Wankers of the Week: Donnie’s Boy Scout Jamboree


Crappy weekend, everyone! And an especially crappy one to all the Boy Scouts in Donnie’s paid-off cheering section at the jamboree. That’s going to come back to haunt you guys when you grow up. And here’s who else was worse than a bad ghost story this week, not around a campfire and in no particular order:

1. Sean Fucking Spicer. Yes, Spicey made the list this week again! Even though he’s gone from the White House, he’s not forgotten. And neither is the mini-fridge he stole from the premises.

2. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. She’s no Einstein. And that quote wasn’t Einstein, either.

3. Peter Fucking Davison. Boys will lose a role model just because Doctor Who is now a she? Oh please. They still have all those OTHER male role models in fiction…including the 12 previous Doctors, whom they can also watch in re-runs or on DVDs.


4. Liz Fucking Crokin. Who? Oh, just another of those right-wing conspiracy tinfoilers who think that a third (what an oddly specific percentage!) of the US government is comprised of vampiriacal satanic pedophiles. Unfortunately, she hasn’t fingered the most likely candidates…namely, Donnie & Co. in the White House.

5. Nathan Fucking Cooper. Who? Oh, just another of those right-wing whackjobs from out west who think that there’s such a thing as a “homosexual agenda”. Well, yes, I suppose there is. It’s called being accepted as full members of society, no closets, no subterfuges, no second-class citizenship. In other words: Just being regular folks, only gay. A thing one could only oppose if one is a closet case oneself, and if one really likes the smell of those old-fashioned naphthalene mothballs.

6. Blake Fucking Farenthold. Who? Oh, yet another of those right-wing whackjobs from out west, this time from Texas. And he thinks that every political question could be settled with a rootin’-tootin’ pistol duel. Yes, really. Which begs the question: Why did Texans bother with an election to put this rodeo clown in the House, anyway?


7. Kim Fucking Davis. She wouldn’t do her job…and Kentucky is almost a quarter-million in the hole because of that. Why does she even still HAVE a job? And why don’t they make her pay back what she cost them…when she gets a new job?

8. Brian Fucking Babin. What the hell are “wise decisions”, and why would they affect a person’s need for health-insurance coverage, much less “make it come down”? The most unwise decision one could make is to elect a nincompoop like this and then watch as he eviscerates what little public health system you have, no?

9. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. Forgive Donnie Drumpf for lying, because “he doesn’t think he’s lying”? The man lies chronically and pathologically. If he told me it was sunny out, I’d have to hang my head out the window to see for myself. And if he pissed on my head, I wouldn’t believe it was raining, either. Who cares what he thinks? Or YOU, come to that?


10. Alex Fucking Jones. No, shithead, the parents of the Sandy Hook victims don’t need to “clarify” anything. You need to clarify…that you’ve been lying about this horrific gun crime for years now. And once you’ve done that, you need to stop talking about it. FOREVER.

11. Jason Fucking Chaffetz. Why is Congress questioning Jared Kusher…and not Chelsea Clinton? Oh, maybe because Chelsea has nothing to do with Benghazi, for one thing. And for another, because Preppie Jared is most definitely tied to all manner of Russian financial skulduggery. PS: Oh, UGH. Dude, the only person who should be ashamed of owning a smartphone is YOU, because you clearly don’t know how to use it properly.

12. Amy Fucking Coney Fucking Barrett. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how fundamentalistically dumb you need to be to believe that a self-contradicting set of religious scriptures must take precedence over the law of the land…and you are law professor, one who doesn’t even understand what she is teaching. Jesus facepalmed.


13. Keith Fucking Piper. Islam is a cancer? No. Ignorance is. And man, do you ever need chemo.

14. Nigel Fucking Farage. Here’s a pro tip for Nige, not that he’s going to take it: Never try to burnish your political credentials using someone else’s military service. The only thing that’s going to shine is the floor…after that person’s granddaddy mops it with your arse.

15. Rodrigo Fucking Franco. Here’s a pro tip for this would-be importer of exotic reptiles: Never pop them in a Pringles can. Or any other can, for that matter. Otherwise, you might end up with a real-life version of Snakes on a Plane.


