Stupid Sex Tricks: The way to a neo-Nazi’s heart is…

…through his, um, well, YOU know…

Yeah, THAT’ll work. Did any of these guys actually get laid as a result of their little stroll through Charlottesville, where nobody wanted them? Most likely not. If anything, they got laughed at…right before they got outed all over the internet and lost their jobs, thus making them even LESS desirable as prospective partners. Who wants a jackass who blew his future (or even just his crummy little present) out of the water just because he’s nostalgic for a not-so-golden past?

Look, dudes: That old Sylvia Plath verse about how “every woman adores a fascist” was written in a spirit of bitterest sarcasm. It was about her would-be alpha-male husband who left her in the lurch to chase other women. She despised him for that. She did not go running after his sorry ass, begging him to come home and maltreat her some more. She preferred to die rather than do that, and she did.

And here’s another deep, dark secret: Women don’t really love (or even just want to fuck) shitty dudes simply because they’re shitty. Not the smart ones, at any rate. Nobody’s gonna think you’re a badass for strutting around in crappy polo shirts and khakis and fashboy haircuts and toting a tiki torch, unless she herself is an idiot. Or unless maybe she was raised in a convent and is therefore mentally and morally stunted. (Still an idiot, in other words.)

You may want to take that into consideration if you plan on procreating and producing kids who are actually a cut above the rest. And you might want to leave the polos, khakis and tiki torches at home before you go on any dates.

If you can still get ’em, that is.

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Posted in Artsy-Fartsy Culture Stuff, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Stupid Sex Tricks, Teh Heterostoopid, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Stupid Sex Tricks: The way to a neo-Nazi’s heart is…

Crying Nazi’s “libertarian” past

This clip is currently making the rounds of Facebook. See if you recognize any of the people in it. Because one of these guys sure looks familiar to me…

No, it’s not the goofy kid with the suction-cup arrows. Or the other kid with the afro. It’s the pudgy, older wannabe tough guy with the gun on his hip. Where have we seen him before?

Oh yeah. That’s where. Looks like he’s lost a few pounds since then, and dropped the silly “libertarian Robin Hood” act, too. And he’s graduated from harassing meter maids (and men) to sniveling in fear of the cop-cops while trying not to show how scared he is of tiny Chelsea Manning (who, you’ll recall, has been an actual soldier, not a gun-toting wannabe) and her “curb-stomp” Instagram pic.

Very alpha, so male, much wow.

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Posted in Bullies, Fascism Without Swastikas, Guns, Guns, Guns, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, Karma 1, Dogma 0, Schadenfreude, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Crying Nazi’s “libertarian” past

Clip ‘n’ Save: A handy-dandy refugee disinfo debunker

Don’t know who cooked up the original meme, but here’s a corrective that’s badly needed. Feel free to share with all your drinky right-wing relatives:

And for more information, clicky here.

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Clip 'n' Save, Good to Know, Human Rights FAIL, Not So Compassionate Conservatism | Comments Off on Clip ‘n’ Save: A handy-dandy refugee disinfo debunker

Tucker Carlson endorses hit-and-run murders

Apparently the asshole responsible for the crime-advocating video referred to here is a guy named Mike Raust, but Tucker Carlson owns the site, presumably okayed all the content, and never ordered this how-to-murder video taken down (until all too recently), so he too bears responsibility. That video should never have been made in the first place, much less posted…and FAR less left up for as long as it has been. It is a how-to manual for four-wheeled terrorists. And that is a federal offence under US law.

That’s right, Mike and Tucker, you’re fucking criminals. You’re giving people instructions in how to murder others who are only exercising their right to freedom of speech and peaceful assembly. How are you any different from the author of The Anarchist Cookbook? For that matter, how are you any different from those mythical “violent leftists” you keep whining and crying about whenever you’re not bragging of breaking their heads?

How are you fucking fascists NOT acting as censors to voices you don’t like? You sick pricks really get off on vehicular violence, I see. And glorifying it has led to the horror that happened in Charlottesville last weekend. It has inured some people to the illegality of their own actions, as well as the impact those actions have on others. It has emboldened a terrorist. And it has led to the death of one young woman, plus the serious wounding of several other people.

