Just a reminder: Even if I’m not posting as much as I’d like, I still want to keep the quality of my postings high.
Crappy weekend, everyone! This week’s entry is dedicated to Peegate, our scandal of the week. But it’s not the only thing going down. It’s my doody — er, duty — to bring you all the turds in the toilet, too. And this week’s shits are, in no particular order:
1. Damon Fucking Wayans. No one is “unrapeable”. Not even this unfunny clown, who hasn’t made me laugh since he was in Earth Girls Are Easy, playing an alien who outdances some dude with a fancy suit and a disco stick. Pretty much his only really memorable scene. (Jim Carrey was funnier, and Jeff Goldblum was way hotter.) He hasn’t been relevant since, and I don’t think it will help him to defend Bill Fucking Cosby. Especially not by slagging the latter’s accusers. And if you don’t understand how power, privilege and impunity work, you’re doomed to permanent irrelevancy. PS: Yo, Damon? What SHE said.
2. Jeb Fucking Bush. So, lemme see if I got this straight: It’s the mark of a tolerant country…to just let the intolerant run roughshod over everybody else that they don’t want to tolerate? Wow, there really is no bottom to that barrel-o-stoopid. And just think, kiddies, this one’s supposedly the smart one of the Bush Clan. Ha, ha, joke’s on you — there are no smart Bushes! It’s just rich idiots all the way down!
3. Walter Fucking Palmer. So, the asshole who killed Cecil the lion is about to crawl out of hiding and return to his dental practice. Well, he’s sure gonna see a lot of teeth…but not in the way he intended. Ha, ha. PS: Waaaaaa!
4. Bibi Fucking Netanyahu. Uh oh. Someone hasn’t learned from his own people’s history what happens when you deny refugees a safe place to live. Never mind the curse of seven generations; make it seven-times-seven, in his case. And even that would be letting him off lightly.
5. Sean Fucking Ludwick. Remember that nursery rhyme about the king in his counting-house, counting out his money? Well, meet the real-estate developer who decided that the local courthouse was his counting-house. Somehow, it’s not too surprising to learn that the reason he was there was a drunk-driving incident in which he wrecked his Porsche and left his buddy to die, eh? Yeah, it’s good to be king…and if justice is served, this guy will be king of a very roach-ridden cell block.
6. Tim Fucking Dutaud. Ever get the feeling that all Conservative candidates are secretly wankers? Well, they are. And some of them actually leave digital trails of their wankeries, too.
7. Raymond Fucking Mott. Why is it that cops have no compunctions about fake-joining leftist groups for the purpose of infiltrating and destroying them? Oh, probably for the same reason that they have no compunctions about joining neo-Nazi and KKK groups for serious. But hey, at least he made the excuse that he was infiltrating!
8. Sage Fucking Gerard. Before you read legal etchings, feed beagle retchings! If that made no sense to you, don’t worry. Neither would anything else this guy says. No wonder he has so much trouble getting a woman to consent to have sex with him. (Well, that and his Menz Rightzer idiocy. Which has the added “benefit” of being super-duper double-looper unsexy.)
9. Nicole Fucking Arbour. No, honey, you’re not “hella brave” to punch down at fat people. Take a hard seat. You’re lazy, you’re boring, you’re trite — and you’re not helping. Pro tips: Don’t assume that fat people are all fat for the same reasons. Don’t assume that being fat will make them all sick, either. Don’t match your lipstick to your hair streaks. Don’t overdo your fucking eye makeup (and don’t let it clash with your lips, either). And above all, don’t spout mean ugly things and then claim you’re doing it because you care. Your own eyebrows look like they’re trying to flee your face, and who can blame them? With all that nasty bullshit coming out of your mouth, I’d be fleeing too. PS: Don’t quit your day job — you’ve been fired! Ha, ha.
