Music for a Sunday: That do-good good bullshit

That slouching bassline never gets old. And neither does the message about the insidious power of you-know-what.

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Wankers of the Week: Goin’ off the rails


Crappy weekend, everyone! Well, how about them Blue Jays…no, wait, it’s not baseball season yet. You know it’s a bad time for politics when even a sports agnostic like me has to go fishing around for THAT topic of conversation, eh? Yeah. Look, what I’m trying to say here is that the Trump Train™ has derailed, with no sign of getting back on track ever (not that it ever was to begin with). And Ozzy Osbourne, who was planning to bite the head off another live bat, just said “fuck it” and set the little bugger free. That’s how crazy the train is. And here’s who made it so this week, in no particular order:

1. Tom Fucking McClintock. Oh, look who’s a snowflake. A tea-bag congresscritter who can’t bear to be protested by his own constituents! Well, suck it up, critter…there’s plenty more to come, and midterm elections are still just under two years away!

2. Stephen Fucking Miller. No, no, little spox. Der Drumpf is NOT the Supreme Leader. And the judicial branch still matters, because it’s still a branch of government…and its job is to check and balance the office of the president, among others. PS: Snurk. That is all.

3. Fred Fucking Maroun. Hey idiot, being anti-Zionist is not “xenophobia”, and neither is the joking reference to Nazi-punching that’s making the rounds right now. Words mean things, and you are clearly ignorant of what they mean, because they do not mean what YOU think they mean.


4. Franklin Fucking Graham. If you ever wonder why I’m not of that stripe of so-called “radical feminists” who are really neither particularly radical NOR particularly feminist because they insist on shutting out an entire group of women from even being considered as women, just consider who they’re in league with. They’re in league with THIS GUY. If you ever want to know how close to the wrong side of history you are, just ask yourself if the Religious Reich agrees with you on a given point of your ideology. Simple, no?

5. Jay Fucking Linn. And while we’re on the subject of dudes whom actual radical feminists wouldn’t want to be in league with, how about him? Nothing like good ol’-fashioned bigotry and ignorance on a business sign to drive home the notion that some people are “evil” and “sick” for not conforming to the sex binary, eh? Oh, and nice nopology too. Know what that makes you, bub? An ASSHOLE. Something you’ll also see, maybe, if you just “pull down your pants and look”.

6. Ronald Fucking Coyne. Mama claims she didn’t raise him to burn money in front of homeless people, but it would appear that she did raise him, and he did burn a 20-pound note. Even babies raised by wolves don’t do that, lady.


7. Scott Fucking Baio. No, Chachi, “Never Again” is not a reference to shopping at Nordstrom. Would you like to try again?

8. Joy Fucking Villa. I’m sorry, WHO? Oh, just some Scientologist wearing the ugliest dress of the year. Figures that someone from a far-right cult would do that, eh?

9. Mark Fucking Coleridge. For the thousand millionth time…NO, ABORTION IS NOT LIKE NAZI GERMANY. Abortion was ILLEGAL in Nazi Germany, and forced breeding was the order of the day. Just as it is under Roman Catholicism. Which just so happens to have been Hitler’s own religion.


10. Christy Fucking Clark. Oh, dear me. Is someone having trouble admitting that she was wr-r-r…oh shit, that she LIED? Yup. C’mon, lady, open your mouth wider…after all, that’s how you got your foot in there in the first place!

11. Sebastian Fucking Gorka. Not only is he NOT an expert on Islamist terrorism, he’s also NOT a Hungarian knight/hero/whatever that silly trinket he keeps wearing is supposed to mean. By the way, said silly trinket was also inordinately popular with Hungarian Nazi sympathizers. Which is, in fact, all it REALLY means. PS: And look who’s accusing his critics of antisemitism. Yeah, that’ll fly, coming from a Nazi-symp medal-wearer.

12. Richard Fucking DeAgazio. Is there any clearer indication of how you’d have to have way more money than brains to join Drumpf’s tacky-ass country club than this guy, who insisted on snapping a selfie with Gin Blossoms Bannon — AND the guy who totes the nuclear “football”, in clear violation of the laws governing national security? If you ever wondered what $200,000 US and a barely room-temperature IQ will buy you, wonder no longer.


