Climate change: Don’t have a cow (fart), man!

Might be worth adding some red seaweed to your cattle feed. Might also be worth not feeding them all those fucking gassy soybeans, already.

Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Environmentally Ill, Irish Stew, She Blinded Me With Science | Comments Off on Climate change: Don’t have a cow (fart), man!

Music for a Sunday: It’s a heart attack, heart attack…

For some reason, I had this song kicking around in my head today:

The more things change, the more they stay the same. The girl in this video is dressed much the way I did when I was her age (and still do, even at my age; good fashions have a way of sticking around.)

But the dude? A fancy car like that and he only got into community college? Come ON. Even though I didn’t even drive (shocker, eh?) I got into one of the best universities in my country. Or anywhere.

Posted in Music for a Sunday | Comments Off on Music for a Sunday: It’s a heart attack, heart attack…

Wankers of the Week: Dr. Who is a WHAT?


Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy one to all the dudes who claim their childhoods — which are all behind them now — have been taken from them by a female Time Lord, also named Dr. Who, just like the twelve other Doctors who went before her. Snowflake diddums. And here’s who else is getting no real pity from me this week:

1. Arron Fucking Banks. Who’s a Nazi? YOU’s a Nazi! And when even your own supporters are saying so (and alarmed at it), that might be a good time to shut the fuck up with the Nazi-talk.

2. Tzipi Fucking Hotoveli. And speaking of Nazis, even the Israeli parliament is apparently rife with them, if this one’s any indication. Whatever happened to “Never Again”? Oh yeah…it turned into “Never Again…Unless WE Do It!”

3. Candice Fucking Jackson. Le fucking SIGH. I knew that anybody associated with Betsy Fucking DeVos would be a piece of shit, but man, does this one’s grasp of sexual assault statistics ever STINK. PS: Ha, ha!


4. Todd Fucking Starnes. Relax, dopey. Nobody’s trying to have your beloved Diaper Don executed. Most decent people will be quite content if he’s jailed for treason…for life. Along with his brother and his dad.

5. Eric Fucking Drumpf. And speaking of Diaper Don’s douchey bro, guess who tried it with Keith Olbermann? Yeah…THIS GUY. Who promptly got his head mixed up with a punching bag.

6. Jeanine Fucking Pirro. Once more, the question must be asked: WHAT FUCKING DIPLOMA MILL GRANTED HER A LAW DEGREE? Just think, people, this one used to be a judge. I sure would hate to have gone up before her on any case, because probity is not even in her vocabulary.


7. Brit Fucking Hume. If covering people with pre-existing conditions “defeats the whole idea of insurance”, then maybe the whole idea of insurance needs to become a relic of the past. Because last time I looked, being born was a pre-existing condition. And in your case, so’s being born stupid as skunk shit.

8. Cindy Fucking Jacobs. If God has a plan for North Korea, why hasn’t he executed it yet? For that matter, why didn’t he do it decades ago, when North Korea became a thing? Also, did you know that you don’t get to decree things to supreme beings? Just putting that out there.

9. Gwyneth Fucking Paltrow. Hey there, Goopy Girl! I sure do hope you never need a real doctor when one of your personally endorsed snake oils ends up poisoning you. Because at the rate you’re going, you’re going to alienate everybody in the medical profession who actually has the knowledge that might help you.


10. David Fucking Brooks. No, complicated sandwich menus are not the problem. Back when Karl Marx first diagnosed it, there were NO sandwich menus. Would you care to try again, sir?

11. Cheryl Fucking Gallant. What is this — This Hour Has 22 Morons? No, wait, there’s just one of her, but she’s definitely dumb enough for 22. And being thus, she also hasn’t yet realized that her Make Canada Drumpflandia strategy didn’t work so well for Kellie Fucking Leitch, either.

12. Nigel Fucking Farage. Man, this FBI Russiagate investigation is the booby trap that just keeps on trappin’ them boobies…and whaddya know, here comes another one!


13. Laura Fucking Loomer. How do you say “fucking idiot” in Hebrew? I don’t know. But I have a strong feeling it involves simply saying this one’s name.