16. Paul Fucking Joseph Fucking Watson. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how ignorant he is for assuming that the Roman Empire was all white. When the sobriquet “Africanus” was fairly commonplace, and even more so among Roman troops stationed in outposts like Britain. Hey, it really is true what they say about racists…they are all dumb as bricks.

17. Eric Fucking Drumpf. Every time his family’s crimes come up in the news, a Drumpf can be relied upon to rear his ugly head and yell “But her emails!” And whaddya know, Joe, here we go. Again.

18. Paul Fucking Elam. And speaking of “here we go again”, here’s Paulie, proving that there’s really not a dime’s worth of difference between a menzer and a fascist fucklehead.


19. Mike Fucking Pence. Losing healthcare coverage (i.e., SECURITY) is “freedom”? Well, then, FUCK freedom. Honestly: Can you imagine how appalling this utterance of his would sound if he were talking about, say, anti-crime or anti-terrorism efforts instead of health coverage?

20. Jim Fucking Bakker. And speaking of appalling, ol’ Jimmeh is still at it with the gross apocalypse food he’s peddling to his poor, gullible viewers. And now he’s doing it with bad Bee Gees covers! Will it never end?

21. Anthony Fucking Scaramucci. I see a little silhouetto of a man, and I don’t want to ask if he can do the fandango. He’s already doing the “I wanna grab your bazongas” dance too damn much as it is. PS: Dude, if you can’t stand the heat, get the fuck out of the kitchen! PPS: Oh my. You ARE an idiot, aren’t you. Yup, Donnie, you picked a real pro there!

22. Tomi Fucking Lahren. Why?


Because she’s so dumb, she leaves herself wide open for the author of the Harry Potter books to pwn her. Hard.

23. Mitch Fucking McConnell. Oh Yertle the Turtle, give it the fuck UP, already. Nobody wants Obamacare repealed and replaced, unless it’s with full single-payer. Drumpfcare is dead in the water, and McConnellcare will be dead on arrival. Just sayin’.

24. Lauren Fucking Southern. Her Patreon got yoinked last week, but we’re still hearing her whining about it this week. Why? Because how else is a grifter gonna keep her name in the news, and her hair roots in peroxide, that’s why!

25. Tiffany Fucking Drumpf. Yes, she too wanked this week. How? By taking fancy vacations on the public dime. In other words, by making just like her old man. How else?


26. Lynn Fucking Aronberg. Drumpfite snowflake says what? You felt “isolated” in your marriage because your hubby was smarter than you in the voting booth? Oh, diddums. You knew what he was when you married him. And you knew what Donnie was when you voted for him, too! But I’m sure you’ll be heartbrokenly bawling all the way to the bank.

27. Breana Fucking Harmon. You lied about three black men kidnapping and raping you just so your mom wouldn’t ask why you cut yourself? Thanks a buttload, you little racist shit. Feckless idiots like you are the reason why the cops keep racially profiling innocent people, and why the ghost of Emmett Till is still walking today.

28. Michael Fucking Dourson. Sorry, but science and the bible do NOT match up. The bible has rabbits and hares down as cud-chewers, and anyone who’s ever owned a pet bunny [Your Humble Scribe raises her hand] can tell you that that’s not true. My humble advice to you is to pick one and trash the other. You cannot reconcile the two, no matter how hard you try!

29. Mike Fucking Huckabee. Teh Constitutional Stoopid, he haz it. Ditto a hate-on for popular democracy. Three words of advice for ya, Mikey: DELETE YOUR TWEETER.

30. Alexis Fucking Ruby. Why?


That’s why. Sucks to be you, Alexis. Especially since you got fired for posting that. Good luck making your ridiculous rent payments from now on. And may you finally acquire a bit of what you were missing all along…namely, EMPATHY. And should you fail to acquire that, well…here’s a gentle reminder that you, too, are subject to Anatole France’s famous dictum on equality, and must either work your own stupid ass off to make it, or starve. Good luck with all of that!