13. Chadwick Fucking Moore. Bull-fucking-SHIT you turned con after the (thoroughly deserved) backlash to your fluffy BJ piece on Milo Fucking Yeah-Nope. You and he are both just trying to win the approval of your respective abusive right-wing fathers. And you’re no doubt also trying to rationalize your respective racisms and sexisms, too. Forget it; that’ll never happen. Right-wing daddies hate gay boys, period. And racism and sexism are not rational and can never be rationalized, either.

14. David Fucking Duke. When you get pwned by one of those “dumb actors” you’re out to slam, it’s time to close your Twitter account and go hide under your hooded sheets. Or a rock. Actually, a rock would be preferable. I mean, isn’t that what you crawled out from under in the first place?

15. Felix Fucking Kjellberg. Finally, FINALLY someone gets the concept that antisemitism on YouTube shouldn’t pay. Too bad it’s not THIS guy, who still also doesn’t understand that even if you fuck a goat “ironically”, you’re still quite ironically-unironically a goat-fucker.


16. Ella Fucking Rose. Oh, your critics can “go die in a hole”? Well, aren’t you just a peach…PIT. And of course, you’re a hasbaratchik. Figures!

17. Pat Fucking Robertson. No, Patwa, you know what’s revolting — to God and humanity both? YOU. You, running interference for a greedy, slothful, violent, adulterous walking sack of human waste, and daring to condemn his critics. Who died and gave you the right to judge? NO ONE.

18. Tom Fucking Brady. It’s a “privilege” to visit a greedy, slothful, violent, adulterous walking sack of human excrement just because that sack of shit happens to be squatting in Mar-a-Lago — oh sorry, the White House? The ultimate in white privilege is to take an inherently political act and claim it was never political, even as your black teammates are boycotting the racist squatter. Fuck your privilege, fuck your politics, and fuck YOU.


19. Rick Fucking Wiles. No, Prick, you know who forced Michael Fucking Flynn out of his job? MICHAEL FUCKING FLYNN. By being an unstable, corruptible whackjob who isn’t to be trusted in public office, duh. No pizza-parlor pedophile network needed. Motherfucker tripped himself up, motherfucker fell down and went boom. That is all.

20. Mike Fucking Cernovich. No, Juicebro, you can’t manipulate reality with your ridiculous mind. Or your silly crayon scribblings. How about you try manipulating your mind to accept reality for a change?

21. Dana Fucking Rohrabacher. Being inaccessible to your own constitutents is “democracy”, while their demanding access (which you as a public servant are obliged to provide) is “thuggery”? Someone please hand this dinosaur a dictionary. And his marching papers too, while you’re at it.


22. Steve Fucking Bannon. Yes, Drumpf’s Nazi-in-Chief made the cut this week, by insulting reporters and calling them “the opposition party“. I guess that means that his days with Breitbart — Bitefart, rather — can now definitively be called FAKE NEWS. Because who but a fake-newser calls real newsers the opposition?

23. Kellie Fucking Leitch. I have no idea what “severely normal people” are, but if they’re anything like the actual fucking Nazis who actually fucking Nazi-saluted this whackjob, I’m more than proud to be severely “abnormal”, by her dim lights.

24. James Fucking Wiedmann. No, “Heartiste” who is not an artiste and has no discernible heart, that’s not how Valentine’s Day works now, nor how it ever has (or ever will). I would urge you to try again, but I’m sure you’d only come up with yet another treatise that is equally cockamamie, so I’m just gonna counsel you to hang up your scrotum for good, and face the sad fact that nobody fucking wants you, and it’s no fucking wonder why.

25. Erin O’Fucking Toole. Why?


That’s why. A little late for Flag Day, and way too early for Canada Day. What IS February 20, anyway? Not a Canadian holiday, for sure. O’Erin, you’re such a Toole.

26. James Fucking Charles. Uh, Cover Girl? Seems to me your Cover Boy is not ready for the big time. He’s still tweeting like a dipshit high-schooler with a lot of prejudices and not much life experience. Is this who you really want to be the face of your brand?

27. Alex Fucking Jones. “Top 3 presidents of all time”? Uh, no. Aside from the extreme prematurity of that, I’d say Worst President Ever is more like it.


