It’s Thanksgiving in Canada! Let’s all give some thanks right now, eh?
Okay, so no CanCon. But the gratitude is all there. Happy Thanksgiving, all you hosers.
It’s Thanksgiving in Canada! Let’s all give some thanks right now, eh?
Okay, so no CanCon. But the gratitude is all there. Happy Thanksgiving, all you hosers.
Crappy weekend, everyone! And an especially crappy one to all the creepy clowns congregating in the woods out there in advance of Halloween. Just standing there, lurking around and scaring the shit out of kiddies. And pissing off actual professional clowns, too. But you know what, guys? You’re fucking pikers. You wanna know who the really scary clowns are? These people…in no particular order:
1. Rush Fucking Limbaugh. Oh look, it’s the Pigman! And he’s trying to keep himself relevant…by warning you not to “fall for” fact-checking! He thinks it’s just a disguise for “opinion journalism”. Which kind of stands to reason, seeing as his show has been fact-free from its very inception, and has been nothing but opinions…his own, which are half-baked and all wrong. But what else would you expect from the Least Reliable Man on Radio? PS: And speaking of half-baked and all wrong, how about this? Oy to the fucking VEY.
2. Jon Fucking Voight. Uh, bozo? Black people ARE educated. They know the meaning of words like racism and oppression. They learned those things in the School of Hard Knocks. And that’s why they’re NOT voting for Drumpf. Who the hell votes for someone who’d only piss on them and take their hard-won rights away?
3. Stephen Fucking Wojciehowski. No Florida Man? No problem! New Jersey Man would be only too happy to take his place. And he’ll even greet you at the door wearing nothing but Saran Wrap!
4. James Fucking Wiedmann. Nice fake Adidas ad you got there, Heartiste. Would be a shame if something happened to it…like, say, Adidas and their legal team suing the piss out of you.
5 and 6. Rudy Fucking Giuliani and Chris Fucking Christie. Figures that Tweedledum and Tweedledumber would think Der Drumpf’s tax evasion was a sign of genius. And if it turns out to be a sign that he is, in fact, only rich on paper…then what? Crickets, that’s what!
7. Eric Fucking Drumpf. No, shithead, it didn’t take any “courage” whatsoever on your old man’s part to keep from mentioning Bill Clinton’s zipper problems during the debate. This is the same cheating asshole who wanted to seat Gennifer Fucking Flowers in the front row in a pathetic attempt to throw his opponent off course, after all. The real reason he didn’t do it? Sheer cowardice, because the media would have been all over him and his two proven adulterous affairs like flies on dogshit.
8. Bud Fucking Pierce. Newsflash, dopey: Even powerful women get raped and abused. As do brave, strong women. It’s not punishment for a character flaw, after all.
9. Gary Fucking Johnson. Newsflash, super-duper-double-looper-dopey: Not knowing where a place is never stopped any dumbfuck in Washington from bombing it before. Remember, Dubya had no fucking clue where Afghanistan OR Iraq was, and he had absolutely no trouble sending the troops in to kill and be killed there. War doesn’t exactly demand that a commander-in-chief be an expert on geography!
10. Mika Fucking Brzezinski. And speaking of idiocy: Guess who thinks it’s a mark of cleverness to flush a billion dollars down the crapper to avoid paying taxes? Yup…THIS WOMAN. Whose old man, you may recall, thought of geography and war as a giant chess game. Um, what?
11. Jane Fucking Allen. She thinks Michelle Obama is a gorilla? And she wonders how Michelle is going to function once she and His Barackness leave the White House? Um, idiotess, Michelle has a law licence, which she can reactivate at any time, should she really need to hang out her shingle again and go into legal practice. But I have a sneaking suspicion she won’t be hurting too much for cash…because, unlike you, she isn’t being fired for being the dumbest fucking racist in the public school system of the state of Georgia.
12. Ted Fucking Falk. I never cease to be amazed at how these right-wingers value fetal life so much, and actually born human beings so little. Especially human beings who are black, indigenous, female, and/or L, G, B, and/or T. But yeah, go plant your cute little meaningless blue and pink flags. It won’t change a thing, because no government is willing to legislate a new anti-choice law. After all, the little pink flags that you didn’t plant (because those girls got born) would vote against any legislator that proposed such a thing — in much bigger numbers!
13. Alex Fucking Jones. My mind will not be won by wars. Much less ones “fought” by you posing shirtless à la Putin on a horse. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go bleach my eyes.