And finally, to Donnie Fucking Drumpf. Yes, that’s right, he’s our dishonorable mention this week. And why not? From his awful speech to the scouts, to transgender-hating, to his advocacy for police brutality, all the way to the graceless way he rearranged the deck chairs on the Titanic this week, it’s obvious that Donnie is begging to be impeached. The question is, who will finally vote Aye? And WHEN, dammit, WHEN???

Good night, and get fucked!

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Quotable: Hugo Chávez on socialism

Feliz cumple, Chavecito. Te amamos. Hasta la victoria SIEMPRE.

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Quotable: Dan Rather on impeachment

This is not just a day in history. It’s a day when we’ve seen a crying need to make history repeat all over again.

Posted in Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Law-Law Land, Quotable Notables, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Quotable: Dan Rather on impeachment

Daddy Donnie’s trans ban: What say you, Ivanka?

What’s that creaking sound I hear? Why, I do believe it’s CRICKETS:

So much for the power of Ivanka, the so-called feminist and “ally” to LGBT people. The T-people just got thrown under the campaign bus while Dear Old Dad was preaching hate to the Boy Scouts.

And just think, people, this is the big baby whose tears allegedly moved Donnie to bomb Syria. For the beautiful babies, natch. Seems that her influence is limited to influencing Donnie to destroy people.

Fuck this entire family.

PS: Well, at least somebody loves the trans military folks:

Posted in Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Human Rights FAIL, If You REALLY Care, Isn't It Ironic?, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Teh Ghey, Teh Heterostoopid, The United States of Amnesia, The War on Terra | Comments Off on Daddy Donnie’s trans ban: What say you, Ivanka?

CIA director admits to wanting regime change in Venezuela

Holy fucking shit, get a load of Donnie’s chief spook here:

Mike Pompeo, verbatim:

“Any time you have a country as large and with the economic capacity of a country like Venezuela, America has a deep interest in making sure it is as stable and as democratic as possible so we’re working hard to do that. I’m always careful when we talk about South and Central America and the CIA – and there’s a lot of stories – so I want to be careful with what I say, but suffice to say we are very hopeful that there could be a transition in Venezuela and we, the CIA, are doing our best to understand the dynamic there so that we can communicate to our state department and to others. I was just down in Mexico City and Bogotá the week before last, talking about this very issue, trying to help them understand the things they might do so that they can get a better outcome for their part of the world, and for our part of the world.”

Naturally, these words went over like a load of bricks in Venezuela, where Madurito had the following to say:

President Nicolás Maduro demanded on Monday of the governments of the United States, Mexico and Colombia to clarify “sufficiently” the interventionist statements of the director of the CIA, Michael Richard Pompeo.

Maduro assured that he will take decisions of a political and diplomatic nature regarding the “interventionist words” of the CIA director, who revealed in an interview that he had recently held meetings in Colombia and Mexico to evaluate the manoeuvres to apply via these nations to “achieve a better result” in Venezuela.

The Venezuelan president recalled that statements and documents from the CIA of an interventionist nature have occurred in the past, when Latin American leaders were toppled, such as Chilean president Salvador Allende.

“Just as I demand that they clarify sufficiently the declarations of the CIA director, I also demand of the government of President [Donald] Trump that he clarify the insolent, interventionist words of this CIA director, who thinks they are the global government,” Maduro said.

Maduro assured that “the time in which they believed themselves lords of the world is now bygone, and will remain far away, and Venezuela will demonstrate as much this week.”

During a speech marking the end of the commemorative parade on the 234th anniversary of the Liberator’s birth, the 194th anniversary of the Naval Battle of the Lake, and the Day of the Bolivarian Navy, President Maduro stated that the 24th of July marks the beginning of a decisive week for the Venezuelan people. “We are beginning a decisive week for the history of Venezuela. Let no one stand aside from the decisions the Venezuelan people must take,” Maduro said.

Maduro asked all Venezuelans to convert the week of July 24-30 into days of courage, valor and patriotism.

He also exhorted the people of Venezuela to participate in the National Constituent Assembly elections of Sunday, July 30, “whether it rains, thunders or storms.”

