A metaphor for the entire Venezuelan opposition

Watch what happens when a bunch of peaceful student demonstrators try to launch the Illudium Q-36 Space Modulatorrrrr by human slingshot:

“Where’s the kaboom? There’s supposed to be an Earth-shattering KABOOM!”

And so there is…but it isn’t where they intended it to be. Ha, ha.

Maricori — denied!

The other day I promised to post photos of María Corina Machado being barred from the National Assembly, where she was stripped of her parliamentary seat after suddenly turning up as an ambassador for Panama to the OAS, in contravention of at least two articles of the Venezuelan constitution. Well, here they are, and here she is:

maricori-barred

It didn’t matter what flag she wrapped herself in, security was not about to let Maricori through that door. They had already been alerted in advance to her little plan for a parliamentary putsch. This was as far as she got. There was no choice for Maricori but to leave…

maricori-mototaxi

…on the back of a mototaxi. (Note the antifascist, pro-revolutionary slogan painted on the divider; irony at its finest!) She didn’t seem at all comfortable about hanging on to the driver, even though safety would indicate that it’s a good idea to do so. Maybe because he was kind of brown and working-class, and thus, not her kind of people? Maybe. In any case, Maricori’s little show of being a Woman of the People is another epic fail in a long, long series of pitiful oligarchic media shows.

One wonders why any of them still bother.

María Corina Machado, the patriotic…Panamanian?

machado-bush

The other day, I saw that a certain right-wing Venezuelan parliamentarian, legendary for whining to anyone who will listen (including the Shrub, above) about how her country’s been ruined, had spoken to the OAS using Panama’s seat. At the time I wondered how that could be — and why was that even allowed? She wasn’t allowed to kvetch about Venezuela, so that much was good. But what the hell was she doing there when she had a parliamentary seat back home to occupy? Why was she neglecting her own duties?

Well, mystery solved:

The president of the Venezuelan national assembly, Diosdado Cabello, informed on Monday that María Corina Machado had quit being a deputy of the Republic upon accepting and exercising her duty as alternative representative of the government of Panama before the Organization of American States (OAS) in Washington.

Cabello pointed out that the right-wing spokeswoman violated Article 191 of the Venezuelan constitution, which states: “Deputies of the National Assembly may not accept or exercise public charges without losing their investiture, except in cases of docent, academic, accidental or assistant activities, always without exclusive dedication.”

“Being there (in the OAS), Ms. María Machado made declarations, actions, petitions, as a funcionary of the Panamanian government. That is public, notorious and communicational, when she acted she was accepting any duty the Panamanian government gave her,” said the president of the Venezuelan parliament, who also read out Panama’s communiqué to the OAS, in which Machado’s accreditation was solicited “as an alternate representative of the delegation of the Republic of Panama before the OAS, as of this date (March 20, 2014).”

Cabello said that this was not an accidental nomination, not for one day but “as of this date”, and Machado currently occupies a seat as alternate representative of Panama before the OAS.

Machado also violated Article 149 of the Venezuelan constitution, which states: “Public functionaries may not accept charges, honors or recompense from foreign governments without the authorization of the National Assembly.”

“That would be a violation of Article 149, because being a public functionary, she accepted a charge from a foreign government without the authorization of the National Assembly,” Cabello pointed out, referring to Machado’s nomination to the OAS, where she expressed her support for violent actions perpetrated inn certain sectors of the country from February 12 onward, on the part of shock-groups of the Venezuelan right, which have caused the deaths of more than 30 persons, as well as much damage and destruction, with the objective of unseating the government of President Nicolás Maduro, elected by the majority of the people.

The right-wing spokeswoman, the National Assembly president pointed out, represents “a government hostile to the government and people of Venezuela”.

On March 5, the Venezuelan government decided to suspend political, diplomatic and economic relations with Panama, following the interference of the government of Ricardo Martinelli in Venezuela’s internal affairs, and having promoted sanctions against Venezuela at the OAS.

Cabello recounted that last week, the Attorney General of Venezuela had received proofs in order to initiate an investigation and trial against Machado, on presumption of involvement in crimes against the independence and security of the nation, calls to violence, instigation to crimes, terrorism, violations of the Constitution, and treason, with the objective of promoting a coup d’état and foreign intervention in Venezuela’s internal affairs.

