Wankers of the Week: Stable Geniuses, Inc.

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Crappy weekend, everyone! I dunno about you, but I’m feeling awfully dumb and unstable lately. Kidding! I’m just doing what comes naturally to SOMEone who shall (at least for now) go unnamed…namely, lying my ass off. Yes, it’s been one of THOSE weeks, folks. And here’s who made it all worthwhile — coughcoughHELL!coughwheeze — in no particular order:

1. Scott Fucking DesJarlais. Can you believe this guy? Says he thinks God forgives him for having all those adulterous affairs and pressuring the mistresses to abort. God is just rolling Her eyes at you, son.

2. Stephen Fucking Miller. On the other hand, at least this one is consistent. He’s been a far-right, white-power wanker since middle school. It would be almost touching, if it weren’t so goddamn loathsome.

3. Paul Fucking Pelosi, Jr. Hey Nancy, could you tell your kid not to hang out with Donnie Dumbfuck and his thuggy gang? It doesn’t look good. Kthxbai.

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4. Joe Fucking Walsh. Dear Deadbeat Dad of the Year: If there were no cons or Drumpf supporters at the Golden Globes, it’s not because Hollywood isn’t “diverse” enough to suit your sheet-wearing tastes. It’s because you dumb fuckheads have no talent for anything except whining.

5. Viktor Fucking Orban. Meanwhile, in Hungary, that ol’ racist goulash just keeps on bubbling away. You would think that somebody could tell the difference between a stream of desperate refugees and an actual, organized invasion, but it’s sure not their premier. He’s more than happy to lump all that together in one unholy pot.

6. Michael David Fucking Lang. Is anyone else sick to death of these phony “family values” ‘wingers who have a buttload of skeletons hanging out in their closet? Oh good, so it’s not just me, then. Anyhow, this conservative nogoodnik is your friendly family meth dealer. You know, in case you want that pockmarked tweaker look to go with your stinkin’ hypocrisy?

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7. Sebastian Fucking Gorka. And back to the racist goulash from Hungary! Yes, Wile E. Pickle made the cut again this week. And this time, our suuuuuper-genius is trying out his new Acme Insult-o-pult on Michael Wolff, the “oleaginous scribe” (Acme’s, er, HIS own words, or rather projections) who did such a fabtabulous number on Donnie’s hot mess of a White House. Needless to say, the shit-flinging device seems to have developed a backfiring problem. Back to the drawing board you go, Wile E.!

8. Chris Fucking Christie. He swears that if it hadn’t been for Donnie, HE would be POTUS right now? Uh, dude…you seem to forget that you actually have to win not just the primaries, but an actual ELECTION to get there. And I’m pretty sure that you wouldn’t even be governor of Noo Joizey right now if the locals had their druthers.

9. Steve Fucking Alford. Meanwhile, in Kansas, Jim Crow just reared his ugly head and squawked something about black people, pot, and some totally unscientific Reefer Madness shit that I take it was meant to justify racism, but really just makes him look totally fucking racist, about a hundred years behind the times, and stupid as fuck to boot.

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10. Rand Fucking Paul. Sorry, NOT sorry to hear that you’re having such a hard time recovering from the nasty-wasty beatdown your neighbor laid on you last year. Just imagine if you had to do it the actual libertarian way, with no health insurance and no help whatsoever, as you would have it if you had your way. You’re upset because no one was concerned about you? Welcome to libertarianism, fuckface!

11. Frank Fucking Amedia. Nice to see that ol’ church/state separation wall is doing its job and keeping the Religious Reich’s tentacles out of the White House. Kidding! Keep your eyes on the dominionist scumbags, folks, they’re sliding in all over the place. And if you see a weird look on Mikey Fucking Pence’s face, you can be sure that one of them is up his bunghole right at that moment, massaging his prostate.

12. James Fucking Franco. Did Ally Sheedy just throw tea, shade, and unsweetened lemonade at his insufferably smirky, statutory-rapey face? Yup, she sure did. And I, for one, LOVE her for it. Because he’s a well-known douchenozzle, and it’s about time someone wiped the lube off of him. PS: And Stephen Colbert has roasted him also. Ha, ha.

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13. Steve Fucking Bannon. He’s up! He’s down! He’s spilling the beans one minute, and cringingly contrite the next! And since his career in politics is washed up, and his other career in journalism is on the verge of going the same way, maybe it’s time he went back to being a Hollywood schlock writer. He could get a whole soap opera out of his own, er, EXPERIENCES alone!

