Stupid Sex Tricks: Arrive alive…

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…don’t do this when you drive:


Officer Ross Gilbert said the driver, Colondra Hamilton, a 36-year-old Downtown resident, was sitting with her pants unzipped and a sex toy in her lap.

He said Hamilton told him she was using the toy while watching a sex video on a laptop computer that a passenger in the front seat held up so she could see it.

Gilbert charged her with “driving with inappropriate alertness” and having illegal tinted windows, according to the traffic ticket.

I always did find dark-tinted windows somehow sleazy. Way to justify that uneasiness, lady.

(thx Jezebel)

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Put your hands up now…

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What really lies behind those trapped Chilean miners

A little insight, courtesy of Telesur reporter Alejandro Kirk:

The culprit, say miners and the family members of the trapped men, is the greed of Big Copper industrialists in Chile.

Working conditions have always been atrocious for that very reason in the copper mines, as Alberto Granado attested in his book, Travelling With Che Guevara: The Making of a Revolutionary:


Of course the tour we had today only served to confirm the opinion we formed when we went round yesterday–that is, that the whole place is incalculably rich.

The countless pieces of machinery, the perfect synchronisation and the way they get the maximum use out of every element certainly inspire admiration, but this is eclipsed by the indignation aroused when you think that all this wealth only goes to swell the coffers of Yankee capitalism, while its true owners, the Araucanian people*, live in abject poverty.

The first place we visited was the gallery of what’s called an open-pit mine. it consists of a number of terraces about fifty or sixty yards wide and two or three miles in length. Here they drill and place the dynamite, blow up bits of the hill, and then use universal shovels–a kind of bulldozer–to load up the dump cars hauled by an electric engine. From there the ore goes to the first crushing mill, where a dumper tips it out.

After the first crushing, automatic conveyors take the ore to a second mill and then a third. When the rock is finely crushed it is treated with sulphuric acid in large tanks. All this solution of sulphates is taken to a building, which houses the vats of electrolyte for separating out the copper and regenerating the acid.

The copper obtained by electrolysis is smelted in large furnaces at a temperature of 2,000 degrees centigrade, and then this torrent of liquid copper is tipped into large moulds dusted with calcined bone. It goes on into a unit that solidifies and cools it down almost instantaneously, and then electric cranes carry the moulds to a mill, which planes them to a uniform thickness.

All this is done with such precision that it reminded me of the Chaplin film . The impression grew even stronger when we tried to familiarise ourselves with various aspects of the technological process. Each worker or machine operator knows only what goes on in his section, and sometimes only part of it. There are many who have been working here for more than ten years and don’t know what goes on or what gets done in the next section down the line. Of course this is encouraged by the company, which can more easily exploit them this way, as well as keep them at a very low level culturally and politically. The striving trade-union leaders have a titanic struggle to make the workers see the pros and cons of the agreements that the company tries to get them to sign. The company also employs other subtle means to combat the union.

The bloke acting as our guide, who is nothing but a filthy mercenary, told us that whenever there’s an important union meeting, he and some of the administrator’s other assistants invite a large number of miners to a brothel, thereby robbing the meeting of a required quorum. To give some idea of this character’s mentality, it’s enough to say that at one moment he was telling us that the workers’ demands were excessive, and a little later he informed us that if the mine stood idle a single day the company lost a million dollars. With amounts like that at stake, this born slave dares to say that 100 pesos–a dollar–is an excessive demand. How we itched to throw him into one of the acid vats!

[…]

When we came down we met one of the members of the union. He explained to us that the company pays low daily wages, but attracts workers by holding out the illusion that the company store sells goods at lower prices than those of other establishments in the area. But it turns out that there is only a limited number of cheap articles, and essential foodstuffs are not always in stock, so the men have to buy them at fabulously high prices elsewhere from establishments that operate hand-in-glove with the company. Of course once a worker has settled here he stays on, hoping his demands will be heard and his needs met in the next contract. Time goes by, there’s a wife, then children, and in the end, against his will and knowing he’s being exploited, he remains until his eldest son takes his place, once he’s been rendered useless by the passing years and privations–assuming he’s not been killed in a blasting accident, or by silicosis or by the sulphuric vapours.

