Crappy weekend, everyone! And a happy Wanksgiving Weekend to our friends south of the 49th Parallel. Between the Turducken and the Piecaken AND the Wack Friday madness, it’s a wonder you people can still walk. My hat’s off to all of you, truly. And now, with no further ado and in no particular order, our roll call for the week:
1. Rush Fucking Limbaugh. Because it’s been awhile since I’ve listed the Pigman, let’s just give him the top spot here. And why not? When you’re an “I’m not a bigot/racist/xenophobe” bigot/racist/xenophobe, you’ve earned it. Special bonus for claiming that some of his best friends are Syrians, too. Yeah, I’m sure they are. And I’m sure they don’t hear the bigotry, racism and xenophobia he spouts, either. Hey, he doesn’t. Remember, his hearing got eaten by all the drugs he’s done!
2. Ezra Fucking Levant. And how about our lesser northern Pigman, folks? He’s mad at the French for not getting all islamophobic and gun-mad, even though he did try to whip them up a bit. Even sweeter, he’s now living under an NDP government in Alberta, a Liberal PM named Trudeau in Ottawa, and a carbon tax that makes all his Schmethical Oil crapaganda look like a clown show. Which, of course, it was.
4. Donald Fucking Trump. Not to be outdone, The Donald also claims he saw Muslims in the streets of New Jersey, cheering when the Twin Towers fell. Only, of course, that never happened, either. Seems that he and Ben are engaging in a bit of folie à deux, eh? PS: Nice Nazism you got there, Herr Trump. PPS: I have lost the ability to even. PPPS: And if anyone else needs proof of his unfitness for office, how about this? Or this? Or this?
5. Rick Fucking Santorum. Ah, Buttsploodge. It’s been awhile for you, too, hasn’t it? Let’s not let a few nasty-wasty facts get in the way of our poopy frothing, shall we?
6. Marco Fucking Rubio. Figures that this shameless opportunist would think the Paris terror attacks were a great thing for his campaign. When you lack substance and smarts, scare tactics are just like candy from heaven, eh? PS: And also this. Religion excuses everything, including stupidity, eh?
7. Kevin Fucking Swanson. If God wants to annihilate entire countries and has the power to do so, why the hell doesn’t She just get on with it already? Maybe because this hateful preacher, sack of shit though he is, isn’t worth wiping out the rest of a perfectly salvageable country just to get rid of his sorry ass. That’s probably it, isn’t it?
8. Jim Bob Fucking Duggar. Yeah, removing all “worldly” and “sensual” materials from your home obviously worked wonders for your son Josh, eh Jim Bob? He molested four of his sisters, he roughed up a porn star, and he had an Ashley Madison account (and later, an OKCupid account) while poor dear Anna was churnin’ out them babies. Clearly, all those great Christian examples you surrounded him with really paid off! PS: Stay off the fucking TV already, you exploitive buffoon.
9. Robert Fucking Kiger. No, you wouldn’t get beaten up in a black church just for sticking your big, dumb, white face in. If you got beaten up, it would be for shooting off your racist mouth. Most likely, though, you’d probably just get escorted unceremoniously out of there.
10. Phyllis Fucking Schlafly. Earth to Phyllis: More Mexicans are now leaving the US than flocking to it. Also, why are you not dead yet, you horrid anachronistic fossil?
11. Sarah Fucking Palin. Yup, Mama Grizzly wanked again this week. And this time, it was by being shocked that there is actually already a process in place for the US to screen refugees! Shocking, I know. And there goes yet ANOTHER stupid ‘winger talking point. At this rate, they’ll have none left by the time the next election rolls around. An election in which, I hereby note, the Paliness isn’t standing for anything anyway.
12. Suzanne Fucking Atanus. Crikey! Another bad penny comes back to haunt the Repugs. I wonder if she has any idea that in Canada, same-sex marriage has been legal for a decade, and we have fewer tornadoes than the gay-hating red states.
14. Robert Fucking Couture. Since when do Catholics have “prayer teams”? Isn’t that a fundie thing? And since when do priests of the Catholic church get to pimp them out for profits, and use the proceeds — from FUNERALS, no less — to break their vow of poverty?
15. Martin Fucking Shkreli. Yeah, surprise: He still isn’t budging on that obscene price hike. And therefore, he’s not going off this wanklist anytime soon.
16. Richard Fucking Dawkins. And in other “surprise” news, Dickie’s butthurt that (a) a Muslim kid really did build his own digital clock, and (b) said kid is now suing the people who put him in handcuffs and interrogation. I think the real reason for his butthurt is that deep down, he knows that Muslims were doing science while his ancestors were all dying of plague and superstition in the Dark Ages. And it’s eating him alive.
