February is the shortest month of the year, but certainly not the sweetest; it’s the dead of winter, and the weather’s mean. The only good thing you can say about this month is that it ends quickly! And so do these shorter (but not sweeter) tributes to this week’s wanktards:1. Otto Fucking Odonga. “Private parts do not belong in the anus”, but heads apparently do. Now we know where Alan Fucking Keyes’ ancestors came from. UGANDA, where else?2. Helena Fucking Guergis. Wow, does SHE have great timing, or what? My money is on the square marked “or what”. PS: Happy fucking birthday to you, indeed, you entitled bitch.3. Steve Fucking Ellis. Basically, it was “you gimme fuckee, I let you become Canadian citizen-ee.” But she was all like ewwwwwww, gross-ee. Then she turned him in-ee. So he didn’t get to take advantage of the pretty Korean refugee claimant after all-ee.4. James Fucking Lunney. He makes the list again this week because he’s still a whiny chickenshit afraid of a little opposition. Which will soon turn into a LOT of it, if he doesn’t cut the crap.5. Sarah Fucking Palin, for the umpty-ump hundredth time. While she’s out there prattling on about imaginary death panels and other evils of socialized medicine, her own grandson is benefiting from…wait for it…socialized medicine. And the death panels? Well, those are real, but only in capitalized medicine. 6. Charles Fucking Van Zant. It’s not enough for him to force his own wife to squirt out the babies at lightning speed. No, now he wants to do the same to other women, too–under the guise of “compassion”. He’ll try to bring back the Baby Scoop Era singlehandedly if they let him. Pray they don’t!7. Lauren Fucking Ashley. If you’re gonna quote Fucking Leviticus under the false rubric of “loving” the “sinners”, sweetie, you may as well stop eating shellfish and wearing mixed-fibre clothes. Otherwise, you too could be put to death under THAT “law”. Also, God hates liars.8. The Fucking State of Utah. Nice lawmakers you people have! Better pray that none of your female nearest and dearest ever have a miscarriage, or you might not ever see Mom again. PS: Please address your ongoing polygamy problem if you REALLY care about women and children.9. Rush Fucking Limbaugh, AGAIN. Far be it from me to defend Glenn Fucking Beck (and believe me, I’m not about to do it here); I just love it when right-wingers eat their own. It saves the rest of us having to do it. Now get a room, you two!10. John Fucking Yoo, AGAIN. How sharp a cleaver do you need to split hairs this finely: Nuking civilians okay, crushing kids’ testicles NOT okay? Dude, IT’S ALL BAD!!!11. Peter Fucking Shurman. Christ, dude, learn some Canadian history. This nation has been around a lot longer than the modern-day (apartheid!) state of Israel. 12. and 13. Brad Fucking Trost and Maurice Fucking Vellacott. Such a cute couple they make. Such a pity they’re both such lying sexist wanks.14. Danny Fucking Williams. Paying for luxurious extras out of pocket does NOT make it the best healthcare, only the priciest. You could have had all that in Canada, except maybe the fancy furniture, the plush rug, the steak on the menu, and the private-duty nurse who gives blowjobs. Would sure be funny if he developed complications, would it not?And finally, since we have no personal wankers this week (¿Qué pasó?), let’s send out a pre-emptive tribute to Pat Fucking Robertson, who’s expected to pronounce at any time about the Chilean earthquake and the tsunami due to hit Hawaii: God don’t work that way, asshole.Good night, and get fucked!
The Caracazo, remembered:With music by Lloviznando Cantos.VTV also has various documentaries on the Caracazo and the events that led up to and came after it. Two short spots on the 4th Republic reveal the degree of corruption and misspending that various administrations later sold out the country to pay for at the hands of the IMF; Alberto Nolia, newly returned to The Devil’s Papers, tells how Carlos Andrés Pérez ordered the massacres of early 1989; and witnesses tell in their own voices their memories of those five frightening days of late February and early March. All videos in Spanish.
“The inexecutable…of inexecutability…of the nonexistent…of that which can’t be done, had or brought to effect….(not even with traps)…in other words, NO is NO!”The wall behind him says “Varito (his nickname), be a man!”–which is what he said to Chavecito the other day, when he rudely accosted him at a summit and bitched about the ongoing embargo of Colombian imports to Venezuela, and Chavecito, after repeated futile attempts to calm him, finally lost patience and told him to get fucked.But if you’re wondering what this cartoon is really about, here’s a synopsis: “Varito” is fucked. He can’t run for a third term in office. The Colombian Constitutional Court ruled against him yesterday, 7 to 2. As Raúl Bracho points out here, that’s one judge against for every gringo base Uribe allowed in Colombia. And Rodrigo Quijada notes with some glee that “Chávez sent him to hell, and the court paid the passage!”And just to add insult to injury, people in Bogotá were actually celebrating the fact–in a square that happens to be named in honor of Simón Bolívar.Meanwhile, the ‘Cito stays on, in accordance with the will of his people. I don’t think he‘s snickering, but I certainly am.