Quotable: Groucho Marx on politics

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Of burkinis and bans

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“Hypocrisy on the beach: ‘We’re looking for ostentatious religious signs…’ ‘Have you seen any burkinis or veiled Muslim women?'”

Not wanting to be one of those suffocatingly silent white feminists who have no opinion (or worse, a veiled bigoted opinion) on the burkini ban in France, here is my opinion, like it or lump it:

ANY COUNTRY WHICH PRIDES ITSELF ON LIBERTY, EQUALITY AND FRATERNITY HAS NO BUSINESS BANNING A SWIMWEAR STYLE, WHETHER THEY LIKE IT OR NOT. LIBERTY INCLUDES THE FREEDOM TO WEAR WHATEVER ONE PLEASES, AND PRACTICE WHATEVER RELIGION ONE WANTS. EQUALITY MEANS THAT MEN AND WOMEN HAVE AN EQUAL RIGHT TO BE IN PUBLIC, WHATEVER THEY ARE WEARING. AND FRATERNITY MEANS TREATING THOSE DIFFERENT FROM YOU AS IF THEY WERE YOUR OWN FAMILY.

ANY COUNTRY WHICH PRIDES ITSELF ON FREEDOM OF SPEECH, TO THE POINT WHERE IT CELEBRATES CARTOONISTS WHO GOT KILLED BY TERRORISTS OVER THEIR ANTI-MUSLIM BIGOTRY, HAS NO BUSINESS BANNING A SWIMWEAR STYLE WHICH ENABLES MUSLIM WOMEN TO GO SWIMMING FREELY IN THE SEA (AS ITS CREATOR MEANT IT TO DO), INSTEAD OF STAYING AT HOME, OPPRESSED AND MISERABLE.

ANY COUNTRY WHICH PRIDES ITSELF ON ITS “SECULARISM” HAS NO BUSINESS DICTATING THE RELIGIOUS WEAR OF WOMEN…ESPECIALLY NON-CHRISTIAN WOMEN. UNLESS, OF COURSE, THEY ALSO PLAN TO BAN VEILED NUNS FROM THE BEACH FOR WEARING SOMETHING JUST ABOUT AS CONCEALING AS A BURKINI. WHICH, KINDLY NOTE, THEY HAVE NOT.

AND FINALLY, ANY COUNTRY WHICH COLONIZED THE LANDS THESE SAME WOMEN ORIGINATED FROM REALLY HAS NO BUSINESS COMPLAINING WHEN THE FORMER COLONIALS REFUSE TO CONFORM TO A BIZARRELY HYPOCRITICAL DRESS CODE WHICH IS NOTHING MORE THAN AN EXCUSE TO FURTHER OPPRESS THOSE SAME, IN COWARDLY SEXIST FASHION. THERE IS NOTHING FEMINIST ABOUT THAT.

Sorry for the ALL CAPS shouting, but it damn well had to be said. I hope it was loud and clear enough for all the people at the back.

Bonsoir, mes ami(e)s.

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Posted in Boycott This Toon!, Do As I Say..., EuroPeons, Fascism Without Swastikas, Human Rights FAIL, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Morticia! You Spoke French!, Pissing Jesus Off, Uppity Wimmin | 2 Comments

Music for a Sunday: Didn’t come? It doesn’t matter.

The Hip in one of their final concerts. I looked for last night’s CBC footage from Kingston, but it hasn’t been posted yet. This is the next best thing. Enjoy!

PS: For those who want to donate in Gord’s honor to brain cancer research, here’s Sunnybrook Hospital’s official donation page.

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Wankers of the Week: The Drumpfington Monument

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Crappy weekend, everyone! And a big bottle of eye-bleach to everyone who’s had the pleasure of viewing Der Drumpf in the buff, even if only as a chunk of butt-ugly statuary. You people have my most sincere sympathies. These people, in no particular order, get none of that:

1. Daryush Fucking Valizadeh. In a last desperate effort to make everyone forget that he actually lives in his mom’s basement, the Troll-King of Neomasculinity (same as the paleomasculinity, only rapier and stinkier) has not only grown a thicker, more grizzled beard; he’s also borrowed Paul Fucking Elam’s buggy eyes and is spouting wild conspiracy theories à la Alex Fucking Jones. At this rate, relevancy will not only continue to elude him, it will vanish down a black hole somewhere in outer space rather than get within striking distance of him.