17. Scott Fucking Adams. Meanwhile, a once-mildly-funny office-drone cartoonist has taken it into his swelled head that since his crap sells well, he is actually a suuuuuper-genius. And is now using that to push the idea that women owe men sex, or else men will blow shit up — and that men who think like this are somehow “normal”! Somebody please inform him that the men of Daesh are sexually enslaving women and still blowing shit up. And murdering the cute young girls they’re sexually abusing, too. Oops! There goes another dumbfuck suuuuuper-genius theory. PS: Also, Donald Trump being president? HAHAHAHAHAHA. Dream on, little man.
18. Jonathan Fucking Koppenhaver. And speaking of males resorting to violence over sex, how about this one? Yup, he’s one entitled fucker, all right. And he sure has some fucked-up ideas as to what “love” means. But he’s hardly the only one, and that’s to be expected in a culture where everything is commodified. Including women. Right down to their last orifice.
19. David Fucking Wright the Fucking Third. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how stupid he is to be tying his dick in knots over how “Sharia law” is going to take over the US when, in fact, it’s Orwellian McCarthyites like him who are the biggest terrorist menace of all. PS: He can dish it out, but he can’t take it? Boo fucking hoo!
20 and 21. This guy’s fucking parents. You have adult offspring, and you’re acting like you never graduated middle school. Grow the fuck up, you two!
22. Wayne Fucking Hazzard. Atheists are like Daesh? Um, Pot…go look in the mirror before you go lobbing slurs at Kettle, kthxbai.
23. Alex Fucking Pino. A cop is a cop is a cop. And a racist is a racist is a racist. And an asshole is an asshole is an asshole. And all too often, a cop is a racist is an asshole.
24. Benzi Fucking Gopstein. And just so you know that nobody has a monopoly on religiously motivated terrorism, there’s this guy. Pride of Apartheid Israel, represent!
25. Shmuley Fucking Boteach. No, you are NOT “America’s Rabbi”. You’re nothing more than Sheldon Adelson’s fawning yes-man. And you really have no business taking out ads anywhere trying to tell John Kerry how to do his job when you don’t even rightly know what your own entails. I respectfully suggest you begin by removing your head from your tokhes.
26. Bo Fucking Dietl. When you don’t know diddly about whom to blame for what, just blame Obama. That’s all Bo knows…
27. Mike Fucking Jolley. He spent $500 on an ugly, plagiarized sign to advertise — proudly — that his is a monocultural community of bigots. And then they proved just how bigoted their whole town is by crowdfunding his hate-sign. Gettin’ real tired of this “politically incorrect” shit, y’all.
28. Marine Fucking Le Pen. Keep your nose out of our politics, you fascist swinebag. And go suck face with Daesh’s leadership.
29. Frank Fucking Pavone. Oh joy! Just as an anti-choice gunman shoots up yet another clinic (in Colorado), this asshole just has to pipe up about the need to exploit the stigma of a procedure that he, an old presumably-celibate man (and probably a closeted one) will never need to get for himself.
30. Ted Fucking Cruz. When even kindergarteners have a better understanding of climate science than you, it’s a sign that you need to get the fuck out of the presidential race and let the intelligent grownups talk, sonnyboy.
And finally, to the fucking Erdogan mafia family of Turkey. Yup, they’re all MASSIVE wankers…not only for ordering the illegal shootdown of a Russian plane over Syria, but also for objectively and materially supporting Daesh. When a US general comes out in favor of kicking Turkey out of NATO, you just know that something is rotten in Ankara. And it’s not just the head of state, but his son who’s profiting — obscenely — from the terror mafia that’s oppressing Syria and Iraq, and holding Europe hostage to boot. Ordinary Turks are not happy with the situation, and who can blame them? Time to oust this motherfucker and ban his entire party from power, permanently.
Good night, and get fucked!
Seeing as it’s the 50th anniversary of the incident that inspired this here song, I figured it would be a friendly gesture to post it for all my US friends:
Oh yeah, and the movie that got made about it, too:
What’s it like to have a painting of Stephen Harper, wearing nothing but an inscrutable smile, hanging over your sofa?
Danielle Potvin knows. The former federal public servant, it turns out, is the secret buyer of “Emperor Haute Couture” by Kingston, Ont., artist Margaret Sutherland.
The controversial canvas imagines the former prime minister as a reclining nude, a dog at his feet. A coterie of business-suited servants forms the backdrop, one proffering a cup of Tim Hortons coffee on a tray.
Potvin purchased the painting in June 2012 for $5,000, when she was still a government employee. Now she’s retired and she’s ready to part with it. Potvin is hoping to sell it on Kijiji for $8,800 to pay for home renovations.
