It’s gonna be yuge, yuge, YUGE!
A: By wiping your ass on him. Literally. No, really!
Yes, this is a real product. And where will it be sold? Why, in Mexico…where else?
He went from anger to creativity. Antonio Battaglia, a lawyer from Guanajuato, will be selling “Trump” toilet paper at the end of the year, and will be donating a portion of the proceeds to help immigrants and his deported compatriots.
The offensive tone Donald Trump used to refer to Mexicans during his campaign for president of the United States motivated Battaglia, who is trying to send a message to make clear that Mexicans are not “bad hombres”, as Trump called them.
“I got angry, and started to look for a way to do something that would have a repercussion, not in a joking tone or a bad one, but a positive one,” he told Expansión in an interview.
“I tried to register a trademark for clothing or footwear, since my family is dedicated to the production of shoes, but the ‘Trump’ brand was already registered. Then I had the idea of producing a toilet paper, a product which would be ironic and which would stay on the market for a good length of time,” Battaglia explained.
The idea of the project is to generate a product at an accessible price, and that a percentage of the proceeds would be destined for the aid of migrants, a sector affected by the statements and policies of Trump.
Battaglia obtained the trademark from the Mexican Institute of Industrial Property (IMPI) in August of 2015.
“For me, the business is secondary. What I want is that it does something useful to help migrants and deportees. First off, I plan to donate 30% of the profits to organizations in Guanajuato,” Battaglia said.
Antonio Battaglia is the grandson of professional soccer player Antonio Félix Battaglia, an Argentine selected for the León team in the first national soccer division in the 1950s. He has a law office, and participates in his family’s shoe-making business. For the toilet-paper project, he will invest some 400,000 pesos to start, but he is open to finding other investors.
“We want to find a partner who has a business well positioned in this market (that of paper). We will use their channel of distribution and their knowledge of the market,” Battaglia explained to Expansión.
The worst problem he has encountered, he says, is the lack of space in paper-manufacturing plants, since the big brands that dominate the market hoard production time.
“The market is flooded and there is no one who wants to produce the paper. I looked for options in China, but nothing concrete came of it, until I found a firm in Mexico which is participating in this business and is interested in producing the product,” Battaglia commented, without giving further details.
The plan is for production to start later this year, and that the product be distributed via grocery stores and supply centres.
In Mexico, the hygienic-paper market is valued at 20.3 billion pesos ($1.097 billion US) a year, according to Euromonitor International.
I’m really trying hard here not to make dirty puns, but even in a market that’s flooded, there’s still a good chance that this project will be flush with success. Especially since Donnie hasn’t even thought to register his oh-so-lucrative brand name on a product that will land up, quite literally, in the toilet.
I just hope that Mexican plumbing and sewers can handle this.
Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy one to dear ol’ Donnie, whose impeachment inches ever closer, and who shuffles with Ridicule ever nipping at his heels. And this week, it got so many bites in, from the fact that he not only bowed, but curtsied to the Saudi royal family; that Melania swatted him not once, but twice, before the cameras; and best of all, that the newly-elected NON-FASCIST president of France pwned him with a very alpha-male handshake. And here’s who else beclowned themselves this week, in no particular order:
1. Bob Fucking Buckhorn. First crack out of the box, it’s Florida Man…or should I say Florida MAYOR? Anyhow, not only was his so-called joke utterly unfunny, it was also an insult to the journalists who had already faced down the business end of a gun for realz. Oopsies! Guess someone else is gonna be crying “like a little girl” (how charmingly sexist!), now.
2. Toby Fucking Keith. Congratulations on being the first (and worst) country singer to perform in Saudi Arabia. Truly an historic occasion! I’m guessing you didn’t sing that little ditty of yours about taking out the (Arab) trash, because “it’s the American way”, did you now? And little wonder. After all, that’s the country that supplied 15 of the 19 hijackers…and supported them all.
3. Theresa Fucking May. You thought Maggie Thatcher was a milk snatcher? Get a load of her ideological daughter, who’s a food snatcher. Yeah, starving schoolkids are gonna Make Britain Great Again — that is, if they live to adulthood.
