This one’s for all those affected by yesterday’s big temblor in Ecuador:
Fuerza, herman@s…no estarán olvidad@s.
This one’s for all those affected by yesterday’s big temblor in Ecuador:
Fuerza, herman@s…no estarán olvidad@s.
Crappy weekend, everyone! And a very crappy weekend to all the states currently with, or mulling, anti-LGBT laws on their books. I hope you enjoy being boycotted, and I hope you lose pots of money, you losers. And speaking of losers, how about this random assortment of assholes, in no particular order…
1. Mark Fucking Walker. Who cares if the Boss won’t play North Carolina for its idiotically regressive anti-LGBT laws? Justin Bieber is still coming to wreck your eardrums, y’all! PS: Solidarity is “bullying”? And “Fortunate Son” is a “draft-dodging” song? Only in Jeebusland, folks…
2. Gregory Fucking Kirschmann. And if you wonder what kind of people vote for the likes of #1, here’s your answer. People who put their own religion ahead of humanity and the teachings of Jesus himself…who else?
3. Charles Fucking Moore. Why?
Yes, let’s all cry some more for rich people and their beleaguered bazillions. The same who are penalizing poor folk for having spare bedrooms in their shoddy council homes.
4. Mack Fucking Major. Newsflash, wanker: If masturbation is a sin, you’re going to hell just for opening your damn fool mouth. And why is it only a loss of “salvation” for WOMEN, huh?
5. Mark Fucking Burns. Black people don’t exist? And people come in “red, white and blue” skins? Wow. The things one has to believe to be a Drumpfite these days…
7. James Fucking Stachowiak. When even the state of Georgia won’t grant you a permit to hold a hate rally, you KNOW you’re a fuckhead. How’s THAT for “Don’t Tread on Me”?
8. Ken Fucking Paxton. You can stop “investigating” Planned Parenthood now, you’re under arrest — you fucking fraud.
10. Gay Fucking Talese. No wonder he doesn’t care for women writers…he doesn’t even READ them. He’s too busy lying on his octogenarian paunch in a crawl-space, beside another old pervert, doing “research” for his own prurient drivel by peering down at people having sex in fleabag motel rooms!
11. Dennis Fucking Hastert. Extortion or not, there is still the real problem, which is you molesting teenage boys. At least one of whom is now dead, and who died having never gotten over the trauma you inflicted on him, you Bastert.
12. Jeremy Fucking Durham. Funny how transphobic lawmakers are always, invariably, a bigger danger to women than the transpeople they claim to be trying to “protect” us from. Eh?
13. Stephen Fucking Fry. “Self-pity is the ugliest emotion in humanity”? Funny phraseology that, coming from an older white guy who constantly, infantilely feels sorry for himself that he can’t go around punching down at will without being called out for it anymore. I think the one who really “can’t bear complexity” is none other than himself.
14. Bruce Fucking Divers. What was it #13 was wanking on about, again? I think there’s a much uglier emotion than “self-pity”, and this guy is full of it.
15. Carly Fucking Fiorina. Oh please, lady…you’re not a feminist, and you don’t get to singlehandedly define the word to suit your own self-serving ends, either. You’re merely an opportunist who happened to benefit from the gains scored by feminism. Learn the difference and stop embarrassing yourself.
17. Stephen Fucking Harper. Meanwhile, another irrelevant wanker is entertaining the Repugs in the US. We should cut off his parliamentary pension; he clearly doesn’t need the cash.
18. Ted Fucking Cruz. He wants to stop women from selling sex toys to one another at Schtupperware™ parties, but underneath all that pro-purity, anti-masturbation talk…is a slimy, sloppy PILLOW HUMPER. (Yeah, try getting THAT image out of your head now. Along with the one of him eating his own boogs. And good luck to you!) PS: And this doesn’t help either. Serves him right for trying to use his kids as campaign tools. Ha, ha.
19. Robert Fucking Lewis Fucking Dear. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how disgusting it is of him to fetishize fetuses — to the point of fantasizing about them thanking him at the gates of heaven! — while justifying his own mass murders. I knew “pro-lifers” were strangely selective in terms of what life they’re actually pro, but WOW.