14. Fabian Fucking Natoli. So, “cultural enrichment” entails dressing up as a fake Aborigine, holding the spout of a gasoline can to your nose in a blatant allusion to substance-abuse problems among the indigenous, and then uploading the racist shit to Instagram? And then “apologizing” by saying it was a “joke” and “no racism intended”. Oh, of course they never INTEND to be racist. It just pops out by accident during a moment of total fucking STOOPID!
15. Mike Fucking Cernovich. Oh noes, a most unmanly critic hated a documentary (?) that he forked out cash to finance! Time to impose his will on reality! Or, as we of the jet set call it, flip the fuck out in all his thin-skinned glory. And tell all his co-religionists in masculism that they need to hit the gym, too. Oh, and buy his testicle-boosting juice books, you guys! (Is he still selling that shit? Anybody know? Anybody care?)
16. Andrea Fucking Feldman. Need more proof that the US is still racist as fuck? All right then, how about this one: A school in the Bronx — IN THE BRONX! — refusing kids entry to kindergarten — KINDERGARTEN! — if they are black and/or Latin-American. Yeah…boggles the mind, don’t it?
17. Michelle Fucking Edmisten. And while we’re on the subject of racism and education: Waaaaa, somebody’s daughter was not kept in ignorance about religions other than her own! Yes, heaven forfend that Christian kids actually learn to understand what Islam is, instead of just taking their bigoted parents’ word for it!
18. Carl Fucking Ferrer. Can you believe the nerve of him? He pimps out teenage kids to sexual abusers via the ludicrously named “adult classfieds” of Backpage.com, and still claims it’s okay in the name of Freeze Peach? There really isn’t a jail term long enough for this kind of chutzpah.
19. Brady Fucking Garrett. “Research Holocaust Revisionism”? I did, and found it to be bullshit. Also neo-Nazism. And denial of the blindingly obvious, which is that THE HOLOCAUST REALLY FUCKING HAPPENED. Not surprisingly, this is what passes for “informed discourse” at a Drumpf rally. And to this guy’s fellow Drumpfites, I have to say: This guy IS the average Drumpf supporter. Feel proud yet?
20. Justin Fucking Trudeau. Yes, that’s right, the Trudizzle made the cut this week…for proving, indeed, to be just Harper Lite with a better hairdo and a nicer fashion sense. And also for going back on a major, MAJOR campaign promise. Does he seriously think we’d forget the one about renegotiating health accords with the provinces? Or, to put it another way: Does he seriously think that we’d just put off getting sick until he finally gets around to it, or until he’s dragged around to it, whichever comes first?
21. Scott Fucking Lattin. Texas Man, you’re putting Florida Man to shame this week…both for racism, and for general shooting-self-in-foot wankery. Whatever will you do for an encore?
22. Ann Fucking Coulter. It’s a day ending in “day”, and so the Coultergeist is out there, shooting her big hideous mouth off and being a perfect example of internalized sexism. As usual.
23. Mary Fucking Fallin. A day of prayer for the Oklahoma oil industry? On October 13? Great, I’ll save the date…and pray for that fucker to collapse completely so that the state can finally go renewable!
24. Kelly Fucking Forostiak. Her (former) students are “11 going on 18” (her words!), and she is presumably well over 18, but acting well under 11. Lovely! Let’s hope she never teaches a single class again.
25. Andrew Fucking Bieszad. God is supposedly punishing Florida for Teh Ghey with Hurricane Matthew? Shhhh, don’t anyone tell him that we Canadians have had same-sex marriage since 2005, and nobody has died in a hurricane here in all that time. The last time anyone here did die in a hurricane was during Hazel, in the 1950s. When LGBT people were still getting arrested for “deviance” or some such. Gee, do you think God might have been punishing us for persecuting queerfolks, back then?
26. Theresa Fucking May. When the most obnoxious man in not-so-great-anymore Britain says you’ve stolen his schtick, that’s when it’s time to change yours. But I guess that Brexit vote has emboldened the very worst…and swept the flotsam and jetsam all the way into No. 10 Downing.
27. Pat Fucking McCrory. And speaking of flotsam and jetsam, look what Hurricane Matthew has blown into North Carolina! Yup, Gubnor Patwa is at it again, and using monies earmarked for disaster relief…to cause brand-new disasters in the wake of an already disastrous toilet law. God, if you’re real, please smite this motherfucker but GOOD.
28. Sean Fucking Hannity. Baby Jesus is obsessed with Hillary Clinton’s underwear! I always knew he was a pervert — you practically HAVE to be one to get hired as a male on-air personality at FUX Snooze…but wow. Just WOW.