“There could not be a better way of starting the week than celebrating the Liberator’s birthday; we must regain his courage, his dedication and his bravery at times in which we must with much clarity take on the challenges they present us. A decisive week for the people of Venezuela is beginning. And in one week, the Venezuelan people will have their National Constituent Assembly to maintain constitutional guarantees. Let it demonstrate that it is a real guarantee of sovereignty and peace,” Maduro said.

The Venezuelan minister of Exterior Relations, Samuel Moncada, had already warned that the Venezuelan opposition is preparing an agenda to worsen their violence this week, actions which have been supported by foreign agents. Moncada said that the opposition is planning another meeting on Wednesday, July 26, with the Organization of American States (OAS), in Washington, to discuss the topic of Venezuela and make a statement regarding it.

“I warn of a wave of violence which they will try to create in Venezuela as of tomorrow,” said the foreign minister.

The foreign minister indicated that the embassy of the United States in Venezuela gave out a communiqué to their diplomatic personnel in which it advised “taking appropriate preparatory measures, including stocking sufficient food and water for 72 hours”, as well as avoiding demonstration zones in the face of “unexpected” events.

Translation mine.

Gee. Remember the last time the US embassy in Venezuela involved itself in local politics? It went over pretty badly for them that time:

But let’s not kid ourselves. Chavecito may no longer be with them, and neither perhaps any Irish TV crews. That doesn’t matter. They have a duly elected and constituted president, which is more than Mike Pompeo and the people of the United States can say for THEIR country. They also have a democratic process that works, which the US most certainly does not. And Venezuela is still overwhelmingly Bolivarian and socialist, in spite of 17 years of US efforts to turn them back to the nasty neoliberalism that sparked the Caracazo in 1989 (and the rise of Chavecito three years later). They’ve also been fighting for their freedom for as long as the US has been trying to repress it, and those efforts predate the very existence of the CIA by over a hundred years. This patriotic week leading up to the Constituent Assembly election is not a coincidence.

And when it ends in yet another Bolivarian victory, don’t say I didn’t tell you so.

Posted in Bullies, Chile Sin Queso, Der Drumpf, Do As I Say..., El NarcoPresidente, El Predicto Speaks..., Fascism Without Swastikas, Huguito Chavecito, Human Rights FAIL, Irish Stew, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Mexican Standoffs, Spooks, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on CIA director admits to wanting regime change in Venezuela

Climate change: Don’t have a cow (fart), man!

Might be worth adding some red seaweed to your cattle feed. Might also be worth not feeding them all those fucking gassy soybeans, already.

Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Environmentally Ill, Irish Stew, She Blinded Me With Science | Comments Off on Climate change: Don’t have a cow (fart), man!

Music for a Sunday: It’s a heart attack, heart attack…

For some reason, I had this song kicking around in my head today:

The more things change, the more they stay the same. The girl in this video is dressed much the way I did when I was her age (and still do, even at my age; good fashions have a way of sticking around.)

But the dude? A fancy car like that and he only got into community college? Come ON. Even though I didn’t even drive (shocker, eh?) I got into one of the best universities in my country. Or anywhere.

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Wankers of the Week: Dr. Who is a WHAT?


Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy one to all the dudes who claim their childhoods — which are all behind them now — have been taken from them by a female Time Lord, also named Dr. Who, just like the twelve other Doctors who went before her. Snowflake diddums. And here’s who else is getting no real pity from me this week:

1. Arron Fucking Banks. Who’s a Nazi? YOU’s a Nazi! And when even your own supporters are saying so (and alarmed at it), that might be a good time to shut the fuck up with the Nazi-talk.

2. Tzipi Fucking Hotoveli. And speaking of Nazis, even the Israeli parliament is apparently rife with them, if this one’s any indication. Whatever happened to “Never Again”? Oh yeah…it turned into “Never Again…Unless WE Do It!”

3. Candice Fucking Jackson. Le fucking SIGH. I knew that anybody associated with Betsy Fucking DeVos would be a piece of shit, but man, does this one’s grasp of sexual assault statistics ever STINK. PS: Ha, ha!