“I was thinking it was so audacious and very fine political art,” said Potvin, sitting beneath the painting in her living room in Gatineau, Que. “Most of the people are very, very shocked or amused. It’s a conversation piece.”
Potvin kept the purchase a secret from everyone but relatives and close friends after she was warned by her human resources department that “it would be professional suicide to reveal myself as the owner.”
I don’t know what’s the most chuckleworthy detail of all this: the fact that the soon-to-be-former secret owner of this painting is a retired public servant, the fact that her surname is Potvin (pronounced, roughly, “pot van”), or that the artist was, very likely, being generous with the endowments of the, er, Emperor.
Other than all that, though, it’s rather a good likeness, don’t you think?
Ahem. Sorry for that inelegant header, but this is gonna be an untidy post that covers a lot of rough ground, so hang onto your hats, kiddies.
First up, a little video from that shootdown of a Russian Sukhoi yesterday:
Turkey claims that the plane violated Turkish airspace, but in fact it was over Syria at the time. This makes the shootdown a grave faux pas on the part of Turkey, although the ass-covering is already in full swing. No doubt the government in Ankara would like to claim all of this area as their own.
It’s worth noting, as an aside, that all of Syria was once under Ottoman Turkish rule — prior to World War I. The legendary siege of Musa Dagh, in which six Armenian villages took refuge from the Ankara-ordered genocide on the plateau of a coastal mountain and fought off several Turkish military incursions, was in the Syrian part of Turkey a hundred years ago. It came under French control at war’s end, but was later transferred back to Turkey.
How much — or rather, how little — has changed in a hundred years’ time. It seems that Turkey is still trying to get the rest of formerly-Ottoman Syria back under its thumb, and that the French are rather more in collusion than opposition to that ambition.
And they are not the only ones, either. How else to explain NATO’s shameful conduct, knowing that it could crush Daesh anytime it wants, but apparently doesn’t want to?
How could Isis [Daesh] be eliminated? In the region, everyone knows. All it would really take would be to unleash the largely Kurdish forces of the YPG (Democratic Union party) in Syria, and PKK (Kurdistan Workers’ party) guerillas in Iraq and Turkey. These are, currently, the main forces actually fighting Isis on the ground. They have proved extraordinarily militarily effective and oppose every aspect of Isis’s reactionary ideology.
But instead, YPG-controlled territory in Syria finds itself placed under a total embargo by Turkey, and PKK forces are under continual bombardment by the Turkish air force. Not only has Erdoğan done almost everything he can to cripple the forces actually fighting Isis; there is considerable evidence that his government has been at least tacitly aiding Isis itself.
It might seem outrageous to suggest that a Nato member like Turkey would in any way support an organisation that murders western civilians in cold blood. That would be like a Nato member supporting al-Qaida. But in fact there is reason to believe that Erdoğan’s government does support the Syrian branch of al-Qaida (Jabhat al-Nusra) too, along with any number of other rebel groups that share its conservative Islamist ideology. The Institute for the Study of Human Rights at Columbia University has compiled a long list of evidence of Turkish support for Isis in Syria.
And then there are Erdoğan’s actual, stated positions. Back in August, the YPG, fresh from their victories in Kobani and Gire Spi, were poised to seize Jarablus, the last Isis-held town on the Turkish border that the terror organisation had been using to resupply its capital in Raqqa with weapons, materials, and recruits – Isis supply lines pass directly through Turkey.
Commentators predicted that with Jarablus gone, Raqqa would soon follow. Erdoğan reacted by declaring Jarablus a “red line”: if the Kurds attacked, his forces would intervene militarily – against the YPG. So Jarablus remains in terrorist hands to this day, under de facto Turkish military protection.
How has Erdoğan got away with this? Mainly by claiming those fighting Isis are “terrorists” themselves. It is true that the PKK did fight a sometimes ugly guerilla war with Turkey in the 1990s, which resulted in it being placed on the international terror list. For the last 10 years, however, it has completely shifted strategy, renouncing separatism and adopting a strict policy of never harming civilians. The PKK was responsible for rescuing thousands of Yazidi civilians threatened with genocide by Isis in 2014, and its sister organisation, the YPG, of protecting Christian communities in Syria as well. Their strategy focuses on pursuing peace talks with the government, while encouraging local democratic autonomy in Kurdish areas under the aegis of the HDP, originally a nationalist political party, which has reinvented itself as a voice of a pan-Turkish democratic left.
