Good morning, Alberta!

Like my man Robin says, this is not a test. Last night, out West, THIS happened:

orange-new-blue

No, your eyes are not deceiving you, and you don’t need to adjust your monitor. Mordor has a new premier, and she’s a progressive. Rachel Notley is in the house!

Is that a bleat of fear in Harpo’s voice? Maybe the tiniest little oily black track of a bituminous tear down his cheek when he woke up seeing his “base” turned such an un-Albertan color? Maybe. But don’t forget, kiddies, his actual origins are in the very same Toronto elites he pretends he’s not from. He’s no more a real Albertan than Dubya was ever a real Texan. Any tears he sheds over this will be strictly the crocodile variety. But he should be afraid, VERY afraid, because if Alberta could throw his cronies out in such a big way, guess who might just get the bum’s rush next, come federal election day? (And on that note, don’t forget to send him a message on C-51 today. If THAT gets rammed through, he’s gonna damn well deserve all the bum-rushing he gets.)

Meanwhile, Jim Prentice, the former premier of Oilpatch Inc., has taken his ball and gone home in a snit. He won’t even be occupying his local seat in the legislature. Bitter, Party of One? Right this way to your table behind the door, sir. One silver platter of sour grapes, coming right up.

As for the rest of the arrogant, smug, old-line politicians, let this be a lesson to you. If you can’t coast on your establishment status even in Alberta, you can’t coast anywhere. Better start listening to the people and learn to lead by following the popular will. Otherwise, it’s the bum’s rush for YOU, too.

Cristina’s pet gloat

imf-prescription

Hey! Remember how Argentina defaulted on its debt in 2001? And how it kicked out the IMF a short time later? Well, looks like that was a smart decision. And the significance of yet another IMFer being in deep shit was not lost on the president of that South American land:

Argentine president Cristina Fernández de Kirchner spoke out on Thursday over the detention of Rodrigo Rato, formerly of the International Monetary Fund, who in 2005 proposed to Argentina reform plans and protection of public accounts, and those of the bank, even at the cost of job losses.

“Today I learned that the former IMF official, Rodrigo Rato, ex-minister to José María Aznar, is in jail for money laundering. Those who came to us to tell us how to conduct our politics…in jail for money laundering. Moreover, those who came accusing us of corruption,” said the Argentine president during a public speech in Buenos Aires.

The economic vice-president of Spain during the terms of José María Aznar, ex-president of Bankia and former director of the IMF, Rato was detained on Thursday by Spanish police. The detention followed a search of his home in Madrid by the Revenue Agency of the Madrid Public Prosecutor’s Office. Rato is accused of fraud, money laundering and concealment of assets.

Rato’s office was searched again on Friday while the former vice-president was at home, according to investigative sources.

Translation mine.

Oh Cristina, you sly minx. Well might you gloat, since it was your own husband who basically kicked the IMF out, with a little help from Chavecito and Venezuela. I can’t really blame you for being just a wee bit smug at seeing this odious fucker — a former government minister for the fascist ex-PM of Spain, no less! — getting his comeuppance at last. Granted, his scandal isn’t as salacious as Dominique Strauss-Kahn’s chambermaid-rape and sex-trafficking ring, but coming at a time when most Spaniards are chafing under imposed austerity measures as a result of odious debts racked up by the fascist turdling & company themselves, I’m sure there will be all kinds of hell to pay.

Meanwhile, this song bears replaying, does it not?

Let them eat cheese ‘n’ crackers

nancy-ruth-cheese-n-crackers

Marie Antoinette, eat your heart out. Our unelected Conservative senator is miffed because she can’t even eat cheese and crackers without some pesky federal auditor poking his nose in and asking if she really needed to spend so much taxpayer money on fancy meals. Of course she does, you silly peon! Otherwise she’ll just have to make do with — shudder — cold Camembert and broken crackers while she flies first class on unspecified “feminist” missions. (This, mind you, in an economy where free airline snacks are harder and harder for us coach-class peasants to come by.)

I would offer her cake, but I’m all out. Perhaps some freshly laid cat poo will do?

Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Economics for Dummies, Filthy Stinking Rich, Schadenfreude. Comments Off on Let them eat cheese ‘n’ crackers »

Never screw with a kangaroo!

Camera drones may be great for amateur aerial wildlife photography…but not if the wildlife is big, mean, renowned for its boxing skills…and in this case, awfully jumpy. Here’s the story to go with the video:

Drones are quickly flying to the top of Christmas wishlists for 2014 despite growing privacy and safety concerns. But what do the kangaroos in Hunter Valley, Australia make of all this? A video has emerged from the moment a drone flew near to a group of kangaroos. Just as the flying camera gets up close, one kangaroo decided enough was enough, leapt up, and dealt a knock out blow to the drone. The footage was rescued but the drone is now beyond repair.