28. Mike Fucking Flynn. When you get shade thrown at you by a grandma in a pantsuit, that’s bad. When that grandma is none other than Hillary Clinton, that’s fucking hilarious. And once you’re done getting over the ignominy of it all, I’d like a large deluxe with extra bacon and hot peppers, please.

29. Steven Fucking Anderson. What? He hasn’t blown an artery yet? No…but give him time, and maybe a college education. As it is, he’s sounding perilously close to the edge!

30. William Fucking Happer. So, 99.99999% of the world’s climate scientists are a Hare Krishna cult? Gee, and all this time we thought they were people who knew how to interpret and analyze data. Which, unlike this glassy-eyed cultist of non-science, they ARE.


31. Justin Fucking Humphrey. Men are people, but women are merely “hosts” to a pregnancy, so they have to seek the real-person’s permission to get an abortion because “they invited that in”? How about a big ol’ OklaHELLNO to that legislative cowflop of yours, Little Big Man?

32. Charles Fucking Schwertner. And while we’re on the subject of Little Big Men attempting to silence women and cow them into giving up control of their own bodies, how about HIM? He even broke a glass table trying to shut up anyone who disagreed with him.

33. Jared Fucking Kushner. And still going with the Little Big Man theme: How about Drumpf’s son-in-law trying to tell CNN how to do their jobs? Yeah, dude, that’s not your job. And I’m pretty sure you know it, too.


34. Betsy DeFucking Vos. Need more proof that she’s not qualified for the job she was appointed to? Here you go. She wants to literally destroy public education. Proof enough for ya?

35. Kayleigh Fucking McEnany. Yes, she’s still around, even after campaign’s end. After all, Drumpf needed someone to replace Kellyanne Con-Job on all those TV channels that won’t let her on anymore. And she’s just as big a weasel with the “alternative facts”, too, by the looks of things.

36. David Fucking Anderson. Islamophobia is “undefined”, all right…but not in M-103. It’s only in your dense, CONservative head, dude. Everywhere else, it’s clear as daylight.

37. Jacob Fucking Waller. Face it, Drumpfite shitferbrains…you and your cookie-cutter girlfriend are just not cute. I’m glad those “big fat lesbians” walloped your bigoted ass.


38. Ken Fucking Ham. I’m beginning to see where the phrase “go ham” (meaning go nuts) came from. Truly!

39. James Fucking Green. Oh look, another “sorry IF you were offended” nopology. Don’t nopologize for maybe-offending-someone with your Randomly Capitalized Letter of Dumbth — apologize for being a “traditionally” sexist fucking idiot who is way out of step with the times, and learn from your mistake!

40. Jason Fucking Chaffetz. Yes, that’s right, ignore the elephant in the living room. Keep beating that dead horse, and slap lotsa lipstick on that pig! (Sorry for the clichés, but this truly begs them.


And finally, to Der Fucking Drumpf himself. Obviously. He’s taken three vacations in as many weeks (and no, a golf resort is NOT the “winter White House”, no matter what that asshole says), costing the public at least $10 million in taxpayer dollars for all the security. And for what? So some asshole could take selfies with the unlucky soul who has to schlep the nuclear briefcase everywhere the fucking POTUS goes. And so that security could be compromised while North Korea was conducting ballistic missile tests and the Japanese prime minister was probably having a mini heart attack at every moment. So that the media could be banished to a basement room with covered windows during what was supposed to be a press junket. Why? Was Drumpf offering the Japanese PM a bribe? A prostitute? WHAT? Whatever, it was creepy as fuck. As was his dancing around the question of all the obvious antisemites he’s obviously emboldened. And that’s not even touching his latest presser, in which he childishly berated everyone and stroked his own widdle cock in full view of the world, while praising the biggest dirty joke of the media world, FUX Snooze. Just so you know, I’ll be holding him criminally responsible if Shep Smith is fired, or blows a gasket from the sheer lunacy of it all, whichever comes first.

Good night, Drumpf, and get fucked!

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Drumpf’s “answer” to concerns about antisemitism? “Enthusiasm”. WTF???