29. Matt Fucking Drudge. Ohhhh, Teh Stoopid. It not only burns, it KILLS. And if he thinks Hurricane Matthew is “looks ragged” because it didn’t hit Florida so hard, and that man-made climate change isn’t real, he really should talk to the people of Haiti. They are its prime victims!
30. Shawn Fucking Barber. Anyone buying that “I got accidental cocaine residue from kissing” excuse? Because I’m not. And I’m not buying the notion that the “drug-free professional” woman he solicited via Craigslist wasn’t being pimped by her so-called “boyfriend at the time”, either. He really should have been suspended from competition for the prescribed length of time. Good thing he didn’t get anywhere near the Olympic podium, because this is even more embarrassing than Lyin’ Lochte drunkenly trashing that gas station.
And finally, to Donald Fucking Drumpf. Holy fucking shit, people, he ADMITTED to being a pervert and a probable rapist. On tape. And he’s sorry “if anyone was offended”, of course. Meaning, NOT SORRY AT ALL, because he really believes he did nothing wrong. Even though he’s done nothing BUT wrong. That anyone would actually vote for this rapey-ass bozo even so is what makes him one scary clown. And one clown who really ought to be disqualified from ever running in the first place. He’s not worthy to be a Cheeto-dust puke-stain on that custom-made carpet in the Oval Office. And anyone who thinks otherwise is too fucking stupid to live.
Good night, and get fucked!
…how about a crop CLITORIS?
Pretty, isn’t it? And only in France:
Here’s a droll initiative that won’t pass unnoticed. A crop clitoris, 120 metres long, has appeared in a field close to the Pierre-Rouge high school at Montferrier-sur-Lez. The term refers to crop circles, vast designs made in fields. Two sexologists from Montpellier, specialists in female pleasure, had the idea to create greater visibility for the clitoris.
“The clitoris hasn’t always had visibility in school science texts. Being the clitoris, it is quite simply absent, it is just named without reference to its function as an organ of feminine pleasure. Teaching remains focused on the reproductive organs of the woman. Our ‘Crop Clitoris’ is located next to a school campus, a promiscuity which comes in handy”, explain Marie-Noëlle Lanuit and Jean-Claude Piquard.
According to the two sexology specialists, the clitoris is barely taught about. “Feminine pleasure remains taboo in the medical world. Only vaginal pleasure is taught, where the clitoris plays a secondary role, with arguments which are often incompatible with anatomical facts,” say the scientists. “One can’t let them tell little girls that they have ‘nothing’, nor that female pleasure is a ‘mystery’. It is high time to know that the clitoris is the only organ uniquely dedicated to female sexual pleasure, and not the brain or the vagina.”
The two sexologists have called on women to come dressed in red to represent the nerve endings at the extremities of the glans, the only visible part of the clitoris, on Sunday, October 9, at 11 a.m. The aerial photos were taken with the help of a drone.
It’s worth noting, also, that the much-touted “vaginal” orgasm of old is nothing more than a clitoral orgasm, achieved by stimulating the back end(s) of the clit (which is what the G-spot is) rather than the glans (which is what most people understand by the clitoris, or rather, its small visible tip between the labia). In other words: All female orgasms are clitoral orgasms. Plain and simple.
And yes, they SHOULD be teaching this in schools. Everywhere!
Colombian media are in a firestorm: Juan Carlos Vélez Uribe — senator and candidate for mayor of Medellín — essentially confessing that the recent referendum on the Havana Accords, which would have put an end to the decades-old Colombian civil war, was stolen by the oligarchy. Gustavo Petro, mayor of Bogotá and a former senator himself, had the following to say about that on his blog:
Just a few days after the plebiscite, a confession has been discovered by the head of the No campaign himself, ex-senator Juan Carlos Vélez Uribe, saying that powerful businessmen financed the campaign, among them the proprietor of the RCN news channel and Postobón soda, Carlos Ardila Lulle, and that the financing in question was to construct a strategy to fool voters with topics having nothing to do with the Havana Accords, in order to upset voters and cause them to vote NO.
We all watched the campaign, we all saw how on TV and in church, politicians disguised as pastors told voters they would lose their pensions, that taxi-drivers would have to give their taxis up to guerrillas, that families would disintegrate, and that their children would become homosexuals because the FARC were waging a so-called “gender dictatorship”; that the poor would lose their subsidies because those would go toward financing the juicy salaries of the guerrillas; that Colombia would end up with a government like that of Venezuela; that Santos is a secretly communist friend of Castro, that God is with the NO side, etc., etc….
