Terrorism and destabilization in Venezuela, all you can eat…

Venezuelan justice minister Néstor Reverol plays back audio of some highly incriminating phone calls between members of the Salvadoran terror cell that attempted to disrupt next Sunday’s presidential election. Here’s the story:

“Capriles has managed to find safe places, for our people…the team is already there, they tell me, and they’re working in groups to disorient the vote.”

This can be heard clearly in a telephone call between an ex-colonel from the Salvadoran Armed Forces (FAES), David Koch Arana, who is currently in Venezuela, ad the director of the right-wing Salvadoran ARENA party, Roberto D’Aubuisson, which took place between March 23 and 25 of this year.

The videos of the interference and the links between these Salvadoran mercenaries and the right-wing candidate Capriles Radonski, were presented by Minister Néstor Reverol, who played back both conversations.

On March 23, both Salvadoran agents confirmed that they had seen the reports on Capriles Radoski, whom they secretly identify as “C”, and two days later, they conversed at length in a phone call which implied immediate danger for the stability of Venezuela, which went as follows:

“Did you tell them that they’d be making like we’re working in the campaigns here? …Be careful, remember they already offered their support if they win, and that would be good for us,” says D’Aubuisson.

Koch Arana warns D’Aubuisson that the Venezuelan government already has information of the presence of these groups, so they have to be careful.

“They’ve started a hunt and supposedly they’ll inform the State that there are foreigners interfering in their political affairs,” says the Salvadoran ex-colonel.

The right-wing politician, D’Aubuisson, calms him down, saying that Capriles already has safe houses for them, but warns that it’s necessary to co-ordinate both groups because they are apparently unknown in Venezuela.

“I don’t know how the groups they sent are operating here, but I hope they don’t clash or have a conflict, since they don’t know each other. I’ll talk to them to see how they’re organizing, so they’re identified,” says D’Aubuisson.

Minister Reverol also showed the photo of another mercenary, identified as Julio Alberto Cornejo Quintanilla, who, according to intelligence reports, is already in Venezuela and is tasked with co-ordinating both shock groups.

Reverol assured that the Venezuelan government will not let mercenary groups destabilize the country and the April 14 elections. He confirmed that the security forces of the state are on the trail of the mercenaries and will execute raids and all necessary measures to prevent the plans of the destabilizing groups from coming to fruition.

Translation mine.

Let’s hope D’Aubuisson and Koch Arana are wetting their pants accordingly; the Venezuelan authorities are now on their tails. I hope they get the raids on camera for VTV, too.

And let’s hope they and Majunche are also wetting their pants over this incriminating info-dump about their little buddies in the bogus opposition “student” group, JAVU:

Operation Sovereignty

Plan of Action and Resistance of the United Active Youth of Venezuela (JAVU) for April 14, 2013

Introduction:

We’re just a few days away from a presidential election which from the start has been one of the most unjust and unequal of all time, while the Cuban government tightens its control on our nation by way of its principal puppet, the usurper Nicolás Maduro.

We call on all Venezuelans to overcome fear. We have demonstrated that when we demand with firmness and force, we achieve our objectives.

Giving up will never be an option. They will have to roll right over us if they think they can violate the constitution and abuse and take advantage of us without consequence, because:

1. No Venezuelan could be in agreement with such an embarrassment of a Defense Minister who bows down before the Brothers Castro and makes partisans of our Armed Forces.

2. No Venezuelan could be in agreement with a criminal Electoral Council, accomplice of opportunism and the principal party responsible for robbing Venezuelans of a free and fair electoral process.

3. No Venezuelan could be in agreement with a Supreme Tribunal of Justice which violates the Constitution, criminalizes protests, and legitimates the power of an usurper.

4. And above all, no Venezuelan could support an usurper who abuses the resources of the State, holds national broadcasts to campaign, and is afraid to publicly debate his ideas and proposals before the country.