Afterwards, we went over the western part of the town, where a plant makes prefabricated houses. This kind o
f building could solve the housing problems not only of Chuquicamata but also of the rest of Chile if the technique were properly applied, with a proper finish, nicely painted, and so on. Here everything is done on the cheap, just to igve the workers housing that fulfils the minimum requirements–and sometimes not even that. Besides, they group the houses together in a distant part of town and don’t provide any drains. Of course the Yankees and their lackeys have a special school for their children, as well as golf courses, and their houses aren’t prefabricated.

We also visited the area scheduled to be mined over the next ten years, when the sulphide processing plant is finished. When we saw that they would get millions upon millions of dollars a day out of this area too (they are currently extracting 90,000 tons of ore a day) Fúser [Che] and I remembered that when we had read a book on Chile’s copper we thought the author was exaggerating when he said that forty days’ work could pay off all the capital investment. Life is certainly a great teacher and shows you more than a hundred books.

*Araucanians is the catch-all term for the indigenous peoples of Chile.

Fúser, or Ernesto “Che” Guevara, Alberto Granado’s friend, writes more neutrally about the mine itself, but his brief politico-economic analysis of what he and Granado saw at Chuquicamata (in The Motorcycle Diaries) is as chilling as it is clear:


Chile produces 20 percent of all the world’s copper, and copper has become vitally important in these uncertain times of potential conflict because it is an essential component of various types of weapons of [mass] destruction. Hence, an economico-political battle is being waged in Chile between a coalition of nationalist and left-wing groupings which advocate nationalizing the mines, and those who, in the cause of free enterprise, prefer a well-run mine (even in foreign hands) to possibly less efficient management by the state. Serious accusations have been made in [the Chilean] Congress against the companies currently exploiting the concessions, symptomatic of the climate of nationalist aspiration which surrounds copper production.

Whatever the outcome of the battle, it would be as well not to forget the lesson taught by the mines’ graveyards, which contain but a fraction of the enormous number of people devoured by cave-ins, silicosis and the mountain’s infernal climate.

Both of these Argentine travellers wrote their accounts in 1952, long before Salvador Allende finally won election (in 1970) as the first socialist president of Chile–significantly, on a platform that included nationalization of the copper mines. The atrocious conditions of the mines were already an old problem even by then, and as Che’s account makes clear, the Yankee war industries–by that time, given to the production of nuclear weapons–had become a major culprit in the miseries of Chile. That same year, incidentally, Allende campaigned for the presidency for the first time, and lost. Considering what he was up against (the same problems that the miners’ union leaders were facing), it seems hardly surprising that he had to campaign in three more presidential races before finally succeeding. By 1970, political consciousness among miners had apparently reached the necessary critical mass. But the mine owners didn’t take the nationalization drive lying down, and three years later, Allende was murdered in the coup that brought fascist dictatorship to Chile for the first time in the person of Augusto Pinochet.

And yes, the coup was copper-colored.


At the overt level, Washington was frosty, especially after the nationalization of the copper mines; official relations were unfriendly but not openly hostile. The government of President Richard M. Nixon launched an economic blockade conjunction with U.S. multinationals (ITT, Kennecott, Anaconda) and banks (Inter-American Development Bank, World Bank). The US squeezed the Chilean economy by terminating financial assistance and blocking loans from multilateral organizations. But during 1972 and 1973 the US increased aid to the military, a sector unenthusiastic toward the Allende government. The United States also increased training Chilean military personnel in the United States and Panama.

Kennecott and Anaconda were major US copper-mining concerns in Chile. The Chuquicamata mine, which so infuriated Che and “Mial” Granado, was owned by Anaconda at the time of their visit. Chuquicamata’s Wikipedia entry closes on a bland note that probably reveals something of its author’s class viewpoint:


These mines were mainly self-contained and self-sustaining settlements. They were complete with their own cities to house the workers, their own water and electrical plants, schools, stores, railways, and even in certain cases their own police forces. These mines were extremely beneficial in an economical sense, for they provided steady jobs and a steady income for the nation of Chile.

Note the complete absence of mentions of the terrible working conditions, the poor pay, the company stores that fleeced the workers, who were forced to live in substandard, prefabricated housing without sewers, and who often made their way to the company graveyard at a shockingly early age. “Extremely beneficial in an economical sense” they may well have been, if Alberto Granado’s account of million-dollar-a-day ore extraction is anything to go by, but not for the majority of those who worked there! As Che wrote in The Motorcycle Diaries:


Yet the guide, the Yankee bosses’ faithful lapdog, told us: ‘Stupid gringos, they lose thousands of pesos every day in a strike so as not to give a poor worker a couple of extra centavos. That’ll be over when our General Ibañez comes to power.’ And a foreman-poet: ‘These famous terraces enable every scrap of copper to be mined. People like you ask me lots of technical questions but I’m rarely asked how many lives it has cost. I don’t know the answer, doctors, but thank you for asking.’

