Some pertinent questions for the “anti-PC” brigade

Note: These are not just MY questions, they’re everybody’s questions. And why is working for social justice a BAD thing? Is being a Social Injustice Couch Potato (SICP — that’s pronounced “sick pee”) really such a GOOD thing? Why all this whining and moaning just to preserve a shitty status quo? Could it be…

…PRIVILEGE?

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Posted in Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Men Who Just Don't Get It, The Hardcore Stupid, Uppity Wimmin | Leave a comment

Gang of foreigners sexually assaults German woman at Oktoberfest

wiesn-pukers

A few representative pictures of what goes on at Oktoberfest besides eating, drinking and being merry. The hill in these shots is locally known as “Der Kotzhügel” — literally, “Barf Hill”. You can guess why.

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I just KNEW this would happen in München sooner or later:

Around 11:30 pm, a 24-year-old Oktoberfest guest lost sight of her husband in the crowd, and searched for him on the fairgrounds.

In the Martin-Greif-Straße she sat down on the curb between two parked cars, and tried to phone her husband from there. According to her statement, at that moment, four strange men came toward her, surrounded her, and spoke to her in English.

One of the perpetrators opened the belt on her jeans, pulled them down, and tried to touch her genitals.

The 24-year-old defended herself by kicking and was able to flee in the direction of the bathhouse. There, the police noticed her. The young woman was unhurt.

Description of the perpetrators:

Male, 25 years old, 182 cm tall, slim build, English, dressed in German folkloric style: long-sleeved shirt with white and dark-red check pattern, light-brown knee-length shorts, and knee socks;

Male, 25, 176 cm, slim build, English; wearing dark blue Levis, black Nike running shoes, and a white V-neck T-shirt;

Male, 25, 165 cm, heavy build, English; wearing blue jeans, white Converse Chucks, and a black T-shirt with a round neckline;

Male, 25, 177 cm, slim build, English; wearing light-blue jeans, black running shoes, black T-shirt.

Translation mine.

Notice that the descriptions of the men all give their ethnicity simply as “English”. I am hereby forced to conclude that these were no brown-skinned Muslim refugees from Syria, Iraq, or Africa, but white guys from across the Channel, looking to go wilding on foreign soil in Germany, which has the reputation of being Europe’s brothel, thanks to its lax and ridiculous prostitution laws. Probably the sort of guys who, in their normal everyday lives, like to talk about “defending England from THOSE people”, and who probably voted for the Brexit, too.

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Posted in Confessions of a Bad German, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Merry Old England | Leave a comment

All you need to know about last night’s US presidential debate…

…in about a minute and a half:

Isn’t this kind of ironic, coming from someone who claims that Mexican and other Latin American immigrants bring in drugs? No, really. It IS ironic, considering who he used to hang with, but since this drug lord had a German name (unanglicized!), I guess HE was okay.

Bonus! Here’s Stephen Colbert summing it up even more concisely:

And that, my friends, is the source of all Drumpf’s Größenwahn (that’s German for megalomania, kiddies.) All that big talk (and all its attendant delusions of adequacy) comes from one powdery little white source.

And it’s not his soul, because he doesn’t have one.

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Posted in Confessions of a Bad German, Drrrrruuuugs, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, The United States of Amnesia | Leave a comment

So there’s this YouTube channel you need to subscribe to…

…and by “need”, I mean come on, aren’t you dying for a good laugh at the expense of hateful idiots? I know I am, which is why, when this came up in my YouTube feed today, I had to click:

I don’t know this Dusty motherfucker, but these two are absolutely cucking hilarious. And on point.

(And no, that was not a typo. Just click the play button, already.)

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Music for a Sunday: Don’t let me waste your precious time…

You can’t fix this broken heart of mine…

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Wankers of the Week: A bowl of Shittles

look-a-skittle.jpg

Crappy weekend, everyone! And crappy fall to one and all, unless you’re in the Southern Hemisphere, in which case, crappy spring! Whatever season you’re in, though, one thing is universal: WANKERS. And this week they are, in no particular order:

1. Ayelet Fucking Shaked. Yes, everyone, Little Snakes is back! And this time, she’s comparing the Boycott, Divest and Sanction movement to terrorism. Only these “terrorists” aren’t bombing any shelters, aren’t shooting anyone, aren’t maiming or killing anyone, and aren’t leaving anyone’s kids traumatized by the murder of their buddies. Unlike, say, the IDF, the self-styled Most Moral Army In The World™, which has been terrorizing Palestinians since 1948.