14. Tomi Fucking Lahren. “Liberty” is all very well and good, sweetie, but it doesn’t exactly pay one’s medical bills. I hear it’s a terrific way to die before one’s time, though! Especially if it involves a whole lotta stoopid…and guns.

15. Andrew Fucking Scheer. Oh dear. Looks like someone didn’t get the message that Omar Khadr is innocent and thus, entitled to every last dollar of that compensation he was awarded. Michelle, could you please set him straight, too, while you’re at it?


16. Caitlyn Fucking Jenner. Why no, dear, that won’t alienate the transgender women’s community at ALL! And neither, I’m sure, will your running as a Repug.

17. Grant Fucking Stinchfield. In case you were wondering if the NRA is really racist, here he is, laying it out for you in black and white: Yes. Yes, it is. So much so that it should change its name to the National Racist Association.

18. Steve Fucking Bannon. Oh, Nazi Ginblossoms…you got some ’splainin’ to do. To the tune of a good $2 million.


19. O.J. Fucking Simpson. Because it just wouldn’t be a wankapedia without an actual wanker whacking off for reals, here you go. Guess who caught jerkin’ it by a female prison guard? Yup. THIS guy. And now we know what his next “If I Did It” book is gonna be about. Brace yourselves, folks. PS: Oh gawd, he’s still getting parole. Most definitely brace yourselves!

20. Michael Fucking Vick. Colin Kaepernick should do WHAT? Um, no. If that’s the price of returning to football, fuck it. The man has integrity. What have YOU done with YOUR life?

21. Matt Fucking Boyle. Hate to disappoint you, fucko, but the mainstream media aren’t going anywhere. Unlike Breitbart, they’re not losing advertisers. And they’re not reliant on rich, idiotic patrons being willing to flush away money on them, either.


22. Joffre Fucking McCleary. I never heard of him before this week, and after this week, I hope never to hear of him again. Because damn, that is some urghly racism he’s got going on there. Not to mention an awful lot of white mythology. Dear folks at the Barrie Examiner, why do you give this drivel any column inches? It doesn’t reflect well on you. Hire some actual talent, why don’t you?

23. Paul Fucking Congemi. “Go Back to Africa”? That’s so original. What part of the world did YOUR ancestors come from again, mister? Because I think you should go back there, too.

24. David Fucking Narramore. Oh looky. Another “family values” Repug with a wide stance! Why do these guys all try to pass legislation against trans women in public washrooms? Because that’s where they, the most cis of cisgendered males, do THEIR dirty dancing.


25. Sam Fucking Clovis. Riddle me this: How does one become a “chief scientist” with no scientific background whatsofuckingever? Simple: Be a crony of Donnie Fucking Drumpf, and you’re a made man…particularly in any field where you intend to leave a trail of wreckage.

26. John K. Fucking Bush. And again, riddle me this: How does one become a powerful appeals court judge? Simple: Be a right-wing shit-blogger who posts lots of homophobia and pretends it’s just a joke. So funny, I forgot to laugh, ha ha.

27. Sarah Fucking Huckabee Fucking Sanders. Why the double Fucking? Because nepotism and stupidity, that’s why. But again: What else do you expect of Donnie Fucking Drumpf? He loves nepotism! AND he loves uneducated people!


28. Cory Fucking Booker. Just a gentle reminder to all this guy’s Democratic-voting fans that he is not a progressive. And that he’s a knee-jerk Zionist, to boot. Okay, you can go back to sleep now.

29. Paul Fucking Ryan. How’s it feel to be protested by every living former director of the Congressional Budgetary Office for not knowing how to work the legislative process? Ha, ha.

30. Justin Fucking Trudeau. Yes, that’s right, our lovely, sunny-wayed PM made the cut again this week! And this time, he did it by fiddling with marshmallows in Nova Scotia while BC burned. But hey! He’s a feminist marshmallow-fiddler, you guys!