10. Kim Fucking Davis. And speaking of “take a hard seat”, look who’s out of jail. Look who’s arrogant and unrepentant. Look who hasn’t learned shit from all that. And look who’s getting shit for her unauthorized use of “Eye of the Tiger”. Ha, ha. PS: No, you know what’s invalid? YOU ARE. Shut the fuck up and go the hell away.
11. Petra Fucking Lazlo. Well, well. Looks like even in fascist Hungary, it’s possible to get fired for being nasty to Syrian refugees who don’t even want to stay in your country, but just pass through en route to someplace better. What’s truly fantastic is that she worked for a station which is the propaganda arm for one of the furthest-right parties in the land. Ha, ha.
12. Jill Fucking Duggar. Is she a missionary, or just a scamster who travels on donated cash? Either way, she and her scrungy husband sure don’t look modest in their vacation clothes.
13. Sue Fucking MacDonell. It’s not just male Conservatives wanking on phones and pissing in mugs this week…their ladies’ auxiliary is just as low-down, mean and spiteful. Case in point: this racist, who was forced to step down from the board of directors for her riding association after she just couldn’t contain her remarkably Harpo-like “thoughts” on why them durn Injunz iz soooo stoooooopid. And if that’s not projection, I don’t know what is.
14. Dean Fucking Esmay. Mang, the term “Men Going Their Own Way” just keeps on stretching. Deano, for one, thinks they CAN be married, even though pretty much every other mig-toe out there thinks they can’t, unless it’s to a mail-order bride from some impoverished country. And even then, they’ll soon enough be unmarried again, because ugh, who’d want to live with THEM? Especially since they tend to use terms like “girlish”, “womanish”, etc., as insults? PS: Anybody seen Deano’s wife? Gotten her thoughts on this matter? Can anyone confirm that she even exists, i.e. that Deano isn’t lying out his ass again? Inquiring minds, etc. PPS: Drama llama much? I mean, THEY spit green goop on their enemies, too…
15. Daryush Fucking Valizadeh. Roosh V, a “scientist”? Get the fuck out. No, really: GET THE FUCK OUT.
16. Jackie Fucking Sims. It may shock you to learn this, lady, but not everything that is frank and honest about sex is pornography. A science book about a woman whose cervical cancer cells are apparently immortal is not exactly something anyone would whack off to. And you trying to keep science books out of children’s hands is you trying to keep information and knowledge out of their heads. Just because you’re pig-ignorant doesn’t mean THEY have to be.
17. Ben Fucking Carson. No, the United States is NOT a “Judeo-Christian nation”. The Founders themselves said that there is no official state religion, and no need to introduce legislation providing for any. And many of them were Deists, to boot — which, by most believers’ terms, would render them effectively atheists.
18. Andrea Fucking Tantaros. When the only tool you have is a hammer, every issue looks like a nail. And when the only kind of masculinity you have is a toxic kind, the effort to introduce something healthier is “emasculation”. I have to ask why this FUX Snooze telebimbo is so god-awfully concerned with men’s manhoods, anyhow. I mean, it’s not like most of them will have anything to do with her if they can help it.
19. Donald Fucking Trump. R.E.M. just issued a cease-and-desist to Da Donald for using one of their songs. I suspect they won’t be the only ones. Ha, ha. PS: Appealing to his inbred supporters, I see. Still…EWWWWWWWWW.
20. Pat Fucking Robertson. If you can be jailed for being a Christer, why isn’t Patwa in prison yet? It’s not as if he hasn’t used his fake-ass religiosity to scam the living bejeezus out of his followers… PS: And for a prime example of that religiosity, here you go. He called Kim Fucking Davis a “tramp”! Is that any way to talk about your co-religionist?
21. Braydon Fucking Mazurkiewich. Looks like #15 has company in the Cons’ party-wide (but usually unstated) hate-the-Injunz stance. Aaaand it looks like HE’s out of a party job, too. And considering it was just for the purposes of covertly spreading SupposiTory crapaganda anyway, nothing of value was lost. Ha, ha.