4. Todd Fucking Starnes. Relax, dopey. Nobody’s trying to have your beloved Diaper Don executed. Most decent people will be quite content if he’s jailed for treason…for life. Along with his brother and his dad.

5. Eric Fucking Drumpf. And speaking of Diaper Don’s douchey bro, guess who tried it with Keith Olbermann? Yeah…THIS GUY. Who promptly got his head mixed up with a punching bag.

6. Jeanine Fucking Pirro. Once more, the question must be asked: WHAT FUCKING DIPLOMA MILL GRANTED HER A LAW DEGREE? Just think, people, this one used to be a judge. I sure would hate to have gone up before her on any case, because probity is not even in her vocabulary.


7. Brit Fucking Hume. If covering people with pre-existing conditions “defeats the whole idea of insurance”, then maybe the whole idea of insurance needs to become a relic of the past. Because last time I looked, being born was a pre-existing condition. And in your case, so’s being born stupid as skunk shit.

8. Cindy Fucking Jacobs. If God has a plan for North Korea, why hasn’t he executed it yet? For that matter, why didn’t he do it decades ago, when North Korea became a thing? Also, did you know that you don’t get to decree things to supreme beings? Just putting that out there.

9. Gwyneth Fucking Paltrow. Hey there, Goopy Girl! I sure do hope you never need a real doctor when one of your personally endorsed snake oils ends up poisoning you. Because at the rate you’re going, you’re going to alienate everybody in the medical profession who actually has the knowledge that might help you.


10. David Fucking Brooks. No, complicated sandwich menus are not the problem. Back when Karl Marx first diagnosed it, there were NO sandwich menus. Would you care to try again, sir?

11. Cheryl Fucking Gallant. What is this — This Hour Has 22 Morons? No, wait, there’s just one of her, but she’s definitely dumb enough for 22. And being thus, she also hasn’t yet realized that her Make Canada Drumpflandia strategy didn’t work so well for Kellie Fucking Leitch, either.

12. Nigel Fucking Farage. Man, this FBI Russiagate investigation is the booby trap that just keeps on trappin’ them boobies…and whaddya know, here comes another one!


13. Laura Fucking Loomer. How do you say “fucking idiot” in Hebrew? I don’t know. But I have a strong feeling it involves simply saying this one’s name.

14. Tomi Fucking Lahren. “Liberty” is all very well and good, sweetie, but it doesn’t exactly pay one’s medical bills. I hear it’s a terrific way to die before one’s time, though! Especially if it involves a whole lotta stoopid…and guns.

15. Andrew Fucking Scheer. Oh dear. Looks like someone didn’t get the message that Omar Khadr is innocent and thus, entitled to every last dollar of that compensation he was awarded. Michelle, could you please set him straight, too, while you’re at it?


16. Caitlyn Fucking Jenner. Why no, dear, that won’t alienate the transgender women’s community at ALL! And neither, I’m sure, will your running as a Repug.

17. Grant Fucking Stinchfield. In case you were wondering if the NRA is really racist, here he is, laying it out for you in black and white: Yes. Yes, it is. So much so that it should change its name to the National Racist Association.

18. Steve Fucking Bannon. Oh, Nazi Ginblossoms…you got some ’splainin’ to do. To the tune of a good $2 million.


19. O.J. Fucking Simpson. Because it just wouldn’t be a wankapedia without an actual wanker whacking off for reals, here you go. Guess who caught jerkin’ it by a female prison guard? Yup. THIS guy. And now we know what his next “If I Did It” book is gonna be about. Brace yourselves, folks. PS: Oh gawd, he’s still getting parole. Most definitely brace yourselves!

20. Michael Fucking Vick. Colin Kaepernick should do WHAT? Um, no. If that’s the price of returning to football, fuck it. The man has integrity. What have YOU done with YOUR life?

21. Matt Fucking Boyle. Hate to disappoint you, fucko, but the mainstream media aren’t going anywhere. Unlike Breitbart, they’re not losing advertisers. And they’re not reliant on rich, idiotic patrons being willing to flush away money on them, either.