And finally, to two imbecilesses who think they know what’s best for kids but they don’t, they really REALLY don’t. Betsy Fucking DeVos, who knows nothing about education except how to wreck it, decided to insult everyone who actually gave a damn if kids were learning (a thing which “school choice” does nothing to guarantee, and everything to undermine). And Elizabeth Fucking Johnston, who’s burning copies of Teen Vogue because they dared to print an article giving all the facts on (gasp!) anal sex. It may or may not interest her to know that this is nothing new under the Sun; when I was last in Germany, around the age of 18 or 20, I saw magazines aimed at teen girls that were giving comprehensive info on how to have all kinds of sex. And when I was 17, I had a secondhand copy of Cosmopolitan that also had a pull-out how-to guide to all kinds of sex, including THAT one. Know what I did with all that scandalous info? Filed it for future reference, since I didn’t have a boyfriend and knew I wasn’t ready to have any kind of sex yet. And made up my mind about which sexual practices I’d rather not engage in, too. But hey! You do you, “Christian” ladies. Just don’t do it around any impressionable children! You are living proof that it’s not just the overly open-minded whose brains are falling out; the closed-minded seem to have closed their minds off after the fact.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Cops Behaving Badly: Why they hate body cams, part umpteen

An old, universally unpopular means of making arrests is exposed. Or rather, it exposes itself, thanks to the cop shop not hiring the brightest lights on the tree.

Posted in Cops Behaving Badly, Drrrrruuuugs, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Cops Behaving Badly: Why they hate body cams, part umpteen

Sebastian Gorka is STILL a ridiculous cartoon

Oh look, the boys are back in the White House (as opposed to grown-ass ADULTS of whatever gender):

Wow, Seb, those are some big, brave words for a cartoon coyote whose toy “doctorate” comes from a diploma mill in Hungary. And who is still dingle-dangling around in his dear old dad’s Nazi medal.

Posted in Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Men Who Just Don't Get It, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Sebastian Gorka is STILL a ridiculous cartoon

While neo-Nazis partied in Themar, Sigmar Gabriel singled out Antifa for abuse

Hey! Remember that time Sigmar Gabriel, the German foreign minister, flipped off a bunch of neo-Nazis for calling him a “traitor”? That was almost a year ago. Well, he’s since lost his perspective pretty badly, particularly during the recent G-20 summit in Hamburg. He compared the German Antifa with the very people they’re against, which is not smart. (We’ll get to exactly why in a bit, if it’s not glaringly obvious to you already.) Antifa were being arrested in the streets; it was a real shitshow.

Meanwhile, in a northeastern part of the country, this happened…and nobody dared to stop it:

In the small Thurigian town of Themar, on the weekend, Germany’s largest Nazi rock concert in decades took place. More than 6,000 right-wingers from all over the republic and abroad came to the festival under the title of “Rock Against Foreign Invasion”. It was largely peaceful; the police eventually took just three persons into custody.

In the meantime, 43 charges have been laid, among others the use of illegal symbols and violations of the weapons laws. Between the band appearances, right-wing functionaries gave speeches, which is why the event, despite its largely commercial character, was protected by law under freedom of assembly.

Among the bands appearing were several whose racist lyrics have risen to cult status in the right-wing music scene, such as Sleipnir, Stahlgewitter, and the “Lunikoff Conspiracy” from Berlin, whose lead singer, Michael Regener, led an earlier band, Landser, which was sentenced as a criminal organization in 2003.

Among the speakers were well-known right-wing extremists, including 77-year-old former NPD representative and many-times-convicted Holocaust denier, Günter Deckert, as well as Thügida chief David Köckert.

A leader of the antisemitic group European Action (EA) was also among the speakers. He and other EA activists are suspected by the local prosecutor’s office of forming a criminal organization; just three weeks ago, there was an extensive search. Also on the speakers’ list in Themar was Denis Nikitin of Russia, head of the martial-arts club “White Rex”, who trains neo-Nazis in and out of country and supplies them accordingly with fashions from his own label.

There were many legal confrontations surrounding the event. The town and county were opposed to using public monies to secure access and parking for the visitors, and stated as well that the organizers demanded entry fees for the concert, and set up a whole row of concession stands on the grounds. The court, however, ruled against the municipality.