Linkage added.

The aging General Ibañez was elected soon after that, but he didn’t nationalize the copper mines. Nor did his policies do much that was actually felt at the workers’ level, other than for one thing: he legalized the Chilean Communist Party, which was a leading force in the struggle for nationalization and workers’ rights. That party would become a component in the Popular Front coalition that supported Salvador Allende.

Ironically, after Pinochet’s copper coup, the copper industries of Chile remained nationalized (a process that had begun in 1969 under Allende’s immediate predecessor, Eduardo Frei). But the appalling working conditions were never ameliorated, thanks to Pinochet’s iron fist. His earliest military posting, not coincidentally, was to the mining regions of northern Chile, where his duties included squelching “communism”–that is, union organization among the miners.

Now Chile has a Pinochet sympathizer as president, one who no doubt is looking at selling off the copper industries or handing them back to their original Yankee dueños. And the mining conditions? Well, they speak for themselves. It’s estimated that the rescue of these trapped miners will take another 120 days–four whole months. A fact which should argue strongly against privatization and in favor of serious reforms and dra
stic new workplace safety measures, but it’s not at all certain that Sebastián Piñera will heed these dire warnings. After all, he is a businessman first and foremost, and his attitude is that all of Chile should be run like a business, even when that business is as blatantly inhumane as the copper mines of Chuquicamata.

The Bush Crime Family’s tentacles in Cuba

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Thought you’d seen the last of Dubya when His Barackness kicked him oh-so-politely out of the White House, and hustled him and his minions onto that chopper to take him back to Crawford where he belonged? Think again. As long as there’s a Bush family, there will be an evil empire of crime and greed. That empire is unbelievably vast, and its tentacles reach all over the place, sucking wealth out of remote locations and leaving the locals impoverished unless they fight back. And one of those places, as strange coincidence would have it, is CUBA–where the locals fought back successfully, and against which, it seems, the BFEE still bears a grudge:


The obsession of the Bush family with Cuba, and its determination to make life difficult for Cubans, begs the question: Is there some secret or “black hole” in the relations of the Bushes with this Caribbean isle?

In reality, there’s no cat to let out of the bag, because the hidden skeleton left the closet some time ago, when there was an investigation and a recounting of the links between the Bush family name and Cuba, conducted by Marcelo Pérez Suárez, doctor of political science, of the Foreign Ministry of Cuba.

From one of his works, we draw the following revealing data:


George Herbert Walker, maternal great-grandfather of George W. Bush, member of the wealthy family headed by Prescott Bush, was a director of seven companies operating in Cuba since 1920. These were dedicated to the production of sugar, distillation of rum, and railroad infrastructure. They were called The Cuba Company, The Cuban Railroad, Cuban Dominican Sugar, Barahona Sugar, Cuba Distilling, Sugar Estates of Oriente, and Atlantic Fruit and Sugar.

These were merged in 1942 into the West Indies Sugar Company, which was nationalized in 1960 by the Cuban revolutionary government [of Fidel Castro].

In 1953, George H. Walker died, but his namesake son, George H. Walker Jr., the uncle of George Bush, took up the reins of those seven companies. That same year, George Bush, father of George W. Bush, entered the oil business and founded the Zapata Oil company in Houston, Texas, creating Zapata Offshore as a subsidiary.

In 1958, Zapata Offshore signed a contract to exploit petroleum deposits 40 miles off the Cuban shore, north of Isabela de Sagua in the province of Las Villas. This venture was cut short by the triumph of the Revolution in 1959.

However, even with the possibility of business and investments with Cuba ruled out, George Bush Sr. remained president of Zapata Offshore until 1966.

Zapata Offshore and its head, George Bush, are both linked to the CIA, as was shown by declassified documents from the US Secret Service. Also because the records of Zapata were destroyed. A good while after 1960, the Secret Service moved to protect George Bush when he began his political career and destroyed all the records between 1981 and 1983, when he began his term as vice-president. There were motives.