They even manipulated a video of an old interview of mine, editing it and making it look like even I was urging people to vote NO. The video was widely shared at a high cost.
They committed a crime. The deception of voters is an offence listed in the Criminal Code, and carries a prison sentence.
Even though they don’t want to hear it, the directors of the No campaign which took part in this deceptive strategy are criminals, their attitude aggravated by the fact that the electoral fraud was not to obtain legislative seats, but to keep the people submerged in war. Their deception was in order to kill more Colombians.
We are so accustomed to voter fraud, to the buying of votes, that we consider this to be just a normal part of democracy. The reality is that our democracy has been a lie, and that majority of those who have made the laws of Colombia have done so thanks to being elected via fraud, via crime: the buying of votes.
We have a delinquent political system which has been used by drug traffickers to make laws.
But the confession of Juan Carlos Vélez is more serious. He speaks of the use of electoral fraud not only for making laws and obtaining seats, but to keep the civil war raging in Colombia, in order to involve millions of young people in the armed fratricidal conflicts of the land, to condemn them to death and violence. Young people who are for the vast majority poor and without opportunities in the public education system of Colombia.
A criminal electoral strategy that requires low levels of information and public knowledge doesn’t surprise us, because [Andrés] Pastrana and [Álvaro] Uribe cut education funding, which was established in the 1991 Constitution. The only way to keep people in the war which destroys them is to keep them in ignorance.
But it is important now to know what the directors of NO are really looking for with the continuation of the war in Colombia, though they preach another falsehood: that they are for peace.
Many of the businessmen who financed the NO campaign are accused of financing paramilitary groups, which is to say, they support the genocide the paramilitaries are committing in Colombia. They don’t want a special tribunal to investigate.
Ex-president Uribe said that he doesn’t want military members accused of war crimes and crimes against humanity to be tried, like the guerrillas, in a special tribunal, to confess and in exchange receive juridical benefits which would permit them to be pardoned by society and rebuild their family lives.
Uribe is terrified that the soldiers will confess, that they would be handed over to international justice. He is sacrificing them so that his name will not appear in inquiries as a sponsor of crimes when he was governor of Antioquia, or when he was president.
Uribe’s fear is turning the land into a bloodbath.
The NO campaign conceals the fact that they don’t want lands illicitly amassed, and with blood, through drug trafficking, to launder their cocaine-trafficking dollars, more than ten million hectares, to be returned once more to their previous legitimate owners, or to the peasants and businesspeople who want to produce foodstuffs.
The generalized deception in Colombian society, and triumphant in the regions of Antioquia, Santander and coffee country, is to conceal one of the worst facts of Colombian history, the accumulation of political and economic power on the basis of death, genocide and forced displacement in society.
And now it’s at the point, thanks to the weakness of President Santos and the fraudulent collapse of his plebiscite, of condemning everyone to war.
For that reason, as never before, Colombian society must act. The young people, those called to violence, have given the example. They rebel against war and have turned out to march for hundreds of miles.
As we have done in Bogotá Humana, the mobilization must be permanent: Again and again. But this time, it must reach all the corners of Colombia.
The student movement, now unleashed and organizing public assemblies in parks, where they co-ordinate actions to follow and evaluate the situation of the land, must articulate itself in an organized manner, a strong indigenous and peasant mobilization for peace.
That’s how we’ll break the deception woven by the lords of war in the barrios, the municipalities, and the cities.
We call for an open town-hall meeting, an assembly movement, which must have all the constituent sense of a sovereign people.
We have to put an end to deception, disgrace, the lords of war, everything that brings us to fratricidal death. We have to to make constitutional that which enables us to live together. Even the Havana Accords, which must be respected, will be small if as a society we are capable of not tolerating deception and of turning out in multitudes to constitute peace.
We have arrived at a determining historical moment for Colombia and it is worthwhile to live it and act with intelligence and thoroughness. This is not the time to stay home; it is time for massive democratic action. The time of Constitutional Multitudes.
There really isn’t much to add to this. And really: if a government like Venezuela’s is such a nightmare to the Colombian fascist right-wing, it bears asking why. Because the fact is, Venezuela has a robust and popular democracy going on. Colombia? Not so much.
Clearly Time has a thing against Russia. And it thinks that only the US is entitled to interfere in other countries’ elections. And if a drunken buffoon gets elected, it’s okay, as long as it’s not in Washington, but Washington put him there.
Don’t drink the Kool-Aid. Or in this case, the Löwenbräu.