And if you assholes wanna know if I’m “triggered” because I’m not laughing and finding your lame-ass joke funny (if indeed it’s supposed to BE a joke)? Hell yeah, I’m triggered, because I nearly got killed in just that fashion by a careless driver when I was 14. What am I supposed to be, amused? I’m triggered as fuck because I hate seeing other people suffer the same traumas that I suffered.

Oh, but of course, you’ll say, it’s not the same thing. And you’d be right, it’s not at all the same. The difference between the man who hit me and these monsters you’re glorifying for mowing protesters down is that he didn’t even try to leave the scene. He apologized to me for it profusely later on. And I got to clean his insurance out in court. All of these facts provide me with a bit of consolation and satisfaction to offset the trauma ever so slightly.

I don’t know what recourse these poor souls have. Many of them can’t afford lawyers, so I imagine it wouldn’t be much.

But I do know what those who survive such impacts suffer in terms of post-traumatic distress, because I’m still afraid, after decades, to get my driver’s licence. The day I was due to take my road test, I had to cancel because I suffered a severe anxiety attack. I had palpitations and nausea, and thought I’d die of a heart attack even though I was healthy and in my early twenties. I’m now 50. I haven’t been behind the wheel since. And when I saw a cyclist get hit by a car once, at my hometown library, all the nausea and terror of that nearly-fatal day came right back to me, and hung around until I made my statement to the cops, swallowed the urge to puke, and walked home on shaking legs.

That’s actual triggering. That’s how it works. It is never a mere matter of vague “hurt feelings”. It’s something much more specific, and much, much worse. And it’s something you shouldn’t fucking joke about, because one day, the one with the PTSD from an unexpected trauma might be Y-O-U, assholes.

And you shouldn’t expect a lick of sympathy from me, either. Why? Because you’re fucking assholes who don’t care who gets hurt or killed as long as you get to chuckle like Beavis and Butthead at others’ real troubles and pains. And because I’m not a fucking Nazi sympathizer either, and you are fucking Nazis. You enabled them, you took up for them, you provided inspirational materials for them, and objectively speaking, that means you ARE them. And I don’t care if my saying so hurts your widdle snowflake feelings. Why?

Because FUCK YOUR FEELINGS, that’s why.

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Posted in Crapagandarati, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't That Illegal?, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, Sick Frickin' Bastards, The Hardcore Stupid, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Tucker Carlson endorses hit-and-run murders

Ezra Levant gets pwned

Eight and a half minutes of pure audio hilarity as Ezzy the Kapo gets kapow’d, but keeps on desperately spinning. Or trying to.

Meanwhile, in Alberta, even the local cons are saying Ezra’s a fascist enabler. It’s such an “outrageous thing to say” that everyone with even half a brain is saying it. (And yes, to be a conservative IS to have only half a brain. It’s science, people.)

When even satire gets closer to the truth (and FAR closer to humor) than anything Ezra can say to make excuses for the singularly unfunny NAZI Gavin McInnes, well…you know it’s time to just call a spade a goddamn shovel, already. The Rebel IS a fascist news outlet. Ezra, by making excuses for that bug-eyed angry neckbeard and all the other Nazis he’s got on board, IS a Nazi sympathizer. Water is wet. The Pope is Catholic. And do I really have to tell you what bears do in the woods? Or can you just figure that last one out for yourself?

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Crapagandarati, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Israelly Uncool, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, She Blinded Me With Science, The Hardcore Stupid | Comments Off on Ezra Levant gets pwned

Donnie Drumpf’s cowardice emboldens fascists

This past weekend was horrific on so many levels; the worst moment was the mow-down murder of Heather Heyer by an “alt-right” neofascist. But do you know what was truly terrifying? The fact that Donnie praised the fascists with faint damns.

Yes, that’s right: They took his too-mild condemnation as praise. The satire is funny because it’s true. But I’m too tired and too emotionally wrung out to laugh.

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Posted in Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Donnie Drumpf’s cowardice emboldens fascists

Appy polly loggies…again.