This April 14, we will confront an unjust battle, but we’ll put up a fight, because beyond being the way to overcome our political differences, that day represents the opportunity to recuperate the constitution peacefully and reclaim the history they have tried to manipulate.

The international community should not be an accomplice to violations of international human rights treaties, but we’ll take care of ourselves, the Venezuelan people will fight for our rights.

We will take over the streets for civil disobedience by ay means necessary, because we know that you get respect when you overcome fear. Let the government make no mistake: We will never bow down before their power, the democratic student movement will never accept electio results that have been biased from the start.

We know that opportunity comes to us by the electoral way, but the electoral powers seek to manipulate the results to keep this illegitimate and usurping government in power. For that reason, JAVU, along with the political, economic and shock forces of the opposition, will not recognize said results. We call for civil resistance in the streets and, in this manner, we will make them respect the votes of the oppressed majority who want a change of government. There is no chance whatsoever that the usurper will win these elections unless the electoral organism helps him steal them.

We also will not recognize any opposition director or political organization that takes part in the deception. Any opposition speaker who calls for us to accept the results of the electoral fraud will be considered a paid stooge of this illegitimate government, and we will turn our methods against him.

Our civil democratic society must not forget that this national crisis is the absolute responsibility of the late Hugo Chávez, who tried in his day to take political power via a coup d’état and, in the same totalitarian spirit, consigned Venezuela to division, backwardness and Castro-communist dictatorship. We emphatically reject the electoral measures that the Democratic Unity Table has put forward and in which, as usual, they evade confrontation with the figure of Chávez.

Chavez is the sole party responsible for this sad reality, and we must not hide this fact. God gave us this new opportunity to put this country on the road to democracy once more!

For that reason, it is our duty as active citizens, from all of civil society, to aid in the development of the lines of action expressed here.

All of us must be part of Operation Sovereignty!

Long live Venezuela! Long live Venezuelan youth!

Lines of action to follow for the activation of Operation Sovereignty, April 14, 2013.

In the event of an electoral pronunciation in favor of the ruling party, JAVU will activate a Plan of Civil Resistance on three fronts:

1. Takeover of strategic public spaces in the most important cities of the land. These takeovers must be conducted efficiently, effectively, and quickly, after the Electoral Commission gives the election results, in such a way that the police forces are taken by surprise and unable to react. Also, they must be accompanied by protests (burning of tires and garbage, construction of barricades, and whatever other method.) This action will permit us to economically strangle the urban centers, as we will be stopping the distribution of foods and supplies, as well as the flow of fuel at service stations.

2. Creation of an opinion matrix of delegitimization of the Electoral Commission, the national government, the Armed Forces, the Judicial and Moral Powers, and the political parties, using the social networks. Our opinion leaders on Twitter and Facebook already are in the thick of things and know the lines to follow. The production of message content is our job and will be made known in a pertinent manner. The intention of this front is to replicate our messages as many times as possible and mobilize civil society to action in the streets of every city.

3. Execution of the Selective Social Boycott plan. On this front, we will be visiting governmental institutions and homes of government spokespeople in the most important cities, where we will take over governments and mayoralties that are in the hands of the ruling party. In this phase we count on the support of spokespeople authorized by the Catholic Church and the media who will legtimate our actions. We are establishing contacts with various officials from the National Democratic Armed Forces for a military uprising afterwards.

As the hours go by we hope that political and economic strangulation, as well as media power, will allow us to generate enough street-level support in civil society. In the first phase we will establish a New Parallel Government and will profess the existence of a Double Sovereignty with the intention of tipping civil society in our favor, via an opinion matrix based in the search for a union of said governments and mayoralties under our democratic leadership and the union of all Venezuelans.

Protest manual for street takeovers:

When the CNE announces the election results, move quickly to the strategic points of protest.
Wear comfortable clothing and bring the following: portable radios, vinegar, smartphones, cameras, drinking water, flashlights, lighters, caps and ski masks that can be worn like hoods, slingshots, gasoline, flammable products, and objects that can be used in self-defence.
Leave all personal documents at home.
Arrive at protest points on foot or by taxi. Don’t bring your car.
Come prepared to fight for Freedom and Democracy.