Let that be a lesson to you…never screw with a kangaroo!

Posted in Good to Know, Oceania, Schadenfreude, The "Well, DUH!" Files. Comments Off on Never screw with a kangaroo! »

Cops Behaving Badly: A cartoon that says it all

kkkop.jpg

Venezuelan cartoonist Vicman captioned this one “Meanwhile, in the land of liberty…”

You know you have a racist cop problem when Latin Americans, who have had their own problems along precisely those lines, can tell who’s the Kluker among your police ranks. And when they, who have historically been the racially policed (all the way from Washington, DC!), are now laughing and pointing at you.

Posted in Cops Behaving Badly, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, Schadenfreude, The United States of Amnesia. Comments Off on Cops Behaving Badly: A cartoon that says it all »

The ironies of the Venezuelan opposition, part 55

caracas-music-festival.jpg

“All set for the Caracas Music Festival!” (Note the old seven-star flag, being held upside down. The current Venezuelan flag has eight stars. What decade is this, again? With the oppos, it’s always yesterday once more. Shooby-doo-lang-lang.)

Good evening, world, and welcome to yet another fine edition of VenOpIronía. Today’s installment: How to commit auto-suicide. Sounds a bit redundant, yes? Yes, it is — but it’s the only word that fits when this happens:

Hooded protesters gathered on Sunday afternoon at Plaza Francia, Caracas, causing security forces to appear on site and suspend the 6th annual Reading Festival.

The protest was organized by United Active Youth of Venezuela (JAVU), who informed of their activity on Twitter.

The municipal police tried to prevent the demonstrators from blocking Francisco de Miranda Avenue and decided to temporarily suspend the Reading Festival in order to prevent that.

The demonstration was criticized by [opposition] personages such as Leonardo Padrón, Sumito Estevez and Ibéyise Pacheco, generating controversy on the social network.

Leonardo Padrón tweeted: “The protest at Plaza Altamira ruined the close of the Reading Festival, it’s an exercise in sovereign stupidity.”

Sumito “El Cheff” Estevez wrote: “Don’t try to paint the stupidity of these little kids forcing the closure of the fair a few minutes ago as heroic.

“Don’t go to the book fair at Altamira. They just advised me that the guarimberos closed it. Obviously, my two events are suspended.”

Ibéyise Pacheco wrote: “This protest today looks just like an ‘auto-suicide’.”

Clearly, these personages protested because their interests are under attack. They should have screamed to high heaven when 43 Venezuelans fell dead at the hands of these same guarimberos.

Translation mine.

I can’t imagine why a book fair located in an upscale, mostly opposition sector of Caracas could have brought these right-wing hoodlums out to “protest”. Maybe they were hoping to kill their own cultural stars and fob the blame off on Chavistas, as usual?

Oh, probably. Only problem is, they wound up alienating their own.

Suddenly, all the right-wing media figures are scrambling to distance themselves from JAVU. The same who were silent about JAVU’s violence in recent months, when 43 Venezuelans died, are now squealing like piggies because they got their little literary shindig shut down…by JAVU. It’s especially rich that Ibéyise Pacheco, who made something of a name for herself in 2002, calling for a future “without Chávez, of course” every night on the TV news right before the April coup went down, finally got a taste of her own putschist medicine.

And I…cannot stop laughing at the stupidity and ineptitude of them all.

Icelandic funnyman wants to mack on Julien Blanc. Dafuq?

julien-blanc-macked.jpg

Squeal like a pig!

While Ireland is working hard to make sure Julien Blanc doesn’t get so much as a look-in on their green and rugged turf, a very different situation seems to be brewing in a country just one letter different. In Iceland, comedian Hugleikur Dagsson, of Reykjavík, has other ideas. Instead of keeping him out, argues “Hulli”, why not chase him out…the same way he chases women?

I do not think we should prevent him from coming here. Barring people from coming here is stupid. Why make a martyr out of him? Scumbags like him are always the first ones to celebrate censorship and deportation. Because fuckwits like him like to pretend they are the true champions of freedom of speech, and use that rhetoric ad nauseam to justify the diarrhoea that flows from their throats so freely. If we deny him entry, he’ll brag about it on Twitter and probably get loads of retweets from a sad army of braindead, semen-reeking, backwards-baseball-cap-wearing humanoids. He’ll be a hero among skunks and shitheels, and this is what he wants. Let’s not do him that favour.

[…]

I’m now speaking to the men of Iceland: It’s time we use our privilege for good. Chauvinists like this creature are almost without exception homophobic. They fear nothing more than someone treating them like they treat women.