14. Andy Fucking Savage. Meanwhile, back in the Religious Reich (see what I did there?), we have this guy…who molested a teenager in true Roy Fucking Moore fashion right before giving a “True Love Waits” speech about the virtues of total abstinence. Funny how often we get these purity-culture types who just can’t resist the urge to defile, eh? And then he has the nerve to go pointing fingers at Matt Fucking Lauer, who at least confined his depredations (so far as we know) to other adults, albeit unconsenting ones? Yeah, that puts this one right into Whited Sepulchre territory. PS: Don’t fucking applaud…throw the bum out!

15. Jerry Fucking Seinfeld. I fail to see what’s so entertaining about Israeli apartheid. But apparently, HE doesn’t.

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16. Greg Fucking Conte. Once more, with feeling, everybody sing! If you’re a Nazi and you’re fired, it’s your fault! (clap clap) If you’re a Nazi and you’re fired, it’s your fault! (stomp stomp) If you’re spotted in the mob, and you lose your fuckin’ job, if you’re a Nazi and you’re fired, it’s your fault! (clap clap, stomp stomp, YEE-HAW!)

17. Paula Fucking White. I almost spelled her surname Shite, which I’m sure is not just a Freudian slip. Because her racket, in short, goes like this: Send me all your money, or I’ll sic God on your like an attack dog! See what I mean by Shite? And just think, folks, Donnie calls her his “spiritual advisor”. If you ever needed more proof that he and his party worship not God but Mammon, now you have it. PS: God says She’s not short of cash, thankyouverymuch.

18. Monika Fucking Schaefer. Meanwhile, in Alberta, a Holocaust-denial bus has just lost its wheels. Ha, ha.

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19. Eliot Fucking Spitzer. Nice to know he’s still thinking with only one of his two heads, and it’s still not the larger one. Eh?

20. Yair Fucking Netanyahu. He’s joyriding on the Israeli taxpayers’ dime, getting nasty on strippers and waitresses, and urinating all over his former girlfriend. Looks like Bibi’s kid is a spoiled, nasty chip off the ol’ block of Likudnik Family Values™. Oh, and he spilled the beans on how Daddy advanced a frankly self-serving, cronyist bill in the Knesset, too. How embarrassing, especially since it comes right on the heels of this! Ha, ha.

21. Charlie Fucking Daniels. The Devil went down to Taco Bell, he was looking for a soul to steal…nah. Just doesn’t have the right ring, does it?

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22. Alex Fucking Jones. If you thought his antisemitic flip-out over Brian Stelter last week was wild, wait till you hear what he thinks of Oprah! And did you know there were black Nazis in the US during World War II? (Spoiler: There totally weren’t, and black people, not being stupid, could see the parallels between their own plight and that of the Jews of Europe pretty damn clearly, to the point where they protested having to fight against fascism in segregated military units. But hey, that’s Alex for ya…fact-free, as ever!)

23. Chris Fucking Stirewalt. Fact-checking is “not a reliable journalistic practice”? Au contraire, mon frère…it totally IS! And it used to be standard practice, too, until the death of the Fairness Doctrine, which catastrophe just so happens to have enabled your fucking “news” channel.

24. Pete Fucking Hoekstra. Yup, he beclowned himself yet AGAIN. Hoe beschamend!

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25. Lynne Fucking Beyak. Yup, she beclowned herself yet again, too. With Freeze Peach, Political Correctness, and every other lame excuse in the book! But hey, let’s at least give her credit for getting just one tiny thing right: Andrew Fucking Scheer IS an inexperienced leader. (Not that her own experiences at “leadership” would make her any better, mind you.) PS: Oh, BURN! Ha, ha.

26. Jerome Fucking Puyau. Oh, so you hate seeing teachers get arrested for questioning you? Well, so does everyone else. And fortunately, there’s a very simple solution to that problem: Don’t give yourself a $30,000+ raise; give it to the teachers instead! Oh, and don’t call the cops on teachers. How hard is that?

27. Kellyanne Fucking Conway. Yup, Donnie just so happened to “discover” that it’s impossible to physically wall off the entire Mexican border region. All by himself, of course. A veritable Columbus, that man is!