The right-wing organizers thus made good money: At 35 euros a ticket, tickets sales alone brought in more than 200,000 euros.

Parallel to the Nazi concert, on Saturday night several hundred residents of Themar held a folk festival and prayers, peacefully protesting the Nazi influx. Most of the hostels, hotels and retailers of the city hung out signs stating that they refused to co-operate with the Nazis.

Even if Antifa groups had showed up, local security forces were there to prevent counter-demonstrations on account of the danger. Some 1,000 officials from several states secured the area, a field on the outskirts of Themar.

The land belonged to the mayor of a neighboring town, who until two weeks ago had been a local functionary of the AFD. The AFD politician had left the party in the meantime, after the local AFD organization heavily criticized his standing with right-wing extremists.

Even from the early morning hours on Saturday, Highway B 89, which leads through Themar, was closed. The police set up a security cordon between the town and the grounds where the right-wing concert was held.

Visitors had to pass through numerous checkpoints to get to the concert grounds. While the police was checking them for weapons and illegal clothing, the festival organizer took particular care to see that no guests brought cameras or camera-equipped cellphones in. Apparently the organizers wanted to make sure that only audiovisual materials controlled by them made it into the public eye over the social networks.

Numerous representatives of the Left, SPD and Green parties of Thüringen came to Themar on Saturday to get a picture of the security situation. Press representatives and police officers accompanied them to the grounds.

Local parliamentarian Katharina König-Preuss reported that there were speeches railing against politicians and journalists. “I was yelled at and insulted, some reporters were spat upon, right-wingers even tried to strike at cameras and media representatives. There was an aggressive atmosphere and a great deal of hate,” she said.

Madeleine Henfling, of the greens, was disquieted above all by the broad spectrum of visitors. “There were representatives of various neo-Nazi groups there, from the Hammerskins to Blood & Honour, various clubs, even right-wing parties and organizations that usually undertake little or nothing together and often even work against one another,” she said.

Even right-wingers from outside of Germany were there, among them Russians, Czechs, Italians and Swiss, along with members of right-wing extremist groups from South Tirol, with whom Thuringian neo-Nazis have cultivated close ties for many years. Henfling noted that practically the entire age spectrum was on hand. “There were very young people, but also older men, 70, 80 years old. It was like a generational meeting of the Nazis.”

Translation mine.

So there you go. While ol’ Uncle Siggy was comparing the Antifa to the Nazis they’re fighting against, actual fucking Nazis, neo and paleo, were partying it up with their illegal symbology and music, and even ones who’d been repeatedly arrested were there with virtual (and actual) impunity. And what’s more, the local court okayed it, even though Nazism is supposedly illegal in Germany.

And Siggy, when it comes to actual fucking Nazis, was nowhere to be seen. Or heard.

Jeez, it’s just like the SPD of a hundred years ago!

Posted in Confessions of a Bad German, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, The Hardcore Stupid | Comments Off on While neo-Nazis partied in Themar, Sigmar Gabriel singled out Antifa for abuse

Honor crime: Just a Muslim thing?

Left: the scene of the crime; right: the victim.

Uh…not in Israel, it ain’t:

A Christian resident of the central Israeli town of Ramle was charged on Sunday with killing his teenage daughter over her relationship with a young Muslim.

Sami Karra allegedly murdered his daughter, Henriette, 17, because he and his family objected to her relationship with a man who was serving time in prison, as well as her plans to convert to Islam for him.

Henriette left home two weeks before the June 13 murder after her family used violence and threats to try to end her relationship, according to the indictment. She feared for her life and hid from her family in a number of places, including at the home of her boyfriend’s mother.

A week before the murder she filed a complaint with the police against her mother, saying she had attacked her.

In an effort to pressure Henriette to return home, the family threatened her boyfriend’s mother, forcing the teen to find another place to hide.

A few days before the murder, her parents and two uncles came to see her at the home of a female friend with whom she was staying, in an attempt to convince her to return home. The police were called, but Henriette refused to accept help from the officer who responded on the scene. At 3 A.M. her father arrived, allegedly beating and threatening her.