2. Bryan Fucking Fischer. And speaking of desperate bids for an ever-retreating relevancy: How about him? Women are showing so much leadership ability lately that now he wants to ban it from everywhere. Good fuckin’ luck with that, ol’ son.

3. Bibi Fucking Netanyahu. Why?

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That’s why. The chutzpah is off the friggin’ charts, people!

4. Theodore Fucking Beale. Black people are more radioactive than the A-bomb? Whaaat? Oh yeah, it’s “Vox Day”. Who never met an idiotic racist ‘winger trope he couldn’t take to the point of utter absurdity. And look like a squishy piece of bleached dog diarrhea while doing so.

5. Marcos Fucking Clay. He hates black people, but he has the hots for a female goalie who happens to be one? Oh yeah, and he’s MARRIED to one, too? Yeah, I bet his marriage is gonna go just swimmingly from now on. And I’m sure his “explanation” of racism (figment of your imagination, all in your head, blah blah) is gonna wash just great, too.

6. Josh Fucking Bowmar. Your survival does not hinge on torturing bears to death with an ineptly handled spear. Fuck off with that idiotic argument and just admit you’re a fucking sadist. And stay the fuck out of Canada, too. We don’t want your kind up here! PS: Ha, ha. Looks good on both of you.

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7. Carol Fucking Everett. Who hands millions of taxpayer dollars to science-deficient whackjobs with a religious agenda for keeping women down with the power of lies? Texas, where everything’s big…including the waste and the idiocy it promotes. Just think of how much accurate, comprehensive sex education that money COULD have funded.

8. Rudy Fucking Giuliani. He’s gone from exploiting 9-11 to his own ends…to denying it ever existed. Kind of like Nazis and the Holocaust, no?

9. Simon Fucking Lokodo. No, trust me, gay guys don’t want your bigoted ass. But I bet you want theirs, don’t you?

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10. David Fucking Leyonhjelm. Angry white man is angry over being accurately labelled as such. So angry, in fact, that now he wants to sue. For supposed discrimination, based on the fact that he’s white. Also angry. And did we mention he’s a man?

11. Eric Fucking Abetz. And, germane to #10, here’s another angry white man from Down Under who doesn’t understand the importance of accurate description and fair comment. It’s a LABEL, not a LIBEL, you fucking moron.

12. Donald Fucking Drumpf. He wants “extreme vetting” for immigrants? I have a better idea. How about extreme vetting for politicians?

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13. Jonathan Fucking Papelbon. Who the hell is this guy? Whoever he is, he has terrible taste in music…and politics.

14. Andrea Fucking Hardie. Pink is not your color, and braids are not your style. For that matter, humanity is not your race. And what the hell are you doing back on the tweeter? Report this idiotess, folks. She’s a racist hatemonger.

15. Omarosa Fucking Manigault. No, Der Drumpf won’t win. And nobody will bow down to him, regardless. A country that prides itself on its freedoms is understandably reluctant to let THAT happen. Especially its black citizens, who have done more than their share of bowing to white masters anyway.

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16. Al Fucking Baldasaro. You certainly have a strange idea of what constitutes freedom of speech. And a touchingly naive faith in your fellow ‘Muricans and their reluctance to commit terrorism based on the stupid shit that flies from your carelessly flapping lips, fella.

17. Darrell Fucking Scott. No, black people aren’t too dumb to understand satire, sarcasm, or parody. You seem to forget how much of all three they’ve had to master in order to cope with the shit of white racists like Der Drumpf…and his idiot followers, who DO take his every utterance deadly seriously.

18. Michael Fucking Cohen. Ask a stupid question, get a total smackdown. And now you know who says it…EVERYONE, of course! PS: No, you didn’t “unravel” anyone. Except yourself, of course.

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19. Jayme Fucking Liardi. How fitting is it that Der Drumpf’s “youth leader” is a straight-up Nazi-symp who is also paranoid about fluoride in the water, and other “internationalist” things that, no doubt, sap and impurify his precious bodily fluids?