The only thing I can draw out of this is that Drumpf thinks that antisemitism is the “enthusiasm” that got him where he is right now, and that if it won him his very slim Electoral College margin (and not the popular vote), hey, it can’t be all bad, can it?

Also, I’m pretty sure that whatever he means by “racism”, it’s not the same thing as what that word actually means.

Not shown: Jared Kushner, trying hard not to facepalm.

PS: Oh gawd, it gets worse:

“Betanyahu” is really the least of his screw-ups here.

Posted in Der Drumpf, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Israelly Uncool, The United States of Amnesia, The WTF? Files | Comments Off on Drumpf’s “answer” to concerns about antisemitism? “Enthusiasm”. WTF???

The “rapefugee” myth just died.

“This is how the sex mob rages in our cities!” O RLY? Somebody’s pants are smoking here. Get the fire extinguisher!

Via the UK Independent, a shocking new development in the case of the alleged mass sexual assaults of this past New Year’s Eve. Turns out, according to the Frankfurter Rundschau, that the alleged victim of a pawing wasn’t even in country at the time, and is now facing charges for lying about it:

In conjunction with the alleged sexual assaults on New Year’s Eve in Frankfurt, the police are now openly charging Fressgass* [restaurant] proprietor Jan Mai and witness Irina A., over false allegations of a crime. A now-erased social media entry of Irina A’s revealed that she wasn’t even in Germany at the time.

On Tuesday morning, during a press conference, police announced: “The allegations of the named witnesses, guests and employees [of the restaurant] raised considerable doubt about the events portrayed, as one of those alleged affected by the events was, at the time, not even in the city.”

The police report is unequivocal: “On New Year’s Ever there were no massive mob-style assaults by refugees in the ‘Fressgass’. The accusations are baseless and without any foundation.”

On February 6, Irina A appeared in the local edition of the Bild newspaper as a witness to alleged sexual assaults by allegedly Arab men in Jan Mai’s “First In” bar. She was cited as having said that she had been grabbed between the legs and under her skirt. Mai, for his part, reported that guests in his bar had been robbed and harassed by a gang of about 50 men. In another of Mai’s establishments, the Garibaldi inn, there were allegedly riots. The proprietor of the “Victory-Bar” was injured in the violence that same night.

According to Bild, these occurrences took place in connection with the arrival of an alleged 900 drunken refugees from Mittelhessen. The paper’s headline read: “Sex mob raged in the Fressgass”. Frankfurt police were astonished at these reports. Until the Bild article came out, the police headquarters had seen no reports of sexual assaults in the neighborhood of the Fressgass.

In an interview with FR, Jan Mai stuck to his story about the events of that night. He says that he did not tell the Bild newspaper that a “sex mob” ran through the Fressgass. A detailed report is still to come.

Translation mine.

So it would appear that the right-wing German tabloid, the Bild (the name means “picture”, because it’s for those who can’t read much else) is responsible for spreading the false accusation that rape-gangs of hundreds of stone-drunk refugees roamed and raged through Frankfurt on the New Year’s Eve in question.

And it looks as though the owner of several different local dining and drinking establishments claims he and his employees did see the gangs roving about, robbing and harassing his customers. Convenient how the same man was allegedly in so many different places at the same time to witness all that! And the bartenders and bouncers didn’t? What about the waitstaff? Surely one of them must have…no? NO!

Incidentally: I don’t know who this “Irina A.” is, but that’s not a typically German first name. She could easily be an Eastern European immigrant, or daughter of immigrants. Polish, Ukrainian or Russian, in particular. They’re not technically refugees, but given the dire poverty in Eastern Europe since the fall of communism, they might as well be. In which case this adds an extra layer of irony onto the whole thing. The racist right-wing press, hungry for scandals about those evil foreign invaders, got taken in by a foreigner? Oh, ha ha ha…how embarrassing!

One thing is definite, though: Refugees are not responsible for the alleged gang-rape epidemic in Germany during party-hearty holidays. IS there even such an epidemic? Sure there is, and I can guarantee you that it’s a home-grown phenomenon, as German as Sauerkraut and Löwenbräu. And that white guys from all over Europe are just as guilty of such shitty behavior, in far greater numbers than any brown guys from the Middle East, Afghanistan or North Africa.