On June 11, two days before her murder, the police summoned Henriette and her parents for a joint meeting with a social worker. At the meeting, her parents asked Henriette to return home, but she said no. The social services proposed she enter a woman’s shelter or another framework. She refused and asked for help from the welfare authorities in paying for an apartment.

The sides agreed at the meeting that Henriette would stay with a relative, but she returned home later that evening. The next day she attended her high school graduation party.

On June 13, the day of the murder, Henriette deposited 400 shekels ($113) in her boyfriend’s prison canteen account. When she returned home she told her relative that her boyfriend was getting out of prison at the end of the week and that she intended on converting to Islam. The relative called Henriette’s father and told him of her plans. The father then decided to murder her, according to the indictment.

She was found stabbed to death (in the neck) in her parents’ kitchen soon after that.

And yes, it WAS an “honor” killing:

In the course of the investigation, Henriette’s mother told the police her husband felt humiliated by his daughter’s behavior and saw it as an affront to the “family’s honor.”

So there you have it. Honor killing is, like, totally a Muslim thing, at least if you count the fact that in this case, the killer is a Christian who was beside himself with rage at the prospect of his teenage daughter converting to Islam so she could marry her boyfriend within his religion.

I propose we stop letting Christians immigrate to Canada, starting right now. They are clearly a misogynous security risk. And if you think that sounds preposterous and bigoted, just remember: It’s what the Lesser Northern Drumpfites want, only for Muslims.

Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Isn't It Ironic?, Israelly Uncool, Law-Law Land, Men Who Just Don't Get It, The United States of Amnesia, Uppity Wimmin | Comments Off on Honor crime: Just a Muslim thing?

Music for a Sunday: No one there to lean on

My current mood.

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Clip ‘n’ Save: A handy dandy chart

In case you were wondering how not to be a Donnie Drumpf, here you go.

Posted in Clip 'n' Save, Der Drumpf, If You REALLY Care, Men Who Just Don't Get It | Comments Off on Clip ‘n’ Save: A handy dandy chart

Wankers of the Week: The Friends of Jayden K. Smith


Crappy weekend, everyone! And a très crappy Bastille Day to all my French readers. Désolée que vous avez eu l’ennui de voir le Drumpf sur votre sol. It must have been even more annoying than the Facebook hoax that took this week by storm. But was it as annoying as any of THESE pieces of merde…whom I have listed in no particular order, comme d’habitude?

1. Harold Fucking Albrecht. Dipshit, nobody is “deeply concerned” about the flying of rainbow Pride flags for Canada Day. You’re talking about appeasing homophobic vandals who destroy school property to intimidate LGBT children. Fuck off with that! But look who I’m talking to…a guy who thought that “society will collapse” if same-sex marriage were ever legalized. Well, here it is, legal from coast to coast to coast for 12 years now, and why aren’t you dead yet? Why is the sky still up there? Why does literally no veteran even care? So many questions!

2. Michael Fucking Pearl. And while we’re on the subject of religious whackjobs: Dude, you’re the one who told people to beat their kids into submission with plastic piping. Why are you denying it now? And who the fuck are you calling sodomites? Do you even know what the sin of Sodom is?

3. Milo Fucking Yiannopoulos. So, I hear you’re suing Simon and Schuster for going back on a book deal you never should have had. Well, good luck with your unsold manuscript…and by “good luck”, I mean go fuck yourself. PS: Ha, ha! I sure hope the Mercers aren’t sorry they sank all that money into you, Fail-o.


4. Steve Fucking Bannon. Or should I list Nigel Fucking Farage? Oh, whoever is responsible for this crap portrait of Ginblossoms as Napoleon, just stick your hand inside your coat already. Because frankly, you both deserve to be exiled on a dank and dismal island.

5. Thom Fucking Yorke. I have a shameful confession to make: I was never a Radiohead fan. I’ve barely heard anything of theirs…Oh wait, that’s not a shameful confession at all. It’s actually something to be proud of, considering what a tone-deaf dick their frontman turned out to be.