22. Rupert Fucking Murdoch. Need any more evidence that National Geographic is slowly circling the drain? Look who just bought it. And who will, no doubt, sink it by forcing it to become his main organ of climate change denialism. PS: Ha, ha.
23. Peter Fucking Kent. No, Syrian refugees aren’t ISIL militants. They’re the ones fleeing from the ISIL militants. Who are the ISIL militants? Hint: They’re still in Syria. Those are the guys your side is out there financing in an effort to get rid of Bashar al-Assad, remember?
24. Mike Fucking Huckabee. No, Hucky Fudd, there was nothing complicated or difficult to understand about the SCOTUS ruling in favor of legal same-sex marriage. You’re just too stupid to understand it. And if you’re not smart enough to understand it, you’re not smart enough to run for POTUS, either.
25. Nicola Fucking Austen. No, Mom, you don’t buy your daughter 12 bags of cocaine to celebrate her 18th birthday in style. For one thing, that stuff gets smuggled inside of somebody’s rectum. For another, it serves no purpose whatsoever, except maybe to make El Narco Uribe and his right-wing paramilitaries richer. Wanna get your daughter a truly memorable 18th birthday present? GET HER AN EDUCATION SO SHE DOESN’T TURN OUT A FUCKING IDIOT LIKE YOU.
26. Joshua Fucking Ryne Fucking Goldberg. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how stupid it is to pretend you’re an Aussie jihadi on 9-11, when in fact you’re nothing more than a basement-dwelling ziotroll of a Florida Man.
27. Lynton Fucking Crosby. And speaking of Aussie jihadis, what’s this one — a known anti-refugee BASTARD — doing advising our so-called Prime Minister? Ha, ha, not for much longer, you imported git!
28. David Fucking Daleiden. Ever wonder who’s behind all those fake “gotcha” videos purporting to show Planned Parenthood selling aborted fetuses? Now you know. And you also know he’s in trouble with the law for precisely that sort of thing. Ha, ha.
29. Kenneth Fucking Lee Fucking Sheka. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how much of an asshole you’d have to be to fire your gun into a wall when a woman tells you to stop groping her. And just think, kiddies, this one’s a cop! Doesn’t that just make you feel so safe and secure?
30. David Fucking Frum. Oh joy, the schmuck who coined the term “Axis of Evil” has piped up…and accused those who rightly hate Harpo for ruining our country with being “deranged”. Where have we heard THAT before? Oh yeah: From that same schmuck back when he was working for Dubya, when people rightly hated HIM for ruining our neighbor to the south. Oh, if dear ol’ Babs could only see him now. She’d be even more ashamed of him.
And finally, to Jerry Fucking Bance. He claims that pissing in a client’s mug and then surreptitiously emptying it down their kitchen sink doesn’t reflect who he really is? Au contraire, mon frère…true character is what you do when you don’t think anyone’s looking. That means this ugly incident reflects who you really are a lot more than anything else you say or do. And really: If you had to pee so badly, would it have killed you to ask where the bathroom was? Or, if worse came to worst, to just quietly water the bushes? Oh no, you just had to do it in the most disrespectful place and manner possible. You might as well have emptied that mug on your client’s head! But still, this incident is instructive. So emblematic of how our lovely federal Conservatives do…well, EVERYTHING they do, really. And that’s why they’re all bound for the royal flush, come October.
Good night, and get fucked!
Ahem. A little music, maestro:
Venezuelan opposition leader Leopoldo López was sentenced to 13 years in prison for coup-plotting.
Venezuelan judge Susana Barreiros sentenced López, the leader of the Voluntad Popular party, on Thursday to 13 years, 9 months, 7 days and 12 hours, in prison, which he will serve in the military jail of Ramo Verde, according to news channel Telesur.
López was sentenced after it was revealed that he gave a speech, along with three students, during the violent anti-government protests that cost the lives of more than 40 persons between February and May 2014.
During the trial, the right-winger was accused of public instigation, association to commit crime, property damage and arson, as well as being implicated in the putschist plan known as “La Salida” (“The Exit”), by way of which they tried to bring down the legitimate government of president Nicolás Maduro.