[List of cities and protest locations snipped for brevity.]

Translation mine.

As you can see, JAVU embodies the ironies of the “opposition youth” to the fullest. They talk about a government not respecting the constitution: WHICH constitution? The old, invalid one of 1961, which was scrapped in favor of the democratically written and ratified Bolivarian constitution of 1999? The Bolivarian constitution, promulgated by the same government these punks refuse to recognize as legitimate, even though it’s been elected, re-elected, and ratified by the people, as well as former US president Jimmy Carter himself?

What a fucking joke.

And then there are their “peaceful” protest methods. Burning tires, burning garbage, blocked roadways, and direct attempts, by preventing the flow of food, supplies and fuel, to starve out the people who voted for something other than imperial fascism. Straight out of Plan Guarimba, naturally. Gene Sharp, why are you not speaking out against this blatant misreading of your own widdle protest manual? Oh — that’s right, you’re against socialism. I forgot. Silly me!

Most intriguing of all is the allusion to their contacts within the media, the church, and the armed forces (notice how they don’t use the correct formal term of reference, which would be the Bolivarian National Armed Forces, or FANB for short.) In other words, the opposition media, the Roman Catholic hierarchy, and a certain sector of the Venezuelan armed forces is either covertly or overtly putschist, and not prepared to recognize the election results even when Jimmy Carter certifies them as free and fair. This is beyond disgusting; it is downright disturbing. It means that the same factions who tried to overthrow Chavecito in 2002-3 are still at it. They just don’t know when to call it a day and give in to democratic will. It would utterly demoralize them and rob their already meaningless lives of all purpose if they did. They would rather dedicate themselves to destruction than to construction. (Notice how they offer no plans whatsoever to build up the nation after they’re done wrecking it. That’s because they’re criminally incapable of making any.)

And, in the crowning irony, they call themselves “democratic”. This even though they can’t bear to recognize the repeatedly reiterated democratic will of the people: the constitution, the president, the electoral council, and all the other democratic institutions of the land. All of it might as well be trash for them to burn. Even the will of legitimate opposition party members means nothing to them. And a great many of those latter now plan to vote for Maduro, precisely because of punks like JAVU. In other words, this grand plan has already backfired on its would-be perpetrators.

These bullyboys would be more entertaining if they were less violent. They really are incredibly stupid, since their widdle plan is now known right down to the last detail, not only to the Venezuelan authorities, but to any English speaker who chances to read this silly little blog.

And if you, dear reader, still believe that they represent any legitimate democratic majority in Venezuela, just watch this space on Sunday the 14th and thereafter. That is, if you can bear to have your nose rubbed in it.

The Venezuelan opposition and the Caracazo

caracazo-ad-office

Venezuelan protesters attacking the office of the ruling Acción Democrática party in San Agustín during the Caracazo, 1989. Photo: Venezuelanalysis.

Right now, Venezuela is remembering one of the worst episodes in its history: the Caracazo riots of 1989. Over a five-day period, more than a thousand Venezuelans, most of them from poor neighborhoods and unarmed, were killed when the military and the Caracas police were ordered to fire on them to quell their protests against the IMF’s drastic (and disastrous) neoliberal economic policies. The fact that the late ex-president Carlos Andrés Pérez (“CAP”, whose face appears in the photo above, alongside a party logo) was guilty has never been a point in doubt; he called out the army. But what about the Caracas metropolitan police? Well, for that we need look no further than who was sitting in the mayor’s office at the time. And, as it turns out, HE is still living…and an active figure in the opposition:

His name is Antonio Ledezma. He is also known as “Grandpa Monster”, after his superficial resemblance to Grandpa Munster from the old TV show. A Munster he ain’t, but a monster he most certainly is. He claims innocence, but he’s unconvincing to say the least. And a popular government minister is calling for him to be investigated at long last:

The Popular Power minister of Penitentiary Services, Iris Varela, assured that one of the principal actors of the Caracazo massacre was the metropolitan mayor of Caracas, Antonio Ledezma, who, as governor of the Federal District, was in charge of the Metropolitan Police, which in turn was responsible for guarding and overseeing the Catia Prison.

