A woman I know at the Unfiltered News Network forum was recently let go from her job. It’s a story you’re bound to hear ad nauseam from people if you haven’t already, but this one got at least a little chuckle out of it, in the form of an e-mail that made the rounds from someone else who also got let go. Here it is in its entirety. Enjoy:
Oh yeah, and if you know anyone in need of this kind of laugh–pass it along, wouldja?
Dear employees,Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of theeconomy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be knownas RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).Persons selected to be RAPEd can apply to management to be eligible forthe SHAFT scheme(Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons whohave been RAPEd and SHAFTed will be reviewed under the SCREW program(Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPEd once,SHAFTed twice and SCREWed as many times as Management deems appropriate.Persons who have been RAPEd can only get AIDS (Additional Income forDependents & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired PersonnelEarly Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not beSHAFTed or SCREWed any further by Management.Persons who are not RAPEd and are staying on will receive as much SHIT(Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has alwaysprided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feelthat you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention ofyour Supervisor.They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.Sincerely,The Management