Supporters of the Venezuelan right and members of government clashed outside the Palace of Justice in Caracas after López’s spouse, Lilian Tintori, arrived at the court where the trial against her spouse was held.
In the few minutes in which there were confrontations, the participants threw rocks and heavy objects, while members of the Bolivarian National Guard (GNB) tried to protect passersby and finally wound up dispersing the protest.
Leopoldo López has been in jail since February 18, 2014. He gave himself up to authorities days after promoting and inciting acts of vandalism and so-called “guarimbas” (disturbances) in Venezuela, with the intent of bringing down President Maduro.
So, Prettyboy Leo is looking less pretty by the day. And at the end of 13 years, 9 months, 7 days and 12 hours, I imagine he’ll be looking less pretty still. That is, if he’s still pretty at all anymore by then. Ha, ha.
Venezuelan president Nicolás Maduro addresses an anti-paramilitarism rally in Caracas.
A. Because that’s where all the crime is coming in from. And no less a person than the first vice-president of Venezuela, and president of the national assembly, is there to make sure everybody understands:
The president of the Venezuelan national assembly, Diosdado Cabello, reiterated on Tuesday that Venezuela’s demand is that the government of Colombia concern itself with its border, as an indispensable condition for lifting the closure in the Venezuelan border state of Táchira.
“We must demand that the Colombian government look after its border,” Cabello announced from Táchira, recounting that whereas the Venezuelan government has more than 3,000 members of the Bolivarian National Guard posted on the 45-kilometre stretch of border, Colombia barely has one police post to guard the zone.
According to Cabello, this unequal situation has permitted the proliferation of crimes such as food smuggling, assassinations, narcotrafficking, and paramilitarism, which affect the entire population of the zone.
Cabello denounced that the situation is getting even worse with the passage of laws in Colombia which legalize financial speculation against the Venezuelan bolivar, and create heavy distortions in the national economy.
“The father of Robert Serra’s murderer has 22 currency exchanges along the border,” Cabello said, referring to the homicide of the young parliamentarian, a crime which was organized and financed by the ex-councilman of Cúcuta, Julio Vélez.
Cabello stressed that the Venezuelan government is fighting against crimes along the border, and not against the more than five million Colombians who are living in Venezuela. “If you are working, keep on working. This is your country. We’re not going to throw anyone out.”
He added that in the years of the Bolivarian Revolution, more than 60,000 Colombians took part in Mission Ribas (a free educational program), 11,000 in Mission Miracle (a free medical program for persons with eye problems), and have received about 3% of the homes built as part of the “Great Mission Venezuelan Homes”.
“The only things we don’t want are paramilitarism, assassinations, smuggling and hoarding*,” Cabello added.
Cabello lamented that the Venezuelan right has given its absolute support to the Colombian oligarchy, which he holds responsible for the historic abandonment of the people who live in the border zone.
“Now they say they’re going to give them homes and jobs. Why didn’t they do that in all these years?” Cabello asked, comparing the government of Juan Manuel Santos with that of his predecessor, Álvaro Uribe: “There is no difference.”
“We’re sad that the two governments are so alike,” he added, stating that the Venezuelan government will stay in the border area to re-establish peace and guarantee the security of both countries.
So we can see how political assassinations go hand in hand with made-in-Colombia paramilitarism, and how the Colombian oligarchy — and its so-called government — has done nothing about it, except to essentially aid and abet it. Paramilitarism, in particular, is Álvaro “El Narco” Uribe’s baby; ostensibly aimed at fighting the FARC guerrillas, it’s really all about killing and repressing the local peasant farmers, trafficking cocaine, assassinating leftist politicians on both sides of the border, and then pointing the finger at Venezuela and blaming the ghost of Chávez for all the home-grown trouble.