With the objective of rescinding her parliamentary immunity, the president of the National Assembly, along with the socialist bloc, presented the Attorney General with documents which give evidence of the alleged ties of Machado to the events in question.

On Monday, the deputy stated that now there was no need to strip Machado of parliamentary immunity, “because according to Article 191, according to this nomination (on the part of Panama), and according to her own actions and behavior, Ms. Machado has ceased to be a [Venezuelan] deputy.”

Cabello said that the opposition spokeswoman had the right to express herself and associate as she liked, but not to violate the national consitution.

He added that the now ex-deputy, who had signed the Carmona Decree which derogated all the powers of the Republic on April 12, 2002, will no longer have access to the Parliament, and her seat will be occupied by a replacement deputy, with all attributions according to law.

“What does it mean that she is not a deputy? That she doesn’t have parliamentary immunity, she doesn’t have access to the National Assembly (as would any deputy), she can be directly investigated for all the things that have been taking place, and to that can be added, with more force — high treason,” stated Cabello.

Last Friday, at OAS headquarters, María Corina Machado received the rejection of the hemispheric organization, which decided not to make public her speech in the Ordinary Session of the Permanent Council.

In a customary debate over OAS meetings, Nicaragua proposed to hold a closed-door meeting, a proposal which received the support of 22 ambassadors of the member states, while 11 voted against and one abstained.

Following the vote, the Brazilian representative, Breno Dias da Costa, who voted in favor of the closed-door session, stated that this decision was not to “impede a dialogue, but to prevent a ‘show’ for an outside audience.”

Translation mine.

So, there you have it. MariCori wasn’t fired; she quit. She thought she was going to get a greater international platform for her crapaganda. But this move is gonna backfire on her, because the name of Martinelli and his government, just like that of her “democratic unity table” back home, is MUD.

Actually, it’s backfired already, as the rejection of the OAS ambassadors has clearly shown. Rather than let MariCori have an open bully pulpit, they moved to a closed-door session. And while she wasn’t shut out, she was forced to shut up about Venezuela, at least…a country in whose parliament, as of her appearance at the OAS in Panama’s seat, she is now persona non grata. Ha, ha.

Michelle 1, Majunche 0

bachelet-inauguration

Remember how, the other day, a certain twice-failed Venezuelan presidential candidate (and perennially failed governor of the state of Miranda) dissed the newly inaugurated president of Chile for not supporting his silly little putsch? Well, here’s her response to all that, and it’s a gem:

The president of Chile, Michelle Bachelet, reiterated on Sunday that nobody, whether person or country, has the right to violently depose a legitimately elected head of state, referring to the violent occurrences in Venezuela on the part of opposition members seeking to oust the government of president Nicolás Maduro.

In an interview with the Chilean newspaper El Mercurio, Bachelet affirmed that “we will never accept that anyone, whether person or country, incites by way of violent mechanisms to oust a legitimately elected president.”

Regarding the supposed denunciations of violations of freedom and human rights in Venezuela, the recently elected Chilean president stated that her government has one vision, and that is to always hope that human rights and the constitution be respected.

Bachelet recalled that in the recent meeting of the foreign ministers of the Union of South American Nations (UNASUR), they sought ways to accompany the government and people of Venezuela to resolve the conflict by way of dialogue and peace.

“For that reason, there was a joint declaration, and a commission of foreign ministers will be formed in order to travel to Venezuela before April 1,” Bachelet added.

She also said that some oppositionists called the UNASUR declaration “tepid” because the phrase “human rights” was not used, and had to retract that statement when the Chilean foreign minister, Heraldo Muñoz, asked them to read the declaration well.

Bachelet commented that in her experience as president of UNASUR, “the important thing is to be pro-active, to accompany and generate support for conditions of dialogue and peaceful solutions to conflicts.”

Translation mine.