“The Metropolitan Police told the inmates that they would be freed, so that they could later murder them in vile ways, and of course, those orders were received in advance, since they could not operate without the consent of their chief — Ledezma,” Varela said.

The minister recalled declarations the metropolitan mayor made to a Spanish newspaper, in which he confessed that president Carlos Andrés Pérez and himself “had to act, and that the expected result were many dead.”

“How is it possible that this personage goes on walking very calmly through the streets when there were so many dead in the barrios higher up?” Varela asked.

The minister made these remarks during her radio program, “No te prives”, on Alba Ciudad 96.3 FM, where she was accompanied by the Director of Communicatios and Institutional Relations from her office, Francisco “Frasso” Solórzano, and the journalist, Freddy Bravo.

Translation mine.

Frasso’s photos figure prominently in the coverage of those terrible days in late February and early March of 1989. He witnessed a 14-year-old being abused in the street by the police, and when he demanded to know why, because the demonstrators were only singing the national anthem, he was menaced by the armed officers. The singing of “Gloria al bravo pueblo” was a part of many of the spontaneous uprisings of the barrio dwellers; some sang the anthem while looting the shops of speculating storekeepers, making clear that there was a patriotic component to their seeming lawlessness. They were trying to feed their families; they were also saying outright that there was still a need for the poor to revolt and “throw off the yoke”, in the words of the song. The “freedom” of trade and commerce meant nothing to them, except for 200-odd more years of exploitation and poverty, which came to a head on the morning of February 27. That was when the “reforms” CAP had promised the IMF took effect, and the poor workers from the barrios suddenly found themselves unable to afford bus fare to their own jobs (which, of course, were NOT paying them enough to cover the sudden increase in the cost of living.)

This week also marks the swearing-in of the Truth Commission, whose duty it will be to catalogue and document the abuses of the “democratic” Fourth Republic (1958-98). It will be interesting to see what other blatant lies they will catch Grandpa Monster in.

Meanwhile, the next generation of would-be Fourth Republicans is busy “protesting” in the streets. It’s easier to say what they are against (Chávez, what else?) than what they stand for. And their leaders are no more credible than Grandpa Monster. At least one of them, Julio César Rivas, alias “Pajulio” (a play on the Venezuelanism pajúo, meaning an airhead, or someone whose brain is made of straw) has been caught literally with his pants down:

javu-porn

Nice ass, Pajulio.

Of course, Pajulio & Co. are too young to remember the Caracazo, and too blinded by hereditary ideological hate and greed to care what it all means. These are upper-class kids we’re talking about here; they have no interest in the public good. All they care about is making sure the money that trickles down from the lucrative private sector pools in their own pockets, as it did for their parents.

And while they wait for their unearned profits to roll in, they’re getting a lot of financing and other “aid” from Washington, from the shadowy corporation STRATFOR (a CIA front if ever there was one), and from “exile” organizations with ties to the CIA and organized crime. Wikileaks has exposed all this to the light of day. Venezuelans are all too aware of the interference, but they also have good cause to laugh. The clowns of STRATFOR and the CIA really do believe that their little puppets stand a fighting chance. Meanwhile, even with the target of their ire momentarily out of commission, they can’t seem to scratch up an ounce of credibility.

Gee, I wonder why.

Teh Heterostoopid: Too dumb to read, but not to breed

Clip ‘n’ Save: Handy Hurricane Hints

For my friends south of the border, a helpful checklist:

Remember this when you go to vote, because if you or anyone you know plans on voting for Mittens, this is what you’ll get. A shitstorm.