Of special note is the fact that Robert Serra’s killer comes from ill-gotten money: His dad has 22 “currency exchanges”, all in the Colombian border region, distorting the Venezuelan bolivar! How is this even legal? It shouldn’t be, and I suspect that in Venezuela it isn’t. But in Colombia? Well, that’s quite another story. They hate the bolivar and love the Yankee dollar, there. And corruption is the order of the day in that land, where leftist politicians are constantly being thrown out of office — and killed if they don’t get the oligarchs’ fascist message. Just look at the persecution faced by Piedad Córdoba and Gustavo Petro, among others. If any of them ever arrive at full power, watch out. That’s when the paramilitaries and terrorists swing into action.
And they’ve been plenty busy in Venezuela over the past year, with not only the Serra assassination, but also the gruesome murder of Liana Hergueta, an opposition member who apparently knew (and protested) too much. They’re always to be found in every opposition “protest” that turns into a bloodbath, and they’re not at all shy of killing anyone, including members of their own so-called team. And over the past year, they’ve been trying and failing to foment one putsch after another.
Let’s hope they keep failing.
*Cabello uses the word bachaqueo, a uniquely Venezuelan slang term, to describe a process of hoarding and speculating on price-controlled goods, such as food and other household staples. The intent is to create political instability by way of food insecurity, as well as line the pockets of those who already have way too much. It’s an especially common crime in the border regions. Profiteering, like currency speculation, is an opposition/Colombian paramilitary specialty. And the desired effect is to undermine the Bolivarian Revolution and the PSUV government at all levels.
Crappy weekend, everyone! Monday is Labor Day, so this week’s entry is dedicated formally to all the workers out there doing their jobs, and also to the organizers of history who lived and died fighting for workers’ rights. Thank you, workers! It is also dedicated, informally, to these lazy fucking slackers, in no particular order:
1. Kim Fucking Davis. Not only has she lost the federal case she made of her unwillingness to do her job, but with four marriages and three divorces under her belt, she’s also a confirmed adulteress. Guess some marital sins aren’t sinfuller than others after all, eh? PS: Aaaand she does the predictable “God said so!” wig-out. Off to jail you go, Kimmeh. Also, God called; says to leave him the hell out of it.
2. Jim Fucking Garrow. GASP! Ted Fucking Cruz is…an Obama plant? Whiskey Tango Foxtrot??? Oh, and the reason Canadians don’t swear allegiance to the US constitution? WE’RE CANADIANS, YOU STUPID FUCK. Not our constitution, not our allegiance. Capisce?
3. Janet Fucking Porter. So, she claims it was her prayers that delivered the Florida vote to Dubya in 2000? That’s funny, I could have sworn it was Dubya’s brother, Jebby…and his caging-list henchwoman, Katherine Harris…and Dubya’s cousin John Ellis on FUX Snooze, calling the vote prematurely, accidentally-on-purpose…and… Does Jesus actually answer prayers with such perversity and crookedness? Little wonder so many people are losing their religion.
4. Jesse Fucking Rau. Once more, with feeling: If your persistent God-bothering keeps you from doing your job properly, quit that damn job and let somebody else do it who is both willing and capable! Jeezus, people.
5. Casey Fucking Davis. Ahem. As I was saying: See #1 and #4. Or else stop using “religion” as an argument to get out of doing your job, and just do the damn job! But stop already with these “I will die in the name of…” histrionics. Jesus said NOTHING about dying to keep gay people from legally marrying, you idiotic fucking hypocrite.
6 and 7. Todd Fucking Courser and Cindy Fucking Gamrat. Want to have an affair? Don’t join Ashley Madison; just do your fooling around in the Michigan state legislature, instead of, you know, actually doing your jobs! And to throw ’em off the scent, plant fake rumors of gay prostitutes and other bizarro doings, so that when it all comes out that you’ve been having a completely boring, straight affair, no one will really care, and you’ll be off the hook again. Yeah, that’ll work.
8. Pat Fucking Robertson. And into the whole Kentucky same-sex marriage fray jumps a mouthy old geezer whom nobody needed to hear from, because he makes all his money by bilking and conning poor gullible souls, and that ain’t workin’. Siddown and shuddup, Patwa.