4. Zachary Fucking Ailes. Oh, so you’re coming for the people who dared to speak out about your dad’s abuse, you little shit? In other words, you’re going to go on harassing the women Dear Ol’ Dad harassed (and worse)? Hope it doesn’t cut into your after-school detention time, snookums.
5. Billy Fucking Bush. Lacked the strength of character on the bus, did you? Well, THAT’s obvious. What’s really sad is that your own teenage daughter has more of it already than you, a grown-ass MAN, did when Der Drumpf was talking about grabbing pussy. And all you did was giggle like a dumb-ass 12-year-old.
6. Mike Fucking Pence. Awwww, did the bad PC kids hurt your Freeze Peach by turning their backs and walking out — in other words, exercising some free speech of their own while you were monopolizing the mike? Snowflake diddums!
7. Tomi Fucking Lahren. Oh look, the White Grievance Cheerleader is out of exile! Er, kinda sorta. And she haz a mad at the Notre Dame students who walked out on #6! Snowflake diddums, bawww.
8. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. She praised Saudi Arabia for WHAT? No, seriously: WHAT???
9. Karl Fucking Oliver. My oh my, what a novel idea he has for treating all those who (rightly) advocated that Confederate “hero” statues must come down. Yessirree, it just goes to show that NOTHING has changed in the South, and that’s precisely the fucking problem that the removal of those statues is aimed at changing! Also: Nice hayseed haircut, ya fuckin’ hick.
10. Tommy Dean Fucking Gaa. And once more, with feeling: This is precisely the problem, etc.
11. Scott Fucking Adams. Doesn’t matter how hard you spin it, Dilbert Cartoonist: Drumpf is losing. And by staying on his train, you’re marking yourself out as a loser, too.
12. Geraldo Fucking Rivera. For fuck’s sake (and not FUX’s sake), Gerry…don’t fucking tweet when people are dying and you don’t know shit about who killed them. Nobody has the right to air an uninformed opinion!
13. Theodore Fucking Beale. And speaking of uninformed opinions which no one is entitled to air, how about his? It’s virtually identical to those of Daesh (who are also not entitled), and the only difference is the name by which they call their respective sky-pixies. Their idolatry of ideologically-deranged terrorists IS identical, no doubt about it.
14. Milo Fucking Yiannopoulos. Not one thoughtful word for all the dead and injured of Manchester out of Vilo. No, Yeah-Nope just HAD to unload on Ariana Grande instead. As though it were her duty to be as big a douchebaggy attention seeker as HE is.
15. Theodore Fucking Shoebat. And of course, no trifecta of awfulness would be complete without the sanctimonious maunderings of a man whose surname sounds remarkably like Batshit. And whose opinions definitely reek of it. Nobody’s going to miss this degenerate on the day HE dies, I can guarantee that much.
16. Alex Fucking Jones. Well, well. Look who got caught fapping until his snake-oil bottle ran dry! May he get sued again, and again, and AGAIN until his imbecilic farce of a show finally goes off the air for good.
17. Katie Fucking Hopkins. Aaaaand this piece of shit. This goddamn piece of shit. Thank the Gods somebody reported her Nazified tweets to police. The real “final solution”, Katie, is to take away all public platforms from the likes of YOU.
18. Janice Fucking Atkinson. Uh, dudette…you DO realize that suicide bombers have already given themselves the death penalty, don’t you?
19. Ken Fucking Langone. Uh, dude…they’re called FOOD stamps. Not DRUG stamps. Know why? Because people can only use them to buy FOOD. Have you ever tried buying anything else with them? Oh, clearly not. Typical 1%er…
20. Ben Fucking Carson. No, poverty is NOT a “state of mind”. But stupidity most certainly is.
21. Tim Fucking Gurner. No, denying oneself coffee and avocado toast WON’T enable one to buy a house. Could you kindly quit preaching to those who are already living on cereals and ramen, and just admit that you were fucking privileged?
22. Dave Fucking Daubenmire. No, you fascist dope, Jews are NOT putting you into “financial” bondage. Your villain’s name is CAPITALISM.
23. Piers Fucking Morgan. Dude, if you’re so pissy about Ariana Grande not visiting her injured fans, maybe you’d like to do so on her behalf and lecture them on what a terrible person she is, and what terrible people they are for liking her? Oh wait…they’re mostly kids, and you’re mostly a walking enema nozzle. Also, she’s coming back to see them again. Never mind!
