judith Fucking Miller. O hai. Remember her? Dubya’s main cheerleader/stenographer and proponent of the fictious WMD in Iraq? Well, now she’s presuming to criticize young journalists as “Kool-Aid drinkers”. Judy, you owe me an irony meter — you just busted mine.
6. Maverick Fucking Dean Fucking Bryan. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how ridiculous his name is. And also because that’s how absurd his idea about overthrowing the government with a theocratic “militia” is.
7. Kenneth Fucking Kauchek. Straight from molesting girls to…heading a teen pregnancy centre? Why not straight out of the priesthood and into jail?
8. Jan Fucking Brewer. The “woman thing” has “gotten out of hand”? Well, I know ONE woman-thing that has, and it happens to be Sheriff Joe’s biggest racist enabler. And also a hypocritical beneficiary of feminism, and ignorant as fuck about the left, which prefers Bernie Sanders — a progressive man — over any conservative or centrist woman.
9. Sarah Fucking Palin. Der Drumpf “respects women”? When? Where? Honestly, if he showed even a modicum of good manners toward one, it would be headline news! But I guess this one will say anything to try to get picked as running mate…again. Oh Quitbull, just this once, live up to your nickname and put a sock in it!
10. Sandy Fucking Rios. No, Karl Marx didn’t write a thing about “sexual anarchy”. Marxism is strictly an economic philosophy. And anyway: What’s so bad about anarchy? All the word means is “no leaders”, and frankly, when it comes to abolishing patriarchy, sexism, and LGBTphobia, that can only be a GOOD thing!
11. Cliven Fucking Bundy. Yes, by all means, try to sue the federal government. After all, your starving cattle can fend for themselves while you’re out making an idiot of yourself.
12. Bibi Fucking Netanyahu. Look who got a harsh instant lesson in How the Internet Works: yup, THIS guy. Ha, ha.
13. Sheldon Fucking Adelson. How’s it feel to get sued by all of Palestine, motherfucker? Ha, ha.
14. Marco Fucking Rubio. So, let’s see if I got this straight: You still support an erratic fucking egomaniac who can’t be trusted with the nuclear launch codes? What does that say about your own mental stability, I wonder?
15. Azealia Fucking Banks. Well. She seems…NICE. PS: How’s it feel to get served by a tiny 14-year-old? Ha, ha.
16. Chuck Fucking Hughes. Trans kids are now going to face a blast of pepper spray, just for daring to use a public washroom in keeping with their preferred gender? Only in North Fucking Carolina, folks. Keep those boycotts coming!
17. Rona Fucking Ambrose. Yeah, I guess you could say her Twitter Q & A went just about as well as…#12’s. Ha, ha.
18. Carl Fucking Benjamin. Who the hell is proud to be endorsed by a fascist wank-brigade like the English Defence League? This idiotic fucking reactionary twatwaffle. That’s who.
19. Ingrid Fucking Carlqvist. And while we’re on the general theme of reactionary twatwaffles with “Carl” in their names, how about her? Yeah, I’m sure we feminists are just dying to be saved from evil brown Muslims by macho fascist mouth-breathing knuckle-draggers, and that we’ll give up feminism as soon as those guys all whip out their ‘nads and start busting turbaned heads! And iridescent pegacorns will fart us a buttload of glittery rainbow marshmallows, too!
20. George Fucking Zimmerman. Whaddya bet that by “fighting BLM”, he actually means snorting lines of coke off a stripper’s butt and then yelling trash talk? PS: Aaaaand BUSTED. Ha, ha. PPS: And no, the Smithsonian doesn’t want your murder weapon, either. PPPS: And the laffs just keep on comin’… and comin’…
21. Paul Fucking Elam. Oh boy! Racism AND sexism! Two shitty tastes that taste even shittier together! What were the odds that he, too, would be jumping on the “alt”-right bandwagon?