2. Andrea Fucking Hardie. Shorter: All women should be denied the right to vote…except women just like me, me, MEEEEE! Actually, if anyone should be denied the right to vote, it’s she, she, SHE…because she wouldn’t know what the fuck to do with it anyway, other than to pick the dumbest of the dumb. She can’t even remember Grade 9 history, where we learned that limiting the female vote to conservative “patriots” led to a huge backlash in the post-WWI years, and a complete shut-out of the Cons from power in Québec for more than 50 of them.

3. Mike Fucking McCoy. Why?

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That’s why. Dude, if you wanted to dress your kid up as a truly intellectually deficient person, you could have just lent him anything from your own closet.

4. Dennis Fucking Parsons. No, bozo, you were NOT “misinterpreted”. Suggesting to schoolgirls that they consider prostitution as a career is repugnant — not because of the silly “whore stigma” (which MEN put on the prostituted to begin with), but because johns are weaselly little shits who get off on taking out all their worst urges on the class of women which is specifically set aside for that purpose. Remember Willie Pickton? There’s a reason he went to the Downtown Eastside of Vancouver for his victims, and not to a nicer neighborhood where the ladies only have sex with men they want, unpaid. Oh wait, you’re not from Canada. Well, then…remember Jack the Ripper, who went to Whitechapel for the same thing? Yeah. THAT’s why no one wants to go into prostitution.

5. Brad Fucking Wall. Scratch a Conservative, find an unscientific idiot who denies man-made climate change by refusing to tackle the business end of it. So, what’s new?

6. David Fucking Barton. No, Christians do NOT have any duty to vote for an adulterer, swindler and money-changer-in-the-temple. Much less a “biblical” one. Remember, this is the kind of hypocrite Jesus would have driven out with a cat-o’-nine-tails.

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7. John Fucking Nygaard. Why am I not surprised that a Drumpf supporter is a racist, and in favor of bringing back slavery? It really does feel like the clock rolled back 160 years lately.

8. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. Awww. Isn’t the Drumpfling cute? He likes Skittles! And racist, xenophobic memes, too! Well, here’s a rainbow of fruit-candy facts for ya, little guy: What if I told you that in that bowl of white supremacists, any single one of them could kill you if given access to guns and enough hateful crapaganda? Because that’s what YOUR side of the argument is really like. PS: And your pinned tweet is even stupider, since it’s a double-down on the usual Drumpf Dumbth. Here’s some advice, sonnyboy: DELETE YOUR ACCOUNT.

9. Joe Fucking Walsh. He apparently wants to take, uh, credit for that pile of pucky that Der Drumpfling used? He’s welcome to it. Nobody likes him anyway. But if I were him, I’d be very reluctant to repurpose that ol’ Nazi crapaganda. Things like that have a funny way of rebounding on their originators.

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10. Steven Fucking Anderson. When you’re too homophobic even for places where it’s still illegal to be gay, you KNOW you’ve gone too far. Enjoy your deportation, hatemonger.

11. John Fucking Stumpf. When Elizabeth Warren gets her big guns out on you, you KNOW you’ve gone too far. Enjoy your public humiliation, bankster.

12. Pam Fucking Bondi. So, let me see if I got this straight: She was supposed to be investigating Der Drumpf, but then she went out and solicited (and got) a campaign contribution from him? Which she didn’t return, because that would have made it look like she was taking a bribe? So basically, she took a bribe and didn’t return it because that would have looked like she was taking a bribe? And then she didn’t even bother to investigate him, anyoldhow? I dunno. Whatever the hell is going on here, it doesn’t look good.

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13. Clara Fucking Jeffrey. Shitting on younger voters because they’re pro-Bernie (and willing to give third-party candidates a shot, now that the Bern has been burnt), and you’ve decided that you’re Hillary’s girl? Yeah, that’s gonna bite you in the ass, and much sooner than you think. Remember, millennials ARE old enough to vote. And also old enough to pick out their own reading materials. And if your mag’s not among them, that’s on YOU.