They have proved extraordinarily militarily effective and with their embrace of grassroots democracy and women’s rights, oppose every aspect of Isis’ reactionary ideology. In June, HDP success at the polls denied Erdoğan his parliamentary majority. Erdoğan’s response was ingenious. He called for new elections, declared he was “going to war” with Isis, made one token symbolic attack on them and then proceeded to unleash the full force of his military against PKK forces in Turkey and Iraq, while denouncing the HDP as “terrorist supporters” for their association with them.
There is a saying in Kurdistan, that nation without a country: “The Kurds have no friends”. Certainly that’s true of Turkey, and NATO too. For all the media’s glorification of the Peshmerga and other Kurdish fighting forces, they get no support from NATO, and indeed, NATO member countries have been actively prosecuting anyone who tries to join them and fight on their side, as one young woman in England recently found out the hard way.
Meanwhile, for all the media hand-wringing about allegedly Syrian terrorists, and about terrorist “returnees” who come back from Syria and Iraq allegedly radicalized by Daesh to commit atrocities on European soil, and of girls who travel to Turkey only to cross over into Syria and become brides to Daesh fighters (some of whom are western boys who came over the same way), there’s remarkably little being done to stop them. Somehow they never seem to get caught, even though they can be seen on so many surveillance cameras in the airports from whence they departed. One terrorist returnee after another has somehow, mysteriously, evaded the police of France and Belgium, and who knows where else in Europe, too. Something is starting to stink over there.
And meanwhile, on this side of the pond, we’re starting to take in a slow trickle of Syrian refugees. But a key component of the exodus is missing: Young single men, the same that the media keep yattering on about as being “potential terrorists”. Sure, they’re at risk for joining Daesh or some such…but a great many more of them are trying their damnedest to escape those same terrorists. The overwhelming majority of these young guys travelling through Europe alone are running from Daesh, not to them. Otherwise, they’d get conscripted or killed by them. Their families send them ahead to establish roots in Europe — or across the pond — and then, when they’ve earned enough money, to send it home so that the rest of their family can also emigrate. These “single” men, therefore, are not as alone as they seem, and if they are taken in as refugees and treated as they should be, the chance that they will “turn terrorist” is virtually nil. They are trying to save their lives and those of their families from the nihilists, not throw good blood after bad.
That’s why I’m disgusted and disappointed in our new government’s refusal to take these guys in. They’re missing a golden opportunity to hit Daesh exactly where it will hurt them most: in terms of recruitment. And in so doing, they are objectively serving Daesh’s interests, just as much as the divide-and-conquer factions on the right are doing every time they whip up scary anti-refugee sentiment. If you’re so much against them, guys — why are you doing so much for them?
That question is, of course, rhetorical. The military-industrial complex rubs its hands every time the Hardcore Stupid shoot off their big, hateful yaps.
Meanwhile, here is what they are really fighting against. Look long and hard at this, because Karma will quiz you on it later:
He’s a Syrian refugee, he has damn near nothing…and he still cooks for the homeless on Saturdays in Germany. His family are still waiting to be rescued.
This is the real face of Syria, people. Look hard at it and do the right thing.
UPDATE: The navigator of the Russian Sukhoi was rescued and says that the Turks gave no warning before shooting. The pilot was killed by Turkmen rebels on the ground as he was parachuting. There is now talk that this shooting was a planned provocation, and it’s certainly smelling like sabre-rattling on the part of the Turkish government.
The Real News delves into the operations of Daesh: who’s funding them, and how they are getting their war matériel. Obviously, the idea that they’re generating their own income is false. Their operations are too expensive to be fueled by a few captured oil wells, and they possess none of the engineering know-how needed to run them anyway. And it seems unlikely that any oil they smuggle could bring in that kind of cash (half a million dollars a week); not only that, but anyone could readily boycott them unless they sold the oil for rates so low that it wouldn’t cover their expenses.
So whose oil money is really financing the terrorist mafia? Kuwait, Qatar, the UAE, Bahrain…and Saudi Arabia. In short, the usual suspects. The last, in particular, supplies not only money, but ideological underpinnings (Wahhabism) to destabilize a region that might otherwise become an oil competitor, not to mention a bastion of modernity (and a threatening example for the Saudis, in particular, who are obsessed with keeping their kingdom in the hands of the vast and convoluted al-Saud clan, and who rely on religious fundamentalism and gross human rights abuses to do so).
And how is that money reaching Daesh? Again, the familiar old way: Illegal hawala money networks. Hawalas in themselves are not unlawful, and there is Koranic sanction for them — but such a network is only as lawful as its users. And in the case of Daesh and its supporters, it is clearly criminal, since all moneys passed on in this manner end up supporting crimes against humanity.