What is true is that regarding West Indies Sugar and Zapata, it is very likely that the Bush family, as well as being hurt in its business relations and investments in Cuba, may have maintained some “right” to reclamation after the nationalizations of the Revolution. Recall that many companies have continued to maintain these “rights” up to now, hoping to recuperate the properties or a higher compensation [than originally received], under the complicity of the government and laws of the United States.

Fletcher Prouty, an ex-CIA officer, confirmed in his 1973 book, The Secret Team, that two of the ships used for the Bay of Pigs invasion–the Barbara and the Houston–were renamed and repainted by Agent Bush in the naval base of Elizabeth City, North Carolina, before being sent to Cuba, and that his company, Zapata Offshore, was used as a front.

In summation, there is no “black hole” in the relationship between the Bush family and Cuba. Everything is clearer than water, and there is nothing hidden to investigate.

Translation mine. Linkage added.

Of course, if you’ve been following the BFEE in more recent years (as this site has), you’ll already know that they’ve fallen on harder times since those glory days when they snapped up trouble-ridden Cuban corporations at fire-sale prices and proceeded to profiteer obscenely from the investment. Dubya’s oil companies, Harken and Arbusto, were most notable for drilling dry holes, for losing money, and in Arbusto’s case, for being sold, at a ridiculous profit, to none other than one of the Bin Ladens (another rich and powerful family, this one distinctly Saudi in character. Perhaps you’ve heard of them?) It’s awfully tempting to put two and two together between that connection and 9-11, and a certain CIA daily briefing that Dubya–oddly, considering that he is the son of a former CIA director–brushed aside, not to mention how badly the US military, under Dubya’s orders, flubbed the battle of Tora Bora (the one where a certain tall turban-man named Osama got away.) Don’t you think so?

If you do, you won’t have any problem seeing why Dubya strove so hard (and in vain) throughout his term to starve Cuba out. Actually, his old man came closer to it, which is why you may have seen that brief rash of Cuban bo
at-people
during the so-called “Special Period” between the collapse of the Soviet Union and the mid-1990s, when the Cuban economy began to recover and the trickle of economic migrants ceased. That period of hardship eased, not due to foreign investment (for there was none), nor by any buyouts or reclamations of nationalized corporations (there were none of those, either), but by the Cuban people’s pre-existing self-sufficiency drive, established in the wake of the Revolution. The Special Period deepened and intensified it, and Cuban ingenuity won that day.

The Cuban recovery happened during Bill Clinton’s tenure–at a time when the BFEE, and indeed the entire US right-wing, was doing its damnedest to force that popular, and largely peace-minded, president out of office. Ken Starr and his panty-sniffing, pornographic impeachment drive failed. Even the Elián González kerfuffle could not spark the undoubtedly desired conflict that might have brought things to a head in Cuba. There was nothing for the BFEE to do there, and not later, either. Dubya missed his own window of opportunity when Venezuela struck up the ALBA treaty, with Cuba as its first co-signer. (He had struck out earlier, too, when his oily widdle coup against Venezuela failed in ’02.)

Two rich Caribbean oil treasure troves, and he fucked up in his efforts to get them, as my mom would say in German, under his fingernails. That’s gotta hurt. But it’s quite par for the course; Dubya has the reverse of the Midas touch. Everything he sticks his hand into turns to shit.

Let’s hope that no subsequent Bush gets into the Oval Office, or, in the event that one does, let’s hope he fails as badly as all his predecessors at undermining the sovereignty of Latin America for nefarious BFEE corporate purposes.

I wouldn’t call it unpredictable

I would, in fact, call this simply shameful:


Canada’s position on human rights issues is becoming harder and harder to predict, says Amnesty International’s newly appointed boss.

Salil Shetty said Monday that Canada is now taking drastically different positions in areas such as torture and the death penalty where it has traditionally been progressive.

“Generally speaking if you talk to most Canadians, there’s a big gap between what they believe Canada does and what the reality is in terms of government policy and actions,” Shetty said in an interview.

“It’s a G8 country, it’s a major world power and it has produced so many leaders on these issues, so it has (had) a trendsetting or agenda-setting role.”

Amnesty’s new secretary general said it’s hard to know where Canada stands on many issues.

“You could predict where Canada stood on many of the issues in the past and now you can’t be sure,” Shetty said before delivering a speech at the CIVICUS World Assembly, a gathering of civil society groups.