20. Danny Fucking Healy-Rae. Everybody sing! Oh Danny Boy, your book’s a piece of ga-ar-bage. Science it’s not, nor even history. Noah’s Ark is just a childish fa-a-ble. And that you’re daft, is not a mystery. So just shut up about gay men and marriage, and keep your fingers out of women’s wombs. Don’t talk of facts, when all you know is ga-ar-bage, because your dumbth leads people to their dooms.

21. Ryan Fucking Lochte. And the Flaming Trunks Award goes to…NOT MICHAEL PHELPS. Yes, that’s right, the biggest d-bag in the pool is now a world-class LIAR. Little wonder he fucked off early out of Brazil. And probably won’t be showing his pretty little idiot face at the closing ceremonies, either, because he’s likely to get arrested. But hey! Great lesson for all the other privileged, full-of-themselves gringos down there right now…on how NOT to comport themselves in South America.

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22. Adam Fucking Dart. How’s it feel to have your name all over the internet as a racist xenophobic cheapskate who will use any lame excuse to avoid tipping? Asshole.

23. Daniel Fucking Rowe. How’s it feel to have YOUR name all over the internet as a racist Drumpfite asshole who’s too stupid to keep his racist criminal intentions to himself? Dumbass.

24. Michael Fucking Henson. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without an actual wanking wanker, here’s a guy who tried to hump a van. Rock out with yer cock out, pal.

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25. Nathan Fucking Grimes. Oh what the hey. Let’s make it a two-fer with the actual wanking wankers, shall we? This one claims he was mixing a protein shake…in his car…with his penis.

26. Milo Fucking Yiannopoulos. Because actually, it’s all about ethics in white-guy privilege grants. Ha, ha, kidding…everyone knows that white-guy privilege is all about highway robbery. There ARE no ethics to it!

27. Mark Fucking Bertolini. You fucking, fucking greedhead. You had “no choice” but to back out of Obamacare? BULLSHIT! Your backing out WAS a choice. YOUR choice. And you’re about to be punished for it, too. Especially now, as a growing number of US doctors are calling for Big Insurance to be kicked out of the healthcare game, Canadian style.

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28. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. You want voters to “show some forgiveness” to your idiot boss? Uh, how about NO?

29. Joseph Fucking Schmitz. Gee, what a shock to learn that yet ANOTHER Drumpfite is a Jew-hating Holocaust denier! Why, it’s almost like there’s a PATTERN or something!

30. John Fucking Inverdale. Why?

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Oops! That’s why. Guess two formidable black women who also happen to be sisters and many-times Wimbledon champs aren’t persons to him. Good on Andy Murray for setting the record straight.

And finally, to all the fucking towns that have banned burkinis. You’re not fooling anyone; we all know it has nothing to do with secularism, and everything to do with segregation. Why not just put up signs on your beaches reading “No Muslims”, and just be done with it, already? Why so cowardly? Are you afraid to be called what you really are, namely racist, xenophobic and bigoted? If you hate North African Muslims so much, you really should have thought of that before you barged into their countries and colonized them, no?

Good night, and get fucked!

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Quotable: Fannie Lou Hamer on the “power” of prayer

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Venezuelan asylum seekers tricked by immigration officials, imprisoned in Florida

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Evil, wicked Venezuela is bleeding citizens, we’re told. Refugees keep washing up in Florida, claiming political persecution as grounds for asylum. It’s the fault of the evil Chavistas, driving honest working folk out of the land! It’s nothing but a giant communist prison! But behind that popular narrative lies a very different truth…and the prison lies not in evil communist Venezuela, but in the “free” US of A:

The seeking of asylum in the US on the part of Venezuelans as a means to live legally in that land, basing their story in the same policy of discredit which that land has used against Venezuela, appears to be changing with the growth in the number of persons taking advantage of that game of double interests.

According to a report in the newspaper El Nuevo Herald, of marked right-wing tendency but pro-immigration in that its readership is Latin-American, there are now 22 Venezuelans imprisoned in Florida following their attempt to enter the country through the Miami airport.