In the end, it’s not a refugee problem; it’s a MALE problem. And it’s a GERMAN problem. In a land where megabrothels are legal, drinking yourself into a stupor is celebrated, sexism is rampant throughout the good old German culture, even pastors are pushing prostitution as an “answer”, and there’s no firm age of majority for drinking (although if you appear to be under 16, good luck getting served), that’s a problem that’s downright inevitable.

And it was a problem long before refugees ever started arriving in any significant number.

ADDENDUM: According to the German edition of VICE, it appears the landlord pushing the “sex mob” stories had right-wing sympathies, and this may be why they gained traction with the tabloids and the local anti-refugee partisans at the “Alternative for Germany” (AfD) party:

“Sex-mob raged in the Fressgass,” reported the Bild newspaper on February 6 about New Year’s Eve in Frankfurt. And also: “37 days after New Year’s Eve, the victims break their silence”. Frankfurt proprietor Jan M[ai] told Bild of the “masses of refugees who rioted in his “First In” bar, allegedly groping women and stealing his guests’ drinks. “They grabbed me under my skirt, between my legs, my breasts, everywhere”, a 27-year-old employee, Irina A, was quoted as saying.

Five weeks into the New Year, the right wing got another “sex-mob”, like the one from the previous year, that confirmed all their prejudices — through a Bild article over “900 mostly drunk refugees” who had travelled specially by train to Frankfurt from Mittelhessen. A second Köln, which “the media” had somehow kept quiet until now. The Frankfurt chapter of the AfD party seized on the report right away, and in a press conference, hurled accusations at the city’s security forces, speaking of a “mob of aggressive Arabs”, and naturally blaming it all on open borders.

Just one day later, the Frankfurter Allgemeine newspaper reported the first doubts about the report — and even for the police, the incidents seemed completely new. This Tuesday, February 14, the Frankfurt police released their findings: the accusations were “baseless and without any grounds.” There were no charges laid, and statements by alleged witnesses “raised considerable doubts”. Deployment protocols and emergency phone logs were double-checked, with no indicators of any of the alleged crimes. That is: The “sex-mob” in the Fressgass never existed.

The Bild report spread rapidly over the Internet: the Junge Freiheit newspaper snapped up the headline, as well as Breitbark UK and other British and German media. Dozens of citizen groups and AfD fractions shared the Bild article over Facebook and Twitter. Bild had created Fake News.

Bild apparently relied without any further checking on the testimonies of the landlord and his two employees. [Mai’s] Facebook profile, which is no longer to be found, was revealed by the Allgemeine in a look at the AfD sympathies of the “First In” boss. A knock on the doors of neighboring pubs in the Frankfurt club district would also have helped, because none of the other locals could confirm the incidents. The police have since found out that one of the allegedly groped workers wasn’t even in Frankfurt on that night.

On Monday, Bild began to row back. “Did he lie to everyone?” they asked, under a picture of the 49-year-old gastronome. The police are now charging M[ai] with falsification of a crime. When the police made their press release public on Tuesday, Bild apologized a few hours later. “This report in no way represents Bild’s journalistic standards”, they said. The original article was removed from their website. A call to “First In” led nowhere; an employee told VICE that she didn’t know when Jan M[ai] would be back in.

Even the AfD in Frankfurt don’t seem to be believing in the story anymore. The local fraction told the Allgemeine: “Our impression of the case was obviously wrong.”

Translation, again, mine.

Here’s a tweet from a German reporter that really sums it all up:

“Everybody’s warning against ‘Fake News’. The so-called journalism of the Bild newspaper scares me a lot more.”

Me too, Simon…me too.

*PS: “Fressgass” is an informal name for the district and means “Pig-Out Alley” in local dialect.

Posted in Confessions of a Bad German, Crapagandarati, Fascism Without Swastikas, Good to Know, Human Rights FAIL, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Racist?, Teh Russkies, Uppity Wimmin | Comments Off on The “rapefugee” myth just died.

A valentine for my loyal readers…

Will you be my partners in revolution?