I have a terrible confession to make: I’ve never been to Oktoberfest. Not just because I never happened to be in Germany when Oktoberfest is on (because every time I went, I was still of school age, or at university), but because I’ve always been afraid to go to beer gardens anyway. Ever since I hit puberty at the age of 10, you see, I’ve been hyper-cautious of men. Oglers, grabbers, gropers and worse. Oh sure, not all men. But enough of them to make me leery of them all, especially when buckets of beer are in play. And I’m under no illusions about German men in particular, because I’m German and that’s what I grew up among. I know those guys like the back of my own hands. Which is why this article doesn’t surprise me in the least:
Do you know the story of the young German who pulled his victim into the bushes, tore her blouse and underwear, and finally raped the woman? Or that of the 53-year-old musician from Nordrhein-Westfalen, who upskirted women with a videocamera for hours? Or the story of the woman who fell asleep in a park, and despite dozens of eyewitnesses, was raped twice in the next few hours?
These stories, which you probably haven’t heard, are three of hundreds of sexual assaults that took place last year at Oktoberfest in München. And this even though security seems to be the topic of the day. A fence was built, handbag checks brought in, more video cameras mounted, the number of police and security guards visibly increased. One reads of new threats such as Islamist terror, Ansbach, and refugee mobs a lot. But of a type of violence that is so commonplace that it’s now a part of Bavarian folk-festival culture, one hardly reads a thing: Sexualized violence against women.
Like I said: Hardly. On a Facebook fan page for 1860 München, the topic does come up. “Form sex mobs and stick lion stickers on women’s cleavages and photograph them, then post them on our wall.” Nobody seems to be disturbed by that. The call for mass sexual assault has been there for days. It got 135 “likes”.
Usually, one only hears “sexual assault” and “Oktoberfest” in one breath when someone wants to insist that there’s no comparison between it and “that”. “That” being New Year’s Even in Köln. Then, the gropers were foreigners, and sexual assault was just that. And not a “jokey grab under the skirt”, that would end with the “naughty boy” getting a beer glass over the head. That’s not from the back cover of some dirndl-porno, but in a report by München police from last year. In the face of such police work, is anyone still wondering why you can’t compare the Köln cathedral square with the Oktoberfest fairgrounds?
During Oktoberfest 2015, the police recorded 1,191 criminal acts. The police were called to the scene over 2,000 times. There were 372 physical injuries. 20 sexual crimes. That sounds like a small number, especially in relation to the four million visitors. But the number of reported crimes isn’t so small because sexualized violence at Oktoberfest isn’t normalized. On the contrary, because rape, sexual duress and harassment at Oktoberfest are as normalized as the ritualized groping of waitresses.
“Just the short path to the toilets is like running a gauntlet. Three hugs from drunk strange men, two whacks on the butt, one hiked-up dirndl-skirt, and a bucket of beer deliberately poured down the cleavage, are what you can expect over 30 metres,” wrote two women in the Süddeutsche Zeitung. Every year, women report that in a lot of the beer tents, it’s impossible not to get groped. That security guards won’t even try to stop handsy men. That waitresses are being forced to take self-defence courses. That victim services are warning women visitors and natives in the area of the Theresienwiese against going home alone at night. Duly noted: As protection against rapists, not terrorists.
That danger, naturally, is also there. And not just since the backpack-bombing in Ansbach. 13 people died, and 68 were badly injured, in 1980, when a right-wing extremist student from Baden-Württemberg blew himself up at the entrance to the Theresienwiese. The reaction to the violent act of a German was slack even then. The next morning, they went on celebrating.
So you can see, now, why I’m so damn skeptical and critical of the menzers (for of course they’re menzers!) who tout the imaginary problem of “rapefugees” while screaming “NOT ALL MEN!” whenever someone mentions how dangerous it is to be a woman in a boozy (and mostly white male) environment during a traditional celebration. When sexual assualts from groping all the way to full-on rape are part of the “tradition”, it’s hardly surprising that women are not going to want any part of it.
And one can’t claim that this “tradition” is part of the depraved upbringing of those pesky brown foreigners, because it’s white guys (and in this case, specifically, GERMANS) doing it. And getting away with it, too. Just like that neo-Nazi student who blew himself up in 1980, apparently any guy with white skin is not considered a “real” threat.
And when sexism and racism work against women this way, it makes sense for feminists not only to be anti-sexist, but anti-racist, and anti-fascist as well.
After all, our security is at stake!