I’ve been incommunicado lately because of family issues (very sick dad who passed away, funeral was yesterday.) Things will be a bit slow around here for a while for obvious reasons, but regularly scheduled fuming will recommence as soon as I find the time and energy again.

Thanks for your understanding, and stay restless.

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Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off on Appy polly loggies…again.

Music for a Sunday: The dawning of a nuclear day…

Well, what would YOU play on Hiroshima Day?

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Posted in Music for a Sunday | Comments Off on Music for a Sunday: The dawning of a nuclear day…

Wankers of the Week: Here come da judge…

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Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy one to the Drumpf Crime Family, bless all their soon-to-be-indicted asses. Been nice knowing ya, folks, but it will be so much nicer (and the air will smell so much cleaner) when nobody knows you anymore. And here’s who else deserves to be dumped in the dustbins of obscurity this week, in no particular order:

1. Mike Fucking Huckabee. Yes, even on a trip to Norway, Fuckabee just can’t resist making an ass of himself. This time with the old, never-funny joke about dead people voting. Respect for the deceased: He no haz it. Even though he’ll be one soon enough.

2. Mike Fucking Pence. And in other news of shitheads named Mike, we have the pro tempore VP…who thinks he knows what’s going on in the world. Better not get caught napping when it comes to Russia, Mikey…or be caught phoning with fascists in Venezuela, either.

3. Kevin Fucking Myers. I don’t know what’s more insulting: The idea that women don’t earn equal pay (at the rare times they actually get it, as opposed to 70 cents on an average man’s dollar), or the idea that Jewish women get paid more for being Jewish (and thus, stereotypically greedy and kvetchy). I’m going to go intersectional here and say that antisemitism + sexism = grounds for firing this bum, who definitely does NOT earn whatever the London Sunday Times were paying him.

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4. Marjorie Fucking Dannenfelser. Hey! Remember how the “pro-life” right-wingers used to panic and scream about Obamacare “death panels”, and how those never materialized? Well, one of them TRIED to materialize last week, with the “skinny” repeal of Obamacare (which, mercifully, fell through). And guess who supported that death panel? Yeah…THIS “pro-life” right-winger, who has the deadest and most soulless eyes I’ve ever seen, outside of maybe a serial killer. Irony, thy name is Marjorie.

5. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. Don’t give yourself airs, girl. Nobody has ANY expectations of you in the White House, let alone high ones. We’re all just expecting you, your dad, and everybody else in his orbit to clear out of there, A-fucking-SAP.

6. Michele Fucking Bachmann. Riddle me this: How the hell is reporting a hate crime a violation of the separation of church and state, let alone “fascist”? It isn’t. It’s enforcement of the church/state separation, in fact. It’s also profoundly ANTIfascist. But trust the Breeder to get it all bass-ackwards, like she always does.

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7. Kim Fucking Kardashian. Gotta hand it to her for her talent and business acumen…she has a rare talent for getting sued, and sued, and sued again. At this rate, don’t be surprised if it turns out she has an acumen for running her businesses…straight into the ground.

8. Andrew Fucking Anglin. And in other wankers with alliterative names, how about him? He hates Muslims…except when they “honor”-kill other Muslims of different nationalities. Then, he salivates over the god-awful details; he probably blogged about it one-handed. How this is even remotely supposed to make sense, I do NOT know. But then again, when does anything a Nazi says or thinks EVER make sense? If those bastards knew what sense even was, they wouldn’t be Nazis.

9. Ralph Fucking Drollinger. Who? Oh, just some knob who thinks it’s “sinful” for women with children to become congresscritters. No, dopey…what’s sinful is to deny women —with children or without — a voice in politics. Especially since congressional legislation affects them AND children, too.

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10. Eric Fucking Drumpf. Oh, wooky who haz a sad because no one is “fighting” for Dad. DIDDUMS!

11. Álvaro Fucking Uribe Fucking Vélez. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s just how evil and fascistic El Narco is, still thinking he has any business influencing South American politics in any way at all. Keep your paramilitary fuck-fingers to yourself there, Varito. Nobody loves you, nobody wants you, and Venezuela is sick to death of you.