In an article titled “From the violence in Caracas to a nightmare in Miami Airport”, the Venezuelans relate how, in the airport terminal, they were treated like criminals.

“All of them say they had been tricked and mistreated by customs and immigration functionaries in the airport. The overwhelming majority of them don’t know why they were being sent to jail, felt great alarm because they were handcuffed to be transferred like delinquents to Pompano Beach, and later cried when they arrived at BTC (Broward Transitional Centre) and saw the orange uniforms they had to wear,” the paper reports.

Some of the interviewees said they did ask for asylum, but others were tricked by the police to appear to be taking advantage. Among other things, the lack of mastery of the English language and being detained in a room in the airport which they call “la nevera” (the refrigerator) and where they spent several hours incommunicado.

Those who are seeking asylum in the US cannot do so legally in an airport, a fact which is used discretionally by police.

Acceptance of an asylum request initiates a process, a trial in which the asylum-seeker must demonstrate circumstances which relate to their person and country. If it is denied, which could take two years, they must leave the country and not return for several more years.

Many Venezuelans who have gone to Florida claimed to be politically persecuted, knowing that the US government has created a negative view of Venezuela, to the point of having decreed that the land is an “unusual and extraordinary threat to the security of the United States”.

Such is the case for Alejandro Martínez, one of the BTC prisoners. According to his story, he was the victim of a robbery and attempted homicide on the part of an organized crime gang which he and the paper call a “Chavista paramilitary band” — qualifiers necessary to associate his case in a forced manner to politics, and to benefit from that.

Now Martínez has spent months in the BTC, an immigration detention centre in Pompano Beach, dressed in orange, according to the paper, whose entire reportage, culminating in a negative view of Venezuela, can be read at http://www.elnuevoherald.com/noticias/mundo/america-latina/venezuela-es/article95390147.html.

Another case is that of Pedro O., a businessman, claiming to be victim of a kidnapping three years ago and who decided to travel to the US. El Nuevo Herald states:

“With that experience, Pedro answered yes when the immigration officer asked him if he was fearful in Venezuela. ‘Yes, I’m afraid, because at any time they could kill me there, or kidnap one of my kids and demand money, I told them.’

“At that time, the businessman was speaking with a functionary in his second interview at the airport, after which the functionary at the first gate told him that he thought that Pedro had come to work illegally in the US.

“The functionaries, who had previously told him he was going to be deported, made note of the response and immediately told him that he had ‘entered another process’ and told him to sign some papers which he did not understand.

“‘I didn’t know what was going to happen to me,’ he said. That night, he stayed in the ‘refrigerator’. ‘I hardly slept. At 11 o’clock the next morning they took me out in handcuffs and took me to the BTC’.”

Now, families and friends are looking for ways to help these Venezuelan victims of anti-immigrant repression in the United States.

Among the cases related by El Nuevo Herald was that of David F., who only went to the US as a tourist but fell victim to police entrapment in the airport with the now famous question of whether he was afraid to live in Venezuela, which sent him directly to jail. This is his sad story:

“His problem began with the functionary at the first gate, when this man asked him how long he intended to stay and he replied: As long as they liked.

“‘Something in that response didn’t sit well with them, and they sent me for a second interview.

“‘My visa permitted me to stay six months, and I had booked a return ticket for four months and a few weeks, given that I went with intentions of seeking asylum.’

“But David thought he might inform himself of how to do that in the United states and share his information with various companies, to try and see if any of them showed interest in hiring him.

“He thought to return to Venezuela to try to legally initiate his immigration process, but they didn’t believe him. After asking to see his cellphone, they saw a WhatsApp message from a friend in the United States, saying that she had confidence in him, an electrical technician specializing in energy transmission, that he would find work easily in the United States.

“It seemed that David would be deported to Venezuela under suspicion that he intended to work illegally in the United States until the functionary asked him the fear question.

“Like the others, he was taken to the BTC the next day. He was very alarmed when he saw that the detention centre was a low-security prison and that they would be forced to wear prisoners’ uniforms.

“But he recalled that at the airport, they had told him that he would only be there a few days, and later they would let him go so he could seek political asylum.

“He learned the truth a few hours later, when he found himself in a group of Venezuelans who were also there.