24. Abigail Fucking Whelan. Don’t have anything useful to say? Start talking about Jeebus and your “eternal perspectives”. Works great every time…at proving you to be an utterly useless idiot.
25. Marc Fucking Kasowitz. Why?
That’s why. Mafia-style intimidation tactics on behalf of Der Drumpf, trying to suppress the free speech (and livelihood) of the man who gave us Bloom County? Not smart, fella.
26. James Fucking Wiedmann. It’s a day ending in “-day”, and the failed would-be ladies’ man otherwise known (increasingly laughably) as Heartiste has bloviated. And this time, what do I hear when I skim read his words? Why, his own words! Well, some of them, anyway: “…bla bla bla blabbity blab blab bloo bloo”.
27. Jared Fucking Kushner. He wanted what? From whom? Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s illegal. And grounds for stripping his security clearance, if not an outright prison sentence.
28. Mick Fucking Mulvaney. Pro tip, not that he’s likely to take it, but what the hey: STOP TALKING, YOU FUCKING IDIOT, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU’RE ON ABOUT!
29. Sean Fucking Hannity. And that goes double for you, Baby Jeebus. Don’t think that your extended vacation is gonna fool anyone, though…we all know you’re headed the same way as your ex-colleague, Billo!
30. Greg Fucking Gianforte. Congratulations on your so-called win in Montana. Unfortunately, you’re still going to face assault charges, and everyone’s gonna know you as “that thin-skinned asshole who beats up reporters for asking simple questions”. FOREVER.
And finally, to the Fucking North Carolina Pastors’ Network. Yes, all of them. Why? Because they collectively support Dumb Donnie’s Seriously Stupid Muslim Ban, for one thing; for another, they completely overlook the fact that 15 of the 19 hijackers of 9-11 were Saudis, who are NOT under the Muslim Ban; and finally, for using that as an excuse to hate on immigrants and other religions, and then pretend that’s not what they’re doing when they’re called on it. What would Jesus do? Not what these whited sepulchres are doing, that’s for sure. Remember the parable of the Good Samaritan? They don’t.
Good night, and get fucked!
A 1981 issue of The Body Politic, a Toronto gay community newspaper, calling for protests against the police following a series of bathhouse raids known as Operation Soap.
As Pride Week approaches in Toronto, I’ve noticed an uptick on my Facebook feed in “debate” about whether uniformed police officers should be allowed in the big parade. Notice that I put the word in quotes? There’s a reason for that. And that’s because it’s not really a debate, but more like a demand to allow the cops to take part. I’ve even seen a Change.org petition (which I’m not linking) calling for just that. And lots of petulant people are huffing that if the police aren’t allowed in Pride, maybe the city should just stop stop funding the event.
That demand for uniformed police participation is ultimately bad for the LGBT+ community. How do I know? Oh, because it hasn’t exactly worked out great in the Toronto public schools, either:
After a series of teachers and school workers detailed the negative impact of police officer presence in schools, the Toronto Police Services Board came to the verge of suspending the School Resource Officer program at its meeting Tuesday, pending consultation with community and education stakeholders.
The motion to suspend the officer program was moved by board member Ken Jeffers, after a half dozen deputations by members of the public, some teachers or workers within Toronto schools.
They were responding to an agenda item calling for a review of the school officer program, which has not been conducted since 2011.
Speakers told the board the presence of armed, uniformed officers in the school criminalized students from an early age, created a “school to prison pipeline” and had a disproportionate impact on undocumented students and racialized youth, including black students.
“The School Resource Officer Program, for too many of our students, creates an unsafe environment,” said James Campbell, a Toronto high school English teacher.
Katie German, who has worked in schools in Rexdale and Scarborough, said the appearance of a police car outside a school, day in and day out, sends the wrong message to both the community and to students, who she says do not understand why an officer is walking the halls in the first place.
A “school to prison pipeline” that has a disproportionate impact on undocumented students and racialized youth, including black students, creating an unsafe environment for said students? Interesting.
Now, let’s look at Black Lives Matter’s list of demands for Toronto. A glance at the page indicates that ALL the demands for Pride have been met (and crossed off the list), which is good.