20. Andrea Fucking Hardie. She thinks women shouldn’t be allowed to vote, and for once, I concur — but only in the case of women who think like HER. Because she is every shit-awful thing she accuses other women — or women in general — of being.
21. Stuart Fucking Varney. Good lord, how much fucking idiocy are we going to hear in defence of male privilege? An awful lot, apparently, if we’re tuned into FUX Snooze, where they are determined never to understand the very basic concept of consent. Probably because if they did, they’d realize in a flash that no woman would want to sleep with these doofi.
22. Tom Fucking Watson. Anyone else struck by the irony of someone referring to the followers of a Jewish democratic socialist as “Nazis”? Yes? Oh good, so it’s not just me, then.
23. John Fucking Kasich. Just in case anyone thinks Ted Fucking Cruz is the only fundie whackjob in the Repug race, it looks like he’s got plenty of competition in that department…and not from Der Drumpf. PS: Thanks for the advice on preventing sexual assault. It’s worse than useless, but thanks.
24. Jared Fucking Fogle. Yes, he’s still wanking…behind bars. And still as douchey as ever. Seems he learned nothing at all from that last beatdown. Can someone please take away his mail privileges? Like NOW, please?
25. Mika Fucking Brzezinski. Defending Der Drumpf’s abusive, misogynous campaign manager? When there is not only video of him manhandling Michelle Fields, but also a photo of the finger-shaped bruises he left on her arm? And you’re going to make it all about women reporters’ credibility, and not that of Der Drumpf and his flacks? Really?
27. Paul Fucking Ryan. Going lumbersexual seems to be the only real thing he’s done lately…and even that ain’t sayin’ much. Dude, shave off the chin-scruff and stop wasting taxpayers’ money!
28. Donald Fucking Drumpf. My, what an articulate ghostwriter you have, Herr Drumpf. Not a single “yuge” in there. I’m impressed!
29. Bill Fucking Cosby. Still as full of chutzpah as ever, I see. Too bad the judge in that child-sex-abuse case isn’t amused.
30. Sarah Fucking Palin. She’s a scientist? And she has a FILM??? Will wonders never cease?????
And finally, to all the fucking semiliterate Drumpfites out there. To all the idiots who think “elegals” are the worst threat to your country right now, when in fact it’s you, yourselves, the home-grown Nazis who think there is such a thing as an illegal person (spoiler: there ain’t). To all the ones who think “Isreal” is worth emulating. And to all the ones who only want a wall so they can beat China. Dudes, you are all SO fucked in the head. And you are wasting your lives in the worst way. Get an education! Travel! See the world and learn how the world sees YOU! Remember why you have two eyes and two ears but only one mouth! And fergawdsakes, stop embarrassing yourselves by politically supporting a man best known for his boorishness and his bad combover. Understand that he doesn’t give a rat’s ass about YOU any more than he does about “political correctness” (which is just a fancy right-wing way of saying plain courtesy and decency). And above all:
Good night, and get fucked!
In case you were wondering if that meeting in Cuba really took place, here’s some snips showing the skit being rehearsed, along with a cast photo session afterwards:
This should lay any doubts to rest, no?
I went to protest rape culture, and all I got was this crappy t-shirt.
Advice columnists have a lot of power to shape our opinions. Or misshape them, as the case may be. Case in point: a recent Dear Abby column, in which the advice columnist — the daughter of the original “Abby” — has inadvertently gone the rape-culture route. “Uncertain in Illinois” wrote to her recently, seeking clarification as much as advice:
DEAR ABBY: I am a junior in high school. Last year, a guy I have known for two years began showing a sexual interest in me. I rejected his advances. Last week, he began expressing his interest again, letting me know he wanted to have sex. He invited me to study — only study — but said we “might” make out.
I was a virgin and had never even kissed anyone before. I had just gotten out of a relationship that didn’t end very well, so I liked the attention. I decided I was fine with just kissing, but as soon as I got in his truck, he started to feel me up. He took me to a semi-isolated area and we ended up having sex. It wasn’t fun or pleasurable. I told him he was hurting me, but he didn’t stop until the third time I said it. He was very upset with me. He only cared about me pleasuring him.