“‘Brother, they told me that in five days I’d be able to go, and then they started to laugh because they had already been there several months,’ he said.

“David was eventually deported to Caracas in spite of having asked for asylum. His case was denied after the immigration official who interviewed him in the BTC refused to approve his status of “credible fear”, due mainly to translation problems, and the fact that he worked for a state-owned company.”

Translation mine.

That state-owned company is undoubtedly Corpoelec, Venezuela’s public electrical utility. An entity which has been under fire (literally!) from the opposition, whose destabilization campaign regular readers of this blog already know all too well. A destabilization campaign funded, aided and abetted by good ol’ Uncle Sam…who throws Venezuelan asylum seekers in jail when they come to Florida. Because they don’t really WANT to help Venezuelans in trouble, whether their troubles are actual or imaginary. They just want to keep that country under their boot-heels…and when pesky little nobodies from there, persons not actively involved in destabilization, show up, what do they do but jail them? After all, these are not elite bottom-feeders like Prettyboy Leo or MariCori, or dirty-tricks operatives like Jota-Jota Rendón. Those illegitimate asylum seekers would get a pass any day. Because they’re useful idiots.

And at the end of the day, Uncle Sam don’t like nobody who’s just a useless idiot, like the poor suckers who come in looking for asylum but not carrying big suitcases packed to bursting with ill-gotten gringo dinero. Uncle Sam wants assets. These people are not that. It’s a harsh lesson in US Realpolitik, but let’s hope that these poor dupes learn something from it…and spread their lessons all over Venezuela, so loudly that even the local crapaganda media can’t drown the clamor out.

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Posted in Crapagandarati, Economics for Dummies, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Good to Know, Huguito Chavecito, Human Rights FAIL, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Law-Law Land, Spooks, The United States of Amnesia | Leave a comment

Quotable: Adam Van Koeverden on sexism in sports coverage

“If men don’t call out men when we are being sexist, then we are not a part of the solution, and the problem persists. So here I am, calling out my friend Adam Kreek. Adam, you were sexist on television last night.

“Feminism isn’t for females. It’s for everyone. Good men should feel comfortable challenging each other’s prejudices, and accept criticism when those prejudices get the better of us, or when we make a mistake.”

–Adam Van Koeverden, Canadian Olympic medalist (kayak), from his blog

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Music for a Sunday: Obá, obá, obá…

A sweetly low-key original of what might be the most-covered Brazilian song after “Garota de Ipanema”.

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Wankers of the Week: Blame it on Rio

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Crappy weekend, everyone! And welcome to the Wankolympiad. Blame the summer, blame the heat, blame it on Rio (and that fart-smelly green diving pool), blame whatever, but the silly season is now upon us. And yes, it’s replete with wankers. And this week they are, in no particular order…

1. Melania Fucking Drumpf. Yes, folks, she made the cut again this week…and this time, for something naughty she did a long, long time ago. Namely, being the proud (or not so proud, by the looks of it) owner of a green card, onaccounta she was married…to someone other than Der Drumpf Himself. Yes, that’s right, he is apparently the Other Man! And since we have no record of what happened to her previous husband, it looks like the trophy wife…is in fact a trophy BIGAMIST. Either that, or she’s a very stealthy trophy divorcée. How ‘bout them apples?

2. Mitch Fucking McConnell. So, let me see if I got this straight: Bitchy Mitchy says the proudest moment of his career…is telling the POTUS he’s not going to do his damn job? Priorities: he no haz them.

3. Sean Fucking Hannity. The truth hurts, doesn’t it, Baby Jesus? Here, show me on the dolly where the bad man hurt you. Ha, ha.

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4. Marco Fucking Rubio. No abortions for pregnant women infected with Zika? Well, then. There are going to be an awful lot of babies born with microcephaly, thanks to this one fucking pinhead. Who, BTW, also opposes abortion for cases of rape and incest. Yes, that’s right: violence, assault and inbreeding are considered acceptable beginnings to “life”, according to him.

5. Martin Fucking Shkreli. Yes, Pharma Bro is back. And this time, without any medical training, he managed to diagnose Hillary Clinton with Parkinson’s Disease! You can really see where he got that medical acumen that enabled him to overcharge for meds that ought to be dirt cheap, eh?