14. Rafael Fucking Márquez. Say goodbye to Lord Audi, muchachos…he’s now permanently prohibed from driving. He’ll also need to abstain from alcohol, and get psychological counselling. But mostly, he really needs to stay the fuck off the road.

15. Tim Fucking Tebow. Oh, so there’s a “right way” to protest a racist national anthem? Pray tell me, sir, what would that be? Oh yeah…NOT PROTESTING AT ALL, I bet.

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16. Dean Fucking Saxton. Oh surprise! The guy who tells women they “deserve rape” turns out to be actually violent towards women! What a pity he’s only been suspended from vomiting bile on campus for a year. He should be perma-banned. And jailed, quite frankly.

17. Lutz Fucking Bachmann. How hilariously ironic is it that a man who’s made a career of hating on refugees…has fucked off out of Germany because he couldn’t handle having his Nazi bullshit challenged on a daily basis? And that he’s now a “refugee”…in the Canary Islands? Hooboy, just wait till the locals figure out where he’s living. Gonna be a helluva shitshow…bwahahahaha.

18. Theodore Fucking Beale. Nice try, dude, but no, you’re not a “person of color” when you have a laughably small percentage of non-European genetic material accidentally lodged inside the body of a pasty-arsed idiot who hates anything and anyone who’s not white. And what a pity your irony detector’s busted, because now you’re suddenly a victim of the very people whose favor you thought you could curry. Ha, ha.

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19. Anthony Fucking Weiner. Just when you thought that he and his ever-obnoxious wiener couldn’t possibly get more disgusting, they do. And he’s actually proposing violent statutory rape to a 15-year-old, too.

20. Kathy Fucking Miller. No, of COURSE there was no racism before Obama. Except that there totally was, but there just weren’t any black US presidents before him. Slavery? Jim Crow? The anti-civil-rights bowel movement? Didn’t happen! And of course, anti-black discrimination in the job market didn’t happen, either. And neither did all those cops killing black people just for being black. None of it was real until this one non-white guy occupied the White House. Then, suddenly, all hell broke loose, along with the teabags! I’d tell this fool to learn some history, but what’s the point? She had every opportunity, it was given to her, and she MUFFED it. It’s her own damn fault that she’s an idiot. AND a racist. PS: And BYE! Please feel free to let the door hit you. Ha, ha.

21. Milo Fucking Yiannopoulos. He thinks he’s hot shit now, and he’s only right about the latter half of that. Wait till he finds out that those Nazis he’s courting really don’t like gay guys. And wait till he learns that gay guys really, REALLY don’t like Nazis, either. And that they all think that his Daddy Drumpf is tacky as hell…yes, even the rare gay guys with zero fashion sense think that. If he thinks he was hard-done-by before he became a professional troll, just wait till his flavor-of-the-month career ends. PS: That clown costume, though, is rather apt. Too bad he’s most like Cloony. PPS: And shame on OUT Magazine, too.

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22. Robert Fucking Maginnis. Witches advise WHOM? Uh, no. I’m a Witch, and Lord and Lady know that I’ve never been called upon as an advisor to ANY politician. Much less in the White House.

23. Andrew Fucking Anglin. Get one thing straight, asshole: My uterus belongs to ME. Not you. Not the white race. ME, and only ME. And the fact that it’s going permanently unoccupied is likewise no concern of yours. Especially since no woman in her right mind would have you anyway.

24. John Fucking Tory. Privatize Toronto Hydro? Has he learned NOTHING from his counterparts at the provincial level? Prepare for a fight, John-boy, because you’re gonna GET one.

liberty-skittles.jpg

25. Gary Fucking Johnson. Dude. You are NOT an astronomer. And the Sun is nowhere near its giant stage. Man-made global warming is still the real climate change problem we’re dealing with, and you can’t hand-wave that away.

26. Scott Fucking Gilmore. No, the North is not empty, nor is it undefended, and no, it does NOT need to be “developed” to death by crapitalists. What they need to do for the North is pay up to the local natives after profiting so hugely off its natural resources, so that the people up there stop dying of poverty and its allied preventable diseases. Duh.