I say we hit on Julien Blanc. Every single one of us.

If we see him in the street, we’ll give him a wink. Whistle at him. If we meet him at a bar, let’s pinch his ass. Blow him a kiss. I urge every male reporter to stroke his thighs while interviewing him. I urge every large man to tell him what a purdy mouth he has. I urge every male bartender to whisper in his ear how much they want to be inside of him.

I think this will be the funniest thing ever. Let’s not help him feel like a hero. Let’s make him feel like the one thing he most despises. Let’s make him feel like a chick.

I have to admit, I kinda-sorta hope somebody does that and catches it on video, and posts it to YouTube for the world to see. It’s not like he doesn’t have it coming. Julien Blanc’s biggest humiliation would be good for a laugh and a half. And it would be nice to think that he might learn a bit of empathy by seeing what it feels like to have his own throat grabbed on the streets of cute little Reykjavík without warning, or his own puny head forced into some strapping, red-bearded Viking descendant’s big, sweaty ol’ crotch.

But at the same time, assault is still assault, and even if it’s funny to the rest of us just to imagine it, the eyes of the law might see it very differently. I don’t know what the legal situation is in Iceland regarding assault, but an international incident is really not the best way to squelch him.

Worse, it probably won’t teach Julien Fucking Blanc a thing. He’s beyond help. He will NEVER learn to respect women, not even if he’s placed in the same position as one by a dude brawny enough to fold him up and tuck him in the ticket pocket of his lumberjack jeans. He will always hate them, and that will guarantee his endless, epic failure with them, no matter what he does, and no matter how much he charges to tell men differently. World without end, amen.

Happily, nobody but RSD’s little ass-barnacles (and the occasional contrarian media idiot) is seeing him as a “martyr”. Most people, once they know what bag Julien Blanc comes out of, have no problem with barring their nation’s doors to him. Because who wants a violent criminal, who also promotes violent crime for big bucks, on their soil?

And besides, he’s a colossal wimp. Canada didn’t even have to formally bar him; the mere existence of a couple of popular petitions against him, plus a smattering of unfavorable news reports, was enough to make all RSD’s odious stable of pickup coaches cancel their dates here. Not to mention that his tweeter’s still on lockdown, and likely to remain so for the duration. I’d say that the simple, nonviolent use of our own free speech to expose this nest of cockroaches* to light was sufficient to send them scuttling.

And we didn’t even have to ask any big, strong machos to sacrifice their heterosexuality for it, either.

*Apologies to actual cockroaches for the odious comparison. And thanks to Hulli for the mental imagery!

Bad news for ammosexuals

Music, Maestro Cummings:

Ah, that was lovely. And now, the news.

First, the sublime: It looks as though John “Mary Rosh” Lott has been definitively debunked, by real scientists not in the pocket of the gunmakers’ lobby. Instead of “More Guns, Less Crime”, it’s “More Guns, More Crime”:

Across the basic seven Index I crime categories, the strongest evidence of a statistically significant effect would be for aggravated assault, with 11 of 28 estimates suggesting that RTC laws increase this crime at the .10 confidence level. An omitted variable bias test on our preferred Table 8a results suggests that our estimated 8 percent increase in aggravated assaults from RTC laws may understate the true harmful impact of RTC laws on aggravated assault, which may explain why this finding is only significant at the .10 level in many of our models. Our analysis of the year-by-year impact of RTC laws also suggests that RTC laws increase aggravated assaults. Our analysis of admittedly imperfect gun aggravated assaults provides suggestive evidence that RTC laws may be associated with large increases in this crime, perhaps increasing such gun assaults by almost 33 percent.

In addition to aggravated assault, the most plausible state models conducted over the entire 1979-2010 period provide evidence that RTC laws increase rape and robbery (but usually only at the .10 level). In contrast, for the period from 1999-2010 (which seeks to remove the confounding influence of the crack cocaine epidemic), the preferred state model (for those who accept the Wolfers proposition that one should not control for state trends) yields statistically significant evidence for only one crime – suggesting that RTC laws increase the rate of murder at the .05 significance level. It will be worth exploring whether other methodological approaches and/or additional years of data will confirm the results of this panel-data analysis and clarify some of the highly sensitive results and anomalies (such as the occasional estimates that RTC laws lead to higher rates of property crime) that have plagued this inquiry for over a decade.

“RTC” = “right to carry”.

Higher rates of robbery, rape, aggravated assault AND murder (not to mention accidental gunshot wounds and deaths) go hand in hand with “right to carry” laws. Who’d of thunk? Guess that puts paid to the whole “if guns are outlawed, only outlaws will carry guns” canard of the NRA & Co. Seems that the more legal guns are, the greater the number of outlaws who find themselves free to carry the same. And consquently, the more powerless the cops will be against them, unless they happen to be better armed. What a coincidence, right at a time when even small-town police forces are starting to look more and more like miniature armies, while weapons manufacturers all rub their hands and yell “Ka-CHING!!!”