Crappy weekend, everyone! And how about that debate. Don’t worry if you didn’t watch it, you didn’t miss much…and what you did miss, well, I’ve got the highlight reel anyway. As for the lowlights, here they are, in no particular order:
1. Steve Fucking Clevenger. Yeah, dude, your tweets were reactionary, all right. In the truest sense of the word. BTW, you might want to invest in a dictionary, so you better understand what words actually mean. You don’t seem to have even a slight grasp of the meaning of, for example, RACISM. And your nopology is full of it, too.
2. Warren Fucking Davidson. Hey, US kids! Thinking of serving your country by joining the military? You might want to reconsider. The very same rah-rah “patriots” trying to dragoon you into fighting illegal wars have absolutely no use for you if you come home in some way damaged, but not in a box. And this one thinks you’re nothing better than a moocher. Yeah, I know…he’s a fine one to talk, sucking on the taxpayer teat as he is, ain’t he?
3. Rod Fucking Liddle. Newsflash: Emma Watson has been a lot more things in her life than just the girl who played Hermione Granger in the Harry Potter movies. And she is currently much more than just a “luvvie sleb”, whatever the fuck THAT means. Matter of fact, she’s doing more useful things even just by filing her nails and sitting around in her underwear (not that that’s all she does, either) than this guy is doing every time he sits down to just type out whatever garbage is cluttering up his miserable, useless old brain, so it can clutter up the pages of a miserable, useless old rag like the UK Sun instead.
4. Sherry Fucking Hall. Wow! Has this been a week for white women cops making shit up about black men they shot, or what? This one was from Georgia, where Jim Crow has always been lurking just behind the woodpile.
5. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. The media’s job isn’t to be fact-checkers? Then what is it? Oh yeah, that’s right…crapaganda for your crapitalist idiot boss. The sad part is, it damn near is that already.
6. Gary Fucking Johnson. Oh sure, let’s all pick up and move to another planet. Global warming problem solved! Or we could just pack all the cockamamie crapitalists and libertarians on a rocket, and shoot it into the Sun. That seems a helluva lot qucker than this million-year exodus plan of his. PS: You would think that a serious presidential candidate could name at least a handful of foreign leaders. Well, a serious presidential candidate would, anyway. PPS: And no, he is most definitely NOT a serious candidate. Not if he could pull a weird-ass stunt like this.
7. Pauline Fucking Hanson. And speaking of picking up and moving, the worst woman in Australia told everyone who hates her anti-equality policies to do just that. Wouldn’t it be cheaper just to pack her up and ship her out? Preferably to a nice desert island, where she can have all the isolation she so obviously craves?
8. Scott Fucking Adams. Yup, it’s a two-fer for him this week. Der Drumpf’s loyal cartoonist farted out a double dose of dumbth, and it’s even more pathetic than his cartoon characters. Firstly: No, the estate tax is not a tax the rich pay for dying; it’s a tax their heirs pay for inheriting a vast amount of money, most of which they’ll never use or even miss. And secondly: If you’re gonna go the health route of attack, and specifically “drugs”, shouldn’t you first explain why YOUR candidate is sniffling so goddamn much?
9. Sun Fucking Wenqing. Yup, nothing will foster brotherly love more than a giant monument to an absurd myth about an angry, vengeful god who wiped out his own “disobedient children”, right next to a cemetery! And pay no mind to that failed theme park venture down in Kentucky, either!
10. Jane Fucking Philpott. Remind us again of what the federal Liberals’ election campaign slogan was? “Real Change”, or something to that effect? Yet, when it really comes down to what matters to Canadians, they’re sticking to the failed formulae of their Harperite predecessors. Much change! So real! Wow!
11. Miri Fucking Regev. Storming out of a room because someone read out a poem by a rather important Palestinian? Why no, that’s not a bit childish OR spiteful! And it’s certainly NOT bigoted in the least!
12. Chris Fucking Hrnchiar. An Inuit artist of great talent dies too young, under mysterious and tragic circumstances, and what does he do? Spouts off with racist comments on the Ottawa Citizen’s coverage of the story, natch. Not the smartest move anywhere, but really REALLY dumb and inexcusable when you’re a cop whose department is supposed to be looking into the matter with impartiality.
13. Scottie Fucking Nell Fucking Hughes. Why the double Fucking? Because that’s how laughable is her contention that Der Drumpf is “friends” with his ex-wives, and that this somehow cancels out all his cheating. Also, I’m pretty sure that the whole friendliness thing is nothing more than a clause in the divorce settlement. Both of them, actually.
14. Andrea Fucking Hardie. Hey, Judgy Nincompoop, could you please stop projecting your own kinks onto others who probably don’t share them? And also, could you for once stop misinterpreting the actual results of the debate? Kthxbai.