27. Palmer Fucking Luckey. Welp, good thing I don’t own a VR headset, and probably won’t in the foreseeable future, either. Because some not-so-nimble dork who invented a rather popular one (and cashed out on it) is responsible for financing a website full of unfunny, pro-Drumpf memes, on the pretext that they are “powerful” and “magic” and can win elections for the unelectable and unqualified. And no, that is NOT satire. The little dweeb quite seriously believes it.

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28. Robert Fucking Pittenger. No, the angry protesters do not hate white people. Much less for their allegedly being so all-fired successful (never mind the vast numbers of ‘em living in poverty). But thanks a lot for letting it slip that you hate black people, however cleverly you thought you were disguising it. And maybe you might better try NOT discussing what you euphemistically “failed policies”, for a change. Try to realize that the anger is all about the senseless murder of a black man by racist white cops, you fucking idiot.

29. Mike Fucking Pence. Yes, Der Drumpf’s running mate has finally addressed the matter of institutional racism and racist policing…only to flap his gums to the effect that there’s “too much talk” about it. Really? And I suppose that if we’re silent about it, it will all just naturally go away? Newsflash, Mikey: It’s been tried before. And it doesn’t work.

30. Mike Fucking Ditka. And while we’re on the subject of backward buttholes named Mike, how about this one? He says he doesn’t see all the atrocities that are going on? I say he must be fucking blind. Wilfully blind. He says he has no respect for Colin Kaepernick? Well, I have no respect for HIM. And neither do many others, now. See how well that works out?

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And finally, to Bibi Fucking Netanyahu. Never mind that the UN has yet to pass a single sanction against Apartheid Israel, or take any definitive action against it at all. The mere fact that a majority of the world’s countries recognize Palestine is enough to get him running his mouth, calling it a “moral farce”. No, Bibi, you know what’s a moral farce? Your using white phosphorus (which is illegal under international law) against Gaza, killing Turkish kids on a flotilla delivering aid against your immoral blockade, and your sanctioning rabbis who tell the IDF — the so-called “Most Moral Army in the World”, that it’s okay for them to rape Arab women and girls. At the end of the day, you’d have to be pretty morally bereft to consider any of that to be acceptable, and anyone criticizing you to be immoral. Pot, meet kettle, right over there in the mirror.

Good night, and get fucked!

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More homophobic ironies from the Mexican Catholic church

hugo-valdemar

Hey! Remember how, not so long ago, a Mexican cardinal was claiming to know more about the male anus (and its differences from its female counterpart) than scientists themselves? Well, looks like he’s not the only dubious sexpert in the fold. Meet another churchman who’s making even more ironic (and idiotic) claims regarding homosexuality (and the right to live it) in light of the impending legalization of same-sex marriage throughout Mexico:

Hugo Valdemar, spokesman for the Archdiocese of Mexico City, maintains that the country is on the way to the establishment of a “gay empire”, and of “a real persecution” against those who oppose the so-called “gender ideology”, which will be “inevitable if Catholics and parents don’t put a stop” to this pretension, which “Pope Francis called the devil’s movement.”

Valdemar said that he had received two documents. One of them was from a group of 26 persons from the LGBTI community, responding to a text published in the weekly paper “From the Faith”, published by the archdiocese, and the other, from the Council for the Prevention and Elimination of Discrimination in Mexico City (COPRED).

“This is about two clearly intimidatory documents,” said Valdemar, who stated that “behind the formalisms (of the first letter, demanding the right of reply) there is a veiled threat of interposing more repressive recourses, which may be civil suits, penal denunciations, or legal protections.”

“From the Faith is one of the few periodicals in the land which has never refused the right to reply, because we do not fear disagreement, nor are we intolerant of those who think differently from ourselves. Next issue we will publish a response to their arguments which, for certain, are untenable and mean to repress religious liberty and freedom of expression,” Valdemar said.

The Catholic church spokesman also referred to a document sent by COPRED, which he considers to be a “censure” and which makes reference to an item published in From the Faith, in which a therapist assures that homosexuality can be “cured”, and tries to help others to free themselves of it. In that article, it was announced that the “therapist” gave workshops to “cure homosexuality” in Mexico City.

Valdemar claimed that COPRED could not refute “absolutely anything, because it is a fact that there does not exist a single scientific study which demonstrates that one is born homosexual.