And now, the ridiculous. Since carrying a gun creates an automatically greater risk that you will wind up on the outlaw side of things, it’s getting harder to tell the cops from the robbers. Particularly in Ferguson, Missouri, where racism is uniting bigoted ammosexual cops with bigoted civilian ammosexuals like never before:

Some suburban St. Louis gun dealers have been doing brisk business, particularly among first-time buyers, as fearful residents await a grand jury’s decision on whether to indict the police officer who fatally shot Michael Brown.

Metro Shooting Supplies, in an area near the city’s main airport, reports selling two to three times more weapons than usual in recent weeks — an average of 30 to 50 guns each day — while the jury prepares to conclude its three-month review of the case that sparked looting and weeks of sometimes-violent protests in August.

“We’re selling everything that’s not nailed down,” owner Steven King said. “Police aren’t going to be able to protect every single individual. If you don’t prepare yourself and get ready for the worst, you have no one to blame but yourself.”

[…]

Protest leaders say they are preparing for non-violent demonstrations after the grand jury’s decision is announced, but they also acknowledge the risk of more unrest if the panel decides not to issue criminal charges against Darren Wilson, the white officer who shot Brown, who was black and unarmed.

No word on what color most of the gun buyers are, but you can pretty much guess. It’s the same color as most of the NRA’s membership. And all of the KKK’s. Ammosexuality is, when all’s said, a white man’s disease.

Julien Blanc gets choked by CNN

Well, well. What have we here?

Credit where it’s due to the the guy from the Chicken Noodle Network…he did a pretty good job of holding the world’s most unconvincing con man accountable there. He brought up everything from the “Diss Fatties Bang Hotties” shirt, to the choking video (which was part of his actual technique that Creep Stubble there teaches in his grossly overpriced “seduction” boot camps). And all Julien can do is babble canned and unconvincing platitudes about how sorry he is, and how it was all just a joke (oh really? Then why did he delete the “Choking Girls Around the World” video?), and how he’s attended the weddings of people who met using his non-starter techniques, blah blah blah.

Yeah, right. Pull the other one, Julien…nobody is buying. And with any luck, no one else WILL be buying your courses from now on, either. Because if this is how you perform in interviews, you’re not likely to be any more convincing when you spring your stupid spiels on random women in the street.

PS: It gets worse. Julien’s boss, Owen Cook, has openly bragged of raping a stripper. The video in which he did so is also down, no doubt because it makes RSD look even worse than the “Choking Girls” one did, but a graphic description of its content is here.

Music for a Sunday: Uns privat, Frau Studienrat…

…sind Sie doppelt so apart, ja ja:

Oh, you want a translation? Okay, then…

No More School

It’s been written
And there’s some truth to it,
Yes, the dumb ones live themselves to death,
You only get out of it with brains, yes, yes.
Do you want Dad’s praise,
His car, and gas too?
Then participate in school!
E.g.:
Gretchen Grün
Was always coming on real keen
And the teacher
Had the answer ready fast
And said:
“If you want to be smart
And get good grades, no shit,
Only this exercise will keep you fit!”
And he’s got his slide rule with him…
No thank you!
No more school,
No school, no more.
Because your beard, Mr. Teacher,
Isn’t smart enough for me! Yeah, yeah!
No more school,
No school, no more.
Because the circumstance is known:
Too much school makes you sick!

Monday morning,
Jonas Maier’s having trouble
Recognizing that Duty
Has stepped into his life and says:
“You have a choice,
Do you want blessings or torment?
Don’t bug your teachers!”
But then —
In the last class
The patron’s making the rounds
And it’s come to this again:
Jonas is ready to do his thing.
His Dolby 2-Way Super Stereo’s all hooked up,
And what does whole class hear now,
Just ripping through the hallways?
You hear:
No more school,
No school, no more!
Because our lives, in actual fact
Are hard even with your grades. Yeah, yeah!
No more school,
No school, no more!
And just between us, Madam Teacher,
You’re twice as far out! Yeah, yeah!
No more school,
No school, no more…

PS: This one’s going out to the douchebags of RSD, natch. Seems that they’ve been awfully quiet when it comes to terrorizing the streets of Berlin; no word as to whether their little pick-up seminar actually happened or not — or if so, where. Probably all the counterdemonstrators and women watching out, ha ha.

Posted in Confessions of a Bad German, Music for a Sunday, Schadenfreude. Comments Off on Music for a Sunday: Uns privat, Frau Studienrat… »