Posted in Bina's Band of Brigands, Cool Beans, Socialism is Good for Capitalism! | Comments Off on A valentine for my loyal readers…

Compare and Contrast: Michael Fucking Flynn, then and now

This is Michael Flynn, six months ago:

Look at the widdle snowflake, leading all those hardcore stupid deplorables in a chant that will never come true. Isn’t that just so CUTE?

And this is him, right about now:

What a difference six months makes, eh? It’s only a matter of time now before he’s the one getting locked up.

Posted in Compare and Contrast, Der Drumpf, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Karma 1, Dogma 0, Schadenfreude, The Hardcore Stupid, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Compare and Contrast: Michael Fucking Flynn, then and now

Who robbed Canada’s military?

This fever chart comes to us courtesy of the CBC, which reports that Canada’s military has been robbed over the last 12 years of a shocking amount of goods:

More than $10 million worth of equipment — including combat gear, computers and even weapons — has been stolen from National Defence over the past decade, according to data compiled by Radio-Canada.

The majority of nearly 77,000 items declared stolen from the inventory of the Canadian Armed Forces since 2005 falls under the category of military equipment, accounting for $5.5 million of the losses. That equipment includes bulletproof vests, helmets and boots.

Meanwhile, items declared missing include transportation equipment valued at $1,456,000, telecommunications equipment valued at $253,000, tools valued at $939,000 and weapons and accessories valued at $239,000. The Department of National Defence refused to detail how many firearms disappeared.

Well. If that’s not worrisome, I don’t know what is. Military assault weapons in the hands of…whom, exactly? No one seems to know, but if I had to lay odds, I’d say your best chance of finding them again is by looking for extreme right-wingers who love them some guns, hate them some gun laws, and really, REALLY love playing army in the woods. And who fantasize one day about shooting up Parliament Hill and all the liberal politicians on it.

Also, make a note of when that huge robbery spike took place. Under whose reign? That’s right…Stephen Fucking Harper. That oh-so-fiscally-conservative Harpo. Who also loved gun nuts who hated gun laws. After all, it was THEIR vote he courted.

And it was he who tried to militarize Canada’s image at home and abroad, though not to very good effect. Especially among military and former military personnel. How many recent war vets would gladly trade all that laudatory lip service for the concrete reality of better medical care, especially for those returning from Afghanistan with PTSD? Every last one, I’ll bet.

And I can hardly wait to hear what THEY think of all this looting under the PM who ironically tried so hard to court their vote.

Posted in Angry Pacifist Speaks Her Mind, Canadian Counterpunch, Guns, Guns, Guns, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Not So Compassionate Conservatism | Comments Off on Who robbed Canada’s military?

Music for a Sunday: Do you want it? DO YOU WANT IT?

One to strike terror in all the Drumpfites out there:

A bit slower than on The Skin Mechanic (Numan’s excellent live record), but what the hell. I love it.

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Is Der Drumpf reading my blog?

Further to my entry from the other day, this happened. And it’s bizarre as fuck:

Seriously, though: CAN he read? HAS he done the homework assignment? Because he sounds just like the lazy kid from high school who tries to run the clock down on his oral presentation, and tries to sound like he knows what he’s doing, even as he’s flailing away.

This does not a confidence in him inspire, O my brothers and sisters.

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Wankers of the Week: The Massacre of Bowling Green, Part D’oh


Crappy weekend, everyone! And welcome to the ongoing terror that is the Massacre That Never Happened. But hey! Who needs facts when you’ve got “alternatives”, right? Better to go through life dumb, scared, and paranoid out of your skull than work with the Universe as it really is. And on that note, here’s who’s taking that creed to heart on every level, in no particular order:

1. Rona Fucking Ambrose. Hey, remember her? Yeah, that’s right…she criticized the Trudizzle for vacationing on the Aga Khan’s island. Well, guess where she was doing it from…a billionaire’s yacht, just off an island. What was that old saying again about glass houses?

2. Jim Fucking Bakker. Oh sure, all those “rotten little girls” who marched against Drumpf were possessed by a demon, all right…and its name is INTELLIGENCE.

3. Michael Fucking Wolff. Fact-checking Drumpf is somehow “making the media the story”? No, it’s making his lies the story. As it should be. So that the common folk can finally get their heads out from under the steady gush of brainwash, it’s absolutely vital. Which reminds me: Why DID you lick Bannon’s gin-blossomed ass, anyway?


4. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. Let go of the Bowling Green Massacre? Why? When it’s such an inexhaustible source of comedic fodder, just like your Paddington Bear ensemble? And when you and your Alternative Facts™ are such consistent winners of the Flaming Pants Award? PS: Ha, ha! And a ha, ha, ha. How about NO?

5. Melania Fucking Drumpf. Girl, stop trying to sell shit on the White House website. In fact, stop trying to sell shit anywhere. You’re violating the Emoluments Clause something awful! PS: And nice of you to not show up to meet your Japanese counterpart, either. Do you want this job or not?

6. Nigel Fucking Farage. Does anyone besides me find it hinky that he’s still claiming to be happily married while spending all his time in a “bachelor pad”, with a much younger woman no less, and away from his German wife, who’s quite up-front about their marriage being over in all but the legal sense? No? Well, then, does anyone find it hilarious that he got pelted with eggs while helping his UKIP successor campaign? Because I sure as hell do.


7. Marco Fucking Rubio. Hey! Remember him? Promising to “check and balance” Der Drumpf? Well, guess what. He took a whopping wad of dinero from none other than Drumpf’s new secretary of miseducation, Betsy Fucking Bismarck DeVos — in exchange for confirming the unqualified idiotess. Well, I guess that cheque improved his bank balance considerably, but other than that, it’s making no fucking difference at ALL!

8. Sebastian Fucking Gorka. Well, finally, someone admitted it. The whole “fake news!” mantra coming incessantly from the Orange Anus is nothing but a ploy to get the media to come on board and start kissing ass. Someone forgets that that is most certainly NOT their job — and that they won’t be cowed into doing otherwise! PS: And no, you are not an expert at anything, much less an expert witness.

9. Lance Fucking Wallnau. But hey! If it’s ass-kissers #8 wants, this one is more than happy to oblige. No doubt he’s hoping for a rain of money — oh sorry, MANNA — from “heaven”, where the God-Emperor sits on his throne in the Oval Office, tweeting illiterate drivel all day and scribbling his scribbles on whatever executive orders Herr Bannon has drawn up today!


10. Mike Fucking Huckabee. Meanwhile, in Arkansas, the most useless Fuckabee in the world is cracking humorless “jokes” about a brutally murdered trans man. Who, even in death, is a better and truer man than this sorry excuse for one.

11. Bernie Fucking Satrom. Spend Sunday mornings making Dear Hubby breakfast in bed, and then taking the kids out for a walk so he can eat it and have a wank undisturbed? Hey Bern, the Fifties called. Said they want their archaic values to stay right there in the past, thankyouveryfuckingmuch!

12. Vernon Fucking Laning. And while we’re on the subject of archaic values: does your wife appreciate you making unfunny “jokes” at her expense, Vern? And when did you stop beating her, if I may ask?


13. Michael Fucking Flynn. “Putting Iran on notice”? With empty threats? You sound like the scrawny kid in the schoolyard, waving his fists at the girls and threatning to beat them all up, just to impress the school bully. Knock it off, already.

14. Jim Fucking Jordan. The media fails to report acts of terrorism? No, they report them just fine. The problem is that they tend not to call them terrorism if the terrorist in question is white, home-grown, Christian, and possibly even a fascist. Then, they only report him as a “deranged gunman”. But that’s not what you’re talking about, is it? Nope, you were making with the Alternative Facts™ there again, eh sparky? I gotcha.

15. Thomas Fucking Massie. Ever wonder what the appointment of rich, one-woman wrecking ball Betsy Fucking DeVos was really meant to accomplish? This asshat spells it out loud and clear. It’s the destruction of the 37-year-old federal department of education…simple as that. They’ve been angling for this ever since Jimmy Carter instituted it.


16. Sean Fucking Duffy. White terrorists are “different”? Yeah, they’re different, all right. The law and the media both seem to be far more willing to indulge them, coddle them, even pity them as just isolated, “one-off” offenders (even when they clearly aren’t). And Repug congresscritters and their orange thug president, too. Why is that, I wonder? PS: Ha, ha!