“The proponents of gender ideology affirm dogmatically that one is not born man or woman, but that one is born homosexual. How could they maintain such an absurd line of reasoning? If, according to them, sexuality is constructed, then we must understand that it can be deconstructed. For that reason, if anyone is discontented with their homosexual attraction, how is it possible to prohibit helping them? That only happens in dictatorships, and we are at the beginning of the gay empire, of a dictatorship of thought similar to Stalinism or the cultural revolution of Mao Tse-tung,” Valdemar said.

Valdemar also called COPRED and the National Council for Preventing Discrimination (CONAPRED) “repressive institutions”, insinuating that they wanted to “repress” the march to defend “natural marriage”, called by the National Front for the Family, and slated for next Saturday, September 24, in Mexico City.

Valdemar said that one of the effects of the two letters he received is that the presentation by Richard Cohen was cancelled. Cohen was to give some workshops and conferences for homosexual persons who were uncomfortable with their preferences, so that they could “be cured”.

Richard Cohen, Valdemar says, was called “before some sort of tribunal, whose members were clearly enthusiastic followers of gender ideology and pro-gay. Their arguments let us see a true dictatorship of gay ideology.”

Valdemar read out a passage from COPRED’s letter: “The discriminatory actions against LGBTI people in Mexico City are unacceptable. For that reason, offering an option to ‘change’ a legitimate condition such as homosexuality must be considered as unjustified and tending to promote prejudices and stigmas in society. Any proposition or offer of ‘change’ places this sector of the population in a situation of vulnerability, given that in it is a message of option to ‘change based on wishes’ which may occasion pressures from third parties who consider said sexual orientation or preference unacceptable.”

Valdemar said that the Catholic church, evangelical Christians and parents who oppose the presidential initiative of equal marriage are called “homophobes and murderers”, for which reason he warned that there could be “very grave repressive consequences”.

Translation mine.

So we can see that the same paper that published that bizarre sex-ed lesson from the cardinal is now pushing another spurious claim: that there is no evidence that homosexuality is something you may be born with (or not, as the case may be). This in the face of a growing body of actual scientific evidence that, in fact, you CAN be born gay, and roughly one person in every ten is. Apparently the Archdiocese of Mexico City doesn’t know how to google, or read scientific journals. Yet they want to claim that they have the science to back up their religion? Mary, PLEASE.

Worse yet, they’re pushing an anti-gay “conversion therapy” proponent. Richard Cohen is a discredited hack who has made a lot of bank pushing “ex-gay” ideology. LGBT+ Mexicans have been opposing him for years. But his religiously-infused junk “science” meshes nicely with the Archdiocese’s view that being gay is some kind of demonic possession, so of course they want to promote his talks and workshops — and of course they’re pissy when human-rights advocates object, and use their freedom of speech to point out what’s wrong with the promotion of such a blatantly false view of LGBT+ people.

What’s truly hilarious and ironic is that the same church which has for centuries tried to suppress all evidence that homosexuality is real, normal, and even somewhat commonplace, is now accusing its opponents of censorship. And the same church which has for centuries held an imperial sway over most of Europe and all of Latin America, is now accusing a local human-rights movement, which is only asking for equality under law, of being a “gay empire”. And to “prove” the point, here is their representative: A man in skirts (perhaps a closet case himself, like so many Catholic priests and monks down the centuries, when the only “acceptable” way to be gay was to live as an ostensible celibate), giving unilateral dictation to the media about the “dictatorship” of said gay “empire”.

The mind…yea, verily, it boggleth.

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Posted in Crapagandarati, Do As I Say..., Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Mexican Standoffs, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, Pissing Jesus Off, Teh Ghey, Teh Heterostoopid | Leave a comment

Brazil: Pious MP busted for pedophilia, caught red-handed

A military policeman tries to bribe one of his civil counterparts after the latter caught him red-handed with a naked child in his car in a parking lot. Story, via El País:

On Saturday, military police reserve colonel Pedro Chavarry Duarte, 62, was in a car in a luncheonette parking lot in the Ramos neighborhood in the northern zone of Rio de Janeiro, when he heard police sirens approaching. He tried to flee, but there was a naked two-year-old girl in the car [with him], confirming the anonymous denunciation which the agents had received. The colonel, who was president of the Rio Military Police Benevolent Fund, tried to pay off the police, but he wound up in jail under suspicion of having committed rape of a vulnerable person — a crime punishable by up to 15 years in prison — and active corruption, with a penalty of up to 12 years.