9. Joe Fucking Davis. Oh joy! #1’s number 4 husband has piped up, saying he’ll shoot anyone who comes in and tries to hold the dear wifey to her oath to do her fucking job. That ain’t workin’ either.
10. Jeb Fucking Bush. Stop trying to lecture the Pope on how to do HIS job, Jebby. You haven’t exactly been doing yours all that well, either.
11. Elisabeth Fucking Hasselbeck. It being FUX Snooze and all, of course spouting blatant racism IS her job, and it is the whole of her job. But still. What the hell kind of person hires someone to do a job like that?
12. Kristen Fucking Lindsey. What the hell kind of vet shoots a pet cat with a bow and arrow, then brags of killing a “feral” one? A vet who lost her job at the animal clinic and really deserves to lose her veterinary licence as well, that’s who. Cardinal rule of hunting: If you’re not going to eat it or wear it, don’t kill it. And if you’re a vet, you do everything you can to save the lives of cats, not TAKE them. That’s your fucking job, lady, and you suck at it.
13. Rick Fucking Perry. Jesus called; says you’re nothing like him. Also, as former governor of Texas, you did a shit job. Take a hard seat, Crotch.
14. Josh Fucking Duggar. As one of my friends pointed out, it looks like this one’s got commitment issues: He can’t commit to a recovery program. He’s gone missing, and no one knows where he’s at (although some have their suspicions). Also, sounds like he couldn’t even commit to something as basic as the use of condoms. Remind me again why he’s supposed to be some kind of moral authority on Family Values?
15. Chrissie Fucking Hynde. No, what you were wearing and what you had to drink that night were NOT responsible for all those bikers gang-raping you. What was responsible? Those fucking bikers who gang-raped you. I mean hell, Chrissie: You even said they were wearing badges and shit saying “I love rape”. They were advertising the fact that they are rapists, and you think women should blame themselves for THAT? Unfuck your head, already.
16. Donald Fucking Trump. This is a pre-candidate for the presidency of the United States? This thin-skinned rage addict who gets on Kareem Abdul-Jabbar’s case for comparing him unfavorably to the only worthwhile pre-candidate of any party, namely Bernie Sanders? Anyone who would vote for him is a drooling slack-jawed goober. This is not even a political amateur; he’s the belligerent drunk whose uncouth ass is about to get bounced from the pub. And I believe the greater US public’s exact line would be “You’re FIRED!”
17. Tara Fucking Monroe. Driving a Barbie kiddie-car after your licence was suspended for refusing a breathalyzer, and not riding your bike like your own parents told you to? Incredibly immature. But really, what better can one expect from someone who went to a Waka Flocka concert, anyway?
18. Justin Fucking Trudeau. Whereas the NDP has more than 40% women on their slate, the Liberals…are one big sausagefest. Justin, get some female candidates, already!
19. Peter Fucking Bucklitsch. Why?
That’s why. Calling a dead kid’s parents “greedy” and “queue jumpers”, just because these refugees weren’t walking skeletons in rags, is one helluva vile wank. And quite typical for the neo-Nazis of UKIP, too.
20. Jeffrey Fucking Atherton. Meanwhile, in Tennessee, a judge has decided that if gay people can get married, ain’t no one gonna get a divorce. Logic? Try and find it. Just more of those Repugnican Family Values™ in action, folks.
21, 22 and 23. Allan Fucking Candelore, Rich Fucking Allison, and Alfred Fucking Rava. Because why should women ever get a leg up in the tech industry as CEOs, as long as there are fucking Menz Rightzers to pull them right back down again, crying “discrimination” all the way because someone dared to host a women-only business conference for them. Yup, that’s right: The most unoppressed group in the history of ever is having another lovely hissyfit because an actual oppressed group made a bid for some small step towards parity. Let’s hope their suit gets laughed out of court. And that #23 — the shyster representing #21 and #22 — gets disbarred and stripped of his law licence for his frivolous, malicious conduct.