I told two of my close friends about what happened. One said he had essentially raped me. The other said it doesn’t count as rape because even though I said it hurt, I didn’t say it forcefully enough. Abby, what do you think?
The first friend is “essentially” right: This is a rape. The guy telegraphed his intent beforehand, and the girl made it clear that she didn’t want him. But he persisted. He lied to her. He isolated her. And then, when he had her alone, he attacked. And didn’t stop until the third time she told him that he was hurting her. He wasn’t a bit remorseful even then, just “very upset” with her for not letting him finish.
At no point did he care what she wanted. It couldn’t be more clear that this guy raped her, and meant to rape her all along. And that she — a virgin who hadn’t even kissed anyone yet — could hardly have known what was going to happen if she went anywhere with him.
But Dear Abby seems to have taken the second friend’s side, the side that holds the victim should have known, and is thus at least partly responsible for what happened to her:
DEAR UNCERTAIN: It appears you and that boy had a severe breakdown in communication, which led to your being sexually assaulted. He had made no secret that he wanted sex with you, and may have interpreted your willingness to kiss him after he took you somewhere other than what was agreed upon as a signal that you were willing, even though you didn’t say so.
Date rape happens when a fellow ends up coercing or forcing a girl to have sex without her consent. Unless a girl explicitly expresses her willingness to proceed, it is the responsibility of the boy NOT to proceed.
To me what happened illustrates how important it is for parents to talk to their sons and daughters about responsible behavior because failure to do that can have lifelong consequences for both. If you haven’t already done so, you should tell your parents what happened. However, if you don’t feel safe doing that, tell a counselor at school.
Did you spot the rape culture in there? It’s tricky, because it’s all mixed up with what would, on its own, be sound advice. So here is the sound advice, on its own:
DEAR UNCERTAIN: Date rape happens when a fellow ends up coercing or forcing a girl to have sex without her consent. Unless a girl explicitly expresses her willingness to proceed, it is the responsibility of the boy NOT to proceed. If you haven’t already done so, you should tell your parents what happened. However, if you don’t feel safe doing that, tell a counselor at school.
And here is the rape culture:
It appears you and that boy had a severe breakdown in communication, which led to your being sexually assaulted. He had made no secret that he wanted sex with you, and may have interpreted your willingness to kiss him after he took you somewhere other than what was agreed upon as a signal that you were willing, even though you didn’t say so.
To me what happened illustrates how important it is for parents to talk to their sons and daughters about responsible behavior because failure to do that can have lifelong consequences for both.
See, that’s the problem with rape culture: Too many mixed messages! Shit happens when you fail to communicate just right! You have to be clear and unambiguous at all times.
And here’s the fucked-up part: Even if you make your true feelings known, someone can still willfully misread you, choosing to disregard whatever doesn’t suit his original intent, and proceeding according to plan. Just as the guy who raped “Uncertain” did.
And now it’s going to have “lifelong consequences for both”, all right: “Uncertain” going to spend the rest of her life feeling, well, uncertain, and terribly guilty for not having “communicated” correctly. And possibly also for “ruining his life”, if she decides to press charges and he is prosecuted for sexual assault.
Outside of the doubtful legal ramifications, though, it’s quite certain what consequences this guy will face. Because we live in a patriarchal society that elevates male whims above the will of any female, he will be exonerated in the court of public opinion. And he will be aided and abetted by those who have internalized misogyny, like Friend #2, who thinks it was up to “Uncertain” to push him away forcefully enough, and that if she didn’t, she must have wanted it after all. Patriarchy and rape culture thrive on uncertainty, especially when it falls in a direction advantageous to the rapist.
And the worst part is, he’s even got Dear Abby to back him up. Because she can’t communicate clearly and unambiguously, either.
Well, well. What have we here? A Venezuelan priest — and member of the right-wing opposition — receiving a cheque via Wells Fargo, from Canada of all places? Yup. And he was exposed by someone on the same political side as he, no less:
The opposition priest from Zulia, José Palmar, known for harshly criticizing corruption and attacking the revolutionary government, is now in the eye of the hurricane for appearing in the Panama Papers leaks, where it was found that he holds a bank account with more than $18 million US.