It wasn’t the first time that Chavarry, a man who declared himself “profoundly religious”, was implicated in a case involving children. In 1993, according to O Globo, Chavarry was jailed on suspicion of baby-trafficking, but he was not sentenced.

“On Monday, I’ll resolve everything. We’ll wrap up this case, understand? I’ll resolve everything. On Monday the sun will shine. It’s windy today,” said Chavarry to one of the approaching police officers. This one, as he was recording the scene on his cellphone, replied that he didn’t understand, and the colonel continued: “Monday, I’ll resolve everything. I want to know your rate. You’ve come to procure me, and I’m going to procure you. You’re my partner. Right? You want to wrap this case up, right? Within the norms.”

The investigation points out that various witnesses declared that Chavarry was in the habit of going around accompanied by children. During the approach, one woman told the police that he was with that two-year-old girl and another, aged 12. Another woman stated that he paid to go out with them. Another witness, who worked near the luncheonette where he was arrested, said that she had seen the colonel accompanied by girls on other occasions.

According to the newspaper O Dia, it was a worker at the luncheonette who became alarmed when she brought a meal out to the accused in his car and saw the naked girl. “She returned to the cash register frightened, and talked with some people. She said the girl was naked, had her legs apart, and that it wasn’t the first time she had seen this man here. On another day, it was a boy,” another worker told the newspaper.

The girl was given to the colonel by Thuanne Pimenta dos Santos, 23 years old, who is currently under temporary imprisonment. Her brother is married to an unt of the child. The young woman, who worked as the colonel’s cleaning lady, did not clearly say what she was doing with the girl, whose mother was at work, nor why she handed her over to the military officer. “She made many contradictory statements during her deposition,” explains the delegate responsible for the case, Cristiana Bento. Thuanne also worked for Chavarry distributing pamphlets when he campaigned, unsuccessfully, for a deputy’s seat with the Social Liberal Party (PSL) in 2014.

The Civil Police are now investigating whether there are more persons involved with the colonel as part of a much larger child-trafficking scheme. “Think of how many boys and girls disappear every year. We have to get to the bottom of this. Who knows whether the case isn’t related to some of these disappearances,” says Bento.

Chavarry, trained in law and with more than four decades in the corps, was president of the Military Police Benevolent Fund, which presides over a network of retirement benefits for associates, for six years. His résumé includes tickets to the cabinets of four commanders-in-chief, offices such as public relations for the Military Police or member of the board of directors for the Brotherhood of Our Lady of Sorrows of the Military Police. In institutional publications the figure of their president was exalted as a manager and man of strategy, as well as a man of religion and family. In a profile published by the magazine of the Benevolent Fund shortly after he assumed the presidency, Chavarry said that he owed all his success to God and to his workmates, and regretted not spending more time with his wife and their daughter: “After a career of 37 years, in which there was no Carnival, Christmas and New Year’s, I assumed an enterprise of this magnitude. I should have retired and had more fun with my family. Sadly, they are still in second place.”

Asked what he likes to do during his off hours, he replied determinedly: “In my free time, I am dedicated to the Roman Catholic Church, where I actively participate in religious activities. On other occasions, I like to take a few days to travel with my family and regain my strength.” On Sunday, Chavarry didn’t participate in the church services when he says he frequents. He is jailed in the Special Prison Batallion of the Military Police in Niterói.

Translation mine.

Well, now at least his family knows what he was really doing that left them in “second place”, eh? And, on the other hand, he’s in an awful lot of fine company when it comes to the church, which has a reputation throughout the world of being a massive closet of pedophiles, if not an active child trafficking network for the same.

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Music for a Sunday: Raise the Veil…

Peter Gabriel’s latest:

And if you wonder why I don’t take selfies, use Snapchat, or play Pokémon Go, pay close attention the video for clues. I even have tape over the webcam on my laptop for the same reasons as Edward Snowden…who has good cause to be “paranoid”.