The CIA and the US State Dept. know all this. So, no doubt, do all the key European intelligence agencies. So why are they doing nothing? Could it be because they are all so heavily invested in propping up Israel and the House of Saud (whose sons are now rapidly aging and dying off, with much uncertainty as to who will inherit the throne)? Could it also be because now, it would be too embarrassing to admit that all coalition efforts at régime change — in Iraq initially, and now in Syria — are epic failures? They all seem committed to a course which is not only a losing proposition, but a criminal one. And yet, it is one that is highly profitable for a few: the Saudi royal family, certainly. But not only them. The old Military-Industrial Complex, as ever, has a hand in it; if one were to actually see the make of the weapons Daesh uses, many of them would probably turn out to be made in Israel or the US. Or one of their European allies.
Likewise, the hallmark of the intelligence services is on Daesh’s modus operandi. Trained professional death-squads, waging mass terrorism in the heart of at least two great European cities? Not exactly a ragtag band, are they? These are no illiterate desert camel jockeys, long on fanaticism and short on everything else; these are obviously people who have had extensive intercourse with the spooks. Their uniforms, their gear, their discipline — all of that had to come from somewhere, and I doubt very much that it originated spontaneously in the rubble of BushCo’s ruined Iraq. It all had to come from somewhere outside their purported area of origin. I don’t think they stitched those professional-looking black gimp-suits together themselves, do you?
Most of all, I can’t help feeling that these terror attacks have been permitted to happen for the benefit of certain parties who are not entitled to any such thing. Paris has been heavily policed since the massacre of Charlie Hebdo. French intelligence has been in contact with other European agencies, constantly. They make a big deal out of how intensely they co-operate with, say, the Germans, who alerted them to more than one terror risk in recent months. It seems a bit hard to believe that they could fail at such a critical time: right on the eve of the Paris climate summit.
On the other hand, what more plausible — and conveniently timed — reason to ban the progressive mass demonstrations that the French are so famous for? Already there is talk of banning encryption — the tool of greatest use to those who, like Edward Snowden, have whistles to blow against the intel apparatus. The (allegedly) Daesh-affiliated terrorists did not use encryption themselves, so this is an ominous sign. Claiming peaceful demonstrations (and independent outcry from disaffected agents) to be an inadmissible security risk would effectively quash all protest if the climate summit ends up being yet another big bust. Which, to my ever-cynical eye, it seems right on course to be.
I’d like to hope I’m wrong about all this. But it all looks just a bit too coincidental — and familiar — to be a true coincidence, don’t you think?
Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, what a fucking week it’s been. So full of wanks that the ‘pedia is already full up on a Friday night. Which suits me fine; I don’t mind moving it up a day if you don’t mind me doing so either. So, let’s hop to it. In no particular order, we have:
1. Jeff Fucking Duncan. Uh, idiot? Those Syrian refugees aren’t about to turn into the very people they’re fleeing from. That would be you, Repugs I mean, and your constant obsession with demons. Thanks a lot for playing into Daesh’s hands, moron.
2. April Fucking Major. “Putting country first” = not doing eyelash extensions for “muslin” women? Allll righty then. Congrats, April, you’re a fucking wanker!
3. Brad Fucking Wall. No no no, he says, we can’t take Syrian refugees in yet! Even though we promised to. They’ll just have to stay in Europe, where nobody seems to want to let them pass through, and where PEGIDA and other assorted Nazi factions are not even waiting for them to make one false move before harassing, terrorizing and killing them. And this is supposed to protect Canada from terrorism HOW, again?
4. Kay Fucking Burley. Why?
That’s why. It’s like she’s never seen a dog before. They ALWAYS look sad! Especially if they think someone’s gonna throw them a doggie treat. And just think, this woman is purportedly a journalist. If all her reporting is of this calibre, it’s no wonder people are so monstrously ill-informed.
5. Stephen Fucking Anderson. No, gays and abortion did NOT cause the Paris attacks. Terrorists did. Terrorists who think a lot like you. Because you’re all fucking idiots with your heads so far up your own butts that you’re all running off your own shit-fumes.
6. Rupert Fucking Murdoch. Not content to fuck up National Geographic beyond all recognition, now Rupee’s meddling with the US immigration system, too. Hey, Rupee: Go back Down Under, ya fucking freak. PS: Ha, ha.
7. Candice Fucking Bergen. No, not the actress; the HarpoCon MP from Manitoba. Who is now an embarrassment to her constituents, her province, and indeed to all of Canada with her sore-loser, ultra-partisan, racist, bass-ackwards, anti-refugee stance. Shame on you, Candy — SHAME ON YOU.