6. Paul LeFucking Page. Yes, folks, it’s the craptastic governor of Maine. AGAIN. And what is it with him this time, you ask? Oh, just that he thinks there should be no such thing as a free press. In fact, it sure as hell sounds like he wants there to be no press at all, mainly because they won’t stop reporting that he’s been wanking, every time he breaks out the Jergens lotion and a dirty old sweatsock.


7. Mike Fucking Pence. Hey! Wanna know why he touched that thing at NASA with the DO NOT TOUCH sign clearly displayed on it? It was because Marco Fucking Rubio dared him to. And just think, folks, these are elected officials of the United States of Amnesia. With no more sense between them than a couple of kids who had to repeat kindergarten.

8. Gordon Fucking Klingenschmitt. Well, looky here. John Jacob Jingleheimer has piped up again! And it’s the same old medieval bullshit that nobody believes anymore. Why? Because back in medieval times, there was no Planned Parenthood, no birth control, no legal abortion…and people were dropping like flies from the plague. Because people who believed in God thought that cats were witches who should be killed for Christ, and rats were no big deal. Yes, let’s have a return to the “good” old days. Whatever could go wrong?

9. Sebastian Fucking Gorka. And speaking of medieval rats, look who reared his plaguey little head. Yes, it’s “Doctor” Goooooorkaaaaa, who couldn’t drawl his way out of a wet paper bag.


10. Lance Fucking Wallnau. Good feckin’ lard…covering Donnie in the blood of Jesus? That sounds like the kind of rituals that Daesh engages in. Only they do it literally, while Donnie is out there trying to pussygrab the planet with useless god-talk.

11. John Fucking Rees Fucking Evans. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how inane you have to be to run for leader of UKIP and be yattering on endlessly about gay donkeys trying to rape your horse. (Yes, really.)

12. Luther Fucking Strange. Welp, the surname says it all. Who but a very strange person indeed could call a greedy, covetous, thoroughly corrupt adulterer like Donnie Drumpf a “biblical miracle”?


13. Nadia Fucking Cenci. You “stopped listening” to the Grenfell Tower victims, and your “sympathy is diminishing”? No, that’s not it at all. You never listened in the first place, and you never had any sympathy. And when called on it, you deleted your tweeter account. You, madam, are an out-of-touch Tory snowflake. That’s what it is.

14. James Fucking Woods. Never mind that literally NO accepting parent of a transgender kid was EVER murdered OR stuffed into a freezer. Ol’ Jimbo’s got his grotty fantasies, and you’ll just have pry them out of his cold, dead, wanking hands!

15. Jayda Fucking Fransen. Never mind that your little circle-jerk is called Britain First. If you want to recruit Polish Nazis to your (lost and idiotic) cause, who am I to stop you? I’ll just be over here in Canada, pointing and laughing.


16. Emmanuel Fucking Macron. Sacrébleu, quelle merde raciste! Well, bien sûr…he was never an actual leftist, so what do you expect? Anti-impérialisme? Mais non! Et zut, alors.

17. Tucker Fucking Carlson. Awwwww. Does Bowtie Boy haz a mad at being accurately labeled a Nazi sympathizer? Diddums! That wasn’t nice at all. Especially since widdle Tuckie Wuckie is actually a full-on Nazi, not a mere sympathizer.

18. Rachel Fucking Notley. Yes, much as it pains me to list her, the premier of Alberta made the cut this week. Blocking the Trans-Mountain Pipeline is bad for working people? No, because there are not ever going to be that many people working on it long-term. Renewable energy actually creates more jobs, and eco-socialism would protect them better. If she had said capitalists and pipeline owners were the ones hurting, it would have been accurate. But then again, those people don’t work…they sit on their asses and let somebody else turn their profits for them!