Which, of course, he isn’t. His fears are rational and real. Mine too. And no precaution is excessive against the snooping eyes of the NSA, who are the real criminal spies in the film and in real life.

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Wankers of the Week: A basket of deplorables

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Crappy weekend, everyone! And how about a handbasket full of people who really should go to hell? Yes, it’s Der Drumpf and all his ilk, some of whom are actually proud to be called deplorable and even wear shirts proclaiming it. Probably because it’s altogether too kind and generous a term for anyone idiotic enough to support that piece of shit. And because their hooded sheets are all in the wash. And what’s in the basket this week? The following, in no particular order…

1 and 2. Dick and Liz Cheney. The most disgusting father-daughter combo since Der Drumpf and his incestuous desires has squawked up again, and as usual, nothing good came out. And right on time for 9-11, too! Remind us again, Biggus Dickus: Under WHOSE watch did 9-11 happen, again? Oh yeah…Dubya’s. And YOURS.

3. Allen Fucking Joyner. If you ever wonder why I think churches and states should all be permanently separated, here you go. One stinking theocrat who thinks Jesus would shoot people for failing to stand for a national anthem.

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4. Emirjeta Fucking Xhelili. Ass sphincter with a suspiciously foreign-sounding name says WHAT? Get out of WHERE? It’s the ark of WHAT? Oh, that’s real cute, sweetie. Maybe it’s time belligerent assholes of YOUR religion just got booted off to a desert island someplace, eh?

5. Toby Fucking Willis. No, this one’s not a Duggar, but you’d be forgiven for thinking he was. Christ, what is it with Quiverfull perverts whose kids’ names all start with J?

6. Sean Fucking Lennon. Man mansplains mansplaining, yet again. Savor the irony of this one, folks, we have now reached peak hipster.

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7. John Fucking Howard. No, of COURSE people who oppose same-sex marriage aren’t all homophobes. Some of them are closet cases who pay rentboys for BJs or butt-sex. Some of them are pedophiles looking for cover. And some of them are just plain old garden-variety equality-hating ASSHOLES. So, tell me, John…which are you?

8. Dave Fucking Hon, AGAIN. Oh dears. Little Davey-wavey is only 25, and already his love life is over because he’s so threatened by women who look out for themselves and each other, rather than just deferring to him (and men in general) like a good Little Woman is supposed to. Whatever shall he do for an encore? Double down on the dumbth, say you were “misunderstood”, and claim that all the derisive laughter just “proves” you were somehow right. What else? PS: Ha, ha.

9. Richard Fucking Campbell. Oh, you big macho, punching out a little old lady hooked up to an oxygen tank. Der Drumpf must be so proud of you!

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10. Mike Fucking Pence. Does anyone really want David Fucking Duke thanking them for not disavowing him and all his racism and fascism? REALLY?

11. Doug Fucking Ford. Oh yay, here comes Ford Nation, The Book…straight to a remainder bin near you! What do you bet that Dougie’s boyhood adventures in drug-dealing, like Robbo’s adult ones in drug-smoking, will barely get a footnote in there, if they’re mentioned at all?

12. Kate Fucking Bryan. No, dear, chastity is NOT the key to the feminist dream. I mean, bully for you if you’re accomplishing other things on the side, but being sexless is, in and of itself, NO achievement. After all, you’re not actually DOING anything there, are you?

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13. Nolan Fucking West. Minnesota wasn’t in the Confederacy, you fucking dunce. And if you didn’t believe in that racist shit, why post it to your Facebook page? Resign, and go back to the obscurity from whence you came!

14. Paul Fucking Hewson. Oh joy, Bono has squeaked up again. And this time he’s urging Canada to do more in terms of foreign aid. Which reminds me: Doesn’t this guy have an awful lot of corporate income taxes owing in his native Ireland, which he banked overseas in order to evade? Why yes, he does! And as it happens, Ireland is hurting. Which reminds me of something else: Charity begins at home, douchebag.

15. Richard Fucking Keenan. Oh look! Here’s another one of those come-to-Jeebus family-values types who seems to think that the Christian thing to do is rape small children…and then blame them and call them “willing participants”. WWJD, again?

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16. Steve Fucking King. A nuclear meltdown about nuclear families? Yup, he went there. And he threw in a dollop of dumbth about climate change, too!