It bears mentioning, at this point, that Nicolás Maduro has, in fact, done nothing but reach out for peaceful solutions to the violent conflicts that the putschist opposition — led by Majunche — have created in Venezuela. And that the opposition’s so-called leaders — Majunche in particular — are boycotting every effort at talks. They want nothing less than a full coup and ouster, and they’re going to hold their breath until they get it…or until other regional leaders, like Michelle Bachelet, make it clear and plain that they don’t take this childish tantrum-throwing seriously.

And lo and behold, that just happened.

Guess calling her another Pinochet wasn’t such a good idea after all, eh Majunche?

El Narco gets tomatoed…again!

uribe-protesters

Protesters hold up cardboard tombstones and coffins at Álvaro Uribe as he gives a speech. And that’s not all that he got…read on:

Colombian ex-president and senate candidate Álvaro Uribe Vélez was received with flying tomatoes in the central square of Soacha, Cundinamarca, by a large group of residents who shouted “murderer” and held him responsible for the “false positives” which left hundreds missing during his rule.

Young members of the Party of the Tomato, who have distinguished themselves by throwing tomatoes at logos and public institutions, awaited the arrival of the ex-leader.

While he was speaking on stage, a group of persons in the first row, held back by police, shouted at Uribe, holding up cardboard replicas of coffins.

Along with the tomatoes, the crowd shouted obscenities at Uribe, while members of his security team protected him with shields, along with a squadron of riot police. The demonstrators were later surrounded by police.

The town of Soacha was epicentre of a terrible tragedy, given that many innocent young people were kidnapped there and taken to other regions of the land, to be murdered and dressed in camouflage uniforms to make them look like guerrillas fallen in combat.

This co-ordinated criminal act was called a “false positive”, and occurred during the presidency of the now-aspiring senate candidate.

It is the second time the ex-president was rebuffed by a community in the last three days, thus facing some very awkward moments in his congressional campaign.

Last Saturday, in Tunja, Boyacá, a group of peasants tried to confront the ex-president, blaming him for high gasoline prices and the implementation of various free-trade agreements during his reign.

Translation mine.

I’m astonished by El Narco’s chutzpah, appearing in towns where his paramilitary goons kidnapped and later killed young locals to make it look like he was fighting a good fight against the evil, wicked FARC and ELN guerrillas. I guess evil really does know no shame.

But hey: He at least got some unmistakable evidence that he’s not wanted there. May all the rotten produce hit its mark!

Posted in El NarcoPresidente, Karma 1, Dogma 0, Schadenfreude. Comments Off »

Happy Halloween!

This just in…

winner-winner

Literary talent: We (meaning Canadian women) haz it…

Canadian author Alice Munro has won the prestigious Nobel Prize for literature.

The Swedish Academy announced the decision Thursday, calling the 82-year-old author from Wingham, Ont., a “master of the contemporary short story.”

She is the first Canadian-based writer, and the 13th woman to receive the award.

[...]

Speaking to CTV’s Canada AM, Munro’s publisher Doug Gibson read a statement on her behalf.

“I am amazed and very grateful. I am a particularly glad that winning this award will please so many Canadians. I’m happy that this will bring more attention to Canadian writing,” Munro said in the statement.

Gibson said the decorated author, who won the Man Booker International Prize in 2009, is adored by fans worldwide for her short stories about “ordinary Canadian people.”

“Here we have a world prize being won by someone who writes about housewives in Vancouver, booksellers in Victoria, bean farmers in Huron County and accountants and teachers and librarians –ordinary Canadian people, and she turns it into magic,” he said.

Gibson said that when he first started working with Munro in 1976, she was under “terrible pressure” to “get serious” and write a novel.

“I said ‘Alice, they’re all wrong. You’re a short story writer… you’re a sprinter, not a marathon runner, so keep writing short stories,’” he said, adding that he offered to continue publishing any of her short story collections.

“That was 1976 and it’s worked out not too badly.”

I’ll say.

BTW, Alice Munro is also a mighty fine novelist, when she gets the urge to be. Her Lives of Girls and Women is a gem, and wholeheartedly recommended reading around here. A worthier Canadian candidate I could not think of, in any case, and I am over the moon for her.

Meanwhile, David Gilmour, that toughener of young stomachs, that eminent apostle of short fiction and the serious heterosexual middle-aged male libido at U of T, did not make the Giller shortlist. He could not be reached for comment.