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28. Eric Fucking Greitens. Like Donnie, like Drumpfites? Yup, this douchebag sure fits the profile of a Donnie supporter. Right down to the sleazy extramarital affair, and the even sleazier blackmail attempt that followed. What a pity it didn’t work, and now he looks even worse than he would have if he’d just left her alone! And that’s another thing about him that totally fits the profile of a Drumpfite: It’s Teh Stoopid, stupid!

29. Neal Fucking Tapio. Don’t like being called a racist? Great! Then don’t be a racist, and you won’t get called one. See how easy that is?

30. Megyn Fucking Kelly. If fat-shaming worked so well for her, will stupid-shaming also work? Or asshole-shaming? Just curious.

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And finally, to Donnie Fucking Drumpf himself. Yes, he really outdid himself this week, folks. And there are witnesses: Dick Durbin, among others. When even the UN says you’re a racist, and there’s a running tally of racist shit you’ve said, what does that make you? Not a stable genius. Nope. Quite the opposite. It makes you a fucking idiot. And a racist…and one big fat orange fucking SHITHOLE. And really: Imagine him saying all that horrible shit about Haiti, of all places. What would his money-laundering buddy, Baby Doc Duvalier, say? I don’t know about him, but I know what I’m saying…

Good night, and get fucked, Donnie!

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Alex Jones justifies his sexbot purchase

Oh man, you have GOT to hear this:

So, basically, Alex just made up a whole new loopy homophobic conspiracy theory…to justify the fact that he spent several thousand dollars on a custom-built robot that can’t say no to him (and can’t give meaningful consent, either, because it’s inanimate). Unlike all those evil human women (those BITCHES!) who keep rejecting him and forcing him to have sex with his hand, his car’s tailpipe, and that knothole in the tree out back that the bees keep buzzing out of.

It’s a rum old world, folks.

PS: Tuck Buckford has taken his own angle on this, and while it’s hard to top Alex for loopiness, he sure does try:

That’s right, Tuck. Keep huffing that whipped cream. Maybe one day you, too, will be as bonkers as Alex.

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Posted in Crapagandarati, Drrrrruuuugs, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't It Ironic?, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Sick Frickin' Bastards, Teh Ghey, Teh Heterostoopid, The Hardcore Stupid, The United States of Amnesia, The WTF? Files | Comments Off on Alex Jones justifies his sexbot purchase

Donnie can dish it out, but can he take it?

Of course not. Wanna know just how thin that crepey orange skin of his is? Get a load of this:

Isn’t that special? The little snowflake is crying like a cuck because someone painted a less than flattering (and quite believable) portrait of what goes on inside his White House of Horrors. And he wants to change the libel laws in the US, no doubt to benefit himself, as a result of that.

Now, I’m Canadian, and I’ve actually studied journalism, so I have some rather more nuanced views on what can and should constitute free speech, and what cannot and should not be protected as such. Nazis denying the Holocaust, and calling for the wholesale murder of Jews, Muslims, and anyone else they don’t like? Clearly indefensible. We actually have hate-speech laws up here curtailing that. Denying an apartment to a non-white renter, simply on the basis of skin color? Again, indefensible; human-rights laws exist to counter that. Falsely reporting a news story, so that actual harm results? Again, indefensible. And it’s not only covered by hate speech laws, but also journalistic ethics. (It is still covered by a law against publishing false news, but has come close to being eroded, thanks to an outcry over actual Nazis doing just that. In the name of Freeze Peach, ganz natürlich.) Opinions that are less than flattering to their subject matter, though? Well, that depends. As long as your opinion column is founded on fact, fair comment rules apply. Malicious, deliberate misrepresentation can (and should) get your ass sued for defamation.

But, again: That’s up here. We don’t have a First Amendment. And even the First Amendment, which applies in the US, has its own common-sense limitations. Yelling “fire” in a crowded theatre when nothing’s actually burning is one; fighting words, i.e. deliberate incitement to violence, is another.

So. What are we to say when Donnie Drumpf, who is the victim of neither a false cry of fire, nor of actual fighting words, starts falsely crying fire himself…and lobbing fighting words at the head of anyone who incurs his wrath? Anyone such as, for instance, one Michael Wolff, author of a recent runaway bestseller whose publisher is racing to keep up with demand?