The denunciation comes from right-wing journalist Rafael Poleo, in his column “Short and Deep”, wherein he shows proofs of illicit acts on the part of the parish priest of the Guadalupe Church in Sierra Maestra, San Francisco municipality. It appears that he used a charitable association, called “Children of Zulia”, opened in 2008.
“It doesn’t surprise me that functionaries of the Venezuelan government are involved in the corruption mentioned in the documents of the Panama Papers. What does surprise me is that in those documents, there are known opposition members, who criticized the government a great deal, among them Father José Palmar,” Poleo comments.
However, in spite of the investigation under way against him, the fractious priest has not ceased to attack the government; today, on his Twitter account, @PadreJosePalmar, he wrote: “All the ‘plugged-in’ Chavistas who appear in the Panama Papers are crooks who take advantage of the national treasury to get rich.”
Translation mine. Link added.
You know that old saying about those who live in glass houses, and throwing stones, right? Well, it also applies to people living in “humble parish houses” and under a vow of poverty:
“Those who accuse me of having ties to the Panama Papers, I tell them: I live in a humble parish house built by Jesuits.”
Of course, it’s quite possible to live in such a house, and yet still have a foreign bank account; no rules against that except said vow of poverty!
And a few tweets later, he goes on in, very unpriestly language:
“I don’t know any charitable organization called Children of Zulia, but I know one in Miraflores Palace called SONS OF BITCHES.”
Tsk, tsk. Kiss your statues of the Virgin with that mouth, Padre?
As you can see, the padre’s tweeter is a hoot; he’s spinning defensively and presenting heavily redacted messages, ostensibly from the Canadian and US embassies, as proof that he’s been…framed?
And retweets of Rafael Poleo claiming that he, too, was somehow…set up?
Of course, like all members of the Venezuelan opposition, these two are complete sinvergüenzas — shameless people, both chronic and pathological liars, who think nothing of libelling their own government on the regular (and on the tweeter). They claim there’s no freedom of expression in Venezuela, while indulging in it routinely to a degree that would never be tolerated by the government of Canada OR that of the US. If they said such awful things about PM Trudeau or President Obama, they’d be arrested.
But it really is funny to watch them spin, isn’t it?
If you’re hoping that the myriads of corruptos named in the Panama Papers will be brought to justice, Switzerland has some bad news for you:
Switzerland has sentenced a former bank IT employee referred to as the “Edward Snowden of tax evasion” to five years in prison for leaking records on 106,000 account holders, including about 1,800 from Canada, in a move that led to billions of dollars in unpaid taxes being recovered by countries around the world.
Whistleblower Hervé Falciani, a former head of computer security at HSBC’s private banking arm in Geneva, was sentenced in absentia Friday after being convicted of corporate espionage for taking records that showed the bank helped hide the equivalent of $255 billion of clients’ money.
In a 2010 interview with CBC News in Nice, France, he said he was driven by profound qualms about the secrecy of the Swiss banking industry and how it enabled wealthy people around the world to shield money from tax authorities.
“I came to the point that something was very wrong and should be changed,” he said. “A huge industry is made just to go around rules that we can’t go around as simple citizens.”
The Falciani revelations were among the first in a series of leaks of offshore banking data in recent years that have exposed how wealthy people worldwide use networks of secret accounts and shell corporations to hide income and avoid or evade tax.
But Swiss authorities and HSBC have maintained that Falciani’s actions amounted to theft. He was finally charged last December following a six-year investigation, with the country’s attorney general alleging Falciani was motivated by profit and tried to sell the account info he took.
A month prior, France had indicted HSBC on allegations the bank helped launder the proceeds of tax fraud through the same Swiss private banking accounts.
A separate Swiss investigation into HSBC resulted in the bank paying a $53-million settlement and avoiding criminal charges. Switzerland has not charged any HSBC bankers or executives.
U.S. and Belgian authorities are still looking into the bank.
Canada never brought tax evasion charges against any of HSBC’s Canadian account holders.
How many millions — or billions — of unpaid taxes does this mean for Canada? Nobody knows the precise figure yet. But if you’re wondering who enabled this, Stephen Fucking Harper‘s name comes up a lot. He was no friend of the common Canadian, but a very good buddy of the ultra-privileged tax evader who is only a Canadian of convenience.