Salil, it’s not so bewildering when you consider who’s in charge of us here:

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Just take the most noxious right-wing positions you find kicking around to the south of us, transpose them up here, give them a sweater vest and a bland non-accent, and voilà! Instant explanation for what’s been ailing us up here in Beaverlandia.

Most of us are perfectly capable of grasping why Omar Khadr needs to be repatriated and stand a fair trial here. We’re Canadian, we like justice. But Harpo is US Repug Lite, and he doesn’t.

Most of us are in favor of refugee claimants, whatever their origins, getting a fair hearing from immigration. We’re Canadian, we remember how many of us (or our forebears) came as immigrants and/or refugees. But Harpo is US Repug Lite, and he doesn’t.

Most of us are in favor of freedom of speech and peaceful assembly. We’re Canadian, and we cherish those rights. But Harpo is US Repug Lite, and he doesn’t.

Most of us are in favor of basic human rights as set forth by the United Nations. We’re Canadian, and we take pride in our long-standing record as UN supporters and peacekeepers. But Harpo is…

…well, you get the picture.

Harpo is un-Canadian, and it’s time to haul him the fuck out of office. That is all.

Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Fascism Without Swastikas. Comments Off »

Quotable: Tony Judt on language

“Cultural insecurity begets its linguistic doppelgänger. The same is true of technical advance. In a world of Facebook, MySpace, and Twitter (not to mention texting), pithy allusion substitutes for exposition. Where once the Internet seemed an opportunity for unrestricted communication, the increasingly commercial bias of the medium–‘I am what I buy’–brings impoverishment of its own. My children observe of their own generation that the communicative shorthand of their hardware has begun to seep into communication itself: ‘people talk like texts.’

“This ought to worry us. When words lose their integrity so do the ideas they express. If we privilege personal expression over formal convention, then we are privatizing language no less than we have privatized so much else. ‘When I use a word,’ Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, ‘it means just what I choose it to mean–neither more nor less.’ ‘The question is,’ said Alice, ‘whether you can make words mean so many different things.’ Alice was right: the outcome is anarchy.

“In ‘Politics and the English Language,’ Orwell castigated contemporaries for using language to mystify rather than inform. His critique was directed at bad faith: people wrote poorly because they were trying to say something unclear or else deliberately prevaricating. Our problem, it seems to me, is different. Shoddy prose today bespeaks intellectual insecurity: we speak and write badly because we don’t feel confident in what we think and are reluctant to assert it unambiguously (‘It’s only my opinion…’). Rather than suffering from the onset of ‘newspeak,’ we risk the rise of ‘nospeak.'”

Tony Judt, “Words”, in The New York Review of Books

Posted in Newspeak is Nospeak, Quotable Notables. Comments Off »

More Music for a Sunday: The entire hip-hop genre, explained…

…by the world’s lamest rapper:

Every hip-hop meme is in there. Every. Single. ONE.

(Thanks to the tweeterriffic @gameandpc, whom you are hereby commanded to follow. Queen’s orders!)

Music for a Sunday: One of those “just because” songs

This one just seems to flow, doesn’t it? Straight from a sad place where we all have been at one point or another (yes, even you, the smug twit there at the back, pretending it’s never happened to YOU…)

Crank it and sing along. You know you wanna.

Wankers of the Week: Cordoba House edition

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Ah, the non-mosque that’s not going to be built on Ground Zero–what is there to say about it that hasn’t been said already? It’s been the subject of a lot of wankage this week, and so by default, it’s my theme this week (among others). What’s most hilarious is how some say it would be insulting to build a Shinto shrine at Pearl Harbor. There isn’t any, but there IS a Japanese cultural centre not so far away, and nobody’s shrieeeeeeking about that. A mosque, if it were one, would be a vast improvement over this. But it’s not a mosque, it’s a community centre. So, why worry about a bunch of friendly moderate Muslims building their own equivalent of a YMCA?

Well, wankers being wankers, they find their own “reasons” to wank their willies off about whatever’s got them all hot and bothered. So here they are, in no particular order…

1. Nick Fucking Newcomen. He drove all that way just to give his country the world’s biggest piece of shitty “advice”. Guess that makes him a mega-wanker. Hey Nick, whose ideology do you think is RESPONSIBLE for all that wrack and ruin that the US is going through right now? I don’t understand how anyone can recommend such a complete and pluperfect psychopath, let alone go to this length to do it:

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See how easy it is to pwn Nick the Nutjob and nullify all his haaaaaaaaarrrrrd work? All *I* needed was the Internets–which happen, by chance, to be the collaborative work of many geniuses, not the sole doing of a mythical (and utterly fictional) John Galt who could pull the plug on us all at any time, on some mad egotistical whim.