8. Jason Fucking Kenney. And speaking of embarrassments, how about our former defence minister, who is so spectacularly dim that he doesn’t even know what “a majority” means? I am counting our blessings that he IS a “former” now, and hoping he’s not a “future” ANYTHING.
9. Robin Fucking Campbell. And while we’re on the subject of Cons, partisanship and embarrassments to Canada, how about the former Alberta minster of the environment? Now he’s sold his soul to Big Coal. If indeed it wasn’t in their pocket all along. But at least, now that he’s signed on as their lobbyist, they’ve made an honest man of him. Or at least, as honest as a man like him could ever get.
10 and 11. Stuart Fucking Varney and Mark Fucking Steyn. Yeah, I bet you two are just fapping your dicks off at the prospect of Bernie Sanders being beheaded by Daesh. Between the climate-change denialism, the militarism and the overall fucking stupidity and gross immaturity of these two middle-aged farts, I am rapidly running out of face to palm.
12. Tony Fucking Dale. And speaking of fucking stupidity and gross immaturity in men old enough to know better, how about this Texas state rep? Yup, put him down as one of those who cream their jeans for guns, but wet their pants over Daesh. How about just making guns harder to get all around? No, obviously that’s much too logical and straightforward a solution. It would never fly in Texas…
13. Martin Alan Fucking Schnitzler. Oh Florida Man, what would a wankapedia be without you, whipping it out so obligingly? Only — and this is embarrassing — local Muslims have absolutely nothing to do with what happened in Paris. In fact, no real Muslim does. Aren’t you embarrassed yet? You should be. Now put it back in your pants, do your zipper back up, and never speak of it again!
14 and 15. Elisabeth Fucking Hasselbeck and Joni Fucking Ernst. Oh boo hoo hoo, racist conservatives have their widdle feelings hurt. And all because sensible people are calling them by their right name: BIGOTS. If the shoe fits, wear it — and if it hurts, wear it anyway. High time you felt what it was like to be singled out, instead of doing it all the time yourself. And knock off all this idiotic talk of “pausing” — your “pauses” are costing actual people, INNOCENT people, their LIVES, you idiotesses.
16. John Fucking Kasich. Meanwhile, from the world of People Who Want To Be POTUS But Never Will, we get this guy. Who, apparently, thinks the failed efforts of Radio Martí are worth replicating, this time in the Arab world and with “Judeo-Christian” crapaganda, as opposed to anti-communist crapaganda aimed at Cuba. Good luck with that!
17. Jeb Fucking Bush. Yes, Jebby is still in the running too, as odd as that may sound. And he has similar ideas, too. Only take in Syrian refugees if they’re Christian and can be profen not to turn terrorist! Well, gee, that sounds doable. (And yes, that last was sarcasm, in case you needed to know.)
18. Ted Fucking Cruz. And then there’s THIS guy. Who has clearly never heard of Oklahoma City. Or clinic bombings. Or doctor shootings. Or the hundreds of thousands of domestic terror incidents that women in his own country face every day, from their own white, Christian men. Fuck this guy!
19. Charlie Fucking Sheen. Yay, he finally came clean about having HIV this week! Unfortunately, it was in response to a feared “shakedown” from all the women he might have infected through unprotected sex. And it comes following the expenditure of some $10 million in hush money alone. Also, he has the temerity to do it because he thinks these women — whom he despised and disparaged the whole time — are “taking money from his kids!” Never mind that he SPENT money on those women, paying them to put up with his sexual shit, that could have gone toward child support. (That, and drugs out the wazoo.) And now, nobody’s ever gonna want to sleep with him again. But hey! At least he’s got his “Adonis DNA” and “tiger blood” to keep him warm. Winning!
20. Kurt Fucking Schlichter. And while we’re on the subject of oversexed d-bags who deserve to die alone, how about this guy? He’s actually written some literal gore-porn featuring Daesh! And right-wing idiots massacring innocents in “gun-free” shopping malls, too! Amurrica, fuck yeah!
21. Tom Fucking Lukiwski. He calls his NDP opponent a whore, then denies it and claims he called her a “horde”. Since when does one single woman an entire horde make? Since Conservatives kept flunking grammar at school, no doubt. Stay classy, Tom, you witless motherfucker. PS: And fuck you double since you cost this brave journalist her job, asshole.
22. John Fucking Bradford. And speaking of classy: How about that resurrected Twinkie Defence? Yeah, sure, we’ll buy the idea that Jared Fucking Fogle didn’t go from “mild” pedophilia to full-on child-fucking until he went on the Subway diet and lost over 200 pounds. Who knew that veggie and turkey subs had the power to bring out the child molester in us all? (And by that token — why, after all those meatball footlongs on whole wheat I ate, have I not turned into a raving nymphomaniac?)