On the other hand, the list of demands for education is still largely untouched. Only one demand, “The implementation of anti-racist training to be mandated at all levels of the Toronto District School Board”, has been crossed off. The list of unmet demands for education is the longest on BLM-TO’s site.
The presence of uniformed officers in schools with a larger percentage of non-white students is undoubtedly a part of the larger problem of racism in the education system. And that’s why the pressure is on to get the cops out of schools. The cops are dragging their heels, as usual, no doubt hoping that if they stall long enough, the push to get them out of schools will stop. (Spoiler: It won’t, because black kids are still being disproportionately targeted for policing, and black adults are still being disproportionately criminalized and imprisoned.)
So. How does this relate to the presence of uniformed police in Pride parades, and the BLM-TO demand to remove them (and their floats) from the event?
Well, obviously, black people and LGBT people have a major thing in common where uniformed police are concerned, and that thing is mistrust. Back in 1981, the police were raiding gay community nightspots, directly targeting them in an effort to pressure the “undesirables” to move elsewhere:
And even as recently as last year, cops were busting gay men just for being gay. In Toronto, not Iran. Project Marie, anyone?
A couple months ago, the cops undertook undercover operation Project Marie at Etobicoke’s Marie Curtis Park in response to community complaints about indecent exposure and an alleged sexual assault. As a result of the investigation, through which “a number” of plain-clothed male officers hung out in the park and at times were solicited for sex, a total of 89 charges have been laid against 72 people, mostly men, according to police spokeswoman Meaghan Gray.
Very few of the charges are criminal in nature.
The majority relate to bylaw infractions and provincial offences, including 36 for engaging in sexual behaviour in a park and 33 for trespassing property. Gray said the men charged were primarily consenting adults.
Though the charges are minor in a legal sense, they have the potential to ruin lives, according to LGBT lawyers who say the investigation is a gross overreaction by police.
“Toronto police sent undercover police officers into the bushes to wait for men to proposition them for sex so they could arrest them. In 2016,” Marcus McCann, a gay Toronto-based human rights lawyer, told VICE.
“That is unacceptable.”
So, like black people, LGBT+ people are disproportionately singled out for policing. Still. In this day and age. And that is NOT acceptable.
Suddenly, BLM-TO’s demand to get the cops out of Pride doesn’t seem so unreasonable after all, does it?
Even without hearing exactly what was said, it’s pretty clear that Sultan Erdogan ordered his goons to attack, unprovoked, in Washington, DC. He even went to see how they did, and appeared satisfied. Since when is this legal? And why did the capital police not intervene?
Nice friends you got there, Donnie. Real nice.
Lots of people are playing Soundgarden’s “Black Hole Sun” nonstop right now to remember Chris Cornell, who died suddenly and by his own hand a few days ago. But for me, this is him at his best:
Huge voice, unbelievable range. Gorgeous and heart-rending. I don’t own many grunge CDs, but I do own that one.
He will be so sadly missed!
Jimmy Dore breaks it all down, in horrifying detail. What Chelsea Manning revealed to Wikileaks shows that the villain here isn’t one lone whistle-blowing ex-army private, nor a site devoted to publishing leaked information from people like her, but the US government itself…and the corporate interests it so blatantly serves.
And what does that make Chelsea, who blew the whistle on the villains in power? You know it. I know it. And the whole world ought to know it.
Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy one to the late unlamented Roger Fucking Ailes, may he rot in hell. He will be eternally reviled. But at least his cursed name will never be listed here again. These people, on the other hand, will enjoy no such luck…in no particular order:
1. Ann Fucking Coulter. Awww. Look, everybody, the Coultergeist haz a mad! Buckle up, Annie, it’s gonna get awful impeachy out there before long. Ha, ha.
2. Rodney Fucking Frelinghuysen. What’s this we have here? An old-timey mafiosic attempt to get one’s opponent fired from a job where they’re doing nothing wrong? Charming. And to think people wonder why other people are opposing Drumpf, his supporters, and their whole agenda. I think we have a clue here, Mr. Watson.