6. Megyn Fucking Kelly. Shorter: Who cares if #1 is an illegal immigrant after all? She’s white! They’re different! They’re BETTER!

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7. Michael Fucking Morell. Kill the Russkies! Kill the Iranians! Support the Syrian terror militias! KILL KILL KILL KILL! Gosh, aren’t you glad he’s backing Hillary Clinton, and not that orange buffoon?

8. George Fucking Baker. No, of course the N-word isn’t a profanity. It’s a racist slur! That makes it all okay, okay? No. NOT okay. Town council members owe it to ALL members of their town to serve them without bias or prejudice, you fucking paleozoic nimnul!

9. Martin Fucking Betancourt. Why?

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There’s been a lot of sexism in this current Olympiad, but mansplaining cycling to a world-class cyclist who had a nasty wipeout on a dangerous turn? Yeah. That takes the gold biscuit.

10. Louis Fucking Brouillard. How many times does it have to be said? NO, victims of priestly sexual molestation do NOT enjoy what’s being done to them. And NO, you are NOT “paying for it” by saying a few Hail Marys and finally being challenged in court over it. You got away with it for seven whole fucking decades, after all.

11. Leon Fucking Archer. So, gay couples shouldn’t get married because Jesus, but sending nude selfies to a much younger woman somehow doesn’t fail the religious test? Pretty sure Jesus doesn’t approve of sexual harassment, Yeronner.

12. Donald Fucking Drumpf. He’s losing big-time, so what’s his new winning strategy? Yeah…stochastic terrorism. Which went over exactly as you’d expect with the Secret Service. This electoral shitshow just keeps on getting shittier. PS: And BOOM. Patti Davis nails his shrivelled old gonads to the wall. Good on her! PPS: Hey asshole, everybody “gets sarcasm” just fine. But it seems that you don’t get the whole concept of watching your damn mouth, and that’s not good…in business OR in politics.

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13. Kayleigh Fucking McEnany. Nice try at spinning your boss there, dumbass. But the NRA has NO power to stop the appointment of any SCOTUS justices, guns or no guns. And if they tried, they’d become a terrorist organization in a heartbeat. PS: And nice try at spinning the Confederacy’s slavery, too. You do realize it was their whole and sole reason for seceding, do you not?

14. Katrina Fucking Pierson. And once more, with feeling: No, stupid, that’s not how it goes. Would you like to try again?

15. Joe Fucking Scarborough. Don’t everyone start applauding him yet for telling Der Drumpf to drop out of the race. He also thinks that opinions from the other side of the political panel don’t count for anything, which makes him not much better than you-know-who.

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16. Tomi Fucking Lahren. Wow, girl. You are the whitest damn piece of shit I ever saw. How did you get that way? By bleaching in the hot sun? That would, no doubt, explain your fried brain…

17. Jenna Fucking Bush. Yeah, that flagbearer guy from Tonga was hot. And Dubya’s daughter was thirsty. But can you imagine what people would say if it were Malia Obama doing that?

18. Debbie Fucking Wasserman Fucking Schultz. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how much chutzpah it takes to (a) rig the Democratic primaries in favor of your girl Clinton, and (b) turn around and blame the Sanders camp for calling a spade a fucking shovel, already. Oh, and (c) claim the primary was “neutral”, too!

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19. Bob Fucking Beckel. Ahem: If you don’t like it when your political rivals say it about your girl, DON’T FUCKING SAY IT ABOUT ANYONE ELSE. What part of “don’t call for an assassination” is so hard for you Murican idiots to understand?

20. Larry Fucking Long. You can tell a lot about someone by the way they treat their friends…and damn! Giving a black friend a KKK hooded sheet, as a “joke”? That black guy is not gonna be your friend for much longer.

21. Earl Fucking Phillip. Does the Drumpf campaign ever vet anyone who works for it? Apparently not, because here’s one of their “Second Amendment folks” — a screaming gun nut who threatens people on his own team. Brilliant choice, Donnie!