2. Laura Fucking Ingraham. Pair of flipflops for you, dear? Or perhaps a coat that’s easy to turn without anyone else noticing? Yes, people she was FOR the so-called Ground Zero Mosque before she was against it. Interesting how a fist full of Rupee Murdoch’s dollars could turn her head, just SNAP, like that!

3. Rush Fucking Limbaugh. Yo Pigman, Barack Obama is not “post-American”, nor is he “anti-American”. He’s a better American than you, although believe me, at the rate he caves in to your whack-ass lunatic side, that’s not saying much.

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4. Pamela Fucking Geller. Yes, she’s the main driving force behind the whole anti-mosque “movement” (a movement, no doubt, of the bowel kind.) Did you know she’s also in league with Nazis? It’s true!

5. Bill O’Fucking Reilly. Really…attacking Jennifer Aniston just for stating that women have tons of options today that they didn’t a generation ago? I’ve never been a fan of hers, but I suppose it’s not too late to start. Anyone who can pwn Billo is hail-fellow-well-met with me.

6. and 7. Orly Fucking Taitz and Connie Fucking Rhodes. Too bad, so sad–you know you’re a loser when even Dubya’s most right-wing appointees rule against you.

8. Newt Fucking Gingrich. Godwin’s Law has not only been violated, its corpse has been sodomized. By a two-time adulterous preacher of family values, no less. Since Newty’s reared his pudgy little head yet again, it can only mean one thing: He’s cheating on his third wife, and he needs cover in the worst way. And he’s generating it…in the worst way. When you go around comparing 9-11 survivors and victims’ families to Nazis, you’ve not only scraped the bottom of the barrel–you’ve gone straight through it. I sure hope Mrs. Newty #4, whoever she is, is worth this, because it’s a fucking disgrace.

9. Maggie Fucking Gallagher. Why?

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That’s why.

She is not only a liar (check it out, Maggie, most of Europe does NOT have same-sex marriage, and its birthrates aren’t so low either), she also has no neck. With spokespeople like this, it’s no wonder “traditional” marriage (between a man and a woman and his mistress, for money and status and reproduction and appearances–but not love) is in trouble.

10. Tom Fucking Frazier. Well, at least his handwriting is legible.

11. Bill Fucking Kristol. A bag of salted dicks is entirely too good for him. Throw in some lightly roasted dog turds, dammit.

12. Juan Fucking Sandoval Fucking Iniguez. Christ, what is it with Mexico City’s asinine cardinals lately? Last week it was a screaming Mary-in-the-closet getting his ‘phobe on over same-sex marriage, this time it’s another one, slandering the mayor over gay adoption (which is also on its way to legality in all of Mexico). Nojoda, this is stoopid shit. Look, you two–if you don’t want to perform gay weddings, that’s fine. Nobody’s holding a gun to your skullcapped heads. But isn’t it time you took your hands off the kids? Has the whole Marcial Maciel thing not taught you anything? Oh, yeah, that’s right…gay adoption would deprive predatory churchmen of more victims, just as gay marriage would deprive the church of closet cases seeking refuge. Mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa.

13. This stupid fucker right here:

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I don’t care if this was a joke or not, it’s not funny. I hope you get it hard up the ass with a splintery broomhandle for that, motherfucker.
Haha, just kidding! Ain’t I funny? No? Well, there you go, then.

14. and 15. Matt Fucking Drudge and John Fucking Bolton. Oh look, the Eggman also has the hots for Pamela Fucking Geller’s milk-mustachioed crushboy! Srsly, you two guys should lay off Iran and just get a room. And invite Pam, too, I hear she’s mega kinky.

16. Laura Fucking Schlessinger. No, “Dr.” Laura, your First Amendment rights were NOT “usurped” by anyone else. They were ABUSED. By YOU. The people you’re whining about merely called you on your shit. And considering how much you’ve babbled about personal responsibility on your hate-mongering show over the years, one might think you could finally learn to exercise a little of your own for a change, instead of cultivating a victim mentality and blaming “groups”–such as the NAACP, no doubt, the same you ATTACKED on your goddamned show. You should have been kicked off the air long ago on the grounds that you are a FRAUD who is not qualified to dispense advice on the radio or anywhere. Next time you say you’re sorry, apologize for REAL.