23. Donald Fucking Trump. Yup, he’s gone full Nazi. Or rather, he’s been one all along, and just chose to let that ol’ swastika fly this week. I’d invite him to bend over and kiss his chances goodbye, but his head is so far up is ass that his toupee is currently tickling his appendix.
24. David Fucking Bowers. And speaking of Nazis, how about this one? He thinks internment camps are a good idea. Yeah, ask the US Japanese how that worked out for them, you moron. Or just go learn some fucking history. PS: He wasn’t expecting it to go viral? Dude, learn what this here newfangled thing is. It’s called the Internet.
25. Chris Fucking Christie. Yes, bubba, you heard right. That Syrian passport is now a confirmed FAKE. And not a single refugee was involved in the Paris bombing, except perhaps on the victim side. Who the fuck shoots up Cambodian restaurants, anyway?
26. Tyrone Paul Fucking Ponthieux. Oooooooo, watch out, we got a badass over here! No, wait, false alarm. We just got ourselves an ass. A typical ammosexual who just had to tell the whole world how very small his genitalia actually are.
27. David Fucking Frum. Gawd, his mother must be doing somersaults in her grave right now, knowing that her son is handling Daesh’s propaganda. Almost as embarrassing as when he was doing the same job for Dubya, eh?
28. Kevin Fucking Swanson. And glory be! Here’s yet another self-righteous white guy doing Daesh’s propaganda for them. Man, that terror mafia has more fucking tentacles than I ever dreamed!
29. Ann Fucking Wagner. And yet another right-wing white person doing Daesh’s dirty work. Jeez, I’m sensing a trend here, or something.
30. James Fucking O’Keefe. Yet another fucking white guy, more Daesh crapaganda, yadda yadda yadda snzzzzz.
And finally, to all the fucking idiots from Canada’s Pants who are planning to move up here if your state decides to take in Syrian refugees. Uh, you DO realize that your states can’t legally do that, right? And that Canada is still planning to take at least 25,000 of those same refugees you don’t want, right? Right? RIGHT???
Good night, and get fucked!
The Battle of Algiers, an award-winning film based on the true story of the struggle for Algerian independence. Saadi Yacef, who plays El-Hadi Jaffar, was an actual FLN guerrilla leader; the character Jaffar is basically himself a few years before the film was made. In part, the movie is his story, but in fact it’s the story of all Algeria at that tumultuous time, when the country was fighting to free itself from French colonial rule. At around the same time as the movie’s final scene plays out, this happened across the Mediterranean, in Paris:
Unarmed Algerian Muslims demonstrating in central Paris against a discriminatory curfew were beaten, shot, garotted and even drowned by police and special troops. Thousands were rounded up and taken to detention centers around the city and the prefecture of police, where there were more beatings and killings.
How many died? No one seems to know for sure, even now. Probably around 200.
It seems astonishing today, from this perspective, that such a thing could happen in the middle of a major Western capital closely covered by the international media. This was not Kabul, Beijing, Hebron or some Bosnian backwater, after all, but the City of Light – Paris.
But the Fifth Republic under President Charles de Gaulle was in trouble in October 1961. De Gaulle, who was primarily interested in establishing France’s pre-eminent position in Western Europe and the world, found himself presiding over domestic chaos. France was constantly disrupted by strikes and protests by farmers and workers, as well as by terrorism from opposing organizations: the Front de Libération Nationale (FLN), representing the Algerian nationalist independence movement, and the Organisation Armée Secrète (OAS), a group of disaffected soldiers, politicians and others committed to keeping Algeria French. The OAS rightly perceived that de Gaulle was bound to free France from the burden of its last major colonial holding, so he could get on with the business of making France the economic and political power of his lofty ambition.
Of course, Algeria didn’t stay French; in 1962, independence finally arrived to stay.
But in France, something else had stuck around, something unwelcome and unmentionable: fascism, supposedly overcome at the end of World War II, but in fact simmering in the background not only in Algeria, but all over French Colonial Africa. And in 1961, it burst to the fore on French soil with the kind of violence that would a few years later characterize Pinochet’s Chile, or Argentina under the fascist military junta:
But the vicious war in Algeria, marked by bloody atrocities committed on all sides, had been grinding on for nearly seven years. Terrorist attacks in Paris and other French cities had claimed dozens of lives of police, provoking what Interior Minister Roger Frey called la juste colère – the just anger – of the police. They vented that anger on the evening of Oct. 17. About 30,000 Muslims – from among some 200,000 Algerians, ostensibly French citizens, living in and around Paris – descended upon the boulevards of central Paris from three different directions. The demonstration of men, women and children was called by the FLN to protest an 8:30 p.m. curfew imposed only on Muslims.