3. Jim Fucking Bakker. Comedy is “the spirit of the Antichrist”, now? No, Jimmeh, that’s just YOU.
4. Michael Fucking Cohen. No, no one’s jealous of your “hawt” daughter. Everyone’s aghast that her own dad is perving on her and pimping her out just like Drumpf with his “piece of ass”, you gross-ass fucking letch. (And also that you’re the guy who said that “you can’t rape your spouse”. I assume that also means you can’t rape your own kid? Double-ew.)
5. Kara Fucking McCullough. Healthcare is a privilege? Nuh-unh, sweetie. Being Miss USA is a privilege, and so’s rejecting feminism. Healthcare is a basic human right, and every developed country OTHER than the US of Amnesia knows it. And feminism is what got you the right to that education and well-paying job you take for granted, too, dear.
6. Oliver Fucking Sohngen. Well, whaddya know: Pizzagate IS real after all! Only it wasn’t Comet Ping Pong, it was Chuck E. Cheese. And it wasn’t run by Hillary Clinton, it was some nameless cheeseball kiddie-pimp in the Bronx. CHARMING.
7. Mike Fucking Huckabee. No, dumbass, SNL mocking your idiot daughter isn’t misogyny. Because they’re not mocking her for her gender, they’re mocking her for being a brainless product of nepotism.
8. Robert Fucking Fisher. When a state governor from your own party thinks you should resign, that’s a pretty good indication that you should RESIGN. Not dig in deeper with this “fake news” crap after you’ve been exposed as a leading “redpiller” and misogynist pig extraordinaire, bub. And certainly not going on with this “men’s rights” bullshit. PS: Aaaand he’s gonzo. That didn’t take long! Ha, ha.
9. Yoav Fucking Galant. Assassinate the presidents of Iran and Syria? Uh, no. It’s actually time for you to sit down and shut the fuck up before your zio-fascist ass gets you into any more hot water.
10. Alex Fucking Jones. Ugh, dude, PLEASE don’t share your sexual fantasies in public. Isn’t it bad enough that you strip down to your underwear in front of your own kids to promote your dumb virility-enhancing snake oil?
11. Ezra Fucking Levant. If you don’t want to get called a Nazi, don’t give any platform to Nazis. Otherwise, you’re guilty not only by association, but also by aiding and abetting. See how that works?
12. Tammy Fucking Bruce. No, FUX Snoozie, you’re not “giving birth to snowflakes”. You’re shitting from your mouth, and grossing other people out. Stop that.
14. Tristan Fucking Tucker. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without at least one actual wanker, how about this one? He broke into his grandma’s house and stole a security camera. Why? So Grandma wouldn’t see him wank after he got horny while watching porn on his phone. And now not only she, but the whole world knows what he was doing in there. Smooth.
15. Mike Fucking Pence. You know you’re a god-awful god-botherer when even the arch-Catholic Notre Dame University has a walkout on your commencement speech, over your anti-LGBT views. Might be a good idea not to sign this one to any more commencements, eh?
16. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. Looks like Dear Old Dad isn’t the only Drumpf who believes inanely in rule-by-tweet. Sonnyboy Diaper Don is also in on the act. And how fucking ludicrous is it that they wanted James Comey to cut Mikey Fucking Flynn some slack because, and I quote, “he is a good man”? Funny, but good men don’t do what Mikey did. Or Dear Old Dad did, either.
17. Stephen Fucking Miller. How surreal is it that this little shit, famous mainly for his overt racism and flashing of white-power gang signs, is writing Drumpf’s speech on the merits of Islam, to be given in Saudi Arabia? Let’s put it this way: It’s not through the Looking Glass, it has fucking SHATTERED the Looking Glass. I really don’t want to hang around for the grand finale, though, where some mad member of royalty shouts “Off with his head!” — because in Saudi Arabia, that’s exactly what happens, and all too often.
18. Brandon Fucking Vezmar. Dude. Your date didn’t work out. Don’t be a misogynist shit about it. Cut your losses and move on…because when your frivolous suit gets thrown out, you’re gonna be out a lot more than the cost of a lousy movie ticket. (On the other hand, at least all the women who might consider dating you will now have been warned in advance.)
19. Alex Fucking Jones. Well, well. Look who’s eating crow again! Hey, I hear it tastes especially good with GREEK YOGURT, ha ha.