God hath spoken; Christians still not listening

jesus-slap-shit

Good morning! If you ever needed proof that God is NOT on the side of blind bigotry, just take a look at how close She came to wiping out one family that decided to try Her patience:

An Arizona family fed up with abortion, homosexuality, taxes and the “state-controlled church” will fly back home Sunday after being lost at sea for months.

Hannah Gastonguay told the Associated Press she and her husband “decided to take a leap of faith and see where God led us.” The family, which included two small children, abandoned the United States and set sail for the island nation of Kiribati in May. They ended up lost in the Pacific Ocean for 91 days.

During the voyage, their boat was damaged by “squall after, squall, after squall.” The damage forced them to head towards the nearer Marquesas Islands, but they made little progress.

Luckily, human mercy saved the day for these lost and benighted souls, who are gullible enough to think (with no evidence whatsoever to support it) that the US government is interfering with religion (actually, it’s quite the other way around, and has been for quite some time). If it had been up to God, they’d have been drowned in true Darwin Award style for their stupidity. As it is, the “God-hating” US government paid to get their sorry God-bothering asses back on home soil. But have they learned their lesson? Oh nooooo:

Hannah Gastonguay said the family will now “go back to Arizona” and “come up with a new plan.”

Please plan to stay put…and while you’re at it, plan to stop reproducing. Isn’t it bad enough that you nearly killed your own innocent kids for the sake of a religious delusion?

DENIED.

ezra-in-a-wig

Ezra the Putz…just one of FUX Snooze North’s many diverse examples of elite right-wing thoughtleadership. (Snurk.)

Ha, ha.

Sun News Network has been denied a guaranteed spot on basic cable TV packages in a CRTC ruling released today.

The Quebecor-owned network did not successfully demonstrate to the Canadian Radio-television and Telecommunications Commission that it met the criteria for a mandatory distribution order, the CRTC said.

[...]

Kory Teneycke, the vice-president of Sun News Network, told CBC News prior to the ruling “what is important is the outcome, not the mechanism the CRTC uses.”

“Sun News is looking for a path to parity with incumbents and foreign news services in the market today.”

“A path to parity”? Oh Kory, stop whining. Admit that there’s already enough — MORE than enough — right-wing bullshit out there masquerading as news.

And let the free market decide, since you’re always professing your undying love for it.

Oh wait…I think it just did. Ha, ha.

Rotten tomatoes for El Narco Uribe

tomatazo-uribe

The History Channel (better known as the Hitler Channel) is infamous up here for its sensationalistic crap, which increasingly has less and less to do with actual history, and more and more to do with weird dudes claiming they were rectally probed by aliens. And now, Colombians are also waking up to the farce, and responding appropriately:

The Tomato Party is no stranger to the debate between Uribistas and anti-Uribistas on social media since the choice of ex-president Alvaro Uribe Vélez as the “Greatest Colombian” on TV’s History Channel.

On its Twitter account, the party invited its supporters to throw a tomato at a placard showing the ex-leader’s face on a target labelled “The Greatest Colombian”.

“The ‘tomatina’ has begun. These are not the heroes we want in Colombia. The artists, writers and teachers are that,” read one tweet.

Another tweet read: “Awards ceremony for the #GreatestColombian. Have your rotten tomatoes ready.”

[...]

A few hours ago, the Tomato Party arrived in front of the National University, expressing their rejection of the recognition awarded to the ex-president, who was the target of a new tomato-toss by this group of citizens, which has been holding such events for the past two months in several cities around the country against controversial personages.

At the same time, the group is satirically pushing the “Anti-Colombian of the Century” prize on social media, and the first nominee is the same ex-president, Uribe.

During the event, passers-by took the time to throw tomatoes at the banner with the picture of Uribe on it.

Translation mine.

Alvaro Uribe is, of course, NOT the greatest Colombian by a long shot. As the Tomato Partisans point out, it’s the intellectuals who deserve that honor. If they must nominate someone for that, how about Gabriel García Márquez? Or if it must be a politician, how about Jorge Eliécer Gaitán?

Nah…too obvious. And not obsequious enough.