Well, we could say what Jeff says above, and what I say too: Donnie, fuck your feelings! Who the hell cares if you’re less than chuffed at the all-too-believable contentions of Mr. Wolff? Get over yourself already. You do not get to rewrite the laws so that only flattering bullshit that blows sugar up your corpulent ass is allowed. If you got to blow the ol’ Nazi dog-whistle and incite violence against any of your detractors who dared to crash your campaign rallies, then you also have to swallow an unflattering book. If your followers, like that useless idiot Milo Fucking Yiannopoulos, are allowed to hold Nürnberg rallies in karaoke bars (at least until the bar’s owner and staff decide that this is lowering the tone of the neighborhood, and exercise their own legal rights to throw the bums none too gently out), well, then you have to accept that your opponents (who are far more numerous) also have a right to freely express themselves in contradiction of anything and everything you say.

And yes, sometimes that response is going to come in the form of a punch that knocks Dickie Fucking Spencer’s fashy haircut momentarily askew, because those who incite violence have no right to complain when it comes back to bite them. Other times, it will come in the form of a book that won’t cause any physical damage, unless a hardcover copy of it is lobbed directly at Donnie’s ridiculous comb-over.

And either way, it will be fair game, because guess what chronic pathological blustering liar has effectively made it so by eroding all pretense to decency and civility?

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Posted in Bullies, Canadian Counterpunch, Crapagandarati, Der Drumpf, Do As I Say..., Fascism WITH Swastikas, Fascism Without Swastikas, Filthy Stinking Rich, Fine Young Cannibals, Freeze Peach!, Good to Know, Human Rights FAIL, Isn't It Ironic?, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, Karma 1, Dogma 0, Law-Law Land, Newspeak is Nospeak, Schadenfreude, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Donnie can dish it out, but can he take it?

How Donnie fucked Puerto Rico over

Just imagine having to spend MONTHS (not days, not even weeks, but MONTHS) after a catastrophic hurricane (Maria, remember her?) without a working power infrastructure. And having to suffer the added indignity of watching Donnie and his cronies (Ryan Fucking Zinke, remember him?) planning to rip you off before a public outcry both on the island and in the States forced a scrapping of that fraudulent contract. Now the US Army Corps of Engineers has finally stepped in…but very belatedly. Do you think this shit would fly anywhere in the lower 48, Alaska, or Hawaii?

Oh HELL no.

But of course, since it’s Puerto Rico, they’re somewhere below second-class citizens in the eyes of the Yanks. They pay taxes to Washington the same as any US citizen, but they get less of a political say in the running of their country. They get used as a guinea pig by major US drug firms (remember the Pill? Tested on Puerto Rican women before it was deemed safe enough for general use!) If someone in Puerto Rico makes noises about declaring independence from the US, the FBI come after that person and kill ’em. They get used and abused time and again. They’re not a country, but a colony in the eyes of Washington.

And we wonder why Cuba bristles, to this day, at the merest suggestion of being “benevolently” colonized by the capitalists of the Monroe Doctrine? This is why. Cuba may have a lot of old buildings in dire need of renovation, and they may lack a lot of choices when it comes to fast fashion, useless junk, and sugary snacks on their store shelves, but nothing like this ever happens there when there’s a hurricane…and Cuba gets just as many hurricanes, and just as badly, and often the exact same hurricanes, as Puerto Rico. But their power lines get repaired within days, and no one is left without shelter when a ‘cane strikes. Almost no one gets killed in Cuba, either, when this happens, because they have their own disaster preparedness initiative, and it works. Drat those evil socialists and their sense of priorities!

I guess what I’m trying to say here is, maybe Puerto Rico needs to kick ol’ Tío Sam to the curb and become more like Cuba, instead of the other way ’round…

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Posted in Bullies, Cuba, Libre (de los Yanquis), Der Drumpf, Economics for Dummies, Environmentally Ill, Filthy Stinking Rich, Human Rights FAIL, If You REALLY Care, Puerto Rico, Gente Pobre, Socialism is Good for Capitalism!, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on How Donnie fucked Puerto Rico over

Quotable: John Cusack on billionaire celebrities in politics

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Posted in Der Drumpf, Filthy Stinking Rich, If You REALLY Care, Quotable Notables, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Quotable: John Cusack on billionaire celebrities in politics

Cliven Bundy gets away with armed robbery

And even worse, they can’t re-try him. What are the odds that this would happen to, say, a black or Latino guy who robbed a liquor store?

What a fucked-up world.