20. Jonathan Fucking Kay. Just so you know what’s NOT up for debate (or “debate”) here: Racism and bigotry. Specifically, HIS racism and bigotry. He’s out of the Walrus now, and no doubt the mag will start to smell better and be readable again soon. The only question is how he managed to get hired there in the first place, because his track record as a National Pest bigot isn’t exactly unknown. PS: Aaaand he compounds the wank by lecturing others — including the insulted and injured — on manners in this inane “debate”. Well, I never.
21. Rob Fucking Steudle. And while we’re on the topic of racist bigots, how about this one? And just think, he’s a cop. Oh wait, that’s not surprising at all, is it? The cops aren’t hiring brains, and they sure as hell aren’t hiring progressive and thoughtful ones, either.
22. David Fucking Clarke. And speaking of the lack of brains among police: Dude, what the fuck is up with the fake army uniforms? Who are you trying to fool with that? Real army uniform-wearers aren’t dumb, you know. PS: And what’s up with this strangely-timed trip to Russia? Inquiring minds, etc.
23. Joe Fucking Lieberman. Hello, Joe, whaddya know? You’re not popular even among your fellow former partisans. AND you’re working for a law firm attached to Drumpf, which is no doubt why he’s making noises about appointing you head of the FBI. Sucks to be you, Joe.
24. Michel Fucking Temer. Remind me again why Dilma Rousseff was ousted from the presidency of Brazil? Someone? Anyone?
25. Dan Fucking Patrick. So this is how you get things done in the Texas Legislature? Threaten anyone who won’t pass bills discriminating against trans people and favoring rich non-taxpayers, by making them stay in session all summer until they do? You, sir, are an undemocratic fucking THUG.
26. Bob Fucking Beckel. Too racist for FUX Snooze all of a sudden? My, my, how things HAVE changed!
27. Miri Fucking Regev. When you show up at Cannes dressed to celebrate an illegal occupation, don’t expect the Internets to treat you, OR your dress, with any respect. Ha, ha.
28. Sarah Fucking Palin. No, Tim Fucking Allen’s show didn’t get cancelled for his right-wing politics. But please, DO go on making a fool of yourself. I need more comedy in my life, and lord knows Timmeh ain’t supplying it.
29. Rudy Fucking Giuliani. Look who forgot 9-11! Yeah…THIS GUY. Who used to be mayor of the city where the worst of it happened, WHEN it happened, and who really ought to know that you don’t put flammables and cigar cutters in your carry-on bag.
30. Nigel Fucking Farage. Look who’s projecting again! Yeah…THIS GUY. Who led his country into a disastrous referendum result, then stepped down as head of the UK Disaster Party. And now he’s giving interviews that prove that he’s truly lost the plot, and is trying to blame everyone else for it. At long last, sir, have you no fucking SHAME?
And finally, to Donnie Fucking Drumpf himself. He’s had quite the banner week, hasn’t he…from letting Sultan Erdogan’s Erdo-GOONS beat up some harmless Kurdish demonstrators in DC, to throwing a hissy fit when he wasn’t allowed to land his helicopter at Masada, to…oh gawd, I can’t look. I don’t want to. And yet, I have to…because the horror and the stoopid don’t stop when you click the TV off, kiddies. And it won’t be over until he’s either impeached or arrested, whichever comes first.
Good night, and get fucked!
Want to know just how long and sorely overdue this old scumbag’s death was? Watch this and learn:
Yeah. Roger Ailes, professional ratfucker from the days of Tricky Dick Nixon. Devotee of the casting couch. Professional sexual harasser and rapist who pioneered the infamous FUX Snooze Gam Cam. Rigger of elections…remember Florida 2000?
Yeah. Roger Fucking Ailes did that. He did that by hiring Dubya’s cousin to lie for him.
He fucked up US politics and dragged them to the right for over 40 years, costing millions of lives and trillions of tax dollars wasted on senseless wars. Thanks to him, the US still doesn’t have single-payer healthcare; the roads and bridges are crumbling; the education system is in disarray with a Religious Reich nincompoop in charge, and fascist “militias” are running hog-wild, all the way up to and even IN the White House. Roger Fucking Ailes ties in to all of that. His channel PROMOTED all that.
His awfulness finally caught up to him yesterday. This week’s wankapedia will be dedicated to his nauseous memory tonight. Stay tuned.