And while these high-level criminals are going chronically unpunished, those who expose them are being sentenced to prison in absentia. Lovely.
Whoever blew the whistle on Mossack Fonseca, I can now understand why they chose not to be identified. This is probably just a hint of what’s in store for them. And Panamanian prisons are undoubtedly a lot uglier than their Swiss counterparts.
…and for it to finally stop snowing, let’s listen to the founding foremother of rock show us how it’s done:
According to YouTube, this video was shot live in Manchester, England. I haven’t seen anyone else use an actual train station for a live venue, have you?
Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, how about them Panama Papers? The fun’s just begun, and already my head is swimming. Yours too? Well, give it a shake, because there will be miles to go — and reams of data to sort through — before all the confetti settles. Thankfully, though, they’re not the only game in town — and this week, for fun and frivolity, we have:
1. Scottie Nell Fucking Hughes. Yes, everyone, you MUST shed a tear for Der Drumpf’s head cheerleader. Her own daughter had to find out the hard way — by watching Saturday Night Live — that her mother was too dumb to raise her. Could be worse, sweetie — you could be black and get your daughter taken away from you by Children’s Aid — and go on probation for eighteen fucking years — just for leaving her unattended in the car while you went to interview for a REAL job!
3. Louie Fucking Gohmert. Girls’ education? Why, that’s a sin! Everybody knows it’s the nature of wimmin to be ignorant and uneducated and know shit-all about science, like Gomer and the Good Lord intended!
4. Theodore Fucking Shoebat. What’s this? Oh, nothing. Just Bat Guano taking hits off his meth pipe and babbling nonsense as usual. One of these days, I swear, his profile is gonna appear on Grindr or some other gay dating site. The smell of mothballs is strong about this one…
5. Sarah Fucking Palin. What’s this? Oh, nothing. Just Caribou Barbie, gettin’ drunk off her ass again and babbling nonsense while posing with dead animals.
6. Dylan Fucking Perara. Diddums. You thought that LIBERALS were the ones with the thin skins and the inability to live outside of safe zones? Trust me, they got nothing on the Drumpf ‘wingers. This one can’t even handle disagreement. Or accurate labelling of his politics. Which makes you wonder how he’d take it if anyone ever really chewed him out.
7. Scott Fucking Baio. Chachi, Chachi, Chachi…your waa-waa-waa is going woo-woo-woo again. Just because you’re not smart enough to recognize the actual signs of climate change (which is happening, and faster than you think), doesn’t mean it’s not, you know, ACTUALLY HAPPENING.
8. Peg Fucking Littleton. And in other news of ‘wingers not smart enough to science, we have this one…who thinks that only God can cause earthquakes, and fracking can’t. Someone please get her a bottle of frackwater so she can see more concrete proof that cutting environmental funding is a bad fucking idea.
9. Davis Fucking Aurini. Finally, the truth comes out…and one of the two perma-feuding makers of The Sarkeesian Effect admits that he never even watched any of the videos made by the woman he’s claiming to debunk! Which makes you wonder what he did with all that sweet, sweet Patreon cash his suckers sent him. Booze? Smokes? A little plastic skull for every room, to impress all the ladies he’s paying to come home with him? The possibilities are endless!
10. Azealia Fucking Banks. No. No. No. Just NO! I agree with you that #5 is a shithead, but you do not wish rape on anyone. Especially not based on a fake news story.
11. Dale Fucking Lyons. Feminism is “the cancer of mankind”? No, CANCER is the cancer of mankind, same as it is in many other species besides. And in your case, your own masculist stupidity is the death of your crappy metal band. Instant karma. Ha, ha.
12. Miranda Fucking Lambert. Why?
That’s why. Glamorizing “open carry” is about the ugliest fashion statement ever. (Not to mention those clashing colors! Ugh.)
13. John Fucking Abbott. It’s getting awfully hard to tell the jihadis apart from the anti-jihadis in Australia these days; both of them seem to hate women equally, and in the same ways.