The demonstrators were met by about 7,000 police and members of special Republican Security companies, armed with heavy truncheons or guns. They let loose on the demonstrators in, among other places, Saint Germain-des-Prés, the Opéra, the Place de la Concorde, the Champs Elysée, around the Place de l’Étoile and, on the edges of the city, at the Rond Point de la Defense beyond Neuilly.
My news agency friend counted at least 30 corpses of demonstrators in several piles outside his office near the city center, into which he had pulled some Algerians to get them away from rampaging police. Another correspondent reported seeing police backing unarmed Algerians into corners on sidestreets and clubbing them at will. Later eyewitness reports recounted stranglings by police and the drowning of Algerians in the Seine, from which bodies would be recovered downstream for weeks to come.
Shades of the Argentine Junta, who were known for “disappearing” their victims, and who drowned the Río de la Plata with victims thrown drugged and still living from airplanes.
Just ten years ago, the world was shocked to hear that a pair of North African Muslim teenagers were electrocuted to death in a power substation to the north of Paris, in one of the infamous banlieues — essentially, Afro-Francophone ghettoes. They had been chased to their death by the police. A third boy escaped alive, but badly burned. The incident sparked riots that went on for two weeks.
Just the unruliness of the non-white colonials, revealing their good-for-nothing baser nature, in dire need of the French to secularize and civilize them? Hardly. Maurice Papon was then still alive, and so was the legacy of his particularly Nazified style of policing, which outlived him at his death two years later.
Those police tactics in the movie are well worth watching, too, since Paponism is embodied by the police inspector who sets a terrorist bomb in the Casbah of Algiers after curfew, killing the family of an innocent laborer scapegoated at random by the colonials. Torture figures highly as a means of getting Algerian guerrillas to talk and reveal the identities and whereabouts of their confederates to the paratroopers under command of Colonel Mathieu. The guillotine, long out of fashion in France, is still very much in use in its colonies; Ali La Pointe, the illiterate young man who becomes a key FLN figure, is radicalized in prison, upon witnessing the beheading of an Algerian nationalist being hauled to his death crying “Long Live Algeria” in Arabic.
The irony of Mathieu’s past as a Resistance hero, called upon to defend an indefensible colonialism that reeks of the Vichy era of Nazi occupation, should not be lost on anyone. His “scrupulous” integrity is much compromised, too, by his willingness to employ torture as an interrogation tactic. Yet he gives his word, when urging FLN leaders Murad and Ramel to give themselves up, that as prisoners they will not be harmed. He is that most French of contradictions: a man of honor, scrupulously following orders to do the most dishonorable things, much like Inspector Javert from Les Misérables. Strangest of all is the scene where he converses with the captured Jaffar on the way to headquarters, remarking that he feels a kind of kinship with the FLN leader, whose photograph he has studied for months, and that he is glad that Jaffar is alive and unhurt. One gets the impression that if it were not for their being on opposite sides of a struggle, the two would have been great friends. Mathieu is the embodiment of all of France’s own internal contradictions, as well as of blind loyalty to ideas he, like his homeland, does not enact at all well when it comes down to the crunch.
Jaffar is captured; Murad and Ramel blow themselves up (along with several paratroopers) rather than surrender; Ali La Pointe, Hassiba, Mahmud and Little Omar are killed by a bomb set by Mathieu’s own paratroops. It would appear that Mathiew’s offensive has paid off, and the French have won. But one battle, as Larbi Ben M’Hidi might have pointed out earlier on, is not the whole of the war. In the end it is not the blinkered faux-idealism of Mathieu that wins out; it is the impulse toward independence, however incoherent, on the part of all Algeria.
What began as a seemingly doomed guerrilla war became, over a period of years, a full popular uprising. And it was late in the game that Maurice Papon, back home in Paris, employed the dirty tricks he’d learned as a Vichy collaborator, and turned them on Algerian protesters there. And this is the final irony of the Battle of Algiers: right in the heart of France, it became all too evident why the Algerians wanted out of the empire. Little wonder, than, that the news of that massacre was heavily suppressed!
That lesson should not be lost on anyone today, especially in asking why so-called Islamists are rising up. Colonialism is far from dead in Africa today, and there are still over a dozen countries there paying colonial taxes to France…and chafing under that yoke. And there are plenty of refugees from those unstable, conflict-riven countries, too, being denied opportunities in a land that was presented to them as a benevolent overlord. One of the recent Paris attackers, for instance, was Algerian. Under those circumstances, uprisings are not just understandable, but well-nigh inevitable.
And it was only a matter of time before all those chickens came home to roost.