19. Scottie Fucking Nell Fucking Hughes. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how badly the hypocrisy burns. Remember how she was sooooo upset to hear that her boss, Donnie Fucking Drumpf, was a pussy-grabber? And how revolting that language was to her delicate Christian sensibilities, and how it would disturb her young daughter to hear it talked about? Well. Here she is, Mrs. White America, revealed as having had an affair (with a married black man, of all people), and having written him raunchy e-mails. And he’s not even the only man she’s boinked extramaritally, either. And the most hilarious part? She did it to advance her career. One wonders if Ol’ Pussygrabbytinyhands was one of her paramours (blech!) too.

20. Alex Fucking Jones. Have I listed him yet? No? Well, all righty then. Here he is. Please have your barf bags ready. And if you take ulcer medication, you may want to pop a double dose.

21. Prue Fucking MacSween. Oh sure, Ms. MacSwine, you were just “joking” about running over a young Muslim activist who’s rather well known in Australia. Freeze Peach, Political Correctness, Why Can’t People Take a Joke? Nudge nudge wink wink say no more. No, really: SAY NO MORE. On any subject. EVER.


22. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. Look who’s got the Subterranean Homesick Blues! Yeah. HER. She’s no Bob Dylan. And the Internets let her have it for that, too. Because you don’t need a weatherman…or a scarecrow with flashcards.

23. Betsy Fucking DeVos. The dumbest woman in the US of Amnesia is in charge of education…and the dumbing-down has just hit warp speed, thanks to her consultation with rape denialists and professional misogynists. Her boss can’t get impeached soon enough…and she belongs in jail, too.

24. Marc Fucking Kasowitz. Insert old, tired joke about sharks not biting lawyers here. And then throw this one to the piranhas…please.


25. Frederick Fucking Sorrell. Is he crying out of regret? Yes, but not because he regrets chasing a Muslim couple for 20 blocks in his car just to terrorize and taunt them. He’s crying because he regrets getting caught.

26. Stephen Fucking Harper. Can you believe the chutzpah? Ol’ ShitHead has finally reared his shitty head…and condemned the payout to Omar Khadr for his wrongful imprisonment and torture. To the people who are spearheading the perpetuation of the myth that Omar is guilty, even. You already know how I feel about this, but just in case you need reminding: ShitHead is the main reason the payout is as high as it is, because he helped keep an innocent guy in prison instead of moving heaven and earth to get him out and home where he belonged. And if I were Omar Khadr, I’d strongly consider suing HIM.

27. Lisa Fucking Kennedy Fucking Montgomery. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how stupid you have to be to (a) work for Fux Snooze in the first place, and (b) call Seattle a “socialist hellhole” when, in fact, it’s one of the best-off cities in the US right now, thanks in no small part to the evil, wicked socialism of Kshama Sawant, among others, who campaigned for a minimum wage that’s actually enough to live on, for fucksakes.


28. Malcolm Fucking Turnbull. Meanwhile, in Australia, the PM doesn’t just love bad math as much as #27…he thinks that the laws of Australia make it altogether irrelevant. Proving, once more, the old theorem: You can never be too stupid to be elected by conservatives.

29. Fernando Fucking Cabrera. And while we’re (still) on the subject of bad math and worse economics, and the downright shitty politics they engender when combined: how about him? No, dude, millionaires don’t get there by working harder and being better able to handle responsibility. If that were the case, Donnie Drumpf wouldn’t have a dime, much less the means to golf every fucking weekend at taxpayers’ expense!

30. Lou Fucking Dobbs. And just to round out the politico-economic tragicomic shitshow, we have THIS irrelevant mafia apologist…who thinks there’s a “coup against the rich” going on. Oh, if only there were! What an Augean stable would get mucked out…if only there were. And speaking of mucking out the stable: When’s he going to retire, anyway? He’s clearly not playing with a full deck anymore, not that he ever really was.


And finally, to whoever the fuck got that whole “Jayden K. Smith” chain letter hoax going in the first place. If this was some kind of elaborate experiment to see just how far a stupid Facebook message could go, congratulations, fuckass. I got it twice, for the record, and did not forward it even once. You’re an annoying fucking twatwaffle. And you had better pray that nobody ever tracks your shit to its source.

Good night, and get fucked!

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