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22. Mathieu Fucking Chantelois. Oh surprise! The corporatist who headed Pride TO is out…no, not of the closet, but of that job. And back to working for his original corporate overlords, whose ass he was only too happy to kiss while in office. And guess why he’s out. No, really. Guess! If you guessed racism, sexism, transphobia, nepotism, lying, and/or general assholery, pat yourself on the back. Only a pity he couldn’t have left BEFORE the whole kerfuffle with Black Lives Matter, eh?

23. Jason Fucking Lewis. He’s unelectable, a racist, a sexist and an LGBT-phobe, and even his own party hates him. So how’d he get nominated? I don’t know, but I’m forced to conclude that if there’s an R after your name, you’re deficient in the brain. Nothing else CAN explain it.

24. Ryan Fucking Lewis. No relation to the previous wanker, unless you’re talking political soulmates. This big macho, who thinks Florida Man needs some competition from California Man in the Dipshit Olympics, decided that the kewl thing to do would be to cut off a cyclist on the road, and then start raging at him with homophobic slurs and Drumpfian threats. And give all California surfers a boneheaded bad reputation in the process.

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25. Byron Fucking MacDonald. Who the hell says that a 14-year-old swimmer “died like a pig”? Oh, just a 66-year-old former swimmer who apparently forgot what it was like to be so young and to have such a good start, only to end up losing a race. And an insensitive male white chauvinist PIG. I heard him say that as it was happening, and couldn’t believe my ears. And just when I thought CBC was doing so much better with its Olympic coverage than all those OTHER sexist media

26. Patrick Fucking Butler. Oh joy, another judge who’d rather spare an entitled, white, college-boy rapist for idiotic reasons. Even though both the victim and the prosecutor were asking him to treat this one as mercifully as he treated her (i.e., not at all). Justice? What a joke. What a dirty, DIRTY joke.

27. Sarah Jessica Fucking Parker. Not a feminist because you believe in “equality”? Well, guess what, honey: You might as well have said you believe in the Tooth Fairy, because this “equality” you believe in doesn’t exist, and without feminism (and all of society being on board with it), it never will. But hey! On the bright side, we shouldn’t be hearing any more menzers squawking about how the atrociously sexist Sex and the City was a “feminist” show. A glorified designer shoe ad is all it ever was.

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28. Mike Fucking Pence. Why are kids learning sex-ed in schools? So they won’t grow up to be far-right dumbasses like Mike, who believes that condoms are too modern and don’t work. Now where did he learn that? Bog only knows. Clearly not from a proper textbook written by anyone with a working set of grey matter. And just think, people…this is Der Drumpf’s running mate. If you’re not scared yet, you damn well ought to be, because this kind of “education” leads straight to raging STD epidemics and teen pregnancies galore.

29. Philip Fucking Davies. Meanwhile, across the pond, some wanker is on about men’s rights, again. How do we know he’s a wanker? Because who else talks like that…or wears a haircut that looks like Hitler had a run-in with a weed-whacker? And on that note: Phil, old son, you’ll never impress the ladies looking like that. Or TALKING like a fucking bellend, either.

30. Phil Fucking Robertson. OH NOES EVIL SECULARISM! Uh, bozo, the Founding Fathers themselves are behind it. If you don’t like democracy and would rather live in a theocratic dictatorship, don’t bother voting OR running…just go live in Saudi Arabia. And take Pat Fucking Buchanan with you, while you’re at it.

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And finally, to Nico Fucking Hines. Forget journalistic ethics. When you’re looking for a lurid story on horny Olympians lookin’ for (temporary) love and whatnot, the best way to do it is to make a profile on a gay dating app (when you’re married, with children, and NOT gay yourself), pretend to be looking for dates…and then post revealing details of the athletes you trolled on the Daily Beast. Whose editors also deserve a dressing-down for not killing this skanky piece, or at least editing it before it ran to protect the closeted (who, some of them, come from countries where being gay is punishable by law, or even death). The after-the-fact hasty edit (and cheap apology) they did is not good enough. The article is now down, but the damage is done. Shame on all of them.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Posted in Wankers of the Week | Comments Off on Wankers of the Week: Blame it on Rio

Quotable: Tariq Ramadan on refugees

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Posted in Quotable Notables | Comments Off on Quotable: Tariq Ramadan on refugees