PS: More helpful hints to and from the jet set here.

Clip ‘n’ Save: The GOP Guide to Rape

Clip ‘n’ Save: Nope, no government help here!

Clip ‘n’ Save: How to tell off a teabag

How NOT to write about Venezuela, part umpteen hundred and umpty-ump

Class, your attention please. We have a very special guest today showing us what crappy coverage of a certain South American country looks like. Daniel Wallis of Reuters, please come forward…

Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez unveiled a 3D image of South America’s 19th century independence hero Simon Bolivar on Tuesday, based on bones the president ordered exhumed two years ago to test his theory that Bolivar was murdered.

Okay, stop right there. This is imputing motive. Chávez wasn’t “testing his theory that Bolívar was murdered”, he had him exhumed to determine the cause of death, which was mysterious and under dispute for over a century. The possibility that Bolívar was murdered did not originate with Hugo Chávez, it was there from the beginning. And, as an avid student of history, Chávez wants to know the truth. As should we all. This isn’t conspiracy theory, it’s called learning the facts, and right away we can see that our man from Reuters isn’t into it.

And the following confirms that even further:

The socialist leader reveres Bolivar – he renamed the country the “Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela” – and has wrapped his leftist “revolution” in the imagery and language of the region’s battle to break free of colonial power Spain.

All right, Mr. Wallis, what’s with all the scare quotes? Very unprofessional writing, that. Reminds me of “Dr. Evil”, with his “laser” on the “Moon”. See how silly that looks?

And very disrespectful of history, too. Look, Chavecito is hardly the only Venezuelan to revere Bolívar. Or, for that matter, the only South American. The man liberated no fewer than five countries. And three of them — Venezuela, Colombia and Ecuador — all happen to fall under the rubric of what was once called Gran Colombia. Their flags, to this day, all bear the Bolivarian configuration of colors: a lemon-yellow horizontal stripe over a blue stripe over a red. And in fact, they are all called the Bolivarian countries, because Bolívar liberated this region from the yoke of the Spanish Empire first, and actually ruled it for a brief period following the liberation (and preceding his fatal exile). That means they are all Bolivarian republics. Don’t believe me? Read Philip Agee’s book, CIA Diary. The late former CIA operative (he ended up defecting to Cuba) referred to Ecuador, where he was stationed in the late 1960s, as a Bolivarian country, along with Colombia and Venezuela. He did so very matter-of-factly. If a former US spy, whose agenda could not have been more anti-Bolivarian at the time, could get that right and do it without snark, why not a crappy Reuters reporter?

BTW, those scare quotes around revolution are very telling, too. What happened in Venezuela following the election of Chávez IS a revolution. It was the beginning of the end for the US empire, which took over where the Spaniards left off — or tried to. And that scares the shit out of the US, because it means that the place is no longer a petro-state puppet of theirs. What the oil companies used to own is now irrevocably Venezuela’s sovereign purview, and Venezuela calls the shots. Chávez can tear up an agreement anytime Big Foreign Oil doesn’t want to hold to it, or tries to press for an unfair advantage. And that’s why the people elected him: to end the foreign oil barons’ hegemony in their land. But hey, let’s diminish that very important point by putting it in scare quotes, shall we?

Chavez, in his fight against the “Yankee imperialism” of the United States, repeatedly invokes Bolivar, who is second only to Jesus as a figure of reverence in parts of South America.

Again with the scare quotes. But at least now we see the devil in the details, eh? And hooray, finally Wallis acknowledges that it’s not just Chávez who reveres Bolívar! Only buried halfway down the friggin’ piece, mind you.

Venezuela’s opposition accuses the president of cynically seeking to boost his popularity by linking himself to Bolivar, and says he is really an autocrat who carefully avoids quoting some of Bolivar’s words on freedom and rights.