12. Cheryl Fucking Gallant. Who? Oh, just some irrelevant schmuckette who gets her panties in a bunch about the weirdest things. Like anything that might upset her crushboy, Donnie Fucking Drumpf. Girl, this is CANADA. No one gives a shit about him here! PS: Dafuq is up with that Sixties helmet hair? You trying to copy Donnie, or compete with him in the hairspray-consumption department? Either way: Ugh.

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13. William Fucking Shatner. Oh myyyyy, did a woman write words on the Internets that caused someone’s dick to fall off? Sure sounds like it. And I sure wish he’d shut the fuck up about it.

14. Everett Lee Fucking Compton, Jr. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without a real, live wanker…or in this case, a donkey-bonker.

15. Wayne Fucking Welsh. So, the appropriate reaction to finding out your daughter likes a black boy is to commit infanticide in a bathtub? Well, aren’t YOU just the most charming fucking racist! And what a nice defensive reaction, too. Lots of heinous shit happens on the internet and social media, including child sexual abuse. Does that somehow make your shitty little meme okay? Nope, it doesn’t. Have a “blessed” day yourself…whatever the hell that’s supposed to mean.

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16. Lara Fucking Drumpf. Because fake news isn’t fake enough for Donnie, there’s her little apple-polishing internetwebcast. And now that we’ve all heard of it, let’s hope we’ve heard the last of it.

17. Stephen Fucking Miller. Oy vey, what a schmuck. What would his great-grandfather say? Probably “Oy vey, what a schmuck”, too. And his great-grandma? Well, she’d say it in something other than English. Which she didn’t speak.

18. Paul Fucking Joseph Fucking Watson. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how own-goalingly stupid he is. And so are all his notions about the ethnic diversity of Britain, which has actually changed very little since Roman times!

19. Lucian Fucking Wintrich. Why?

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That’s why. Coming from a professional troll who owes his entire career, such as it is, to the lucky happenstance that his racist spoutings are protected under the First Amendment, that’s downright rich.

20. Ann Fucking Coulter. What was the Coultergeist saying the other day about smoking pot making you stupid? Sounds like she’s been hitting the bong pretty hard herself. What would the Grateful Dead say?

21. Eric Fucking Bolling. #17 is a “brilliant guy”? Um, NO. But what do you expect of a FUX Snooze professional doofus? Brains? PS: EWWWWW!

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22. Jason Fucking Kenney. Gay-straight alliances are NOT a case of “politicians standing between parents and kids”, as Closetboy suggests. And they may in fact be a lifesaver for LGBT+ kids whose homophobic parents would either kill them or kick them out if they knew. At the very least, they’re a sign that kids deserve some privacy and discretion over whom they tell what about themselves. But hey, let’s go on pretending that Parents Always Know Best, eh? That’s a sure vote-getter for the pearl-clutching ‘wingers of Alberta!

23. Joe Fucking Scarborough. What does it take to get compared to Adolf Hitler in the so-called liberal media? Oh, just quoting a poem by Emma Lazarus — yes, that’s right, a Jewish woman — which argues for inclusive immigration. And people wonder why I’m so skeptical of him, and the concept of “liberal media” in general? At best, the man is an idiot.

24. Derek Fucking Fildebrant. Hey! Remember that old canard about the far-right being the party of white economic insecurity? Well, you might want to take a closer look at that, media buffoons…because they’re actually the party that’s CAUSING economic insecurity, and not just for whites. Case in point: HIM. Whom Alberta would do well to toss.

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25. Rick Fucking Wiles. Dude, go home. You’re drunk. The only “demons” trying to bring down Donnie Fucking Drumpf are his own entrails, leaping up to strangle him and put the poor dumb motherfucker out of his misery.

26. Melania Fucking Drumpf. Oh, NOW she’s on the side of the disabled? Where the hell was Ms. Anti-Cyberbullying Campaigns when her Dear Hubby was openly mocking a disabled reporter? Oh, I see…he wasn’t doing it on the Internet, and he wasn’t tackling a military vet. I guess that totally changes everything. Also, she’s no longer campaigning against cyberbullying, not that she ever did fuck-all about it in the first place. See? No problem.