17. Rahm Fucking Emanuel. Wanna know why the Dems keep losing, Rahm? Well, your “strategy” is a big part of that. Now is not the time to “take a chill pill”. The fascists are in the henhouse, and they’re already killing the chickens right and left. And the reason it took so long to get this low is because this losing strategy has been in place long enough to let it. Time to chuck it…and YOU.

18. Sean Fucking Spicer. Again with the “unreported” terrorism! And this time, it happened in Atlanta. No, it’s not the Olympic park bombing, or the bombings of the gay nightclubs and women’s clinics by Eric Fucking Rudolph. No, it’s some other figment of white supremacy’s overactive imagination. AGAIN.


19. Joe Fucking Manchin. Why did he vote for the most racist attorney-general candidate ever? Because his daughter is currently being investigated by the Justice Department. And Jeff Fucking Sessions will have the power to stop that. And now you know why his Wikipedia entry reads TRAITOR.

20. John Fucking Cornyn. And while we’re on the subject of Jeff Fucking Sessions — did you ever hear an oilier, oozier beatdown of an upstanding woman in your life? UGH.

21. Lindsey Fucking Graham. And sticking to the same subject, and the shameful way Elizabeth Warren was treated for challenging it…there’s this little shit, who thinks she was “long overdue” for silencing. Because apparently, being a woman and speaking out against racist idiocy is a crime against humanity!


22. Orrin Fucking Hatch. And still we persist on this topic, because there’s just so much wankery attached to it. This time from the “think of his wife” crowd-of-one. His wife is probably just as much of an inbred racist shitweasel as Jeff Fucking Sessions himself. Why would she bear thinking of, while the widow of Martin Luther King does not? And what the fuck does “being a gentleman” have to do with ANYTHING?

23. Dave Fucking Daubenmire. Okay, enough of Shithead Sessions. How about Illumnati Jewish Lizard People conspiracies, and a nobody who thinks this is a great way to give Alex Fucking Jones a run for his money…and competition for the tinfoil-hat sector?

24. Suzanne Fucking Venker. No, the “natural state of woman” is NOT to “be the beta in marriage”. Marriage isn’t natural, you fucking idiotess!


25. Donald Fucking Royce. Because it wouldn’t be a wankapedia without Florida Man…showing #24 and all the world how being the “alpha” in a marriage is realllllly done.

26. Randy Fucking Stoker. No, social media did NOT rape that 14-year-old girl. A pedophile who thought he was entitled to sex with underage girls did. And it doesn’t matter if he has Internet access or not — he’s going to find victims regardless! Fucksakes, Judge, do you need to be hit on the head with your own gavel before you see sense? Oh wait, I see you DO.

27. Briscoe Fucking Cain. Trans women are NOT “dudes walking around in dresses”…and the reason that was “not a problem” when you were younger is because you come from a hick village where everyone is related. Now fuck off back under your rock.


28. Paul Fucking Dirks. Speaking of people who don’t understand trans women and should fuck off back under their rocks, how about this preacher-man from BC? He thinks he can tell women who real women are, and feminists what real feminism is? Dude, stop trying to rebrand your hate as “love”. That shit didn’t go well for the KKK, and it will not work any better for YOU. Face facts: Trans women are using female washrooms, and will continue to do so. The only people who molest women in the toilets, as it turns out, are cis men. Like YOU.

29. Mike Fucking Erwin. And speaking of hate that can’t be rebranded as “love”, how about Hizzoner here, with his Jim Crow manners and his explicit use of the N-word? Just how long HAS it been since Rosa Parks sat in the white-folks’ section of the bus, anyhow?

30. Marine Le Fucking Pen. Anyone buying her “non-European country” excuse? Everyone knows she just wants to ban JEWS.


And finally, to Donald Fucking Drumpf, again. I hear that the whole business of being in office is starting to wear on him. Good, because I don’t want him to get comfortable in there, EVER. I don’t want him to get off scot-free from questions about his loyalties, his integrity, or his business interests. I hope the shitstorm doesn’t stop until he gets carted out of there in restraints, or he rage-quits…whichever makes the “alt”-Reich cry harder in their Coors. Frankly, at this point, I don’t care which, as long as he’s fucking GONE, and SOON.

Good night, and get fucked!

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