22. Joffre Fucking McCleary. I never heard of him before this week, and after this week, I hope never to hear of him again. Because damn, that is some urghly racism he’s got going on there. Not to mention an awful lot of white mythology. Dear folks at the Barrie Examiner, why do you give this drivel any column inches? It doesn’t reflect well on you. Hire some actual talent, why don’t you?

23. Paul Fucking Congemi. “Go Back to Africa”? That’s so original. What part of the world did YOUR ancestors come from again, mister? Because I think you should go back there, too.

24. David Fucking Narramore. Oh looky. Another “family values” Repug with a wide stance! Why do these guys all try to pass legislation against trans women in public washrooms? Because that’s where they, the most cis of cisgendered males, do THEIR dirty dancing.


25. Sam Fucking Clovis. Riddle me this: How does one become a “chief scientist” with no scientific background whatsofuckingever? Simple: Be a crony of Donnie Fucking Drumpf, and you’re a made man…particularly in any field where you intend to leave a trail of wreckage.

26. John K. Fucking Bush. And again, riddle me this: How does one become a powerful appeals court judge? Simple: Be a right-wing shit-blogger who posts lots of homophobia and pretends it’s just a joke. So funny, I forgot to laugh, ha ha.

27. Sarah Fucking Huckabee Fucking Sanders. Why the double Fucking? Because nepotism and stupidity, that’s why. But again: What else do you expect of Donnie Fucking Drumpf? He loves nepotism! AND he loves uneducated people!


28. Cory Fucking Booker. Just a gentle reminder to all this guy’s Democratic-voting fans that he is not a progressive. And that he’s a knee-jerk Zionist, to boot. Okay, you can go back to sleep now.

29. Paul Fucking Ryan. How’s it feel to be protested by every living former director of the Congressional Budgetary Office for not knowing how to work the legislative process? Ha, ha.

30. Justin Fucking Trudeau. Yes, that’s right, our lovely, sunny-wayed PM made the cut again this week! And this time, he did it by fiddling with marshmallows in Nova Scotia while BC burned. But hey! He’s a feminist marshmallow-fiddler, you guys!


And finally, to two imbecilesses who think they know what’s best for kids but they don’t, they really REALLY don’t. Betsy Fucking DeVos, who knows nothing about education except how to wreck it, decided to insult everyone who actually gave a damn if kids were learning (a thing which “school choice” does nothing to guarantee, and everything to undermine). And Elizabeth Fucking Johnston, who’s burning copies of Teen Vogue because they dared to print an article giving all the facts on (gasp!) anal sex. It may or may not interest her to know that this is nothing new under the Sun; when I was last in Germany, around the age of 18 or 20, I saw magazines aimed at teen girls that were giving comprehensive info on how to have all kinds of sex. And when I was 17, I had a secondhand copy of Cosmopolitan that also had a pull-out how-to guide to all kinds of sex, including THAT one. Know what I did with all that scandalous info? Filed it for future reference, since I didn’t have a boyfriend and knew I wasn’t ready to have any kind of sex yet. And made up my mind about which sexual practices I’d rather not engage in, too. But hey! You do you, “Christian” ladies. Just don’t do it around any impressionable children! You are living proof that it’s not just the overly open-minded whose brains are falling out; the closed-minded seem to have closed their minds off after the fact.

Good night, and get fucked!

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Cops Behaving Badly: Why they hate body cams, part umpteen

An old, universally unpopular means of making arrests is exposed. Or rather, it exposes itself, thanks to the cop shop not hiring the brightest lights on the tree.

Posted in Cops Behaving Badly, Drrrrruuuugs, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Cops Behaving Badly: Why they hate body cams, part umpteen

Sebastian Gorka is STILL a ridiculous cartoon

Oh look, the boys are back in the White House (as opposed to grown-ass ADULTS of whatever gender):

Wow, Seb, those are some big, brave words for a cartoon coyote whose toy “doctorate” comes from a diploma mill in Hungary. And who is still dingle-dangling around in his dear old dad’s Nazi medal.

Posted in Der Drumpf, Fascism Without Swastikas, Men Who Just Don't Get It, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Sebastian Gorka is STILL a ridiculous cartoon