27. Gloria Fucking Mendoza. Pro tip, not that she’s likely to take it, onaccounta she’s a turd: The “I’m not the racist here, YOU are” card only works if you don’t post racist pictures comparing black women to apes. The instant you do, though, that card is null and void.

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28. Jim Fucking Justice. Crossing the floor to join Donnie Fucking Drumpf? Why no, Gubnor, that won’t hurt your political prospects in the poorest state in the union…at all!

29. Martin Fucking Shkreli. Finally, FINALLY, some justice for PharmaBro. And of course, predictably, he’s whiny, pouty and petulant about it. Dude, learn to take your lumps like a fucking ADULT, already. There’s more, MUCH more, where that came from, so I’m sure you’ll gain plenty of practice over time.

30. Joe Fucking Walsh. Why?

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Surprise! Lying liars lie. And since Joe’s a politician, I’m sure he knows alllllll about that.

And finally, to the so-called “alt-right”. They’re fixin’ to rumble in Charlottesville next week, and with any luck, they’ll end up eating their own rather than truly uniting this motley crew of uglies under one banner (for one Reich, and one fuck-faced Führer…ewwwwww.) Van Jones nailed them dead-on when he called them the Dirty Right. They ARE dirty…and they’re bound to get a lot filthier rolling in the mud together. Let’s hope they crumble up and fall apart when the mud dries, because that’s one shit-clod that nobody wants clinging to them.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Posted in Wankers of the Week | Comments Off on Wankers of the Week: Here come da judge…

Daddy Yankee throws a snit over Venezuela

Ay, Dios mío. What have we here?

Yes, that was Madurito, having a little harmless fun with a pop song in advance of the elections for the Constituent Assembly, which will be convened to rewrite the Venezuelan constitution, in response to popular pressure. What could be so bad about a democratic rewrite? Better ask the guy who popularized the song, whose name is ironically appropriate given his own imperialistic tendencies:

Puerto Rican reggaeton singer Daddy Yankee said on Wednesday that he won’t return to play in Venezuela until the president of said South American country, Nicolás Maduro, leaves office.

“At this time, as I said, I won’t think of going until Maduro is gone from power,” said the singer to journalists following a press conference in San Juan.

The statements of the so-called “chief of reggaeton” came after he and compatriot Luis Fonsi criticized Maduro for his version of their hit song, “Despacito”, to create “propaganda” for the Constituent Assembly whose elections took place on Sunday, July 30.

In a message on his Instagram account, Daddy Yankee said that Maduro had “illegally” appropriated the song, turning it into a “joke” for the Venezuelan people.

“With that evil ‘marketing’ plan, you are only continuing to provide evidence of your fascist ideals, which have killed hundreds and caused more than 2,000 injured,” the Puerto Rican reggaeton star charged.

Translation mine.

Of course, Daddy Piti-Yankee couldn’t be further from the truth. Madurito is the opposite of a fascist, and it’s not his policies that have caused all the trouble in Venezuela; it’s that damned fascist oligarchy, the same white trash that have ruled the country’s economy for entirely too long and with an utterly inept hand. They don’t want democracy or elections, because they know they’d lose them. They’re the ones who caused the Caracazo by adopting the IMF’s feed-the-rich eoncomic policies. They’re the ones who’ve called for riots and lynchings, and gotten them. Problem is, the result they were hoping for hasn’t come to pass. Madurito is still very much in office, and efforts to get him ousted have all failed. Even a recall petition came up short of needed signatures, which kind of proves that he’s NOT as unpopular as his detractors claim. And to add insult to injury, there was even record voter turnout for the Assembly election.

But hey! If Madurito won’t go, this talentless hack will…and he’ll forego all that sweet, sweet oligarchic dinero. Parallel dollars, no doubt.

Meanwhile, however, a popular band that’s actually indigenous to Venezuela will be more than happy to pick up the imperialist pitiyanki’s slack. And here’s what they might want to perform in concert:

“Daddy Yankee? Pa’ fuera!”

Yeah, he can get out and stay there. He won’t be missed.

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Posted in Artsy-Fartsy Culture Stuff, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Heroes for Today, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, Puerto Rico, Gente Pobre, The Nausea | Comments Off on Daddy Yankee throws a snit over Venezuela