24. Roger Fucking Hunt. Never mind that no one plays sports with their crotch. This idiotic wank thinks that trans athletes need to submit to a pants check before being cleared to play. I suggest he get his head examined instead; it seems to me that he’s just a wee bit incompetent. (And possibly a pervert, too.)
25. Stephen Fucking Harper. Why?
That’s why. Just one more reason to give him the heave-ho in October, eh?
26 and 27. Tim Fucking Kelly and Tara Fucking Mack. Once more, with feeling: Don’t join Ashley Madison; just get elected to your state legislature as a Repugnican. Then you get to exchange…uh…”documents”! In parked cars, out in the boonies! Yeah, that’s the ticket!
28. Daryush Fucking Valizadeh. Hey Roosh: That DDOS attack your site suffered? Was a wake-up call from Karma, telling you to cut the PUA shit and the “neomasculinity” crap, and GET A REAL FUCKING JOB, YOU WORTHLESS SHITSTAIN.
29. Nathan Fucking Davis. Nepotism, anyone? Why the hell was #1’s son allowed to work in the same office as his mother? Surely that constitutes some kind of infraction, does it not? At any rate, he’s the only one of six deputy clerks in that office to deny same-sex couples marriage licences. Which proves that the religious fanatics are in the minority there.
30. Matt Fucking Staver. And of course, it wouldn’t be a weekly wankapedia without some projection on the part of a religious persecutor, and a full fucking Godwin violation, to boot. No, Kim Fucking Davis is NOT a Jew being sent to the gas chambers; if anything, she’s more like the fucking Gestapo. But at least, in this case, there’s no real power to back her up; just a bunch of shysters who obviously got their law degrees from diploma mills. And their history lessons from a charlatan.
And finally, to the biggest slackers of all: the 1%ers. Whose wealth, next year, is slated to surpass that of the remaining 99% of us. Did they work for it? NOPE. They threw people out of work, underpaid the rest who are now in fear for their jobs. Time to make them fear for THEIR cushy, unearned position in life, eh?
Good night, and get fucked!
Chris Alexander killed little Alan Kurdi.
Alan is the three-year-old Syrian boy whose drowned body, washed up on a Turkish beach, has been plastered all over the media, Facebook, Twitter, you name it. His mother, Reham, and older brother Galib, 5, also died trying to reach Greece in an overloaded rowboat. Only the boys’ father, Abdullah, survived the journey.
It was a journey they might never have had to make had they not been denied asylum here in Canada. Abdullah’s sister, already living here, was ready to vouch for them. But the Minister of Immigration, Chris Alexander, refused even to see their claim. So they were forced to take the most dangerous and desperate route: the waters of the Mediterranean, in a tiny and fragile boat not capable of withstanding the rough conditions of that sea, overcrowded with other desperate refugees. On that boat, they were 13 in all.
And three members of the family paid for that passage with their lives.
Alan’s small, pathetic body, still fully clothed and shod, made headlines as a Turkish policeman scooped him up and carried him out of the surf. And the damning pictures from that tragic moment have forced refugee-shy European countries to rethink their harsh immigration policies.
It’s all too little and too late for the thousands of families like the Kurdis, who have been streaming across the Mediterranean from the east and south in a desperate effort to escape various war zones and the dire poverty that stalks countries rich in resources, but made poor by colonialism and capitalism. The same global north, also known as “The West”, that has forced unwanted regime changes upon their lands and invaded them politically and economically in order for its corporations to scoop up all the resources they can, is unwilling to accept the consequences of its actions. Those consequences are human, they are hungry, and they are desperate enough to die trying to get away from what has been foisted upon them. And those who did the foisting are trying futilely to beat them back, any way they can.
