Venezuelan elections: Let the spinning begin

Hooboy, kiddies, grab your Gravol, ’cause here we go. The anglo whore media took one look at the mondo-bongo victory scored by the PSUV (that’s Chavecito’s party) and decided it had to do something to minimize the impact of the awful truth–that Venezuelans still really, really like Chavecito. So, here’s what they did:

The Dissociated Press sez that Chavecito “faces new challenges”, whatever that is supposed to mean. Actually, it reads more like a tacky new repackaging of “same old, same old”.

UPI (the Moonie Press Agency) resorts to frank sloppiness, saying “Chavez parties claim victory”. Um, there’s only one of them–the PSUV, perhaps you’ve heard of it?–and for a mere “claim”, it sure smells like a thorough trouncing, at least from where your Auntie Bina sits. Would Sun Myung Moon kindly stop dallying and just kick the friggin’ bucket already, so UPI can return to reporting news, again?

The Washington Post plays coy and admits that the PSUV won, but that the oppos “secured key posts”. Um, yeah. Suddenly Grandpa Munster Ledezma is perfectly positioned to set the Metropolitan Caracas police on Chavistas from the barrios again, just like Alfredo Peña did in 2002. And of course, when that happens, the WaHoPo will be cheering once more for the triumph of “democracy”. Just like it did back then. Woohoo, key post! Too bad it’s not the presidency, and won’t lead there, either.

The UK Guardian’s Richard Gott, who should understand this situation better, misses the mark and says Chavecito is putting on a “brave face”. Did someone tell him to tone down the victory whoops there? Sure sounds that way; he’s claiming these small victories of the oppos are a threat to the whole project, which is ridiculous. The project goes on regardless of who is governor or mayor wherever. Plus, you’d think that the gain of two states for the PSUV was a miserable failure. Shouldn’t it be the oppos who are putting on their brave face right now, considering they’ve just lost bigger?

Reuters India claims the oppos are “gaining ground”. Again, losing two states to the PSUV is somehow “gaining ground”. The mind boggleth!

And finally, bringing up the rear (or rather, dragging its ever-sorry ass), BusinessWeek says the opposition is “making inroads”. Um, yeah. Suddenly the presidency is, like, so much more assailable just because Grandpa Munster ate Caracas, and a few “contentious” states went, predictably, for well-worn clowns from the old guard. Let’s see if they can at least do a better job of crime control and garbage collection. Somehow, I doubt it.

But hey! Even in the midst of a pyrrhic defeat, we Chavistas will always have BoRev to keep us sane by laughing off everyone else’s sudden attacks of Teh Stoopid. And of course, there’s Venezuelanalysis, which is one of the blessed few English-language news sites that consistently get to the real meat of an issue where Venezuela is concerned. Charlie Hardy’s most recent entry there (on Grandpa Munster, no less!) is interesting and instructive:

Mr. Ledezma is the principal candidate of the Venezuelan opposition to President Chávez’s PSUV party for the office of “alcalde mayor,” the mayor of the greater Caracas area. He was once governor of the federal district, which was basically the same position as that of “alcalde mayor” today.

What is forgotten by some people is that in 1993, when he was the governor, he prohibited all demonstrations in Caracas. However, since the election of President Chávez he has repeatedly called for people to go out into the streets and march in protest against the government.

I would like to see the streets leading into Antonio Ledezma Corner filled with statues of Mr. Ledezma with signs in his hands indicating all the dates he has marched down the streets of Caracas in the last nine years. If there would be one statue for each moment, I doubt there would be room on the sidewalks for pedestrians. Therefore, each sign would have to have multiple dates. It is incredible that a person, who prohibited demonstrations when he had power to do so, has so frequently called upon others to join him in what he forbade.

Heh. Kiddies, Auntie Bina is putting on her psychic swami turban and predicting that Grandpa Munster will probably soon have his hands full of fractious Chavistas from the hillsides, marching against him. And midway through his term, the microsecond he becomes legally eligible, he’ll face a recall vote–bank on it. He better get cracking on that garbage-collection thing, and if he’s smart, he’ll watch where he sends the cops.

Congratulations, Grandpa, on your big victory–from whose jaws you are about to snatch defeat. Heh, heh, heh.