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Posted in Environmentally Ill, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, Isn't That Terrorism?, Law-Law Land, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Cliven Bundy gets away with armed robbery

While a Palestinian girl sits in jail, Newsweek paints her captors as victims

Jimmy Dore points out the hypocrisy of the major media, who paint Ahed Tamimi as “no angel” (sound familiar?) while her country’s occupiers kill one cousin of hers after another, and shoot her brother in the head. And they make her out to be the villain for smacking a soldier who roughed her up?

BTW, what Steph, a former teacher, says near the end about teaching Romeo and Juliet to high schoolers, shouldn’t be missed. The occupation of Palestine has a lot in common with the Capulet/Montague feud in Verona. And Ahed is the same age as I was when we studied that play in high school. Bear in mind that Ahed can’t even go to school without passing through military checkpoints.

But yeah, she’s totally no angel!

PS: Here’s another example of the awfulness of major media reporting on Israel and Palestine, as exposed by Jimmy & co.:

Shameful. Just SHAMEFUL. Who’s worse: self-righteous authoritarian snotball Nikki Fucking Haley, with her barely-veiled threats and her lies about what “the American people” want (on which they were NOT consulted), or the media for defending this pile of shits?

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Posted in Crapagandarati, Der Drumpf, Do As I Say..., Fascism Without Swastikas, Gazing on Gaza, Human Rights FAIL, Isn't That Illegal?, Isn't That Racist?, Isn't That Terrorism?, Israelly Uncool, Not So Compassionate Conservatism, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on While a Palestinian girl sits in jail, Newsweek paints her captors as victims

Music for a Sunday: I wasn’t thinking ’bout you

Again, again, again:

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Posted in Canadian Counterpunch, Music for a Sunday | Comments Off on Music for a Sunday: I wasn’t thinking ’bout you

Neo-Nazi parent killer to be tried as a MINOR???

This is outrageous and frankly racist:

Why racist? Because black teenagers sure don’t get the same privilege. If THEY are accused of committing a crime, never mind if they’re even totally innocent…they get tried as ADULTS. Hell, a 12-year-old black kid was killed for carrying what was in fact a toy gun, because some dumb cop apparently couldn’t tell a preadolescent apart from an adult. No doubt the darkness of that kid’s skin obscured his age!

No such problem with THIS motherfucker, though. He’ll probably get made out to be an innocent little boy who was wronged by the overly suspicious and protective parents of his girlfriend, or some such rot.

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Posted in Fascism WITH Swastikas, Fascism Without Swastikas, Isn't That Racist?, Law-Law Land, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Neo-Nazi parent killer to be tried as a MINOR???

Douchebag Donnie’s seduction technique is…um…

…really rather awful, don’t you think? I mean, just listen to this:

Yeah, that’s right…he attempted to pry them away from their husbands by letting them listen in on his speakerphone while he dangled other women in front of the husbands!

He seriously thought that the way to get into a woman’s pants is to openly advertise the fact that he himself is a cheating douchebag, and that he’s not above trying to corrupt her lawfully wedded spouse into being one, too? In what bizarro world is that going to do anything but backfire? Because any woman with an ounce of self-respect and an understanding of the dangers of STDs is going to stay far away from the man who brags that he’s flying in some “girls from LA” or wherever just for the purposes of sex…never mind that he also offered them to her spouse while she was listening in on the phone call! In NO way is such a man ever desirable. Nobody loves a fuckboy, much less an over-aged fuckboy! (And if he tried to push his luck anyway, wouldn’t that be sexual assault? Because it’s not just duress that makes a rape, but also deception…)

I realize I’m probably not speaking for every heterosexual woman here, and maybe this is why I’ve never been married, but if I were, and my husband had a friend who acted like this toward him and me, I’d be giving Dear Hubby an ultimatum: Either find some new friends, or find a new wife. Yeah, that’s right: I’d make no secret of what I’d heard, and no bones about what I expect in terms of spousal behavior. Anything less than a categorical refusal to cheat on me is not good enough.

And if he didn’t divorce the douchebag buddy who dangled other women in front of him, his next conversation with me would be through my attorney. As the old saying goes: Better to be alone than in bad company.

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Posted in Der Drumpf, Filthy Stinking Rich, Isn't It Ironic?, Law-Law Land, Men Who Just Don't Get It, Sick Frickin' Bastards, Teh Heterostoopid, The United States of Amnesia | Comments Off on Douchebag Donnie’s seduction technique is…um…