15. Jay Fucking Schottenstein. So, a woman’s place is in a skimpy bikini, but NOT a concert in Israel? Guess what…I’m not gonna be shopping in your stores, EVER. Last thing I want to do is support apartheid and sexism with cash, however indirectly. It’s called BDS…look it up, meshuganeh.
16. Tristan Fucking Rettke. “Protesting” a Black Lives Matter protest by wearing a gorilla mask — oh sorry, “identifying as the gorilla” — and handing out ‘nanas? How very edgy and millennial of you, sonnyboy. Whatever you’re planning to do for an encore, you can do it behind bars…that is, if your cellmate isn’t a big black biker with a bad temper.
17. Kayleigh Fucking McEnany. Yes, that’s right, keep heaping those insults on Alicia Machado. Pay no mind to the fact that she’s drumming up votes against your boss, who started all the trouble by insulting her weight and Latin American background. What could possibly go wrong?
18. Mike Fucking Yenni. Well, bless my soul. I do declare, isn’t it positively amazing how many of these family-values Repugs turn out not only to be flaming closet cases, but the kind of d-bags who chase after teenage boys, too?
19. Robert Fucking Hardister. Hey! Lay off of Florida Man and his ugly tattooed mug. Don’t you know it’s hard work stealing vehicles and making lame excuses for it?
20. Rudy Fucking Giuliani. Remember him? Remember how his marriage ended in infidelity and a huge public scandal? Well, he thinks he’s somehow qualified (on those very grounds, no doubt) to judge the Clintons’ marriage, which isn’t dead yet. Chutzpah: he haz it.
21. Jay Fucking Stephens. Hold up. She’s black…and voting for DRUMPF? The unqualified candidate who shits racism from every pore? And she’s doing it just to give others the finger, or something like that? Listen, lady…if you think that being a contrarian makes you any smarter than the next brainwashed idiot, you’re an even bigger one. And if you think that Black Lives Matter is an “insult” to your intelligence, you don’t have any. Because it truly takes a special kind of stupid to think that your own life doesn’t matter.
22. Deneen Fucking Borelli. And while we’re on the subject of racism, how about this one? She thinks racist cops should be celebrated, not charged, tried, jailed, and fired for roughing up Freddie Gray and throwing him into a paddywagon so hard that it caused a fatal spinal-cord injury. And then she has the audacity to say that their lives were “ruined”? Fuck you, Deneen…fuck you VERY much.
23. Ben Fucking Froughi. Consent talk is optional? Walk out if you don’t like the message? Claiming that the simple act of obtaining enthusiastic consent is too “lengthy” a “negotiation” to bother with, and that college kids are being “infantilized” by being told how to handle it? Smells like rape culture. And you, little boy, smell like an MRA’s dirty sweatsock.
24. Donald Fucking Drumpf, Jr. Well, look who’s scared and backpedalling after being called (no doubt by somebody’s lawyer) on his blatantly xenophobic bullshit! Too bad the internet never forgets, Drumpfling.
25. Melissa Fucking Adamson. It’s too late to claim you’re not a racist when you went ahead and used a racist slur, and everyone has seen the evidence. You ain’t the law no more, whitey.
26. Jason Fucking Christensen. Condolences: Ur doin it rong. Better to say nothing at all to the family and friends of a dead gay man than to say something homophobic and frankly fucking IDIOTIC. Didn’t your oh-so-religious parents ever teach you the golden rule? Or is rubbing people’s noses in their loss a higher religious act than being charitable and leaving the grieving in peace?
27. Martin Fucking Shkreli. And speaking of rubbing noses in loss, how about a chance to punch him in his? Would you pay for it? No, of course not. Anyone would much rather just pop him one for free. And if he wants to be charitable, why not just donate money to the family of his late PR guy outright, instead of turning a sad loss into a PR stunt to increase his own profile? That alone is worth a punch in the nose, although not a $50,000+ one.
28. Jordan Fucking Peterson. Waaaa, how oppressive it is to make a law to respectfully acknowledge people’s preferred pronouns! So oppressive that a U of T prof had to get up for an hour in front of a camera, just to pontificate on the evils of “political correctness” and “social justice warriors”, and how he doesn’t “think” (note the quotes, there for a reason) that there is any evidence that people might not fit into the birth-certificate boxes marked M and F. Even though there is, in fact, plenty of evidence. And don’t even get him STARTED on those uppity black people and their “radical” demands for inclusion! In short, this guy wants to be the gender police, and the race police, and the law won’t let him! Someone please get this poor oppressed middle-aged white guy a tissue. Hell, get him a whole box of them. He’s in a position of privilege, power and presumed intellectual authority, so he’s entitled to that much, at least.