And here’s the obligatory blah-de-blah from the Venezuelan right. This is the same shit we’ve heard from these fascists from the get-go, including during the coup of ’02, when they were blatantly killing people in the streets, blockading the Cuban embassy, and beating up democratically elected colleagues of the legitimate president. We’ll get to them again later, don’t worry. I have a choice morsel of theirs that I’m saving for last.

Chavez denies it and cites Bolivar as the inspiration for his leftist policies. He has long suggested Bolivar was poisoned by enemies in Colombia, rejecting the more common version cited by historians that he died of tuberculosis there in 1830.

Unwritten subtext: Chávez is a conspiracy nut.

Actually, what the historians cite is only a vague supposition. Remember, tuberculosis was not definitively diagnosed in those days. It was decades before Robert Koch identified the TB bacillus, and the tuberculin test was still far in the future, as was pasteurization. And the symptoms of Bolívar’s fatal illness were only ever vaguely described, and his body hastily interred, without autopsy. The cause of the Liberator’s death is still very much in question. But let’s elide all that and pretend it’s all settled history and that there’s no chance that he was actually poisoned by oligarchs who didn’t lack for motives, eh?

Two years ago, amid unusual scenes of a military honor guard in white biohazard suits and face masks exhuming the remains during a pre-dawn ceremony at the National Pantheon, the president assigned a team to investigate Bolivar’s death.

And now we’re just devolving into silliness here. What’s so “unusual” about people wearing biohazard suits to exhume a body? Especially one that might have been killed by TB? I thought it was all settled. This is just one of the sillier contradictions of this report. Here’s another:

A year ago, it reported back that “the Liberator” may have died of accidental poisoning – probably as a result of taking toxic medicines that were widely used at the time. They did not rule out tuberculosis.

“May have died of accidental poisoning”? “Did not rule out tuberculosis”? Nice word salad there. The poisoning could also have been deliberate, and done under the pretext of curing tuberculosis. Yes, people did take arsenic all the time for all kinds of bacterial infections in those days (antibiotics weren’t available yet, either). And a lot of them did die from the build-up of the toxic element in their bodies. A lot of them also died of blood-loss from bloodletting, which was another common “cure” for TB in those days. But how hard is it to imagine that a clever assassin could simply administer too much arsenic, or “let” too much blood? For this cowardly and unimaginative reporter, apparently, very.

Okay, I promised you some fun at the expense of the oppos. Here comes the first bit, courtesy of the article itself:

Adulation of Bolivar transcends both sides of Venezuela’s polarized pre-vote politics. Chavez’s election rival, state governor Henrique Capriles, began Tuesday by tweeting a string of inspirational Bolivar quotes from his @hcapriles account.

A local genealogist caused a small stir last weekend by suggesting Capriles was a distant relative of the independence hero – prompting derision from Diosdado Cabello, the head of the National Assembly and a pugnacious Chavez ally.

“Talent is not inherited. Neither is patriotism, nor love for one’s neighbor,” Cabello told a news conference.

If you’ve seen The Revolution Will Not Be Televised, you’ve seen Diosdado Cabello. He’s the vice-president who was temporarily sworn in as president to fill the power vacuum while Chavecito’s government reassembled, scuttled the putschists, and sent the army to return the real president to the palace. Cabello was needed to give the return order to the soldiers (and override traitors in the military high command, many of whom were unmasked as members of the opposition during the coup). And Cabello is right; it doesn’t matter if Capriles IS distantly related to Bolívar (who, BTW, had no children of his own). Venezuela is not a dynastic monarchy, after all. And I think Bolívar would be properly horrified to see this piggy-eyed little fascist (who, incidentally, was responsible for the human-rights violations at the Cuban embassy during the coup) as a descendant of his sister.

But let’s give the last word to the true voice of the Venezuelan opposition. Her surname, too, happens to be Capriles, although I don’t know if she’s related. She certainly is his ideological co-religionist, though:

And here’s what she said, verbatim:

the poor dont deserve all that shit come on we have to privatize healthcare and education
we have to get rid of the missions privatize education and healthcare eliminated all aid to those poor fuckers we need those universities our pdvsa which a big part belonged to my family and the transnationals we have to return cantv electricity and basic industries and the exploitation of minerals we have to return them to those they were expropriated from

Translation mine; lack of capitalization and punctuation, and abominable sentence structure, hers.