In Hungary, trainloads of refugees have been held up for days, for no apparent reason. Hungary is in the grip of a far-right government with a fetish for control, but no clear notions of what to do about the influx of people who just want to get through Hungary and into some more hospitable final destination. It’s an awful irony when you consider that just a few short decades ago, Hungary was itself a civil war zone, and refugees were fleeing from there to other European lands, and across the ocean to Canada. (One of them, Stephen Vizinczey, even worked his refugee experiences into his acclaimed novel, In Praise of Older Women.)
But in a way, Hungary’s irony is emblematic of the shitheadedness that prevails more or less throughout Europe right now. Right-wing governments everywhere, and not one of them can work up a drop of empathy for refugees. German chancellor Angela Merkel was caught flatfooted when a Palestinian girl burst into tears before her upon learning that she was probably going to be deported. The incident was much mocked in the media, and caused a hasty backpedal on the part of the German government. Germany is now a much-sought destination for Syrian and other Middle Eastern and North African refugees. And the German people are clear on where they stand, even as their government waffles ineffectually away; whole cities and towns are stepping up to help the newcomers, and the German internet is buzzing with families opening their homes to refugees, giving them a place to stay until they can make a more permanent home somewhere.
I am a Canadian of German immigrant parentage. My mother, born to ethnic German parents in pre-World War II Yugoslavia, came “home” to Germany after some 200 years in the Balkans when war and the invasion of the Russian army drove them out in 1944. Her family were refugees. That makes me, in turn, the daughter of a refugee. And the descendant of other refugees, too: What was part of the Austro-Hungarian empire once took in Germans fleeing religious persecution back home. My mother’s ancestors, Lutheran protestants, fled a Catholic-ruled land. It was either convert to the local princeling’s religion, or else, back then. They chose “or else”. And that meant moving to the Balkans, where the Austrian queen, Maria Theresia, hoped to stave off the invasion of the Turks by populating the land with German-speaking Christians. It didn’t matter to her whether they were Catholic or Protestant, as long as they kept the Turks out. And then they were forced to flee, and my mother’s family became refugees once more…
And now, in an ironic twist of fate, the Turks are in Germany anyway, and the only parts where it’s truly gone to hell in a handbasket are the ones where local neo-Nazis have terrorized and murdered them. And after the Turks, the Syrians, Iraqis, Afghans and other refugees have come. Germany hasn’t “gone Muslim” as PEGIDA and other right-wing fearmongers have claimed it would. Rather, the Christian spirit of charity and loving-thy-neighbor is making itself felt. German families are helping refugee families to acclimatize, to make a home, to learn whatever they need to learn, and to find their place in the world.
It wasn’t nearly so hospitable when my mom and her family arrived during the war, though; the refugees, though every bit as German as the locals, were looked down upon endlessly because they came from the Balkans. Whatever refugee-abuse wasn’t the result of Nazism, was down to plain old snobbery. And this went on for years after the war ended, too; the refugees were never fully accepted. My mother ended up going to work in New York for the local Daimler-Benz importer and his family as an au pair, and on a vacation to Canada, in northern Ontario, she met my dad, by then a landed immigrant himself. They married three months later.
I am proud of my ancestral people for having learned history’s lessons so well. And I am ashamed of my home and native land for having turned its back on Syrians, just as it did to Jews during World War II. Clearly, Chris Alexander hasn’t learned a thing from history.
And that is why I call him a murderer. He is just as responsible for the deaths of Alan, Galib and Reham Kurdi as if he had held their heads underwater himself. Because by cold-bloodedly refusing even to see the family’s refugee claim, that’s exactly what he did. By making the rules so that relatives could only sponsor one family member at a time, he ensured that Alan’s father did not even get a look-in. It’s the same, in effect, as denying outright the claim of Alan’s uncle, Mohammed, which he also did. Let’s dispense with inane technicalities here: The truth is that with the Harper government’s cruel changes to our immigration and refugee policy, the Kurdi family was doomed from the outset.
Cursed are those who refuse to learn from the past, because they will be doomed to repeat it.
PS: Canadians for Justice and Peace in the Middle East has a petition up calling for Chris Alexander’s resignation. You can sign it no matter where in the world you are. Please do!