17. Scott Fucking Walker. Lead paint is now safe again, thanks to industry contributions to Simple Scotty’s campaign war chest? I’d ask if he’s been breakfasting on paint chips himself, but I suspect at this point that the question would be rhetorical.

18. Pauline Fucking Hanson. Meanwhile, Down Under’s own version of Der Drumpf has given a speech. It was just about as nauseous as you might expect. May she be kicked into the sea by kangaroos.

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19. Andy Fucking Dean. How to deal with the Flint water crisis? Build a wall! Seriously, it’s the only idea the Drumpfites have, and it’s their one-size-fits-all solution to everything. I somehow doubt that walling off the Flint River will do anything to detoxify it, though.

20. Brad Fucking Trost. Same-sex marriage has been legal in Canada for over 10 years. Yet he still thinks it’s a hot-button issue that will get him elected not only head of the Cons, but to the PMO? And that he’ll have the power to reverse no less than a Supreme Court decision? He really is a special kind of stupid, isn’t he.

21. Ivanka Fucking Drumpf. Whatsamatter, sweetie…does the truth hurt? Is your dad’s misogyny a little too close to home? Well, there IS something you can do about that, but walking out on interviews isn’t exactly it. PS: Also, UGH. Although it might well explain a lot. Maybe even too much. PPS: Aaaand then THIS happened. Yeah, she really handles pressure well!

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22. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. Like sister, like brother. Der Kleine Drumpf walks out of interviews when they get too rough for his tender widdle hide. And just think, this bunch of wimps wants to squat in the White House…

23. Bob Fucking Chiarelli. Why am I only finding out my provincial energy minister’s name now? Oh yeah…because now is the very moment he’s chosen to stick his head out of his tortoise shell and lecture us about energy consumption. As though we hadn’t been conserving our energy in vain for years just so our lovely provincial Liberals could not only sell the excess cheaper to the States (!), but to also keep hiking OUR rates to subsidize THEIR blunder (!!), and then have the gall to turn around and plan to privatize it all so that it becomes even MORE expensive (!!!), AND lecture us about how wasteful we are. I guess we owe him something, though, so here goes: Fuck you, sir. Fuck you VERY much.

24. Joseph Fucking Michael Fucking Schreiber. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how asinine it is to think that (a) Omar Mateen’s former mosque had anything to do with his terrorism, and (b) that two wrongs can ever make a right.

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25. Tamara Fucking Barringer. First she was for the disastrous North Carolina bathroom bill. Now she’s against it. Probably because she saw how fast it could drive her popularity ratings down. Not, I hasten to add, that her sudden flip-flop will help matters any…

26. Marjorie Fucking Dannenfelser. Earth to Marge, come in Marge…now hear this: There is NOTHING feminist, much less pro-life, about believing it’s better for women to die in childbirth than to have an abortion save their lives! But it just so figures that Der Drumpf would tap this one as an “advisor”, innit?

27. Jennifer Fucking Elizabeth Fucking Green-Johnson. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how incompetent and awful a teacher needs to be in order to say the things this one has said to her students. Schoolyard bullies are bad enough when they’re kids, but when they’re teachers? Ugh.

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28. Pat Fucking Boone. Thanksgiving and Halloween haven’t even happened yet, and the kids are barely back at school, but already he’s on about some nonexistent “War on Christmas”. Hey, Jesus? I’ll trade you this one for Prince and David Bowie back. It’s long past his time anyway. Whaddya say?

29. Alex Fucking Jones. You wanna know “how screwed up this country really is”? Well, the answer is PLENTY. It produced this clown, after all.

30. John Fucking Boehner. Yay, Boner! You’re back! And you’re a dicector for Big Tobacco? Why does that just so FIGURE???

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And finally, to Der Drumpf himself. Yes, the Head Deplorable outdid himself yet again this week, what with his lies about his health (and his own FAT ASS), his gross talk on the Dr. Oz show (which was, inexplicably, edited out), and just his general gross-ass GROSSNESS. I would write more on the subject, as there’s plenty to be said, but I’m already under the weather, and I’d rather not dwell on anything that might make me even sicker. So I’ll just close on my usual note, and hope you all understand…

Good night, and get fucked!

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