22. T. Boone Fucking Pickens. You’re okay with a Drumpf presidency because you probably won’t have to live with the consequences??? Why the hell are you not dead yet? Holy crap, you horrid old man!
23. Anthony Fucking Senecal. Gee, what were the odds that Der Drumpf’s butler would be just as much of a racist, sexist, grammar-impaired, treason-mongering whackjob as his asshole boss? He came with the furniture at Mar-a-Lago, and one rather wishes he’d fade back in with it. Secret Service, please take note.
24. David Fucking Reynolds. Who can take a sunrise/Sprinkle it with ew?/Lure the kids with goodies and then rape and film it too?/The Candy Maaaaan! The Candy Man caaaaaan! Ahem. Sorry. I got carried away for a moment there. You’ll be interested to know that once again, this kid-diddling predator didn’t have to dress up in drag to follow his perversion, though. Unless the drag in question is that of a fundie preacher.
25. Billy Fucking Corgan. Oh yay, another Drumpf supporter and Alex Fucking Jones freak. Who is also a washed-up has-been whose music I never liked anyway. Because I have taste. And I also know how to spell melancholy. Which is what he’s gonna be when the Bern beats his boy’s ass. Ha, ha.
26. Dan Fucking Quayle. And another person from the past has piped up, and reminded us all that he still can’t spell potato. Or distinguish truth from fiction. Did a wormhole barf up the worst of the ‘90s on us, or what?
27. Phil Fucking Robertson. Shorter duck-quacker: Trans people bad, under-age marriage good! How much longer, do you suppose, before a child-sized skeleton tumbles from HIS closet? Oh wait, it already has: His wife was 15 when he robbed her cradle.
29. Franklin Fucking Graham. Newsflash: Gay people don’t run the schools. But there ARE far too many evangelical whackjobs on school boards, and in state governments…which is why #28 is bankrupting his state in the name of a fucked ideology. Fuck you, and fuck the coattails you rode in on. PS: And that goes double for your sister.
30. Rodney Fucking Cavness. And further to #29: This is who’s really in charge of way too many schools, and who seriously thinks queer people are out to harm his daughters. The mind fucking BOGGLES.
And finally, to all the assholes out there hating on Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau for uttering the hard truth that working mothers need more help and are overwhelmed, even if their husband has the top job in the country, and even if they get to travel the globe in style and hold a high-profile, albeit unpaid, position themselves. Would you prefer her children — or anyone else’s — to be raised by wolves instead? Because that’s what’s going to happen if you keep on paying women less while expecting them to do more…or stay home and pray that their husbands’ single income can cover it all, which increasingly it can’t, thanks to good ol’ “free market” capitalism. Guess what? Your sexism and your greed are the problem. Not Sophie or her admission that she needs more help, which was damn hard to make. Especially knowing the idiot asshole backlash that would follow it, sure as night follows day.
Good night, and get fucked!
Hey, everyone. Not feeling well tonight, so this is gonna be quick. Jian Ghomeshi has apologized to, er, one of his victims, anyway:
“I want to apologize to Ms. Borel for my behaviour towards her in the workplace,” Ghomeshi said aloud in court. “In the last 18 months I have spent a great deal of time reflecting on this incident and the difficulties I caused Ms. Borel, and I’ve had to come to terms with my own deep regret and embarrassment.”
Ghomeshi also said he had a position of “privilege” as the host of Q and that his behaviour was “sexually inappropriate.” A letter from Ghomeshi’s therapist detailing the extent of the psychotherapy he’s undergone in the last 18 months was also submitted to court.
And what did she make of it? Well…
Somehow, I don’t think she was much impressed.
I also get the distinct impression that the only thing he’s really sorry for is that he got caught. And that it cost him a lucrative job, his star status in a very small media industry, and an awful lot of future dates (and victims). And that now, everybody finally knows he’s a douchebag.
Which is, I suppose, justice of a sort.