17. Sarah Fucking Palin. Why?

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That’s why. Very big of her, though, to forget that “Dr.” Laura once called her a bad mother (a point on which she may have been correct, seeing how Sawah’s kids are turning out. Of course, “Dr.” Laura too has a skeleton in the motherhood closet.)

18. Juan Fucking Pereda Fucking Asbun. Aside from the fact that I’m glad Bolivia has a president now who looks like the average Bolivian, and who is popular and democratically elected (and re-elected), and who has made real and positive changes to the way things get done around there, I’m especially glad when I compare and contrast Evo with his right-wing predecessors. Especially the pedobear types.

19. Jacob Fucking Sullum. Only an anti-science flibbertigibbertarian airhead would lionize an epidemiologist who “proved” that particulate matter in the air does not cause lung disease. Try telling DOCTORS that they’re just being “politically correct” when they diagnose a smoker with lung disease CAUSED by smoking. Or all those 9-11 first responders now dying of lung diseases caught from inhaling particulate matter in the toxic air around the remains of the WTC! Go on, I darez ya. Sick as some of those guys are, they could still tie your ass into a pretzel for that.

20. Rob Fucking Ford. I reiterate: Unfit for mayor of Toronto. Could go postal at any time. Plus, isn’t he disqualified by the string of criminal incidents he’s been in? He should be. PS: There’s now a Facebook group dedicated to making sure he doesn’t end up bullying City Hall. Go see.

21. Maury Fucking Davis. A convicted murderer who has the gall to put his own words in Christ’s mouth? How did this one even get to theological college, much less graduate as a minister? Granted that he may have had a conversion experience in prison, but his right-wing tendencies argue against that. He should know his bible by heart, and that means no excuses for failing to realize that Jesus said nothing about Muslims. Islam was still six centuries in the future then, anyway.

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22. And speaking of those “Christians” who cast the first stone, how about SUZANNE FUCKING ALL CAPS NITOUCHE? Jesus never said anything about gays, either.

23. Ron Fucking Johnson. His name is Ron Johnson, he comes from Wisconsin, and he thinks its workers are “losers”. Or should that be “looters”? He thinks Atlas Shrugged is the bible, after all. Guess who’s gonna lose the next election to the very fine Russ Feingold? Yup, Randian Ronny. Hey nonny nonny.

24. Rick Fucking Lazio. The non-mosque at Park 51 is a non-issue. Tricky Ricky’s shady business dealings, on the other hand…well, I can see why he would use a non-issue to cover THOSE up. They are quite the issue indeed.

25. Randy Fucking Brown. Your “humor” is–how to put this delicately?–NOT FUCKING FUNNY. A truly enjoyable alternative to your crude video would be one of actual, lovely quotes from Republican “ladies” (see below.) And even better, Tom Jones wouldn’t be going after you for abusing his music!

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26. Allen Fucking West. What size is the shoe that I see sticking out of his mouth? Here’s a tip, Allen: if you’re trying to shake off someone who’s out to catch you in lies, exaggerations, and other assorted whoppers, don’t resort to hyperbole. Especially not of the Godwin kind.

27. Whoever the fuck is responsible for the nation’s weirdest fucking grow-op.

28. Tasha Fucking Kheiriddin. I’m sure Harpo enjoys a BJ as much as the next dude, but a remora? Really, dudette, that’s just so undignified. Let go of him, already.

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An
d finally, to this week’s up-close and personal wanktards: Corny Fucking Black (“Corny” is right, you sure as hell are!), “Dr.” (of what, autoproctology?) Carter Fucking Kolodny, and Chris Fucking Kemp (one dumb shit, two dumb piles). And to all you other oh-so-valiant anonymous trolls who felt compelled to defend the nonexistent honor of Christopher Hitchens, which is certainly more than he ever did. The fail is strong with all of you, and it’s the only strong thing about you (other than, of course, the stench).

Good night, and get fucked!

Festive Left Friday Blogging: Evo, at work (with the workers)

There’s a lot of highway repair work going on in Bolivia lately…

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…and Evo was right out there, watching the work crews on the highway between Cochabamba and Villa Tunari. Andean roads are notoriously dangerous, but they’re getting safer on his watch, and the view is unparallelled. Love the mountains behind him!