29. Charles Fucking Bordeleau. Meanwhile, #12’s boss has weighed in, and apparently doesn’t consider racism among police officers to be that big a deal. Or that it affects the way they do their jobs. Maybe he should start talking to some of those many indigenous people who’ve been roughed up by racist cops over the years. They could tell him differently.
30. Betty Fucking Shelby. And while we’re on the subject of racist cops and the shit they do to people, and the lame excuses they make for it — how about a DEAF excuse for murder? Yeah, that’s right, she’s now claiming she couldn’t hear right. And somehow, her sudden, disturbing bout of hearing impairment didn’t keep her from drawing and shooting. She ain’t deaf, and we ain’t dumb. No excuses!
And finally, to our Sniveller-in-Chief…yes, Donald Fucking Drumpf himself. This week he really outdid himself. And the cokey noises he made all through the debate (which he blamed on a “defective” mike) were not even the most entertaining bit. No, that would be his overtly sexist attacks on Alícia Machado, the former Venezuelan Miss Universe, whom he once called “Miss Piggy” (for her purported weight gain not long after winning the crown) and “Miss Housekeeping” (for her Latin American ethnicity). She’s since become a US citizen, and is now campaigning for Hillary Clinton. Which has apparently set Der Drumpf off on a real tear of chauvinistic nastiness, including a midnight tweetstorm (which his aides didn’t erase fast enough, ha ha) in which he urged people to watch Ms. Machado’s alleged “sex tape”. Only problem is, that’s not her performing in it; that’s a porn star who somewhat resembles her. This tape was mislabelled by somebody no doubt hoping to make money by smearing the name of an erstwhile beauty queen; it has been known to happen. Alícia Machado, in short, is the victim of defamation by some anonymous dirtbag, which Der Drumpf of course lapped up like it was forty-year-old Scotch. And her only actual “sex tape” turns out to be a rather tame Spanish reality-show clip.
But doesn’t it just so figure that he would stoop so low as to look for wank-fodder with her in it? I’m guessing he was quite the LITERAL wanker this week. I hope Melania divorces him…and tells all before he can get her to sign yet another of those non-disclosure agreements he’s so very fond of slapping on his ex-wives.
Good night, and get fucked!
Note: These are not just MY questions, they’re everybody’s questions. And why is working for social justice a BAD thing? Is being a Social Injustice Couch Potato (SICP — that’s pronounced “sick pee”) really such a GOOD thing? Why all this whining and moaning just to preserve a shitty status quo? Could it be…
A few representative pictures of what goes on at Oktoberfest besides eating, drinking and being merry. The hill in these shots is locally known as “Der Kotzhügel” — literally, “Barf Hill”. You can guess why.
I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. I just KNEW this would happen in München sooner or later:
Around 11:30 pm, a 24-year-old Oktoberfest guest lost sight of her husband in the crowd, and searched for him on the fairgrounds.
In the Martin-Greif-Straße she sat down on the curb between two parked cars, and tried to phone her husband from there. According to her statement, at that moment, four strange men came toward her, surrounded her, and spoke to her in English.
One of the perpetrators opened the belt on her jeans, pulled them down, and tried to touch her genitals.
The 24-year-old defended herself by kicking and was able to flee in the direction of the bathhouse. There, the police noticed her. The young woman was unhurt.
Description of the perpetrators:
Male, 25 years old, 182 cm tall, slim build, English, dressed in German folkloric style: long-sleeved shirt with white and dark-red check pattern, light-brown knee-length shorts, and knee socks;
Male, 25, 176 cm, slim build, English; wearing dark blue Levis, black Nike running shoes, and a white V-neck T-shirt;
Male, 25, 165 cm, heavy build, English; wearing blue jeans, white Converse Chucks, and a black T-shirt with a round neckline;
Male, 25, 177 cm, slim build, English; wearing light-blue jeans, black running shoes, black T-shirt.
Notice that the descriptions of the men all give their ethnicity simply as “English”. I am hereby forced to conclude that these were no brown-skinned Muslim refugees from Syria, Iraq, or Africa, but white guys from across the Channel, looking to go wilding on foreign soil in Germany, which has the reputation of being Europe’s brothel, thanks to its lax and ridiculous prostitution laws. Probably the sort of guys who, in their normal everyday lives, like to talk about “defending England from THOSE people”, and who probably voted for the Brexit, too.