14. Jim Fucking Bakker. The government isn’t in the business of “storming” studios and arresting Jesus hucksters for peddling lies and buckets of gross dehydrated food, Jimbo. You’re thinking of the police.
15. Ann Fucking Coulter. Zombie stringmop says what? Something about rape culture? Way to totally misunderstand the meaning of the phrase, Coultergeist. And way to perpetuate the actual thing.
16. Charlie Fucking Daniels. The Devil went down to Georgia; he was looking for a brain to steal. Unfortunately, he’s still looking, because he didn’t find any under this old poop’s ten-gallon brainbucket.
17. Bryan Fucking Fischer. No, Martin Luther King would not be “ecstatic” about Mississippi’s hate-the-queers law, any more than he was about their hate-the-blacks laws. His close friend and colleague in civil rights, Bayard Rustin, was GAY. And MLK knew it, and had no problems with it.
18. Tony Fucking Perkins. PayPal, the “left’s friend”? Hardly. The company founder is one of those libertarian an-cap weirdbeards. They are not even OF the left, much less our friends. And no, trans women are NOT “grown men”, nor will girls be forced to share showers with men. Any man who wants to break into a women’s washroom is not going to bother dressing in drag first, anyway.
19. Gene Fucking Baker. What century is this, again? Oh yeah, I forgot — who cares. In Mississippi, it’s always 100 years ago!
20. Vincent Fucking Pastore. Please go back to playing mafiosi, and STFU about presidential precandidates and their spouses. Kthxbai.
21. Donald Fucking Drumpf. Gawd, is there any time in this man’s life when he wasn’t slimy and gross? Back when he was married to Frau Drumpf #2, he was already ogling his one-year-old daughter’s legs and speculating on the size of her future boobs, FFS.
22. Rick Fucking Scott. You heard what the lady said: He’s an asshole. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
23. Phil Fucking Bryant. Meanwhile, in Mississippi, we have another goober in the gubnor’s mansion. But then again, what does one expect of the State That Time Forgot?
24. Dick Fucking Black. And Virginia? That’s for haters…of literature, among other things. And in his case, of literacy.
25. Aaron Fucking Carter. Washed-up douchebag says what? Please, dude, stop talking. And no, you’re NOT clean and sober. It ain’t what it ain’t.
26. Dennis Fucking Hastert. Oh, being exposed as a child molester was “humiliation enough”? Try walking in the victims’ shoes, they have been living with it for longer, and will continue to do so as long as they live.
27. Ted Fucking Cruz. How do you like your “New York Values” now? Ha, ha.
28. Jospeh Fucking Farah. When you’re a paranoiac, everything looks like terrorism. Including people just trying to lead their normal everyday lives without worrying what some paranoiac thinks of them.
29. Peter Fucking King. Okay, I’m gonna bite my tongue about the cyanide thing, and just propose the only honorable thing you CAN do: No matter who gets the Repug nomination, would you please just STFU about it? Kthxbai.
30. David Fucking Cameron. Surprise, surprise…his old man was one of those offshore tax evaders. And guess what? I’m not buying those lame excuses. Maybe because I expect nothing better of a toff and a pigfucker. Stockbrokers are to Britain what the Mafia is to Sicily. The only real difference between the two is that the latter are at least open about their criminal careers.
And finally, to the fucking government of Panama. Yes, all of it. Because a certain Señor Fonseca is still running around loose and flapping his gums on TV talk shows, instead of cooling his heels in the slammer. You wonder how anyone got away with such a vast amount of fraud for so long? Look in the mirror, and you’ll find the fraud’s enablers. Politicians who’d rather laissez-faire when the only fait accompli is looting and highway robbery (to say nothing of spooks and skulduggery), all deserve to be publicly humiliated…right before the mob comes in with the pitchforks and torches to tar and feather them and string them up by their heels, along with all their fine, upstanding cronies in the world of high finance.
Good night, and get fucked!
You don’t have to go to Panama to do that. You can do it right in the US of A!
And this is no joke. McClatchy News Service has an ongoing series on the Panama Papers, and one of the things they touch on is how “onshore” the art of Mossack Fonseca’s tax-sheltering is…right in none other than good ol’ down-home Wyoming.