What better advertisement for what Venezuela will degenerate back to if not for liberators like Chavecito, eh? That’s something that I’m not about to hold my breath waiting for Reuters to cover.

O Loon of Alabama…

Show me the way to the next whisky bar. Oh, don’t ask why. Oh, don’t ask why…

Residents in Guin, Alabama became outraged earlier this week after they noticed flyers posted around the town that read, “Annual Pastors Conference All White Christians Invited.” The groups Christian Identity Ministries and the Church of God’s Chosen told WIAT that they just didn’t have the “facilities” to accommodate non-whites.

“We’re seldom ever have been invited to black Muslim events and we never have been invited to NAACP events and we never have been invited to join Jewish synagogues events and stuff,” Christian Identity Ministries Pastor William J. Collier explained.

“It has nothing whatsoever to do with any kind of racism or hate or anything like that,” he added. “And anybody who would brand it as that would be a racist and a hater themselves, you know.”

Uh-huh. Care to explain why the Southern Poverty Law Centre has identified your “church”, Christian Identity, as a racist hate group, “Reverend”? I seem to recall reading quite a bit about their ties to both neo-Nazis and the KKK, and I don’t suppose much has changed since I last read The Silent Brotherhood. Strange and disingenuous of him to attempt to re-brand what everyone knows is not an innocent Christian organization. What’s truly through the Looking Glass, though, is hearing a blatant racist slamming anti-racists as racists.

But wait, it gets even more irony-impaired:

Collier insisted that the “Sacred Christian Cross Lighting Ceremony” to be held on final day of the event symbolized an “opposition to tyranny.”

“We are not burning a cross, look at the word is says it says light a cross,” Christian Identity Ministries Reverend Mel Lewis told WIAT. “If you light a light in your house do you burn down your house. We often use fire. Our ancient fathers said fire was a cleansing element. Even the Bible says the earth will be purified with fire what purer element can we use as a symbol of our worship.”

Uh-huh. And I bet I know what the nature of that “purity” will be. It’s gonna be all white guys who look just like this:

Yippers, he sure looks like a natural-born ruling-class specimen to me.

I know it’s a wee bit early in the evening yet, but after all this cognitive dissonance, I sure could use a drink. Play me out, Keyboard Cat…

Stupid Sex Tricks: One (seriously stupid) flesh

Via Jezebel, we learn that there’s a new fundie-crapaganda astroturf org out there determined to make sex better…by making it procreation-only.

Never mind that the whole purpose of birth control is to make sex better by taking the threat of STDs and unwanted pregnancy out of it…no, these guys have really thought it all through. And they’ve come to the erudite conclusion that condoms make sex bad.

Really? Gee, that’s original. I seem to remember an old boyfriend pressuring me to drop the ‘doms because I was on the Pill anyway. Shower in a raincoat, yadda yadda yadda. Believe me, I’ve heard it all.

Never mind that I felt no qualitative difference between a clothed cock and a naked one. (The vagina is notoriously short on nerve endings. The clitoris is another story.) No, sex is supposedly better without all that nasty, God-angering protection against its consequences.

Well, no doubt for the guys it is. At least until the child-support demand lands in their mailboxes. Or until the STD test result comes back positive. Or until their girlfriend says she wants an abortion…and could he please pay halfsies?

Oh, but that’s right…we’re not supposed to go that route, either. We’re supposed to wait till we’re married, and only then have sex…and only unprotected, so it’s really only for procreation! And if we don’t want to procreate, just have sex for the fun of it, we’re supposed to feel guilty and sinful…and abstain.

In other words, we’re supposed to have really, really great sex…by having no sex at all.

Makes sense!